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A blind man went into a department store one day and took his dog by the tail and started to swing him around in a circle. One of the clerks rushed up to him and asked, "Can I help you sir?" The man answered him saying, "Oh, no thank you...I'm just taking a look around."
Guy is talking to his wife, asking if he should wear his Armonni Suit or just jeans and a t-shirt to the IRS audit. She says, "Well, let me tell ya what my Grandma also told me on my wedding nite. Doesn't matter if ya wear pajama's or a silky nitegown, either way, your screwed."
An 83-year old women decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest way method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple. So she shot herself in the left kneecap.
The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job." He says, "You have sinned." Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job. The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."
Quotes
"How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is."
"Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad."
"Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to."
People will forget what you said.
Poetry & Inspiration
A FRIEND
A friend is like a flower,
Resolutions For Avoiding Misery
Choose to love rather than hate.
A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco. "Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me." "Sure," they replied, "we'd loveto meet him." "There's something you should know the son continued, 'he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mine and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us." "I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live." "No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us." "Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own." At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg. The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are. Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are. Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, say a little prayer that God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all be more understanding of those who are different from us!!!
Autumn Links
Apples
Foliage Home Page
October Awareness
National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
National Lupus Awareness Month National Celiac Sprue Awareness Month
National Liver Awareness Month National Campaign For Healthier Babies Welcome to the March of Dimes Home Page Child Health Month American Academy of Pediatrics
National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
A complete list of October health observances is located at the following link
tsn.ca: National Football League (NFL)
You are listening to "The Dance" By Garth Brooks
Looking back on the memory of
CHORUS
Holding you I held everything CHORUS
It's my life is better left to chance
Wav Files - The Rugrats rugrat1.wav- "Ah come on, Don't be such a baby" rugrat2.wav- "Why did you do such a bad thing?" rugrat3.wav- "From now on I'm being bad" rugrat4.wav- "There's some things even a baby shouldn't fool around with" rugrat5.wav- "If it wasn't for you, I would have done something really bad" rugrat6.wav- "It's Just Not Fair" rugrat7.wav- "Ah I can't do anything right" rugrat8.wav- "I wan'ted to break it cuz it was scary" rugrat9.wav- "This doesn't sound like such a good idea" rugrat10.wav- "Do I have ta?"
Recipes Apple Crumb Coffeecake
1 1/4 cups sugar, divided
1. In 2-quart saucepan, combine 1/2 cup of the sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add corn syrup, Apples and currants. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until mixture thickens and begins to boil. Remove from heat and cool slightly.
Apple Crisp
6 apples, sliced Place apples in 6x10 greased baking dish. Mix remaining ingredients. Sprinkle over apples. Pour 1/3 cup melted butter over. Sprinkle with cinnamon. Bake 350o F. for 1 hour.
Applesauce Cake
2 cups golden or yellow raisins, plumped and chopped
Preheat oven to 350 Degrees F. Generously grease a nine inch tube or 12 cup bundt pan.
Apple Crumble Pie
1 Prepared pie shell PREHEAT OVEN TO 400F. Melt the butter in a medium skillet over medium heat on top of the stove. Add the apples, cover and cook for 5 minutes. Remove the cover and add the sugar, juice, mace and cornstarch. Cook another minute, stirring, remove from the heat and set aside. Meanwhile, place prepared pie shell in the oven and bake for 10 minutes. While the pie shell is baking, combine cookie crumbs, melted butter and sugar and mix well. Remove pie shell from the oven and add the cooked apple mixture. Sprinkle the cookie crumble over the apples and replace in the oven for another 20 minutes. Cool the pie to room temperature before serving.
Pumpkin Bread
3 1/2 c Pumpkin, pureed Combine pumpkin, butter, and eggs. Add remaining ingredients and stir. Pour into oiled loaf pans or muffin tins. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until tops brown. To give as gifts, bake in oiled empty coffee or tea tins.
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