Sometimes dreams can bring such relief. Be a blessing in disguise. A true gift of love. As was my experience during the period following my father's death.
I had never grieved over anyone before in such an intense manner. I'd categorally denied myself the crying and feeling sad over an extensive period of time. Terrified it would engulf me and and swallow me whole...
And it did.
In a manner I could never have imagined. So that when I found myself in a convalescent home, crying rivers without end, longing for those strong but gentle, familiar and oh so safe arms to hold me just one more time, yet knowing with a fiercely painful conviction that they never would again, it was Divine Love in its purest form which sent me this dream:
"I was sitting next to my father on a sofa in a living room somewhere. I held out a sheet of paper for my father to read. It was a letter from the doctor. My father looked at it but didn’t seem to understand, so I proceeded to explain that I was in a convalescent home in the city of Zeist and looked up at his face for his reaction. He was stunned.
I told him I’d been there for two weeks already en that I’d be staying another 10 weeks in total and again he was speechless. When I asked him in surprise if mom hadn’t told him anything about it, he looked at me in silence… and then it hit me: daddy was dead! I looked at him, finally understanding, and told him passionately how much I loved him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. He held me tightly in return and once again I felt that big, warm, familiar body which was my father’s and which I had missed so desperately."
The sensation of that hug was so intense, comforting and all consuming that I can still feel it to this very day. It was both an affirmation of his love for me as well as a definite goodbye.
The memory of that dream has helped me through many a difficult moment in mourning him, so that I’ve come to view it as a Divine parting gift and feel truly blessed because of it and quite reassured that my father is truly in the best of Hands now… and we can BOTH rest in peace from here on out.
