REVIEW DATE 3:1:99

This is a strange movie, there's no denying that. Usually that would be a good thing, but when the subject in question is an action movie the rules change. Not that there's anything wrong with action movies, just cookie cutter action movies.

But, Dr. Psy, the cynics in the crowd say, isn't that the same thing?

Well. . .yes, sometimes. Mostly action movie plots run something like this: the good guy (usually a cop or former army jug head) gets mixed up with the bad guy (usually a terrorist and/or drug lord), who, being the bad guy, has an army of henchpeople (usually former army jug heads themselves) that the good guy must take down all by his lonesome. Once you strip an action movie plot to its bear bones like that all action movies become the same ol' same ol'.

The thing for people who write action movies to do is to flesh the basic action movie concept out into something that might keep us watching the movie and resisting the urge to just turn the damn thing off and play Resident Evil again (and let me tell ya, it can be a strong urge). The Substitute manages to flesh out its basic action movie concept nicely. To bad it still can't escape the chains of its own genre.

Tom Berenger plays former army jug head (told you) Shale. But unlike other jug heads Shale has a soft spot in his heart, particularly for school teacher Jane Hetzko (Diane Verona). Being a big softy at heart Shale gets real pissed when his girlfriend gets her knee caps busted by a local gang. Does Shale let the cops handle it and not violate any one's civil rights? Hell no! He grabs the nearest gun, some of his little buddies from back in 'Nam, plenty of spare ammo, and goes on the war path against the drug running gangsters and the secret person behind the scenes who is using the school to traffic drugs.

How does he do this, you ask? Well, when your a former army jug head getting a teacher's certificate is as easy as making a phone call or pulling the pin on a grenade. Its all part of the government's new "Learn what we teach or we'll kick your ass," education program.

So, as you can see, the plot of this movie is two thirds Dangerous Minds and one third Out For Justice (or some other damn Steven Sagal movie). In fact Tom Berenger does seam like a poor man's Steven Sagal (or a better looking  Bruce Willis). And boy, has this guy had a strange carrier, he's been in everything from Platoon to The Big Chill. . .and that was just the 80s.The good news is he can act better then Bruce Willis, the bad news is that his character is restricted to being nothing more then a stereotypical action hero. Snore.

As our villains we have a gang called the Knights of Destruction, lead by a punk named Joey Six (Raymond Cruz). As Joey, Ray gives a a stereotypical lower class, urban, Mexican, "Yo, Paco, waz up?" gang banging (minds out of the gutter, please), sun glasses sportin', baggy pants wearing, punk kid. Boy, we've never heard of this character before, have we?

Since plain Jane gets her knee busted  twenty minuets (at least I think it's twenty minuets) into the movie Diane Verona isn't given much to do with her character except sit around and act surprised when ever she finds out that Shale is subbing for her at school. Some stretch huh?

But, it isn't entirely the fault of the actors. No, what kind of critic would I be if I didn't give some flack to screen writers Alan Ormsby and Roy Frumkes who, while being original with there concept (sorta, at least they stole plot ideas from a drama instead of another action movie) they still made the whole thing move in a predictable manner. That's a big school, I thought, early in the movie. Yep, a voice in my head answered, how much you willin' to bet they'll be a gun battle in there by the end of the movie?

You got any money? I asked.

I'm pretty confident that you'll lone me some, the voice said.

Eat my shorts, I replied. The voice shut up.

But, just so you don't think I hated this movie, I will say that there are some very good things tucked away in this script. . .you just have to wait for them, that's all. Shale does deliver a great "Don't fuck with me, or I'll kick your ass" speech to the kids, there's lots of action and gun play to be had, and Shale is a moderately likeable character. Unfortunatly I just can't like this movie that much since the only big difference between it's supporting characters is the kind of cuss word they use.  

And while we're talking about the script let me warn you that this movie does have a strong "be cool, stay in school" message. At times it seams less like an action movie and more like an ABC after school special. With cuss words.

Thankfully for us director Robert Mandel takes the concept he has and runs with it. Under his directing the whole thing moves at a fairly decent and exciting pace. We don't have to wait to long before something blows up, but the fact that we have to wait at all may drive away most people. If your interested in Rob's work then you'll be happy to know that he's directing that new Carrie 2 movie, due in theaters pretty soon.

And I'm not even going to address those who don't like action movies to being with. You people can get the hell out of this review right now. Do it. NOW, or I'll kick your fucking ass, you hear me!?!?!?!?!

Sorry, got a little carried away. The voice in my head again.

RATING (OUT OF A POSSIBLE FIVE)

MAN, ANOTHER 3 G MOVIE, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

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