___ _ _ ___ ___ _ ___
( _`\ ( ) ( )| _`\ ( _`\ ( )( _`\
| |_) )| |_| || (_) ) __ | | ) ||/ | (_(_)
| ,__/'| _ || , / /'__`\| | | ) `\__ \
| | | | | || |\ \ ( ___/| |_) | ( )_) |
(_) (_) (_)(_) (_)`\____)(____/' `\____)
___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___
( _`\ ( ) ( )( ) ( )( ) ( )( ) ( )(_) ( _`\
| |_) )| |_| || | | || `\| || `\| || | __ | (_(_)
| ,__/'| _ || | | || , ` || , ` || | /'__`\`\__ \
| | | | | || (_) || |`\ || |`\ || |( ___/( )_) |
(_) (_) (_)(_____)(_) (_)(_) (_)(_)`\____)`\____)
.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.
#7 Misc.
Contents:
- Drunk Driver
- Toy Train
- Blind Man
- Bizarre Suicide
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Driving While Intoxicated
It seems the gentleman had over-imbibed at a party, was heading home, and
was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't
walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote
out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in
the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him,
drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the
door, created by two more state troopers.
"Are you PHReD?" the trooper asked. He admitted that he was.
"Where you pulled over around midnight last night for driving under the
influence?" Again, the man admitted that was he.
"And what did you do then," the troopers asked." The man replied that he
drove his car home and went to bed.
"Where is your car now?" the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was
in the garage.
"May we see the car?" asked the troopers. The man answered, "Sure," and
opened the garage.
Inside was the state trooper's car.
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A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen was listening to
her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard
the train stop and her son said, "all of you sons of bitches who want to get
off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop. and all you sons of
bitches who are gettin' on, get your asses in the train, 'cause we're
leaving. The mother went in and told her son, "we dont use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours.
When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nicer
language." Two hours later, her son came out of the bedroom and resumed
playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son
say, "all passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take
all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and
hope that you will ride with us again soon. For those of you just boarding,
we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under your seat, remember that
there is no smoking except in the club car. We hope that you will all have a
pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed
off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.
Jack Kraft Primary: jackjk@iwaynet.net
Columbus, Ohio, USA Back Up: kraftj@aol.com
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A young woman was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. 'Who's
there? she called out. 'It's only the blind man,' came the reply.
'Oh that's all right then. Come in,' she said as she stood up in the bath.
The man walked in, stared at her for a few seconds, then asked: 'So which
window is the blind for?'
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1994's MOST BIZARRE SUICIDE
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for
Forensic Science, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in
San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the
story.
"On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and
concluded that he died from a shotgun wound of the head. The decedent had
jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide
(he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth
floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which
killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that
a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some
window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his
suicide anyway because of this."
"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide
ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he
intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below
probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide.
But the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful caused
the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands. "The room on
the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly
man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the
shotgun. He was so upset that, when he pulled the trigger, he completely
missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Opus.
"When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one
is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with this charge, the
old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun
was loaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his
wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her -
therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That is, the gun
had been accidentally loaded.
"The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's
son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal
incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial
support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun
threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would
shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son
for the death of Ronald Opus.
There was an exquisite twist. "Further investigation revealed that the son
[Ronald Opus] had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his
attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the
ten-story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through
a ninth story window.
"The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide."
****************************************************************************