JACK FROST

REVIEW DATE:2/12/99

Before you ask: no, this is not that Jack Frost, the 1998 comedy about Michael Keaton dying and coming back as a snowman. You already know that that movie sucked. What you don't know is that, two years before the fact, writer/director Michael Conney thought of it first. The only difference is that that Jack Frost was a heartfelt family comedy. The kind that usually make me barf into my popcorn. This Jack Frost is a slasher movie. The kind that make me laugh like a mad man.

We open on a deserted road where the "State Execution Transfer Vehicle" (at least that's what it says on the side in BIG LETTERS) accidentally collides with a truck carrying some kind of acid. The two vehicles meet and the acid is dumped on convicted cannibalistic psycho killer Jack Frost. But instead of just turning Jack into a little puddle of bubbling red goo this brand of acid bonds his body to the snow around him causing him to rise from the dead as a cannibalistic psycho snowman.

Yes, true believer, a psycho snowman. I know, I laughed too. Go ahead, there's no shame in it. I'll wait.

Finished? Okay. Since Jack (Scott MacDonald) has threatened to kill the sheriff that arrested him he makes a b-line for that sheriff's town and proceeds to do what psycho killers do best: kill. All the while Sheriff Sam (Christopher Allport) is bewildered by all the strange deaths that keep pooping up in his normally quiet little hamlet. Into the mix are thrown two FBI agents, Manners (Stephen Mendel) and Stone (Rob LaBelle). Manners is the gruff, stone face, "keep your towns people out of my line of fire" type of guy and Stone is the man who discovered the acid. Like all scientists in these kinds of movies he doesn't want to kill the dangerous creature like everyone else, no, he wants to study it. Something about a search for the human soul or some such nonsense.

And lets talk about that dangerous creature for a moment. Unlike the slick, obviously fake CGI snowman of this movies big budget cousin here we have a costume that seams to be made out of molded Styrofoam peanuts. The kind UPS uses. Scott MacDonald hits that one note with a sledge hammer and keeps that hammer firmly in place all the way through the movie. As a character Jack is nothing new. As a monster though he does have some interesting powers. We see him liquify to slide under doors then refreeze himself into another from. Not to mention he can shoot razor sharp icicles from his mittens, er, hands. Plus he can grow big icicle teeth that cause red paint to be sprayed all over and actor's face.

For what its worth Jack Frost is not nearly as bad as you would expect. Why you ask? Is it the acting? Hell no! Scott MacDonald may be good at shouting "I will find a way" but that's as far as he gets. Stephen Mendel is almost as bad, but at least he's trying to do a Dirty Harry impression. We even have an annoying kid. Damn! Of all the actors only Christopher Allport is okay in his roll. Sheriff Sam is heroic, but not to heroic. He's not Dirty Harry, but more of an Alan Pangborn from Needful Things. Very nice.

Also standing out is the occasional joke. Yes, you read right, some of the jokes are actually funny. And that above all is the thing that makes this movie likeable: it doesn't take itself to seriously. Writer Cooney seams to know just how wacky his premise really is and actually encourages us to laugh at it it some scenes. For example, when bullets prove useless against "the words most pissed off snow cone" (I didn't make that up, that's a real line) Sheriff Sam simply grabs the nearest blow drier and uses that to defend himself (and that's some blow drier). I simply refuse to take this scene serious and will laugh in the face of anyone who does.

But not everything works out for the best in this movie. Despite its cheep look and shoddy production (both signs of a budget that can only be seen with a microscope) this movie also suffers from one of the bane of the slasher movie: those damn puns. Is it some unspoken law that, if the killer can speak then every line of his dialogue must be some pun or play on words? Apparently it is since Jack must make bad puns after every slaying. By my count 8 of them are snow related too. This gets extremely annoying after about 5 minuets. At least Freedy Kruger had some originality to his wise cracks. Most of the time, that is.

Oh, and did I mention the other thing I hate about horror movies?  It's quite simple really: stupid people doing stupid things for stupid reasons. When the teeny bobber girl and her loyal as a puppy boyfriend what to have sex what place do they pick? The sheriff's house. And neither of them is related to the sheriff in any way, shape, or form. The sheriff rounds up the entire town (with a total population of 15 or so) and what does he do? He immediately leaves the group to go snowman hunting with the two secret agents and his secretary. Those are just two examples in a long list of idiocy. Oh well, I guess you can't win 'em all.

Yet, despite that Jack Frost manages to be a hell of a lot better then most straight to video crap movies but I still can recommend it for that wide an audience. But if you like Bad Movies though then this is defiantly good for a whirl.

RATING (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)

A LOT BETTER THEN I EXPECTED.  

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