XXXX (4ecks)

Thys being the most inaccurate and indefinitive guide to the continent of 4ecks:

The continent isolated from the rest of the Disc known as 4ecks is notoriously hard to get return tickets to. It is not so much a land of gold, wonders, milk & honey, but more a vortex from which you do not return and strange even by Disc standards.

Here the magic of the Disc can enter the world, raw and untamed, through a hole in the magical field above 4ecks. The days are long and dry and due to the inordinately high levels of sunlight the native humans are taller than any others on the Disc, as it is well known all living creatures strive to reach the sun. Thus the more sun, the more the body stretches to reach it. And so the Trolls get more sleep (It is believed that Heirs' Rock* is partially made of Trolls who lived there before there was so much sunlight and one day didn't set their alarm clocks to wake them at the right time!).

The inhabitants of this continent are the descendants of wizards and tribesfolk and have taken up some strange habits indeed, including the constant wearing of dark glass on their eyes, curious hats, regular bathing in the blue waters of the Choral Reef** and going around wearing nothing more than their underwear (which Granny would describe as 'Indecent behaviour for a fully grown man.' and probably 'barely allowable for a baby.')!!

Many parts of this land are as yet unexplored, but it is thought that hidden in the vast expanses of desert are many wonders unseen before by human eyes (but plenty of others no doubt) and rogue spells, which wait to cast themselves upon the intrepid1 explorer. It is a ritual for the native "Wazerds" to go into these wilds on a "walkabout." Some return, others don't - well they might return, just not in the same shape. The culture of 4ecks has adapted to the strange forces affecting the land, which oddly seems to have also affected the vocabulary and speech of the natives who go round calling each other 'mate' and 'cobba2' all the time.

There are many wonders of XXXX, these are but a few:

*Heirs' Rock - Many fortune seekers have lost their lives on3 this rock(partially due to the few surviving trolls), thus the surviving relatives saw fit to name it in honour - of themselves! So it became Heirs' Rock - the rock that creates heirs. Not hairs as many a balding traveller seeking to restore his follicles has discovered after a few days perched on top of the rock. Some still go back - piles are an inexpensive price to pay for a full head of hair!

**The Choral Reef - A beautiful area of clear blue sea which is always warm and teeming with life. Due to the high levels of magic those who bathe here too often and the inhabitants of the reef, have a tendency to break out into choruses of song. This normally wouldn't be a problem, except it tends to occur involuntarily when the owner of the vocal chords is diving underwater! For most of the inhabitants of the choral reef, it is disturbing that even without vocal chords they still manage several choruses of "the blues4" everyday. It is also rumoured mermaids live here and spend their days singing whole opera's about finding a prince.

The Bay of Biscuits - The annals of 4ecks' history clash upon the reason for the naming of this little inlet on it's shores. One side of the argument claims that one of the first groups of intrepid1 explorers landed here. And as it is well known, sailor's biscuits are the one thing left at the end of a voyage. Like Dwarf Bread, they are so disgusting to eat that sailors would rather starve first. Thus here were buried the last ever biscuits these sailors wanted to see, and so they named it after the biscuits to forever remind them to never eat them again!

The other side of the argument says that an explorer arrived speaking in strange tongues, took a liking to the bay and said 'This cute bay, this cute bay'(nodding his head vigorously in the process), which sounded exactly like 'Bis-cuit Bay' to the natives. Thus it was named after the explorer and his family who lived there. Well, no-one had come up with anything better and it seemed better than naming it after what it was used for and calling it 'The Bay of Sh*t.' This explains the plethora of flora around the bay which first attracted the explorer and is still present today.

Whichever way is the truth, The Bay of Biscuits was named.

It is a curious continent indeed. With god's based upon it's animals, known collectively as "Marred-soup-eels," and unique to 4ecks. And many other strange phenomenon that only occur there.

Here ends the wholly inaccurate guide to parts of the continent of 4ecks, there is much still to learn and many more discoveries waiting to be made. Whether reality or fiction the imagination is what shapes 4ecks, a continent where anything is a possibility, and we all know who's imagination is best equipped to do that...

…No, it's definitely not Jeffery Archer!

Footnotes:

For 'intrepid' see 'brave - yes, brain - no.'

2This is believed to be a derivative of "copper." This refers to the mythical tribes of copper men believed to inhabit parts of XXXX. It was thought good luck to invite them into the home and give them food an succor, hence the phrase 'Fancy a beer cobba?.'

3Okay, 'falling off.'

4Well, the sea is blue and you'd be upset if you had to sing every day about every thing you're doing (how many times would you like to sing "The Swimming Song"). It is especially disadvantageous when you're under a rock hiding form a shark and start singing about it and even more disturbing when you can hear the shark sing 'I will have my fishy, down my throat he'll swim.'

"Blessings be on your house."

Osman - May 1997.

All Discworld references are copyright Terry Pratchett.

All inaccuracies are my own.