This is the story of a monkey, a monkey who by all means deserves five dollars.
You see my friend, this is a special monky with a plunger taped to his forehead.  That’s
right, they call him, “Plunger Monkey”!  No, he wasn’t a plumber, nor a florist.  He was a
governor of the small town of Hukabuka, VA.  Although his ambitions was to be senate
majority leader of the United States congress, the majority at the time consisted of
gremlins.  And since it was a custom back in that day that all gremlins wore red
bandanas, played golf, and ate monkeys, there was no way his dream was to come true.
This forced him to settle for lower statesmanship, and buy into the notion that the
American dream was dead.  But little did he know that one day he would get the chance
to strike back at the evil gremlin empire.
 It was five years later, 1968, Feb. 18.  An angry mob of communist pirates
erupted outside of governor Monkey’s office building, enraged from the news that
Plunger was to raise sea shanty tax fifteen percent. This was in opposition to the
newfound crazy ass sea goer’s attempt to buy out the banana business.  Luckily Plunger
had a flame-thrower.  With this he quickly flame broiled enough steaks to feed an entire
ship’s full of, one eyed, one legged, one toothed, one armed, one toed, one lunged pirates.
This held them off for about five minutes, just enough time for the good governor to
finish his poker game.  Once again luck was on his side, and Plunger jumped into the
tank he had won in the poker game to escape just in time.  But he could never go back to
Hukabuka.  He now had to find a new home.  So he decided to head eastward, towards
China. Not far did he get in his metal clad machine of treachery before he came across a
ghost town.  “That’s strange” he thought to himself, “usually when people abandon their
homes they don’t poor mustard all over the ground to spell out the word, Duckhoo.  What
the hell is Duckhoo anyway?”. Each house was completely empty; no food, no water, and
no pantyhose phillipino’s, except for one house.  This one was the furthest away, and
before the entrance a sign read; “Duckhoo, expert rocket scientist and cake baker”.
Plunger hesitated for a moment, baffled by the sign.  All of a sudden, a friggin’ duck
jumps outta nowhere and kicks the governor in the teeth.  “Kicked in the teeth is no way
to stay” said the duck.  Plunger retaliated and threw a brick at the duck,  hitting him in
the face.  “There’s one thing that’ll never be good for you and that’s a brick to the face”
replied the monkey.  The duck quacked  “Stop!  Aw crap my face hurts like hell.”. “Well
you shouldn’t go around jump kickin’ strangers for no reason.”.  “I was just checking
your tooth durability.  My name is Duckhoo, and I live here.  It’s not often that other
people, or for that matter monkeys stop by and visit.  It’s usually hungry gremlins looking
for a snack.  The government’s all screwed up”.  Being an the understanding politician
that he was, the Gov. shook Duckhoo’s  hand and said “Pleased to meet ya.  You know, I
hate gremlins too.”.  “Do you now?” replied Duckhoo.  “Their empire headquarters is
only about twenty miles from here, wanna go kick their asses?”.  “Hell yeah!” screamed
Plunger Monkey.
 And so they were off to fight the gremlins.  They didn’t know how they could
possibly stand their ground against five hundred of them, not the foggiest, but they were
very mad, so they didn’t care.
continued on chapter k