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JOKE SUBJECT LIST |
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A BUG
Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and
drink it while he watched TV.One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang.He
stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there.The bug grabbed him by
the collar and threw him across the room, then left. The next night, after he finished his
4th beer, the doorbell rang.He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot
cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. The next
night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot
cockroach was standing there.This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as
he doubled over in pain.Then the big bug left. The fourth night Frank didn't drink at
all.The doorbell rang.The cockroach was standing there.The bug beat the
snot out of Frank and left him in a heap on the living room floor. The following day,
Frank went to see his doctor.He explained events of the preceding four nights."What
can I do?" he pleaded."Not much" the doctor replied."There's just a
nasty bug going around."
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Doctor, doctor
P:Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
D:Why's that?
P:My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.
P:Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. Can you give me somethingto keep it in?
D:Certainly - how about a paper bag?
P:Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.
D:Next, please!
P:Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
D:Pull yourself together!
P:Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge.
D:What's come over you?
P:Two cars and a bus!
P:Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.
D:Sit there and don't stir.
P:Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards.
D:I'll deal with you later.
P:Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there's two of me.
D:One at a time,please.
P:Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
D:Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
P:I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.
P:Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory.
D:When did it happen?
P:When did what happen?
P:Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall Ido?
D:Well, for a start, don't point him at me.
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Operation
When the man first noticed his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was
delighted, as was his wife.
But after several weeks, and nearly nine inches later, the man became concerned and the
couple went to see a urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to
the couple that, though rare, the man's condition could be cured through corrective
surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" the patient's wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well, yes," the wife said coldly, "The plan is to lengthen his legs,
right?"
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A gifted baby...
A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and
saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked,
"Are you my mother?" "Yes, I am," she said. "Thank you for taking
such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger five
times saying, "I want you to know that THAT HURTS!
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Or what??????????
A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to have sex with him
for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her whats wrong and why
doesn't she want to have sex with her husband anymore.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I dont
have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' so I
take a 'or what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to
write this down in the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home agian I take the
cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again, 'So are you going to
pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm
all tired out, and I don't want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says, "So are we going
to tell your husband or what?"
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