What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

What do I want to be when I grow up? Well, considering that I'm approaching my 45th birthday already, I suppose I should have reached that decision several decades ago. I've been through four years of college, pursued a noble career in the field of ICU nursing, and can now faintly see the light of my retirement years at the end of the tunnel...although I feel like I'm talking about some other "old" person when I'm referring to retirement years.

I'm a creature of habit...of routine; I have lived in the same house, working the same night-shift job, and have even been married to the same husband for over 20 years. It has only been during this past year I've begun to sidestep my comfort zone onto a path to who knows where. The husband I think I'll keep, but as far as the career, I have begun pursuing a new avenue - a master's degree in Library and Information Science! Call it the proverbial midlife crisis if you will. I realize there are those who look at me with some skepticism upon learning of my new goals; they may force a sheepish grin while saying, "Oh, that's really...interesting", but I can almost visualize the thought bubble floating over their heads containing the words, "Now I know she's one cracker short of a full pack!".

I have to admit that I often question myself about why in the world I'm a student at this point in my life. I was comfortable with the same old job and same old routine. In nine years I could be sipping mango fruit smoothies with little paper umbrellas perched in them on a beach in Aruba. Am I going to postpone such retirement bliss? Now instead of watching Oprah and reading this month's issue of Family Circle, I have homework! I spend some days writing term papers on topics such as Online Public Access Catalogs, and at bedtime I snuggle up with my copy of How to Design & Evaluate Research in Education.

I have noticed, much to my dismay, that it seems to take five times longer than the time predicted by a professor for me to complete an assignment; perhaps I can place the blame for this phenomenon on my technological illiteracy - by the time I've discovered how to look-up the digitized full-text article online that is required reading, and figure out how to use Microsoft Word, I've invested several hours of my time before even beginning an assignment. Or perhaps the phenomenon is really due to the fact that there aren't quite as many brain cells sparking as there were in my college days...nah, I prefer my first theory.

After considering all this, I can say that I do not regret having placed myself in this situation. I may not know where it will ultimately lead, but I do find some satisfaction in reading with a yellow highlighter again, and going to class in the evening with my 3-inch binder in one hand and a 20-ounce Panera coffee in the other.

I'll not provide the boring details of how & why I made the decision to pursue a career completely foreign to me, however in my defense I will say that the decision was not completely irrational. Bearing in mind long term goals, in all likelihood I will be able to continue building on the same retirement system in which I currently invest. So I'm not turning away from that retirement light at the end of the tunnel, I've just reached a fork in the road, and I might take a new road to get there.

Last week I finally had the luxury of time to do nothing but ponder for several hours during a 10 hour journey home following a short family vacation. My 21 years as a full time night shifter has earned me the role of post-midnight driver on our long haul road trips. It was during these quiet hours, to the tune of a trio of soft snoring coming from the passengers, I reflected on exactly what it is I am trying to accomplish, and why.

I have been a nurse for over 20 years. Am I kidding myself to believe I have what it takes to become a librarian or an "information scientist" (sounds more glamorous, doesn't it?...without all the stereotypes attached)? No, to be a librarian does not require slim line reading glasses on a chain, or a bun on the top of one's head. One thing I have learned as a library student thus far is that a passion for information access should be a prerequisite. Do I qualify?

While the tires hummed on the pavement of route 75 at 1:00am, I thought of some of my interests; one that slowly began to come to light in my mind, in terms of information access, is that I do have a propensity to collect and organize information. Prior to this night I guess I had never truly realized the extent to which I do these things, all subconsciously throughout the years. It surprised me when I summed it up in my mind. I came to the conclusion that I am a book collector, not necessarily a reader though. A fine example is my large collection of cookbooks (although I seldom cook a gourmet meal). Since having two children, my book collection has grown to include history, art, science, architecture, biographies, non-fiction, and more...all with the good intentions of educating the minds of my children (most have simply collected dust on the shelves). I have every issue of Kids Discover Magazine since its inception, and FamilyFun Magazine since 1995 filed in chronological order. At the risk of sounding like an obsessive-compulsive, type-A personality (which in every other aspect I am not), I will confess that I even have a little plastic file box full of color coded index cards listing favorite activities and crafts found in FamilyFun. The file is divided according to months. Each card in the file contains a particular activity/craft of interest with the month and year of the issue, and page number where it can be found. Almost sounds like a lame attempt at card cataloging (ooooh...scarey!) I almost had to laugh out loud when I recalled my little plastic file box also contained cards with subject headings like "American Indians", "Aztecs", "Colonial America", "Current Events", "Lewis and Clark", "Solar System", and "Volcanoes", to name a few, in alphabetical order; each of these made reference to, or (what's that word librarians like to use?) "collocated", the names of sources containing information on the subject. At that point I was almost afraid to ponder any further, but I did. Before purchasing a lovely oak bookcase, I once had some books arranged on a metal shelf with stick-on labels designating, "social studies", "art", "history", "architecture", "geography", "science", and "crafts"...to simplify access if the kids were looking for something in particular. This occurred long before I knew the slightest bit about the use of subject headings within the library setting.

I have had to find new ways to organize my book collection as it has grown. I am roughly estimating that I own approximately 500 books! Is this weird? I have gradually included other forms of information in my collection as well, such as computer software. Out of a need to also organize these, I found a nifty CD organizer which supplies me with the title being searched for at the push of a button?something only an information access buff might find fascinating (for those who are, check it out at http://www.discgear.com).

I dabble in web page design, and enjoy writing, but don't profess to have any talent in that field...I simply do so for my own satisfaction and amusement. I generate information that is generally useless, but information none the less.

All in all, by the time I rolled into our driveway at 3:00am I had come to the realization that I do have what it takes to be a librarian, or perhaps I have been a librarian at heart all along. What do you think I should be when I grow up?