The Orang-Utan Charity Raffle

(A Terry Pratchett signing with a twist) by Osman

In The Beginning

I believe it was written somewhere, by someone who shall here remain nameless, that ideas are somewhat similar to meteors (well do you have a better explanation?). Some the size of ten football fields created Richard Branson his Virgin Billions and Bill Gates his Microsoft Thousand Billions. Well Andy Welch was just hoping this one would top the hundred mark and was going to give the money away! So I guess you'd say this "meteor" was the size of…ooh, a poppy seed.

The Man With The Plan

"It's amazing how quickly you can organize these things." said I to Andy as we sat in the Birmingham branch of an Edwards pub one Thursday afternoon in September. Andy had explained to me how the day before he had been hit with the aforementioned idea and within a couple of hours had almost organized the whole thing. The whole thing being a Charity Raffle. Bet you can't guess who for…oh you did, yep, for the Orang-Utan Foundation. Well who else could it have been for at a Terry Pratchett signing. Andy had done most of the legwork for the raffle from the comfort of a seat at home on a mobile phone…knowing Andy, probably with a pint of beer in one hand! So legwork probably isn't as appropriate as lip-work in this case.

"So who have you contacted and what's been done so far?" asked I curiously. Cleverly Andy had contacted Colin Smythe (Terry's Agent) firstly, to confirm that all this would be okay and ask for the initial go-ahead. But with things like this you need all parties to agree, so many go-aheads would be necessary. After Colin had agreed, next to get in touch with was the Bookstore itself. So next phone call, Dillons Bookstore in Birmingham and manageress Sandra Morgan. She was more than happy with the idea as it posed no real extra problems to her than having 500 people in a signing queue blocking up her store. She provided the table and the space and when Andy and I popped into the store to see her later that afternoon, I also asked if she'd possibly be able to give some Discworld posters for prizes. No problems, we got three of them. To complete Andy's busy Wednesday, he got in touch with Emma Bowson at Transworld. She agreed to provide a couple of Fifth Elephant hardback books and, as the final go-ahead, essentially allowed us to progress with our scheme (well…Andy's scheme at that point).

"What exactly are we going to give as prizes then, and how's it going to work?" said I, starting to get the cogs of my own mind into gear now. Again Andy had been a busy beaver on this one, already having gotten in contact with Clarecraft. They more than generously provided us with a complete set of the bronzed Flying Witches set. I have to say I was impressed that people were willing to give Andy things on his word! This has to be a shining example of true "Discworld community spirit" at work (I didn't say anything about Ankh-Morpork there!). At this point the witches had to be first prize! So, we had the Witches, the Books and the Posters, who else could we contact? Straight away I suggested Steven Dean and Phil Penney, editors of the TWK and RtoR respectively…they're always willing to help out ;op. Sure enough Andy contacted them both on the Friday and a part proof of Science of The Discworld and a GoFaD subscription for a year, plus starter pack and T-shirt were the results. Two more prizes gained, that's 8. We needed more though, so Andy contacted Stephen Briggs, who cut his own throat by giving for free a Discworld T-shirt that now is out of print…another very nice prize which I'd have liked for myself! Then unto me came a vision, nay, just a thought. A lot of that afternoon's conversation had revolved around the Clarecraft weekend and Bernard, who Andy is good friends with. So, had Andy contacted him…erm, whoops…Andy did so the following day. A candle or two or at a push a travelling shop was all we had hoped for. But Bernard in his true generous spirit obliged us by donating a glorious Death as the Hogfather plate, complete with stick on photocopied Terry picture in the frame over the mantelpiece in the centre. We had a new top prize and one which Andy hasn't gotten over the fact Bernard was so generous about to this day. See Andy, someone who's got to know you loves you!! :o)

"I think I'll have the Chilli and Chips," say I "fancy something to eat Andy?"

"Just another beer thanks." replies Andy in his strong Solihull, Birmingham tones.

"We'll need raffle tickets, 50p a ticket and five for two pounds?"

"No problem about the tickets, price sounds good."

"You have contacted The Orang-Utan Foundation to confirm this is all okay with them, haven't you?" I queried.

"I'll do that tomorrow…" said Andy casually. Well, they weren't going to say no…were they?

 "Ah…okay, think that's everything…I'm going to the bar…"

And so it began…

Friday 5th November

Dillons Bookstore, Birmingham, 3:30pm.

With Raffle tickets set to 50p and a ticket book each in hand, we sat by our stall. Come on, we weren't going to disturb the patiently queuing crowd for Terry. So patiently queuing in fact that people were taking bets as to when the man himself would arrive…well, Andy and I were. Andy proposed that Terry would be an hour late and I that he'd make it within the hour. In the end Terry arrived with about 5 minutes to spare of the hour (delayed due to heavy traffic) and I won the bet, which was only for pride I might add. In that hour though Andy and I weren't alone at our stall, we had the pleasure of the company of two lovely ladies (no, I'm not sucking up…if you were writing this article what would you say instead). The first was in the shape of the manageress of the store's daughter Stephanie Morgan, aged about 7 at a guess, but more about her later. The second was one Becky Larking, a member of that elusive part of Discworld society known as "The Committee." Although if you've never met one of this elusive bunch before, I assure you they are most approachable people…yes, they are only human…as is Terry (although I'm sure you could find people out there who would disagree with that!).

The Becky Saga

Arriving at this average, everyday Terry Pratchett signing, Becky didn't know what she'd let herself in for. Her, Andy and myself chatted away about various aspects of life. Mainly though about the forthcoming MillenniCon and the lack of promotion it seems to have received so far. Most people do seem to know about it. It's just that they don't know details about it such as it being held over the wknd of 28th to 31stJuly 2000 at the Radisson Edwardian Hotel in London (there you go, all of you reading this now know at least that much!). So the topic of conversation naturally came around to promotion at this particular signing. Normally of course this is the job of the much known and loved Elton Murphy of Clarecraft fame. On this occasion that was not to be so, due to circumstances beyond his control. This was the point that Becky stepped into action or rather panicked slightly, then had an idea hit her!

Leaving me with her books and bits and bobs, off Becky went to catch a taxi home…in rush hour! In the meantime it transpired that the aforementioned Emma Bowson of Transworld had taken over leafleting duties from Elton. So, an hour later, the return of a very tired and probably a lot poorer Becky, with a carrier bag full of application forms for the MillenniCon that she had printed up herself. She had returned by taxi, in what was still rush hour for the centre of Birmingham! It seemed almost cruel to tell Becky that Emma was giving out the usual envelope of leaflets, which happened to include the self-same forms she had just taken the troubles and the taxi's to print out. Never the less I did so…I can't begin to describe the expression on Becky's face at this point, but I think all of you reading this can probably hazard a fair guess as to what it was like. So concludes the Becky saga. To her credit she got on with the rest of the evening as if nothing much had happened and I hope she had a good rest when she got back home.

The Main Event

To say the stall was doing a roaring trade would be slightly over-doing it. Our biggest buyer was one Paul Thompson who bought £12 of tickets, unfortunately to no avail as you will read later. We generally though achieved a steady stream of interest that resulted in both Andy and myself falling behind in writing names and numbers on the backs of raffle tickets. Not that I think for a second we were writing as much as Terry, but we were writing almost constantly for as long as he was signing. I would love to take the credit for attracting so many customers to our raffle stall. This honour, however, must go partly to Terry for directing people over, partly to the Cuddly Big Orang-Utan on our stall (and the fluffy one that was a prize aswell, sorry Andy…by the way, that's a recent photo of Andy on the right or possibly a male Orang-Utan) and mainly to one Stephanie Morgan. As more than one of the raffle ticket buying public commented "I'm only buying cos she's cute!" Although Andy may have thought her "Esk incarnate" (I can sort of see where he was coming from), she was a definite hit with everyone on the day. Stephanie also provided most of the fun for the evening, picking up our "sales lines" word perfectly after a couple of listens and not letting Andy or I ask anybody their name or number once they were at the stall and buying. I must admit she was responsible for "pouncing" on most of the people walking by the stall aswell. We honestly didn't put her up to it, I swear that she simply wouldn't let us ask people cos she wanted to. There was the odd occasion where she said out loud "Andy pounce" as someone was walking by…I wonder who she got that from (uh-hum)! I have to say that the jokes Stephanie came out with and just the things she said had Andy and I in stitches.

Other visitors to our stall included a third lovely lady (not meaning to offend any of those people of the female persuasion who bought tickets…many of you indeed were lovely too) in the shape of Emma Bowson. She regaled us with tails of her trip to Sumatra to see the Orang-Utans herself a few years ago. I don't think I hid to well my envy at the extent of travelling she seemed to have achieved in her life so far. She as many others commented on the big fluffy Orang-Utan on our stall (no, not Andy this time…although the resemblance between the two was scary! Remember the photo above for if you ever meet him). This, for any who saw it and may want one, was bought at Toys-R-Us by Andy one lunch break from work. To quote Andy on this one, "I just had the urge to go out and buy a cuddly Orang-Utan." I think that's enough about Andy's urges! But to Emma I'll say it was good to meet you after hearing so much about you from others. On the subject of which others I couldn't possibly comment!

Apart from the goings on at our stall Terry seemed to have a fairly normal evening. Early on he did ask Andy or I for some chocolate covered coffee beans. Now Terry swears that this is something every avid Discworld fan should have for the caffeine content to keep them awake and the sugar to keep them full of energy long into the night. Unfortunately this wasn't something Andy or I had picked up on and I believe it to originate from the mysterious world of AFP. If you aren't aware of AFPer's and are a Discworld fan…well, it'll only be a matter of time before you end up visiting the Octarinelight Zone of the AFPer!

The Closing Ceremony

All that remained now was to find out who would win the prizes. With 11 prizes and over 500 tickets bought, every ticket had roughly a 2% chance of winning…not bad odds when you look at the Lottery, and this was only 50p a ticket! What a bargain! To do the honours we could have picked no other than Terry himself, and he duly picked out the 11 winners in order. So they can have their five seconds of fame I'll give the top three a quick mention. The winner of the Hogfather plate was one D.Syce and the Witches went to J.Dowling. The Cuddly Orang-Utan…well, out of pure luck, call it the hand of fate or maybe just the magician like hand of Terry (to be moulded for the MillenniCon), the Orang-Utan was won by one very happy little girl who'd been the cause of our raffle's great success. You've guessed it, the Orang-Utan was won by none other than Stephanie Morgan.

A Final Note

In the end we raised a total of £172 for charity, which to be fair included Andy leaving the float of change he provided in with the rest of the money. When told of this total Terry simply replied " Sounds good to me." So, to tie this review up I have to leave the final words to Andy. Being bonfire night what better phrase could Andy come up with. As it is Andy, what would you expect? When asked how he felt the night went he replied "Well I thought everything went with a bang!" Don't you think he'd make a great sit-com writer…cue the canned laughter!

 

If you wish to lend a hand , contact the Orang-Utan foundation in the following ways:

By Post - 7 Kent Terrace, London, NW1 4RP, U.K.

By email - redapeuk@aol.com

By Phone - 0171 724 2912 or (int'l code)+44 171 724 2912 (from outside the UK)