This is the story of our first baby, Alyssa Raine Allard. She was only with us for a short time, but she has taught us many things. Never take your family and friends for granted, cherish every moment with them. Because of her we have been able to support and encourage other grieving parents and have given hope to others who have lost a child. We now truly understand what we never could before. She has made us better people and we will always be grateful for that. We are stronger now than before this happened. And although we still have our "sad" days, we can now think of her and smile. We anxiously await the day when we will be reunited with her, but we will hold her in our hearts until we can hold her in our arms again.
On October 15, 1996 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Alyssa Raine. She was perfect-6lbs. 3oz. 18 1/2" long. She was the perfect blend of my husband and I. We were never happier in our lives. We finally had our little girl after those long 9 mths. of waiting. Now our lives were complete. We loved her so much and we felt so blessed to have a healthy baby. We were told that we could take her home after 24 hrs.
Well, about 4 or 5 hrs. before we were to be discharged, a doctor came in and told us the worst news we will probably ever hear in our lives....while giving her a final exam, they detected a heart murmur, and discovered after an x-ray that she had been born with a congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.(HLHS) She would need open-heart surgery immediately or she would die. They hooked her all up to so many tubes and wires and she had to stay in the NICU until she could be transported an hour away to another hospital. It all felt like a dream and someone was going to wake us up and put her in our arms and tell us we could take our little girl home. But it was all too real and so we drove to the other hospital and waited.....after 2 days they finally did the surgery, but the next day she went into cardiac arrest. Her defect was severe and she really didn't stand a chance. For 30 mins. they tried to revive her, but couldn't. When we got to the hospital, we held her and kissed her and told her how much we loved her. It was the hardest thing we have ever had to do, but we are so glad that we did. We wanted her so much and our lives were so prepared to have her.
The hardest part is that I had a wonderful pregnancy. I always felt great and every visit to the doctor was fine. Alyssa had a very strong heartbeat and we were always told that she was "such a strong baby"-"everything is just wonderful". We had a routine ultrasound at 28 wks. and they never detected a thing wrong. We thought everything was perfect and we were so thrilled to have a healthy baby. It's so strange how things happen. We are still so shocked by this and just really can't believe yet that our baby will not be sleeping in her bassinet, and I'll never see her smile, crawl, walk, etc. We were told to get genetic testing, but we didn't feel it was necessary. We have no history of heart defects in our family-this truly was a shock to everyone. We miss Alyssa so much and are longing to hold her again.
Oct.15th
See Alyssa minutes after delivery.
Oct.16th
Pictures of her after HLHS is detected.
Oct.19th
Saying good-bye to Alyssa after she died.
UPDATE: It's been 9 long yrs since the birth of Alyssa. We have gone on to have 2 beautiful heart healthy children. A girl named Vanessa Rae and a boy named Javan Scott. We are also expecting a new baby girl January 3, 2006. According to a fetal heart study she is also heart healthy! We do pretty well when remembering our Alyssa, but each year around her birth and death dates it can be difficult. I still break down when looking at her pictures and I do have my bad days when I wish she were here and I want to see her face just one more time. We continue to have strong faith that we will see her again someday and we look forward to that time so much.
My Road to Healing--My letter to grieving parents.
(written shortly after Alyssa's death)
