The photo of me holding Freddie close with my hand on his chest was taken on July 13th 1988. (Click here for uncropped original photo. You can just about see Peter "Feebie" Freestone in striped shirt in the window.)

    We (two friends and I) were outside Freddie's house (we used to spend many hours there, hoping to see him) when he came out to the waiting car, with Mary and Peter Straker.  I had a framed drawing which I had done of Freddie, Mary and Montserrat Caballe  so I called,
    "Freddie!!  I have a little present for you!"  He stopped and waited.
    Mary and Peter were now in the car.  I handed the drawing to him, and I almost forgot what to say when his beautiful eyes looked into mine!  He waited for me to speak but I had almost forgotten how to!!  Believe me, those eyes are far more beautiful and disturbing than ANY photo can show!!  Eventually I said,
    "I've drawn this for you!"  He held it and said,
    "Oh lovely!  Super!  You have Mary on there, too!"
    And he showed it to her through the car window and she smiled at me.  I then asked if I could have my photo taken with him and he replied,
    "Of course." I put my arm around his waist, and then waved my other hand near his chest and said,
    "Do you mind if I...?"
    He raised his dark eyebrows and his eyes twinkled with amusement as he replied,
    "OK!"
    So I put my hand on his warm chest and rested my head on his shoulder.  I have tried to describe the way I felt in the poems in  my Tribute mag Fairytales Of Yesterday but really the feeling was beyond words, it was beyond everything, and too near for tears.  The photo was taken, and my friends had their photos taken with him, too.  He got into the car with one more "Thank you" and I couldn't stop the tears from springing to my eyes as I waved goodbye.  He turned around in his seat to show the drawing properly to Mary, and she waved, too.
    But this wasn't the first time I had met Freddie.  The first time was when I attended the video shoot for Friends Will Be Friends, another day I will NEVER forget!! During the photo shoot  for the record cover, I got onto the stage and tried to stand near Freddie, but I got trapped behind Brian, squashed against his silk shirt!  However, the whole band had to pass me to go backstage.  When Freddie was near me, I put my arms around him, kissed his beautiful golden cheek, said,
    "I love you, Fred," and kissed him again!!  He said, with a spark of laughter  in his eyes,
    "OK, take it easy!" and put his hand on my arm - I think he knew I was seriously considering never letting him go!! (It was a very real possibility, believe me!!!)
 
    Afterwards, we waited for him to leave the studio and when he had signed one of my drawings, he actually put his cheek forward for another kiss and smiled his incredible smile!  And as he was driven away in a car, I moved away from the crowd and waved to him alone, and he winked at me! The next time I met him was outside his house on the evening of December 13th 1987, (picture taken in the dark.) This encounter is described in my Fairytales Of Yesterday magazine - a piece of writing called Flashback.

    I have also seen Freddie many times in his garden and house windows.  The very first time I went to his house, we looked over the wall and he was standing at the window with a cat in his arms, wearing a white bathrobe!  We didn't know what he would do when he saw us, but he waved, smiled, and waved the cats paw at us, too!! And I saw him outside the studios once, but he wouldn't have any photos taken.  I've met and had photos taken with Brian, Roger and John at various times, too.  I also attended the video shoot for Barcelona, but nobody could get close to Freddie that day.  I've never seen him so withdrawn and untouchable.

    The very last time I saw him was when we went to his house on the night of the BPI awards, when he wore the light blue suit.  We saw all the band meet at the house, and leave in two black cars.  Freddie passed me and I wished him good luck.  I remember thinking his make-up was too thick, and his eyes had a haunted, frightened expression. He barely seemed to notice us.  But even then I didn't realise how ill he was. His press announcement, that he had AIDS, came as a total shock to me, as I had refused to believe all the talk that he was ill.  I played "Teo Torriatte" and cried my heart out.  The following day, when I heard on the news that he was gone, I was an hour and a half late for work.  When I arrived, no-one said a word about my lateness, as they all knew what he meant to me, and I was very grateful to them. I'm still not over the terrible sadness of losing him.  I guess half the time, I fool myself that he's still here.  I've never returned to Garden Lodge - I couldn't bear to see it without him there, to feel the emptiness I know would surround those walls, after the memories I have of a time when he was there, and all my dreams were alive and well...

    Recently, two friends of mine were chatting with Peter Freestone, about Freddie and his fans. He said perhaps they knew of one fan that Freddie enjoyed meeting, and whose gifts he liked... he gave the fan's name... and it was me. I can't tell you how that made me feel. I always felt that Freddie was kind of gentle to me when he met me, and now after all this time, to get confirmation that he actually knew I existed, and enjoyed meeting me... This is the stuff from which dreams are made.