Quest of the Delta Knights

If your a fan of the greatest show on TV, Mystery Science Theater 3000, they you've probably seen Quest of the Delta Knights and you already know just how bad this movie is. You can leave now.

For the rest of you sci-fi/fantasy fans who think your just to good to be a MSTie then I must warn you of this:If you really want a good fantasy movie then Quest of the Delta Knights is not the bad boy your after. Its long, its packed with unnecessary elements, its an exercise in patience, its just not fun to watch. Without the wise cracks of Mike and the 'bots that is.

We begin in England. . .I think. It kinda looks like England. But it kinda looks like southern California too. You make the call.

Any way, in England (we'll just take the movies word for it) a slave boy named Tee (he pities the fool whose sold into slavery) is bought by the wizard Baydool (David Warner number one). Through flashbacks we learn that Tee (he pities the fool that has to listen to him recite dialogue) had his whole family exterminated by Lord Vultare (David Warner number two). Vultare is the local Sheriff of Naughtingham out on a personal quest to exterminate a secret order called the Delta Knights.

Delta Knights. . .who came up with name? Doesn't sound all that heroic does it. Not as good as "Green Lantern Corps" or "Dark Star League" is it? And its not even close to "The Rangers" or "Justus League of America".

And, wonder of wonders, turns out that Baydool is working for the Delta Knights. He trains Tee (he pities the fool that has to watch the training scenes that go on way to long) in the ways of the Deltas. Since all the great teachers of things in movies are killed (Obi Own Kanobi, Yoda, any captain James Kirk ever had) Baydool dies, leaving Tee (he pities the fool who watches this movie) to find the secrets of ancient Greek dude, Arcamedies, who apparently discovered the secrets of Atlantis.

The rest of the movie deals of Tee (he pities the fool who. . .oh crap, ran out of  "he pities the fool" jokes) searching for the cave where in the Alternation secrets are contained. On the way he meats Leonardo (David Kriegel) who's last name not DeCraprio if that's what your wondering, and Thena (Brigid Conley Walsh) who probably has the tightest corset ever seen in the history of the world. If you think Pamela Lee Anderson's breast look huge just take a look that this suckers. Holy smokes, Batman!

You can probably guess how good this movie is by now. A good rule of thumb is that if a reviewer can find nothing good to say about a movie other then the fact that the leading ladies breast look huge then there has to be something wrong here!

Lots of somethings are wrong with Quest of the Delta Knights. While the script is original in that it doesn't steal everything not nailed down from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, on closer inspection the script feels like it should belong in a comic book.

This is not the first time I've seen a movie with an actor playing two roles. But this is the first movie I've seen where there is not apparent reason for the actor to be playing two roles at once, other then the fact that this movie has no budget what so ever. David Warner is okay in both roles. I don't really have much to complain about with Baydool. Its Lord Vultare that really gets me. Dressed like a gross between a dragon slayer and a knight how says "NEE!", he is written (and played like) a typical evil knight. Been there, done that.

The rest of the cast can be thrown of a bridge for all I care. Corbin Allred as Tee isn't           annoying. . .and that's all I have to say about him. Shows you how much of an impression he made on me. David Kriegel's character Leonardo's last name is De Vincy. Of course. That's his only chracter trait. Oh yeah, and he's a Delta Knight. He makes no impresion ether.  Brigid Conley Walsh can make an impresion on me any time she wants. . .several times in fact. She isn't anoying ether. The entire cast is causes me to give a big "ho hum," to them all. Better luck next time.

The problem here is that this movie could have been more then it is. It certainly has a nice, vaugly original concept. Unfortunatly it has bland, unenteresting, actors and non-actors who spout unenteresting dialogue. If your a  really big fan of Sword and Sorcery movies you still might have to grit your teeth at this one.

But those breast almost make it all worth while. To bad the rest of the body can't act.

RATING(OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)   

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