***RECAP: He shakily reached for the bottle on his bedside table, unscrewing the cap and taking out two tablets. The sweat dripped off of his forehead, as he saw uncontrollable images of what had happened in his dream. He took the two tablets and swallowed them quickly, hoping to stop the episode before it could get any worse.***
"Dearly beloved....friends, family....we are gathered here today to mourn the death of a loved one, Jim Sullivan, who passed away early Monday morning...."
Nick stood outside, his eyes fixated on the casket. He wore a black suit and sunglasses, and even though it was such a nice day outside, it felt like the most terrible day ever.
"....he was known for many things, including the beautiful voice of our own Tampa Bay Devil Rays...."
Nick’s breath caught in his throat. Tears which had been welling up in his eyes began to flow freely down his cheeks. Nick tried to wipe them away before they fell below his glasses, but it was no use.
"....we lost a great person at such a young age....Jim was only 41 when he passed on....but his memory will be with us always..."
The service ended, and Nick was quick to get out of that cemetery, fast. He didn’t want to hang around and be reminded of such a tragedy. He peeled out of the parking lot, and drove home as fast as traffic would allow.
When he reached his house, he managed to make it inside before breaking down. Heavy sobs which came from the depths of his chest seemed to shake his whole body. "Why?!" he cried out loud, pounding his fists into one of his pillows, "why does this always happen?! Why can’t I keep just one person in my life?......"
Nick sobbed and sobbed until he had no more tears left. He had never been able to deal with his emotions well, and wished he had someone to be there for him...to comfort him. But when he looked around, all he saw were his four dogs.
******************************
Howie’s eyes darted around the auditorium anxiously. He had been awaiting this day for weeks now, and it seemed to be going according to plan. His models were cooperating, people were enjoying themselves, and most of all, the critics seemed to be enjoying themselves as well.
The music continued, as the models walked up and down the runway, modeling Howie’s hard work. He didn’t do it alone, however. He had teams of associates who helped him every day.
He glanced at the runway, and let out an involuntary sigh. He knew something was bothering him, but he wasn’t able to put his finger on the whole problem. He knew, though, that it had to do with his past....an aspect of his life he hated reliving.
*******************************
"Howie Dorough..." Kevin repeated, as though the name was foreign to him. He ruffled the newspaper, as if to make sure it was real, and not a figment of his imagination. He bit his lip, but his hands began to feel weak. He wasn’t sure what to make of this whole thing.
He read the rest of the advertisement, as a million thoughts came flooding to him at once. "Howie?" he said out loud again, "running a fashion show?"
His vision began to cloud over, as the memories came back to him.
"Dude, what was up with Nick today? Man, he’s a fucking idiot!" exclaimed Kevin, as he climbed the steps of the tour bus, as they headed for the next city on the Northeast side, "why would he fuck up an interview on MTV like that?!"
Howie, who was with him, shook his head. "I don’t know," he said, sullenly, not looking Kevin in the eye, "maybe he just didn’t care?"
Kevin made a noise, as he plopped down onto one of the many couches on the bus. "He’d have to be pretty stupid to do something like that," he said, rolling his eyes. "Kevin, shut up," Howie hissed in response, "he’s on the bus right now? Do you want him to hear you?!"
Kevin waved his hand in a nonchalant manner. "Who cares?" Kevin replied, as AJ sauntered into the area, "he fucked it up! His own fault! It would have been better if he wasn’t there at all!"
AJ raised an eyebrow skeptically, as Howie bit his lip to refrain from replying. However, it was too much for him. "You would think that, wouldn’t you?" Howie said, his anger building up immensely inside of him, "of course that’s always the answer for YOU, isn’t it?!"
Kevin’s eyes widened. Howie wasn’t usually the type who would blow up like that, but it seemed to all be pouring out. "Was that what you were thinking when you missed the Entertainment Weekly interview?! Or did you simply not want to come? Because now, because of you, that interview will have NOTHING to do with you! Did you think that wouldn’t matter? Since when did you think your dumb modeling career came before the Backstreet Boys?!" Howie shouted, drawing Brian and Nick out of their bunks and into the main area.
Kevin opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He couldn’t think of a single way to defend himself.
*******************************
"....Don’t you want somebody to love, you better find somebody to love....." AJ sang to himself, quietly under his breath. He glanced at his kitchen counter, noticing that the light on his answering machine was flashing. He pressed play, and listened to the messages.
"Hello, Mr. McLean, this is Jonathan Mitchell from Club Aquarius....we received your request to play here next month as Johnny No-Name, however we are incredibly booked from now until later on in the year....we regret this news, however I hope that...."
AJ slammed his hand down onto the erase button before the message could finish. "Fuck!" he screamed out loud, scaring one of his dogs into the corner, "what the fuck is wrong with these people?! I AM Johnny No-Name! How could they not let me play?!"
The fact was, AJ had no band, no crew, nothing. The only thing he had was himself, and lately that wasn’t holding up to the standards of everyone else. No one would let him perform in their club. He was losing all hope.
"I am Johnny No-Name," he murmured, unsnapping the cap off of the prescription bottle of pills and popping three of them, "I will prevail."
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