INTRODUCING........ME!

A Few Nuggets of Wisdom From the Storehouse of Useless Knowledge That is My Brain

"Who are you?"
"I'm the enchanting wizard of rhythm."
"Why did you come here?"
"I came here to tell you about the rhythms of the universe."
--Beck "Hotwax"


I welcome you all to my underground lair......as you can see from some websites you may come across on the internet, some people tend to reveal way, way too much of themselves to the total strangers that view their pages....I will not do that. Rather than supply with you unnecessary personal details like my marital status or how much I make per year, I will provide you with some entertaining trivia about the mind behind this page.....
  • I turned 27 on July 27th.
  • I am a woman (just in case you were wondering).
  • Without my glasses, I see only slightly better than Stevie Wonder.
  • I live in a college town suburb of Baltimore, Maryland (ever hear of Towson University? I live about half a mile from there).
  • I am the Disney Store's best customer, but, tragically, I have never been to Disneyworld.
  • I annoy my family and friends by yelling out the answers on 'Jeopardy!', whether they're right or not.
  • Favorite food: macaroni and cheese.
  • Favorite ice cream flavor: Ben & Jerry's Cool Brittania.
  • Favorite lunch meat: boiled ham.
  • My favorite song at the moment is 'Bittersweet Symphony' by the Verve.
  • I don't give a crap that 'Seinfeld' is going off the air.
  • It would greatly please me to see the Spice Girls trip over each other's platform shoes and plummet to their deaths off of Big Ben.
  • I stopped reading tabloids around the time of Princess Di's death, but only because I was tired of reading about JonBenet Ramsey.
  • I have never seen 'Forrest Gump'.
  • I have only watched one episode of 'Friends' in my lifetime.
  • I have a nightmare that Puff Daddy's next project will be a collaboration with John Tesh, Michael Bolton, and Yanni.
  • One of my dreams is to be featured on a segment of 'Pop-Up Video', despite the fact that I can't sing or dance.
  • I oftentimes find myself wondering when Satan will show up to collect Martha Stewart's soul.
  • The funny papers just aren't the same without 'Calvin and Hobbes' and 'The Far Side'.
  • Nothing makes me laugh like those 'When Animals Attack' and 'World's Scariest Police Chases' shows.
  • I am a professional struggling writer, and am working on three projects at the moment: a book about the worst movies of the 80's and 90's, a book about the worst TV shows of the 80's and 90's, and a book written from a male point of view.
  • I work a desk job in the finance department of a debt consolidation company (click here if you're interested in learning more about it)
  • I used to answer phones at a casino in Atlantic City. Don't kid yourself--unless you plan on losing all your money in the slot machines or to the bums, it's not a vacationer's paradise.
  • Through my old job, I've spoken on the phone to Bill Cosby, Debbie Reynolds, two Miss Americas, Rip Taylor, Barbara "I Dream of Jeannie" Eden, and Wayne Newton, among others. None of these were life-changing experiences.
  • I've personally met Chris Isaak (click here for proof), northern New Jersey TV personality "Uncle Floyd", the members of U2 (well, I only saw them in concert, but I like to think I met them), and Leonard Nimoy.
  • I once saw Tom Jones on the boardwalk in Atlantic City, but my ex-boyfriend wouldn't let me go up to him. I later found out that Tom Jones' real name is Tom Woodward, which, ironically, is that same ex-boyfriend's name.
  • I am hopelessly addicted to whatever potent chemical is put into Coca-Cola.
  • I am a shameless fan of 70's pop culture.
  • I am also a shameless fan of 80's pop culture.
  • I have a videotape containing episodes of 'H.R. Pufnstuf', 'Sigmond and the Sea Monsters', 'The Bugaloos', and 'The Banana Splits'.
  • I once owned an authentic velvet Elvis painting. In fact, it was very similar to the one pictured at right.
  • I love the old 80's TV show 'Bosom Buddies', and was delighted to find it on Nick at Nite's TV Land.
  • I know all the words to the songs in 'Grease' and 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'. I sort of know how to do the Hand Jive and I definitely know how to do the Time Warp.
  • I can quote pretty much any Bugs Bunny cartoon upon request.
  • I threw a unopened can of Pepsi at my first boyfriend when he announced that he wanted to break up.
  • A complete stranger once tongue kissed me in the middle of a crowded bar just because I gave him a pin off my coat that he was admiring. He later tongue kissed my best friend in the parking lot.
  • I am scared of RuPaul simply because he has a much better body than I do.
  • Only a movie like 'Titanic' could ever make me like a Celine Dion song. And I think that's the only time it'll ever happen.
  • Nothing could ever make me like a Mariah Carey song, not even if Leonardo DiCaprio himself showed up at my house and made me listen to it.
  • For a chick, I'm pretty darn good at shoot 'em up games like 'Doom' and 'Duke Nukem'.
  • After a day at work, I tend to act like Stan the coffee guy on 'Mad TV'.
  • I am the proud owner of a 'Dukes of Hazzard' board game still in the shrink wrap.
  • I had a childhood crush on both Danny and Kenickie in 'Grease'.
  • I can't stand pretty much any show on TV except 'South Park', 'The Simpsons', 'King of the Hill', 'The Critic', and 'Homicide'
  • I hope that Paula Cole and her armpit hair die and go to hell. Or, at least, end up in the same place Alannah 'Black Velvet' Myles and Edie Brickell are now, wherever that is.
  • As of May 10th, I still don't give a crap that 'Seinfeld' is going off the air.
  • I started wearing men's pajamas long before 'Ally McBeal' made it fashionable.
  • I watched most of 'The Usual Suspects' under the impression that Gabriel Byrne was Keyser Soze.
  • I worship the ground Dennis Miller and the creators of 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' walk on.
  • I have a clay model of Mr. Hanky from 'South Park' on top of my computer.
  • My favorite episode of 'South Park' is the Miss Ellen episode ("I told her--don't f**k with Wendy Testaburger!").
  • Now that 'Seinfeld' is finally off the air, I still don't give a crap.
  • What the hell ever happened to Loverboy?
  • I used to be really into true crimes books, until I would spot places I thought would be good sites to dump a body--then I knew it was time to take a break for a while.
  • STUFF THAT I DIG: white pizza, 'Dilbert', 'Oz', photography, fighting and shoot 'em up games, Bugs Bunny cartoons, canned parmesan cheese, cheddar cheese, mozzarella cheese, all things cheese, all things kitsch, John Travolta, Billy Zane, Seal, the late Phil Hartman, the Barenaked Ladies, clothes from Old Navy, sleeping, cold weather, San Francisco, making scrapbooks, collecting useless shit, snowglobes, Mickey Mouse, shopping for useless shit, water slides, strawberries, peaches, babies, kids under age 10, Oreo cookies, sitting in a dark theater, thunderstorms......
  • What the hell ever happened to Wang Chung?
  • STUFF THAT PISSES ME OFF: The Real World, David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson and his crazy-ass wife, MTV, UPN, the WB, Urkel, the late Chris Farley, Clinton, Demi Moore, supermodels, belly shirts, kids over age 10, the Spice Girls, Mariah Carey, Monica Lewinsky, getting up early, girls that weigh under 115 pounds, guys who prefer girls who weigh under 115 pounds, Kate Moss, Ally McBeal, Charlton Heston and the NRA, hip-hugger pants, shopping for myself, white homeboys, Jennifer Love Hewitt, British people, live-action kids movies, John Hughes, Barney, hot weather.....
  • What the hell ever happened to Right Said Fred?
  • I took a purity test, and was disappointed to see that I am 67% pure. Take it for yourself and see if you can guess which ones I checked off.
  • I am absolutely terrified of bugs and slugs. I once had a slug crawl on me when I was laying down on the grass, and almost had a nervous breakdown.
  • As I write this, I'm wearing a ratty old purple T-shirt with a raspberry jam stain on it, blue, red, white, and green striped pajama bottoms, and big orange fuzzy slippers that look like Gossamer from the Bugs Bunny cartoons. No, I don't dress like this all the time. It's my favorite pair of pajamas.
  • Hey, guess what? It's now March, and I still don't give a crap that 'Seinfeld' is off the air!
  • Britney Spears can suck it.
  • I take anti-depressants! WHEE!!!
  • Calista Flockhart can suck my ass as well.
  • The movie 'Cruel Intentions' looks as if it has the potential to be the biggest piece of shit ever made for the big screen.
  • My new favorite song is 'Beautiful Day', by Three Colors Red.
  • I also like Harvey Danger's cover of 'Sooner or Later'.
  • I'm the world's biggest complainer, in case you haven't been able to figure that out by now.
  • I am officially addicted to 'Court TV'.
  • My guilty pleasure song of the moment is 'Millenium' by Robbie Williams.
  • Come to think of it, Christina Aguilera can suck it, too.
  • New favorite songs: 'Letting the Cables Sleep', by Bush, 'Maybe Someday', by the Cure, and 'Let Forever Be', by the Chemical Brothers--my internet pal MClarkKent (click here for his webpage) knows this better than anybody!
  • My biggest fear is that VCRs are going to become a thing of the past, because I'm too cheap too replace my huge video collection with DVDs.

    There Will Be More Fun Bits of Gena-Related Trivia to Come!
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