Funky Funky Funky

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they will never cease to be amused"

YOUR MOMMA'S SO FAT...

  1. When she turns around her friends throw her a welcome back party.
  2. People jog around her for exercise.
  3. She has smaller women orbiting around her.
  4. Her nickname is DAAAMN!!!
  5. Her blood type is RAGU.
  6. When she wears a Malcom X jacket, helicopters try to land on her.

    A little girl asks her mother "Mommy, how do you get babies?" The mother tells her "To get babies, a man puts his penis in the womens' vagina." Confused the little girl says "But last night I saw Daddy put his penis in your mouth." Her mother replied "Oh, well dear, that's how you get jewelry."

    1. How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
      There is white-out all over the monitor.
    2. How do you drown a Blonde?
      Put a scratch & sniff sticker at he bottom of the pool.
    3. Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in theater?
      They went to see "Closed for Winter"
    4. What do you call an eternity?
      Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
    5. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
      They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
    6. How do you know when a blonde is done having sex?
      The dome light comes on.

      Two midgets pick up a couple of hookers and take them to their Vegas hotel room for a little fun. After a few cocktails and some dancing, the lights go out, but the night doesn't go as planned. The first midget not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to his buddy grunting "One, Two, Three, huh!" over and over. In the morning his pal asks him, "So, how was it?" I can't believe how much it sucked," says the first midget. "I couldn't get hard all night. I'm so ashamed." The second midget answers,"You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the bed!"

      Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead Earl, It's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry Bubba" Earl said."we'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels, stick them on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', Ok?" said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said,"You boys been drinkin'?" "No sir," Earl said "We're on the patch."

      1. Whats the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
        The good ol' boy raises livestock, the redneck gets emotionally involved.
      2. How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
        Two, one to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.
      3. What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the same room?
        A full set of teeth.
      4. How do you know when your staying in a Kentucky hotel?
        When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the desk says "Go ahead."
      5. How can you tell if a redneck is married?
        There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of the pick-up truck.
      6. What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies?
        "Hey...watch this!"

        You know you're Italian when...

        1. You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
        2. Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
        3. If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
        4. You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
        5. You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 firebird.
        6. It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pocket.
        7. Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is "He should 've kept his big yap shut."

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