OUR ADVENTURES IN STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, CO
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Some of the most notorius residents of Delaware decided to leave the rest of the mud-people behind in search of precipitation shaped in hexaganol crystals of ice formed by water vapor freezing in the upper levels of the troposphere. They discovered snow (to the layman) in the upper reaches of the Continental Divide. They spent a week of strapping various shaped planks to their lower appendages in an effort to find gravity and measure the coefficient of friction on 45 degree slopes. Here, forever recorded, are images from this adventure:
Lisa, a.k.a. Devil Woman, tried charming the pants off the pilot. She was somewhat successful which explained why we got out West so quickly. When she overheard the pilot (who foolishly left an open mic) remark to the navigator that a BJ would be perfect, she went bombing up to the front to see what she could do. Hence the name "cockpit'. Wipe your chin dear.
"Holy Smokes!! Look at this! It's pure snow! Do you know what the street value of this place is? You happen to know where I could score some? I wonder who their dealer is..........?" Thus Charlie's week was a quest to find someone who could handle a deal that big. It was rumored that the Columbians had put some muscle in the area to control the supply and terrorize would-be entrepreneurs but that didn't stop Gallagher & Gallagher.
It got to the point that the rugged locals were pretty sick of hearing how the altitude was affecting our cardiovascular health and tried to drive us away with a bombardment of variuos flares and mortar rounds. All of the tourists (us included) thought it was the opening ceremonies to the World Freestyle Moguls Competition. OOOOH AAAHHHH
"This is Ski Patrol to HQ, come in? We have zips in the wire, repeat, zips in the wire. Dump all remaining munitions within the ski boundary - over......."
After a long day of falling (eerrr skiing) on the mountain, the exhausted flatlanders would retire for a long soak in the hot tubs. We drew straws to determine who got the pleasure of sitting on the powerful jets. This picture clearly shows that Charlie was the lucky one! HEY NOW!!
NOTE: We had to knock him unconcious with an empty HOT DAMN bottle to get him out.
Drinking your own urine is a common way to combat dehydration and cotton mouth in the hyper-dry climate of the Rocky Mountains. Here Gregg displays the final product of tapping ones own kidneys. Encrusting the rim of the glass with salt fools even the most seasoned bartender into thinking that it is nothing more potent than a margarita
What in God's name are they trying top pawn off as food here? It's pretty convenient to have the menu written on today's paper though. We can order food and catch up on the world scene at the same time.
"I would like a Capano burger, medium well, with a side of Guilty Fries.... Can I get those extra crispy?"
"I'm gonna murder that damn waitress!! Who ever heard of a hamburger with no meat? What the hell is a "portabella hamburger"? It clearly said hamburger. I ask you, where is the hamburger? I ordered a hamburger didn't I? Nobody told ME it was just a damn mushroom smacked between two pieces of bread moonlighting as a juicy burger! Do they know that I'm GREGG MOORE? If I stare at her long enough, maybe her skin will melt off."
Here Meredith is modeling a typical souvenir item commonly found........ everywhere. It is a T-shirt. It's from the Hayden International Airport Red Carpet Lounge and Parlor. Notice Greg going in for the big steal. HEY NOW!
Meanwhile, Gregg is getting the nubbin massage. In some primitive cultures this is a powerful aphrodisiac. The debate over the origins of the nubbin are still raging. One argument is that it is part of the Bowers Beach lineage. Known fraternization with horseshoe crabs took place in the early settlement of the marshes. Doing it "crab" style was popular with the longshoreman of the region. Others believe it is a power pack that radiates immense energies to keep Gregg's unit active and functional in his later years. Whichever argument you believe, it undeniably seems to be working for the both of them!
What would a ski trip be without Frank? BORING!! Yes, the amazing tumbler is back! He will perform somersaults at parties, down the aisle of an airborne 737, or by request. This daredevil knows now bounds and will gladly terrorize your children, molest your houseplants and generally get screaming drunk. You'd never guess it from his quiet exterior, but the man is incorrigible
It's so nice to sit back, relax and enjoy a great meal together and reflect on the days events. Whatever your bag is, we'll have room enough for you at our table. So let it all hang out and............