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#11 Short Stories
Contents:
- Cap Seller
- The Goodbye
- Cat and Dog Duet
- The Farmer
- Scared To Death
- Trained Monkey
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Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He used to sell
caps for a living, and roam around several villages. One day he would be in
Varanasi, the other day people would find him in Meerut.
It was an afternoon in summer and he was traversing the vast plains when he
felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of
branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps beside him and went to sleep.
Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after a refreshing
little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his bag!
"Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all
people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute monkeys
wearing colourful caps!
He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at them and
found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw a stone at them and they
showered him with raw mangoes.
"Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back?" he said. Frustrated, he took off his own
cap and slammed it on the ground. And lo, the stupid monkeys threw their caps
too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second, collected the caps and was on his way.
50 Years later ....
Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was also working hard at
making $$$ doing his family business, was going through the same jungle. After
a long walk he was very tired and found a nice mango tree with lots of branches
and cool shade. Abdul decided to rest a while and very soon was fast asleep.
A few hours later, when Abdul woke up, he realised that all the caps from his
bag were gone! Abdul started searching for the same and to his surprise found
some monkeys sitting on mango tree wearing his caps. Abdul was frustrated and
didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a story his grandfather proudly
used to tell him.
"Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Abdul. "I'll make them imitate me
and very soon I'll get all my caps back!"
Abdul waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at Abdul
Abdul blew his nose -- the Monkeys blew their noses
Abdul started dancing -- the Monkeys were also dancing
Abdul pulled his ears -- the Monkeys pulled their ears
Abdul raised his hands -- the Monkeys raised their hands
Abdul threw his cap on the ground ...
... one of the monkeys jumped down from the tree, walked up to Abdul; slapped
him and said "Stupid!!! Do you think ONLY YOU HAD A GRANDFATHER?????"
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A couple were going out for the evening.
They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives,
and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the
cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the
husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. Thw wife, not wanting it
known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's
just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later,
the husband gets into the cab - "Sorry I took so long" he says,
"Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with
a coathanger to get her to come out!"
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This old guy comes into a pub with a dog, and a cat which he placed on top
of the piano. The dog climbed up on the piano seat and began to play the
piano while the cat sang a number of popular songs.
The drinkers in the pub were amazed and the publican rewarded the old man
with a double scotch and said, "That's a great act. Have you thought of
taking them professional?"
"They are not as good as you think" confessed the old man.
"The cat is tone deaf and can't sing a note. The dog is a ventriloquist"
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A Kentucky farmer of advanced years took a lovely young bride. At first
the marriage was very passionate and the couple made love frequently.
One day the wife suddenly became disinterested in sex. The old farmer
shrugged it off as moodiness but after a few weeks of nearly no sex, he
began to worry.
After another few months had passed, the farmer started suspecting foul
play, that maybe his wife was fooling around. So one day he left the
tractor running out in the field and crept back to the house where he
caught his wife and her young lover in the act.
While his wife and the young guy were scrambling for their clothes, the
farmer fetched his shotgun and burst into the room. The understandably
hysterical young man pleaded for his life. The farmer lowered the barrel
and pointed toward the barn.
The farmer led the man at gunpoint out to the barn where he proceded to
secure the man's "unit" in a bench vise. The farmer then welded the vise
screw so it could not be loosened. The farmer pulled out a gleaming
sharp bowie knife.
The man was screaming now and begging the farmer not to cut of his
manhood. The farmer just smiled and handed the man the knife while he
said "Oh, I'm not gonna cut it off. I'm gonna set the barn on fire."
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Hitting on the novel idea that he could end his wife's incessant
nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built an
elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged himself. When
his wife came home and saw him she fainted. Hearing a disturbance a
neighbor came over and, finding what she thought were two corpses,
seized the opportunity to loot the place. As she was leaving the room,
her arms laden, the outraged and suspended Mr Fen kicked her stoutly
in the backside. This so surprised the lady that she dropped dead of a
heart attack. Happily, Mr Fen was acquitted of manslaughter and he and
his wife were reconciled.
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Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed
acork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But
because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to
comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had
started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried, they
were stuck for someone to pull the cork out.
One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to
do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once
a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. The big day
arrived, they set up all the monitoring equipment and set out to a safe
distance.
The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the
third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed
the button to sound the buzzer.
BBBAAANNNGGG!!!!!!!
The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the
second(2 miles away) was up to his knees and the first (1 mile away) was
up to
his waist. When the others joined the scientist who was 1 mile away they
noticed that he was in fits of laughter.
"What the %$*& is so funny?" asked one of the scientist.
"You should have seen the monkey's face trying to get the cork back in!!!"
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