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Jared got into the van with his cup of coffee in one hand and another one for Jensen.
He handed Jensen his cup and greeted him with a smile.
“Hey man, how was your weekend?”
Jensen accepted the cup, having already emptied the one he brought from his place, but didn’t return the smile and replied without the usual joy of seeing Jared after a few days in his voice “Fine.”
Jared was still exhausted from his trip, and happy to see Jensen, so he didn’t notice Jensen’s cold answer.
“Good, my weekend was crazy man, you know how these conventions are, but this time I didn’t even have time to talk to Steve. I got to spend some time with Sandy Saturday eve, but mostly I just slept, and Sunday was cramped.” Jared was talking a mile a minute while relaxing in the van’s back seat enjoying his coffee. “I’m exhausted, but the fans were cool as always, I didn’t get jumped or any crazy shit like that.”
Jensen just nodded, while looking out the window instead of looking at Jared. This time Jared did notice Jensen’s strange mood.
“Jen, are you okay? What’s up?”
Jensen took another sip of his coffee before turning to look at Jared. “Nothing.” he replied and looked back outside.
“Hey man, don’t be like that, come on, this is me you’re talking to. What’s wrong?” Jared pushed out of concern, running all kinds of scenarios in his head of what could have happened in the two days that they had been apart.
Jensen let out a deep sigh and looked down at the coffee cup that he was holding with both hands on his lap. “I saw some of the convention videos of yesterday on YouTube.” He sighed again, lifted his head and looked Jared in the eye “You think the thought of you and me together is ‘ewww,’ or ‘ugh’, or whatever it was you said?”
Jared saw the sad look on Jensen’s face just before Jensen turned his head yet again to look back outside. He was stunned, his mind working overtime. Why would be Jensen be upset that he told everyone that he didn’t think of Jensen that way? They were good friends, but nothing more than that. Was Jensen interested in him like that? Why else would he be sad? Did he himself mean what he said yesterday? Besides acknowledging that Jensen was hot, because Jared wasn’t blind, he never thought about it. So why did he say eewwww yesterday? Not because Jensen was a man, there had been a few men before Sandy, but it was Jensen.
Completely confused, Jared expressed a bewildered “What?!?” after a few minutes of silence.
“Never mind, forget I said anything.” Jensen said softly to the window.
But Jared would have none of that. He turned sideways to face Jensen, reached out and pulled on his shoulder making Jensen face him. “No way, we have to talk about this. Three years and you never said anything?”
Jensen shrugged, Jared’s hand still on his shoulder, his eyes focusing on Jared’s chin. “You’ve got Sandy, so it doesn’t matter, and you’re my friend first, always have been.” He looked up, but Jared’s expression didn’t reveal anything besides confusion. “The rest doesn’t matter.” Jensen finished as matter-of-factly as he could manage.
But Jared wasn’t fooled; he saw that Jensen was not only trying to convince Jared, but himself as well. “Of course it matters Jen, they’re your feelings, so they matter. I wish you would have told me.”
“Why?” Jensen interrupted, somewhat angry. “Would it have changed anything?”
“I don’t know!” Jared answered loudly, honestly, and without really thinking about it. “I don’t know,” he said again, this time softly, more to himself then to Jensen, realizing that he really didn’t know what he would have done if Jensen had shown interest when they first met.
Jared’s confusion drove away Jensen’s anger. “We can’t do anything to change the past, and well, you’re engaged so… it’s a moot point.” Jensen said, trying to stay calm and rational.
“But you.…” Jared started, but didn’t continue, not sure what he wanted to say.
Jensen shrugged again, which Jared felt more then saw because he never took his hand off Jensen’s shoulder, feeling like he needed the physical connection. “I’ll be fine. Hearing you say that hurt, but you didn’t say anything that I didn’t know already. You’re my friend, and I love you, those feeling won’t change, but our friendship doesn’t have to change either, at least I hope it won’t.”
Jared heard the question in that last part. He smiled, an honest and reassuring smile, “You’ll always be my friend, just… give me some time?”
Jensen nodded, and it remained silent in the van for a few minutes, until Jared started talking about Sadie, about how glad she was to see him even though he arrived in the middle of the night.
Soon they arrived at the set and they both got out. Jensen was walking a few feet ahead of Jared, and Jared realized after a few seconds that he was checking out Jensen’s ass, how come he never noticed what a fine ass he has? He smiled, he was confused as hell, but one way or the other they would be just fine. |