You've never met any celebrities. If you did, you ignored them.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

"Vacation" means driving through Glacier Park or going to Lethbridge.

You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

You measure distance in miles. Not minutes.

You've been to a tractor rally.

Down south to you means Wyoming.

Minneapolis is "out East"

You know several people who have hit deer, elk, moose or cattle.

You know who has to pay for the damage to your truck and the dead cow when you hit one.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold, but only when it was -40F or colder.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You have a hard time understanding why anybody would knowingly pay for air conditioning in their car or home. Just open the window.

You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."

You often reply "you bet!"

All the festivals across the state are named after fruits, vegetables, grain or testicles.

You install security lights on your house and barn and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You know what "Cow Tipping" or "Snipe Hunting" is.

You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You understand that it is simply not proper to put ketchup or steak sauce on a good steak.

You know someone who's lost their license due to a DUI and have seen their tractor parked at the bar.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

Driving in the winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts.

You think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money.

You have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You get a little claustrophobic when you're in a "big city" like Missoula.

You've attempted to set new land speed records on Montana's highways.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

You know how many cord of wood it will take to get through the winter.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for High School Sports.

You think that elk season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

You know what a real Rocky Mountain Oyster is, and have a recipe for them.

You know what a Pasty is.

You know how to properly pronounce the capital of Montana, the capital of South Dakota and the state of Oregon.

You know someone who's shot themselves accidentally.

Driver's Education was a joke for you and all your classmates since you all had been driving since you were 10.

You have "skied" behind a pickup truck bumper on frozen snow packed streets.

You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Montana friends.

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