#4: Why people hate The Phantom Menace.
or
One critic's pathetic attempt to soften the blow for those for those you who are going to see The Phantom Menace.
You remember it, don't you? You're siting in a movie theater, your coke parked solidly in your lap, a bucket of popcorn (which may or may not be flavored with real butter, depending on your physical location). The room in air-conditioned to the point of lunacy, causing thoughts of where you left your long pants to flitter through your mind. Whoops! No time for that now, the shows about to begin.
Once again you're (insert your age in 1977 here) and you see that Imperial Star Destroyer sail over your head for the fist time. Wonderful, wasn't it? An amazing feat of late-to-mid 20th century movie making technology. It was great, wasn't it?
Unfortunatly I wasn't one of you. No, I saw that same Star Destroyer sail over my head in a drive-in somewhere in the wilds of New York State (maybe), with bugs of all shapes and sizes buzzed the screen and the pick-up truck bed in which I sat. I'm pretty sure the butter on my popcorn was real, the coke (a large) situated on my right side. As was my father who held it. And yes, it was still wonderful.
Now, in 1999, this jaded movie critic can look at that same Star Destroyer and realize not only how far we've come, but how much Star Wars helped to get us there. Thanks to Wars and other alumni of the sci-fi genre (i.e.: Godzilla) I have become so knowledge about special effects as to truly understand the magnitude of Star Wars' impact.
But, more then that, this jaded critic can look back and see that, at its core, Star Wars contains lots of old ideas stuck smack dab into a universe of futuristic technology. Anyone who has taken a World History course that was worth a crap can instantly recognize "the force" as an idea stolen right out of Zen. If only Buddha knew how much money, his teachings would make.
For me, myself, I and the rest of you plastic lightsaber wielding maniacs, we'd all better get ready for something different.
The idea for this article first struck me when reading the review of Phantom in Newsweek. Basically the writer of said review wrote an entire article in which he not only spoiled the whole movie for us, but amounted to one simple sentence: This movie sucks. Sounds like me, doesn't it? Well, at least I'm honest with it.
Why would anyone trash a Star Wars movie like that? The conclusion most die hard SW fans have jumped to upon reading this and similar negative Phantom reviews is obvious: Well, they just aren't Star Wars fans.
Nice and tight little explanation, but a bit to simplistic for my taste. Those of you who were old enough to care back in 1977 will remember that the first Star Wars wasn't exactly given the Titanic treatment by critics ether. I can understand criticism of the first Wars. Not only is the movie radically different from similar movies of the time, but basically, you can walk into the beginning of the movie, and still feel as if you've walked into the middle of the story. Quite literally, you have. So, what about The Phantom Menace?
The mighty brain of Dr. Psy has constructed two possible solutions to this conundrum. They are as fallows:
1. Maybe these critics never liked Star Wars in the first place. I know that several of the critics branded as blasphemers by those fans with the more radical bend were around when Episode Four hit theaters. And I'm pretty sure they weren't too favorable toward the concept then, ether. So here, the Well, they just aren't Star Wars fans theory holds true.
2. Numero dos deals with those critics who sat with us in our theaters/drive-ins and were awed along with us. These are the people who, though they grew up loving Star Wars like the rest of us, have since gone on to see other, sometimes better, movies. To them, Star Wars represents a gem of youth that they pull of the video shelves to relive their youth (again, like the rest of us). In short, it has become just one more movie. To them, perhaps, any further installment in the SW saga that keeps the same flavor as the original movies will seam more juvenile then is to there liking.
3. (the most sickening of all) Maybe Star Wars: Episode One-The Phantom Menace does suck. I know it's a stretch, but there is a very real possibility here, people.
I admit with just a twinge of fright that I fall into that last category. However, I have nothing against the various Special Editions, so that might say something about my excepting factor. Unfortunatly, a great many fans fall into this category, too. That is what this article is about. You may think that The Phantom Menace is the greatest concept since sliced bread, but be prepared. It may be the worst thing to hit screens since Armageddon. "There are always possibilities," as Spock once said. I'm just saying that we young (and old and middle-aged) Jedi Knights should be prepared for all of them.
I hope I've offered some explanations and prevented some emotional damage. And one day, one day very soon, I'll venture into a theater again, sit with my coke (or Pepsi, whatever) parked solidly in my lap, a bucket of butter flavored popcorn on my arm rest, and a bag of M&Ms in my pocket. I'll see those exotic starships fly over my head, watch those lightsabers flash and watch The Phantom Menace give its all to entertain me.
Then, when all is said and done, I'll let you know where my loyalties lie.
I'm Walter Kron-- . . . I mean, Dr. Psy Chosis, and that's the way it is.