We talk about being realistic that one has a life-threatening illness; however, we do not close the door on hope. We stress the importance of having a positive attitude, taking life one day at a time, and making each day count. Hearing that someone you love has cancer is one of the toughest challenges you will ever face. Your initial reaction may have been one of disbelief…gradually turning into despair. Yet cancer doesn’t necessarily mean the end of life ~ or the end of living. Cancer is now considered a chronic disease, rather than a fatal one. Today, 50% of all cancer patients are cured and 40% go into remission. For the remaining 10%, the diagnosis still does not mean imminent death. These patients can enjoy “quality life” for the remaining weeks, months or years. Today, early discovery, modern treatments, and a fighting spirit enable many people to overcome cancer. You can support your loved one in the fight against cancer by creating a caring and healing environment. Arm yourself with information. To help over come the powerlessness you may feel, gather information about the disease, treatments, and options. Ask the physician as many questions as you can. Get a second medical opinion. Look into the use of such techniques as relaxation, guided imagery, self-hypnosis, and special diet, along with traditional medical treatment. The American Cancer Society’s “I Can Cope” program helps people deal with the social, psychological, and practical aspects of cancer. In addition, cancer support groups offer encouragement, information, and the opportunity to form friendships with others going through a similar experience. Express your feelings. Now is the time to “be there” for one another. Touching is vitally important ~ hugs, parts, handholding, kisses, and caresses. Openness about cancer and the threat of life is difficult. Yet you need to communicate your feelings to one another because you are dealing with circumstances that can generate intense feelings. Don’t force the issue, but at the same time realize that not talking with your loved one about the illness and your feelings can be damaging. You may also want to seek out a family member, spiritual guide, friend, or counselor to discuss your fears, anger, sadness, or other feelings. Maintain as normal a life as possible. Be careful not to overprotect the patient. Such an attitude will only make that person feel like a victim. Let the patient share responsibility for his or her own care. Treat the ill person as normally as possible. Your entire caring circle will need extra outside support, so take advantage of offers from friends or relatives or seek out community services. With your loved one, accentuate the positive in life. Make special plans; do fun things; think pleasant thoughts. Let your spirit sustain you. Everyone draws courage and hope from some source when times are difficult. For many, faith gives them the ability to get up every day and say, “My loved one has this disease, but we also have this day. Help us to live it fully.” Let go ~ if or when it’s time. If you see that your loved one cannot win the fight against cancer, you must begin to face the reality of death. Long before the final separation, the grief process may begin. You will grieve, not only for the loss of one another, but for all your dreams and goals. Cherish the time you have left as a precious time for caring, remembering, and bidding farewell. Coping with the challenge of cancer can become an opportunity for everyone to reevaluate what’s really important in life, to strengthen relationships, to discover a deeper spirituality. While you certainly may question, “Why us? Why this?” you can also ask, “What can we learn from this experience?” With a hope-filled attitude, who knows what healing and growth may follow.
