Angels from Near and Far
A Resource for Adopting Children

A Letter to Lou Jiao:
Waiting for her Arrival
By Cindy Champnella

Katie, Jaclyn, and Christy

Dear Friends,
I want to share with you an article that I wrote for the Families with Children from China newsletter before our adoption of Jaclyn. This has been an incredible life-affirming journey for our family and, at times, a real test of our faith. We thank you all for the prayers that have been offered for this dear child and her safe homecoming…we rejoice in God’s blessings to our family and can’t wait to introduce you to our new addition…

Letter to my soon-to–be daughter:

Dear Lou Jiao,

Soon, very soon now, I will be coming to you and asking you to take my hand and leave your whole life behind you. Don’t think for a minute that I don’t understand how difficult this will be for you. You don’t know anything about me. Not what I look like, or who I am, or where I am taking you. You are being asked to trust in a world that has already betrayed your trust. You are being asked to hold on to someone again, when the losses you have already borne of those you loved would stagger most adults. You are being asked to make me your mother when you surely have a memory of the other woman you called mother. How strange and confusing this must all seem. I hope you will be able to look beyond the blonde hair that will be so unfamiliar to you, the face so different than any you have known, into my eyes, which are a color you may never have seen. Look beyond the tears that will certainly be there and search them for my love for you. Then, take my hand.

It seems unfair that you do not have any say in all this. And as difficult as the long wait has been for me, I can only imagine how it has seemed to you. The eternity that each day must seem like when you live in a place with no lights, no heat and no family. Twice you have been told that a family is coming to adopt you. And twice you have been left behind. You have been the victim too long of a system in which children have no voice.

I am bringing with me a big bear of a man with a deep voice who also may seem frightening to you. But look closely and you will see the kindness in his soul. He is your father. He is the one who has given me the courage to fight for you, through all the struggles to free you from the myriad of paperwork and tangled connections that have trapped you for so long. But this man is a champion of lost causes. He is tenacious. He is loving. You will now have a voice. Take his hand.

I understand the enormity of what you are about to do. All that you are expected to leave behind must terrify you. I cry when I think of you leaving your homeland; a country I have come to love and revere. But there are many things you can bring with you from China. Bring your pride in your heritage; you are part of one of the oldest civilizations in the world. Bring your memories of the incredible forest that surrounds you. Bring with you the admirable Chinese traits of hard work, honesty and respect for elders. Bring with you thoughts of the beauty and majesty of your ancestral home. Bring with you love for the orphanage directors who so desperately tried to find you a family. Bring memories of friends that became your chosen family. Bring with you the indomitable spirit that sustained you through all the disappointments you endured.

But there are many things to leave behind. Leave behind the hunger that has been your companion for so long that you could not even put down your bowl of rice for a minute to have your picture taken. Leave behind the endless cold and darkness you have known. Leave behind your need. As long as I have breath in my body, you will never want again. I wish that I could ask you to leave behind the sadness that causes to walk with your head down. Let me help you carry that burden of sorrow. Take my hand.

If you only knew how many nights I’ve looked up and thought about you awaking under the same sky on the other side of the world. If you could only know how much I’ve come to love you. How sure I am that you are my very own daughter. I knew it from the start. The very first time I saw your waiting face, almost two years ago now, I knew with certainly that you and I were mother and daughter. And I believed it even when I was told over and over by different authorities that you were not available for adoption, that you had already been placed. You have never been out of my prayers. Even before I knew your name, I asked God for guardian angels to watch over ‘the girl in the green coat’. He knew who I meant. For unlike what many say about adoption, I did not choose you. God chose us for each other.

Unthinking people may tell you in the future that we saved your life. They are mistaken. You saved your own life. You chose life under conditions that cause others to chose to give up. You held on to hope. It buoyed you through the rough seas you have already traveled. And in celebration of your new life, and the triumph of hope it represents, your new American middle name will be, "Hope." May it serve always as a reminder of how remarkable your journey has been.

I don’t know what the future will bring for you, but I can promise you this: I will try to be worthy of your trust. I will cherish your homeland and continue to celebrate its traditions with you. I will try to instill in you pride and joy so that you walk, from this time on, with your head held proudly. I have learned a few lessons from parenting already; I know how important it is to let you forge your own path. And whether you grow up to be a bus driver or a ballerina, I will rejoice in your success. And when you fall, I will be there to catch you, dust you off and put you back in the race. Because my blood doesn’t run in your veins, I will not be searching your face for some reflection of myself. You will be free to be who you are. And, most importantly, you will always have love. Take my hand.

Let me tell you about your new family. In addition to adoring parents, you will have a big sister like no other. When your picture was first shown to her she looked at it and said simply, “I see a little girl who needs a mommy and a daddy.” When I told her all the changes in her life this would mean, and all the sharing that would be involved, she looked at me solemnly and said, “But, Mom, that is what it is to be a big sister!” She then went upstairs and started dividing up her dresser drawers. Kate peered at your shaved head in the recent photo anxiously and asked me if we should keep you home from school until your hair grew. I told her this was not possible. The next day she marched into school and sternly warned the kindergartners that they were not to tease her sister. She had to move on to first grade, but she would be there to watch over her sister in the summer. I have a feeling she will be your protector and greatest confidant all the days of your life and long after my time on this earth is over. She will share your secrets. She will hold your hand in the dark. Take her hand.

And then there is the irrepressible imp we call Christy. She will be the one who will grab your toys, clunk around in your too big shoes and crumple your treasures. She is so mischievous that Kate worried that Santa was going to bring her a lump of coal. But she is easy to love; her charm is hard to resist. She is a walking ray of sunshine. I suspect, in short order, you’ll be begging her for kisses like the rest of us. And she shares your homeland, a bond that transcends blood. She will, most assuredly, reach out her tiny hand to you. Take it.

And this is only the beginning of the family and dear friends we have waiting for you her in America. You have already touched so many hearts. Countless prayers have been offered for your homecoming. Come, begin the wonderful adventure of your future. I will be right beside you every step of the way. Take my hand.

Love,
Mom

© 1999 Cindy Champnella

Adoption Stories

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."
Ancient Chinese Belief

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