think you have what it takes to be a newsy eh?!
Well you must complete a series of tests in order to become a newsy.
Are you strong enough?
First thing you gotta know is how to improve the headlines. Some of ya might be naturals at this like Jack Kelly, while others could resemble David Jacobs. If you want to move your papers, you gotta improve the truth.
Following is a series of headlines- none of em would have people running to buy your pap, you gotta change them to something that would sell. Remember you can only exadurate, you can not make up something totaly off base
Soo you were able to pass the first test? Well next one ain't gonna be so easy. Everyone knows the newsie life ain't a piece of cake. Bet ya any money a newsie would rather be sitting in a porcelin tub of boiling water! Newsies got their sob stories about how they ended up being newsies- abusive mother, drunk father, orphans, runaways- and these stories when used correctly can help sell paps.
So you second challenge is to tell the first person you see your hard luck story of how you happened to be living on the street. After the story, ask the person if
a) they could please give you a dollar for a paper
b) the story was beliveable enough to evoke a tear
c) to stop looking at you like your nuts!
If you made it this far! Impressive but get ready to stop now cause I bet all you wannabes out there will not pass this test!
Newsies have to get to the distribution centre early if they want to sell any paps.
The papers start selling at 6 am sharp.
(Did you hear that university students who don't know what a sunrise is?)
For this test you have to get up at 6 am and take a walk. The newsies have to walk till they sell their paps. We will call this the early bird test!
Rise and shine newsies!!
You survived the early bird test?! Interesting looks like you are dedicated to becoming a newsie. But it ain't over yet- you have to pass test 4 which is essential to survival on the streets.
The Delancie brothers, Mr. Weasel, the scabbers, and other villians of the streets- a newsie must know how to defend their self. Now you may say: "No problem, I gots me two fists!" Well then at ease soldier! Cause I'm not talking quick fists, I' m talking quick mouth. You mouth is an important tool on the streets. A well known newsie Racetrack is a perfect example:
"Dear me! What is the unpleasent aroma? I fear the sewer may have backed up during the night?!" This is a good line to use on your enemies or you may try Jack's approach:
"Its 20 but don't worry about it, it's an honest mistake, I mean Morris can't count to 20 with his shoes on!"
So your next test, named after Jack Kelly, you have to think of quick comeback to any one who dares to make you cross!
Did you make it through test 4 with out bruises? Test 5 takes you one step closer to becoming a newsie The spit/shake- all newsie fans know it- a handshake that seals the deal and emphasises friendship. It is a descusting but necessary ritual- if you break the spitshake?! then you will be soaked!
Test 5, you have to make up a handshake that will seal a deal- it can involve any movement wanted- a small reminder spitting into your hand and shaking it with another person is as David says - DISCUSTING!
If have sucessfully completed all 5 tests you are now an official NEWSIE!!! (APPLAUSE NOW!)
You are now allowed to travel back in time and work as a newsie in New York City.
This first order of business is giving you a nickname-
Send your nicknames to ethanabale@hotmail.com and register as a newsie! Your name will be proudly displayed with other who were able to pass all 5 tests!
Along with your nick name provide your date of completion, favorite quote from the movie newsies- and your hardluck story!!
official newsies
