Are you saying, "Wow, I would like a site like
that!" but think you can't afford your
own web site? Face it, the computer generation has been lying to you. The
truth is all you really need is not money but a whiz kid on your side.
What I'm offering you, your tech advisers will tell you is not realistic.
Well this site you are on is one such 'unrealistic' web sites. Yep, tell them
check out iamfred.com and tell you what they think.
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tab above or send email to mysite@iamfred.com.
·
A doctor was having an affair with his Italian-born
nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife
to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have
the baby there.
"But how will I let you know when the
baby is born?" she asked.
He replied, "Just send me a postcard and
write 'spaghetti' on the back.
I'll take care of all the child's
expenses."
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took
the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the
doctor's wife called him at the office, "Dear, you received a very strange
postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it
means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home,
and I will explain it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the
postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to
the ER.
The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He
asked her what she thought might have caused the cardiac arrest. The wife
picked up the card and read it to him: "Four Spaghettis: Two with sausage
and meatballs, two without."
- A first grade teacher
collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her
class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the
remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe
than....................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while
the..........................bug is close.
It's always darkest
before............... Daylight Savings Time.
Never underestimate the power
of..........termites.
You can lead a horse to water
but.........how?
Don't bite the hand
that................. looks dirty.
No news
is................................impossible.
A miss is as good as
a....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog
new............math.
If you lie down with dogs,
you'll.........stink in the morning.
more of this and other jokes
Tips, Tricks,
Help
- To quickly display you computer’s system properties press
both the ‘Window’ & ‘Pause’ keys.
- If
you are using Microsoft Outlook to send and receive email messages, you can greatly increase the flexibility of messages
you type by using Word as you email editor. Even more so when you send
messages in html format.
For example you can insert
links so the reader can quickly skip from one part of the message to
another.You can check the progress of a document you have sent to print by
double clicking the printer icon that appears in the system tray
‘Tools’, ‘Options’,
then the ‘Mail Format’ tab.
There should be tick box
that says ‘Use Microsoft word to edit email messages’
Locate the ‘Send in this
message format’ section and choose ‘HTML’ from the drop-down list.
Higher Level Tips
WARNING: Professionals ONLY! This is NO joke!
- As promised last month, here's how to
customize the look of your Windows startup menu
Insert the following line in the [Menu] section of the 'config.sys'
file insert a line with the following syntax:
MENUCOLOR=x,y
x - Specifies the color of the menu text. You can
specify a value from 0 to
15; (see "Color Values" bellow.)
y - (Optional) Specifies
the color of the screen background. You can specify a value
from 0 to 15; (see "Color Values" bellow.) The y value is optional; if you do not
specify a value, MS-DOS uses a black background. Logically, if you don't use
the y value you don't need the comma.
Use different values for x and y, or the text will not be visible.
| Color Values |
| 0 |
Black |
8 |
Gray |
| 1 |
Blue |
9 |
Bright blue |
| 2 |
Green |
10 |
Bright green |
| 3 |
Cyan |
11 |
Bright cyan |
| 4 |
Red |
12 |
Bright red |
| 5 |
Magenta |
13 |
Bright
magenta |
| 6 |
Brown |
14 |
Yellow |
| 7 |
White |
15 |
Bright
white |
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
More tips
