*~that one night~*
there was this one night
how can it have been so long ago
i remember warmth and noise and chaos
the whirl of the crowd
spinning, spending
the bright lights
i felt overwhelmed by it all
like i could lose myself in all the movement
you reached your hand out and led me through it all
i let you lead me away
there was something unspoked between our hands
something that has left an imprint in the corners of my heart, and in teh breath i take
for hours we talked about nothing at all
i don't really recall if you laughed first or whether i was the one to spill the drinks
all i know is that it all felt right
in that cheesy fate kind of way
like you kenw me by heart
like i was always reflected in your eyes
you told me things that you called secrets
you said i was more real to you than anything you'd ever felt or seen
something clicked in those moments between
and i've never forgotten
you told me i'd forget your name
you told me you had mine inside you
you told me i was an angel
you told me i was your friend
and you told me that the future was ours
but i ran
i pushed you away
i hid in the safety of the known and expected
i lied
but you lived on inside my soul
i dreamt of you
and i wept for you
and replayed every damn breath
the words i can't remember i just turned into song
and i really believed that you'd hunt me down someday
that you'd find me and shake me up
that i'd be willing to let go
that one day i'd drive to your door and be ready and okay
that you would be waiting
but she's there now
she's lovely, really
beautiful
and i pretend to not feel the sparks in your eyes
i try to let go
i have my own life anyway
and the choice i made instead of you
i have a ring sized and ready for me
i have a future in someone else's eyes
but truth be known
i'd give it all up
i'd rewind the clock
i would stay in the circles that wrapped around us
i would be brave enough to take the chance
the big risk
to hold on
to hold your hand
i would choose you
and i wonder if i should tell you
all the things i wish i had said
tell you how i still feel so much
more than i care to admit to anyone
all the things i'm afraid to say out loud
but i know that its too late for me
life isn't like the movies
your not here to lead me through the crowd i've created
my luck ran out
i cashed it in for safety
so my hello was goodbye
i guess
though i don't quite know how to do this completely
how to really say goodbye
this letting go
i want that one night