Ah, it was a beautiful warm summer night and I was looking for something to do, so I grabbed my trusty old battery operated Official Hollywood 'B' Movie Disintegrator Ray Gun and headed out to the street. None of the other kids were doing anything so I figured I'd slide down to Coles Book Store at Yonge And Dundas to grab a funny trick. They had two whole racks of magic tricks and jokes. Whoopie Cusions that made a farting sound when you sat on them $1.00, Handshake Shock Buzzers for giving somebody a jolt when they shook your hand $0.50, Hot Gum that was full of pepper and always got a laugh unless it was you biting into it $0.25. You get the picture.
Anyway, I figured I'd bump off a few Nasties with my Ray Gun on the way down there. Scanning the skies for Flying Saucers and ducking into doorways and laneways to hunt down Evil Spaceguys and Monsters. Hey, there's a Martian Invader, ZAP ZAP... KABOOM, my Ray Gun whirred and flashed as I blasted them all into oblivion, leaving only a trace of dust behind.
Closer and closer I got to the book store, zapping more and more Nasties and Bad Guys as I travelled along. Finally I twisted onto Yonge Street and could see Coles now. It was getting dark and Coles had the brightest storefront on the street. Suddenly, as I entered the bright light spewing out on the sidewalk, it happened. Wham, I got hit right in the side of the head, wham, wham, another one and another one, each one hurt worse than the last one. I tried to cover my face but the attack was too intense and my efforts to protect myself were futile. Were the Spaceguys finally getting the drop on me? Was I being zapped by an Alien Disintegrator Beam?
I looked down on the sidewalk and saw thousands and thousands of giant black bugs on the ground, some were squished but most were moving around. I tried to walk away but all I could hear was the constant crunching of these ugly bugs as I stepped on them. I couldn't help but step on them, the sidewalk was entirely covered with them. They were still whacking me and I guess I started to panic because this lady grabbed me and pulled me into a darker part of the street.
"They're Junebugs." she said "Worst I've seen in years."
"Huh?" I mumbled.
"They're attracted to the light coming through the window, and you're standing in their way." she continued. "You better go back home, they'll get worse as it gets darker out."
"Junebugs, I never head of Junebugs before?" I sort of half asked.
"They don't come around every year but when they do they create a real mess." she said.
Wow, that was pretty scary, not as scary as The Blob, but scarier than Frankenstein. So I headed off back home without my brand new magic trick. And yes, I did blow away a few more Martians and Flying Saucers on the way home.
