"B" T.V. Quotes

Beavis and Butthead

Butthead: I'm gonna give you two hits... my hand hitting your face, and uh... my hand hitting your face again.

Butthead: They shouldn't give anyone a chance to suck.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

In every generation, there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the faces of darkness. She is the slayer.

Very suave, very not pathetic.

To make a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood.
It's like a whole big sucking thing.

Dark, gorgeous, in an annoying sort of way.

Oh, yeah, it's my stalker.

Are you okay?
I am not okay on an epic scale.

That much quality time with my Mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.

You're the Slayer and we're, like, the Slayerettes.

I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away.

The words "bug ugly" kind of springs to mind.

Giles: I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.

Buffy: He's not any guy, he's more...Owen-y.
Xander: Sure, he's got a certain Owen-osity.

Buffy: A cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer.

Willow: Hyenas aren't well liked.
Buffy: They do seem to be the schmoes of the animal kingdom.

Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.

Willow: You lack a guy.

Xander: Wake up and smell the seduction.

Xander: Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.

Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?
Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit?

Giles: ...our new fuhrer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call them Principals now.

Cordelia: Hello, doofus. You're in my light.
Xander: Wendell, what is wrong with you? Don't you know that she is the center of the universe, and the rest of us merely revolve around her?
Cordelia: Why don't you revolve yourself out of my light?

Buffy: Thanks for having confidence in me.
Xander: You da man, Buff!

Buffy: Hey Giles, wakey wakey.

Mitch: Let me guess - blue, like your eyes.
Cordelia: My eyes are hazel, Helen Keller.

Cordelia: Well, how about, color me totally self-involved.

Cordelia: I have all these thoughts, and I'm pretty sure they all contradict each other.

Xander: She's still jonesing for Angel.

Willow: You think I wanna go to the dance with you, and watch you wish you were at the dance with her? You think that's my idea of hijinks?

Xander: That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain.

Willow: Well, obviously, Kevin has underestimated the power of my icy stare.

Master: You are not the hunter, you are the lamb.

Angel: What are you afraid of? Me? Us?
Buffy: Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second? There's no us. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. To the living.

Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, are you nervous?

Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it.

Angel: "Danced with" is a pretty loose term. "Mated with" might be a little closer.
Buffy: It was one little dance which I only did to make you crazy. By the way, behold my success.

Buffy: Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the idiot part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Xander: It actually kind of turns me on.
Buffy: I fear you.

Willow: Love makes you do the wacky.

Xander: People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream - what they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.

Buffy: Well, if I survive parent/teacher night tomorrow, I'll see what I can do about Saturday.
Giles: You're being a tad flip, don't you think? This is serious.
Buffy: And getting kicked out of school is laughs aplenty?

Willow: You're just not focused. It's Angel missage.

Buffy: It's the uber-suck.

Cordelia: Whoo! There's mine. Sven - isn't he lunchable?

Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? (turns to see Angel) Hey man, how ya doin'?

Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a care bear, with fangs.

Buffy: I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you.

Buffy: So, what did you do last night?
Angel: Nothing.
Buffy: Nothing at all? You ceased to exist?

Willow: Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?

Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?

Xander: Sure thing, bossy the cow.

Buffy: Does it get easier?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. the good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. We always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.

Ms. Calendar: Cordelia's going to meet us.
Xander: Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.

Cordelia: I'm guessing eew.

Buffy: Giles, you're barely mobile, and speed is of the serious essence here.

Buffy: You don't have a nothing face. You have a something face.

Buffy: You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me.

Spike: Trouble? She's the gnat in my ear. The gristle in my teeth. She's the bloody thorn in my bloody side!

Xander: Come on, Cordelia, you want to be a member of the Scooby gang, you got to be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then.
Cordelia: Oh, right, 'cause I lie awake at night hoping you tweakos will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless man.

Kendra: Your life is very different than mine.
Buffy: You mean the part where I occasionally have one?

Angel: Kiss me.
Buffy: Finally, something I want to do.

Angel: I lurk.

Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.

Cordelia: Excuse me. Who gave you permission to exist?

Cordelia: Hello, Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?

Cordelia: I don't know. I just thought we were gonna do something, you know... classy.
Xander: What's classier than bowling?
Cordelia: Apart from everything ever?

Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh yeah, you're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you
to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.

 Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday's my life like, uh oh, pop quiz. Today, it's rain of toads.

Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean.

Buffy: The world is what it is---we fight, we die. Wishing doesn't change that.
Giles: I have to believe in a better world.
Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one.

Angel: The Master arose. He let me live... to punish me. I kept hoping you'd come. My destiny...
Buffy: Is this a get-in-my-pants thing?

Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words!

Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either.

Angel: No weapons... no friends... no hope. Take all that away and what's left?
Buffy: Me.

Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: A friend.
Buffy: Yeah? Well, what if I said I didn't want a friend now?
Angel: I didn't say your friend.

Buffy: I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho?! Let me take this opportunity to NOT care!

Buffy: When he wakes up, tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it.

Cordelia: What are you doing? Are you going like stalkerboy on me now?

Oz: I can see why you would be upset. Oh, that was my sarcastic voice.
Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.
Oz: I've been told that.

Buffy: It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be  behind in all of my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair! I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.

Angel: You have no idea what it's like to have done the things that I've done... and to care.

The Master, looking at a cross: We are defined by the things we fear. This symbol, these two planks of wood... it confounds me, suffuses me with mortal dread.

Angel, about Xander: He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight.

Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

Uncle Enjos: To the modern man vengeance is a verb, an idea. Payback. One thing for another. Like commerce. Not with us. Vengeance is a living thing. It passes through generations. It commands. It kills.

Xander: Do you know what's a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine's Day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic irony?

Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.

Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?

Cordelia: I thought you liked him!
Xander: I sometimes like things that are not good for me.

Created by : Sara
Last Updated: 2-2-01
E-mail: KLAKSO@mn.rr.com