Mortal Smegbat
by Ross MacKay & Cameron Brown
Part One

Starbug zoomed through space with a kind of whooshing sound that was a bit like the sound you get when you pull the plug from a half empty sink. In fact exactly like that sound. The engines coughed, shlurped and even spluttered a bit, and then went silent. On board there was a mutter from the Service Mechaoid that was known as Kryten. The mutter was:

"Bugger" it then paused for a moment then muttered, "Derogeratory word mode cancel. I hope no-one heard that...." Something close to human walked into the room in which the mechanoid stood. It's name was David Lister. It actually was human, but only just. He walked over to Kryten who was sitting down in his seat in the cockpit.

Already in the cockpit with Kryten were Arnold J Rimmer, a hologram of Lister's dead bunkmate and the Cat, a creature that evolved from Lister's pet cat, Frankenstein. Currently there was an argument happening between Rimmer and Kryten. Lister interrupted.

"Hey what the smeg is going on man, the engines just stopped"

"You did say Bugger! I heard you! There's no point lying Kryten"

"I didn't say Bugger. I, um said But gog her! Yes that's what I said!"

"No you didn't"

"You're right. I said Bugger. I feel so ashamed."