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Bad movies should be like this. Even if they are devoid of a story, have actors who can't act as well as ants, and scripts that would make any English teacher gag they should still be fun to watch. Usually they are because of all the above mentioned things.
Not this movie. Oh no. Nemesis falls under different rules.
For, you see, there are bad
movies. Then there are movies directed by Albert Pyun.
Who is the Albert Pyun? Born in Hawaii, Pyun has been responsible for more crappy movies then any single director in history. And yes, that does include Ed Wood. Plan 9 From Outer Space has nothing on this baby.
The thing that truly amazes me, though, is the fact that (a) I would actively seek this movie out and (b) I would then force myself to watch the whole thing all the way through. I did (a) because Graywizard, owner and overlord of the Unknown Movies page once wrote "Pyun has made a big impression in the B-movie world, so every B-movie site should deal with him at least once." It ain't much of a reason, but it's mine and I'm sticking to it.
I endured this movie, despite its utter crap factor; because in order to give the movie it's fair chance I must watch it all the way through. Turned out I was just wasting time. And I missed Celebrity Death Match so now I really hate this movie.
One thing most Pyun movie's (besides his first, The Sword and the Sorcerer, which wasn't all that bad) have in common (besides being able to put people in commas) is the fact that they deal with Cyborgs, or Robots, or some sort of AI. While it might be that Pyun simply loves the subject matter, I tend to think it's because he likes to rip off Terminator.
And that's what Nemesis really is: a Terminator rip-off.
The plot (ahem) starts out in 2027, where Cyborg cop Alex (Olivier Gruner) gets into a shoot out with a bunch of women with guns. After getting his legs blown off Alex is saved by a police chopper and sent to be rebuilt. A bit unsettled by one gunman's (flatly delivered) accusation " You're not even human, you're more machine," Alex quits the force and moves to Baja California.
In a Baja bar, we have scenes of him sullenly drinking until he pulls his gun out and blows away the waitress. She's the one who took his legs.
Fast-forward two years and 10 minuets into the movie. LAPD head Farnsworth (Tim Thomerson) captures Alex. Franswroth who wants Alex to go catch one of his (Alex's) old girlfriends. Jared (the girl, played by Marjorie Monaghan) stole some secret plans that could lead to the assassination of both the US and Japanese leaders. Alex must find her before said plans fall into the hands of an anti-Cyborg group called the Red Army Hammerheads. To make sure he goes along with the plan Farnsworth puts a bomb in his chest set to go off in three days. It's like they don't trust him, or something.
"Wait," you say, "that sounds more like a take off of Escape From New York. I thought you said this would be a Terminator rip-off. What's up, Doc Psy?"
Patience, my lambs. Alex heads to the south Pacific, where the HammerHeads and Jared contact him. Seams the info Jared stole as actually an android plot to wipe out humans and replace them with machines. There, that enough of a Terminator rip-off for you? It gets better, seams Farnsworth is the leader of all this, so out comes Alex's gun as goes off killing cyborgs left and right.
Now, I have no problem with killing cyborgs left and right. I do it all the time when I fire up Quake on the ol' PC. However, this is a movie, and a movie must have some sort of development along the way. Nemesis has all the development of a frozen sperm. This movie is so busy blowing things up that it doesn't have time to develop a plot. Not that the plot could go anywhere as is, mind you.
This is my number one beef with action movies. Have all the blood, gore, gunshots, and other assorted violent acts you want, but could you please rap them around some kind of plot? Is that too f**king much to ask? Huh!? HUH?
Apparently so, as Nemesis hitch hikes its way from ill directed action scene to ill directed action scene, stopping every so often so characters can confuse us by spewing incompetent dialogue.
The incompetent dialogue comes courtesy of Rebecca Charles. I don't know who this woman is, and frankly, I don't care. For writing this movie she deserves to be burned at the stake, just as her witch ancestors surely were before her.
You can thank the actors for the spewing. And oh, do they spew in such a dead, flat manner. Olivier Gruner seams to have the personality of plywood. Does he always sound that way, or did his voice become stuck in a Jean-Claude Van Damme impression? I would think that, as a cyborg (since cyborgs are half-human) he might try to show some emotion. Shows what I know. He's worthless
Thomerson on the other hand is. . . himself. Lord, the least Pyun could do would be to let the villain have some fun. Guess not. Here, Tim plays himself, as he played Jack Death in the Trancers movies and Brick Bardo in Dollman, except in those two he actually had lines! There he got to say something interesting, something to entertain me, and gave me a reason to sit through his filmogrophy o' crap. Here, the walks around looking emotionless, or runs around looking emotionless, or chases Alex with a gun while looking emotionless.
But wait, this movie has cheep special effects, too. How do we know this is the future? Because everything is filmed through some sort of filter. First red, then blue, then a hazy one that makes everything look like steamed up shower. You want a Terminator rip-off, then let's talk about the stop motion metal skeleton that Thomerson's character is reduced to. But if you want some really far out stuff, let's talk about the fact that hundreds of people, with hundreds of guns (some large enough to take out tanks) can't hit Alex, this one, slow moving white guy. This has to be science fiction.
Sadly, the fact that Nemesis saw the light of day is not sci-fi. I would tell you how the plot ends, if it weren't for the fact that I'm not sure. Thomerson dies, and Alex gives info to the resistance group. I know that much. Of course, there are two sequels to this movie, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stick my head near those any time soon.
There you have it, the token Albert Pyun movie of this site. I could just say that I hate this movie, but that's simply to soft a response for a piece of crap such as this. I hope everyone involved in this movie is sterilized. I want the writer shot. I want Pyun shot. Matter of fact, I want 'em all shot! I hope they all die, and they go to hell!! And Satan. I hope Satan takes his pitchfork and sticks it up their stupid asses!!! And then I hope they burn in the deepest, darkest pits of hell forever and ever and ever!!!! Amen.
RATING (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)
