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#13
Contents:
- Trapped Inside
- Wrong Number
- Taxi!
- Ummm, I Think They Have This Backwards
- Stupid Criminal Hall of Fame
Hiya,
Well, this is my first one from home, so if you don't get this let
me know. ;) I was going to list the different ones in the Hall of
Fame at the end, but I am too lazy! Hopefully I might be able to
start getting 2 out a week now. Till next time...
HAVE FUN!!!
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H U M O U R N E T
ST. LOUIS (AP) - A man's 911 call stopped a burglary in progress --
his own.
Ronald Haegele slipped into a health center on Tuesday and hid in a
bathroom until the building closed, police said.
After discovering that valuable equipment and medicines were locked
up, he started stuffing office supplies into his pocket.
Then he realized there was no way out.
So he called police, and told them that an absent-minded guard had
"buzzed" him into the building to use a bathroom, then had forgotten
he was inside.
The building has no buzzer security system.
While he was inside, Haegele also set off an alarm and twice
answered phone calls from a security guard, said police Officer
Deborah Reinarman.
Haegele, 32, was charged with burglary and theft.
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H U M O U R N E T
SUBJ: All Those Numbers Can Get So Confusing
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuter) - A prisoner who escaped from a California
jail was caught by police after he dialed emergency number 911 by
mistake, officials said Tuesday.
Tonga national Maliu Mafua, 27, escaped from the San Mateo County
prison last Friday but was caught one day later when he dialed 911
instead of 411 for directory assistance from a pay phone.
A call to 911 alerts police to an emergency. Officers responding to
the call knew something was awry when they saw Mafua wearing a shirt
that read "Property of the San Mateo County Jail."
[Editor's Note: Even the *police* thought this was odd. ]
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H U M O U R N E T
SUBJ: Police Car Plays Taxi, Gives Lift to Jail
[From the 2/28 San Francisco Chronicle]
A San Mateo man has found out the hard way the difference between a
taxi and a police car.
San Mateo County sheriff's deputies reported yesterday that Leslie
Paul Durnell, 30, was drunk when he climbed into an unmarked
sheriff's car at 1:50 a.m. Saturday on the 100 block of Harbor
Boulevard and asked to be taken to an address.
When ordered out, he became verbally abusive and struck an officer
who tried to arrest him, they said.
"What the f*** kind of taxi are you," he was quoted as saying in a
police report.
He was booked on suspicion of assault and battery on a peace officer
-- after receiving a free ride to jail.
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H U M O U R N E T
SUBJ: Jailbirds
[Claus expands our consciousness with this important piece of
information: "The name 'Horseroed' has nothing to do with the
animal. A horse in Danish is 'hest.'" ]
A prison guard in "Horseroed," a Danish prison for women (or, in
these PC times, a "correction center for womyn"), was very surprised
one morning to find not only the usual female "guest" in her cell,
but also a very sleepy male. He turned out to be the inmate's
boyfriend, who -- in the middle of the night and apparently without
the slightest problem -- had skipped security, found the proper
cell, and slipped under the covers.
He now faces criminal charges for breaking *into* a prison.
[Editor's Note: So, what's his penalty? Being forced to remain a
member of society? ]
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Joke of the Day
Stupid Criminal Hall of Shame
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their
pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared,
they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached
to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a
bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it
was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him
be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and
demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him
the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up
at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf,
the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a
"handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate
his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics
was found in the golf bag.
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for
Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-
old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2
years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he
provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun,
announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his
head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While
it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was
located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of
himself stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in
the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the
money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window
through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly.
So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal
a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons
decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more*
walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house,
and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked
the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill
on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash
in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer? Fifteen dollars.
From Joke of the Day
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