[A] Put on your [E] yalmulka, [D] here comes [E] Hanukkah
Its [A] so much [E] fun-akkah to [D] celebrate [E]Hanukkah,

[A]Hanukkah [E]is the [D] Festival of [E] Lights,
[A] Instead of one day of [E] presents, we have [Bm] eight [D] crazy [E] nights.

[A] When you feel like the only [E] kid in town with[D]out a Xmas [E]tree,
[A] Heres a list of [E] people who are Jewish, [D] just like you and [E] me:

[A] David Lee [E] Roth [D] lights the me[E]norrah,
[A] So do James [E] Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the [D] late Dinah [E]Shore-ah

[A] Guess who eats to[E]gether at the [D] Karnickey [E] Deli,
[A] Bowzer from [E] Sha-na-na, and [D] Arthur Fonzer[E]relli.

[A] Paul Newmans half [E] Jewish; [D] Goldie Hawns half [E] too,
[A] Put them to[E]gether--what a [D] fine lookin [E] Jew! [Esus] [E]

[D] You dont need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock
[E] Cause you can spin the dreidl with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock--both Jewish! [Esus]

[A] Put on your [E] yalmulka, its [D] time for [E] Hanukkah,
The [A] owner of the Seattle Super[E]sonic-ahs [D] celebrates [E] Hanukkah.

[A] O.J. [E] Simpson--[D] not a [E] Jew!
But [A] guess who [E]is...Hall of [D] Famer--Rod [E]Carew--(he converted!) [Bm]

[A] We got Ann [E] Landers and her [D] sister Dear Ab[E]by,
[A] Harrison Fords a [E] quarter Jewish--[D] not too [E] shabby!

[A] Some people [E] think that [D] Ebeneezer [E] Scrooge is,
Well, hes [A] not, but [E] guess who is: [D] All three [E] stooges. [Esus] [E]

[D] So many Jews are in show biz--
[E] Tom Cruise isnšt, [tacit] but I heard his agent is. [Esus]

[A] Tell your friend Ver[E]onica, its [D] time you celebrate [E] Hanukkah
I [A] hope I get a har[E]monica, on this [D] lovely, lovely [E] Hanukkah.

So [A] drink your gin-and-[E]tonic-ah, and [D]smoke your mara[E]juanic-ah,
If you [A] really, really [E]wanna-kah, Have a [D] happy, happy, [E] happy, happy [A] Hanukkah.

Santa Song

Mother's Day Song

Stop your jumping,
you'll break the bed.
Don't you fill up
on the bread.
Take those
Take those
(trying to read cue card)
Take ... carrots out of your nose,
that's not a hat that's pantyhose.
Don't play baseball in your suit,
that Magnum PI's very cute.
Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub,
stop masturbating in the tub.
Thanks for making corn beef hash,
and putting powder on my rash.
(So much better.)

I love you maaaaaama,
more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa,
more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas,
Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa.

Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true,
Kevin's gonna sing to you.

Come on Kevin.

I love you maaaaaama

Come on, keep goin'.

More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa.

Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa.

Thanks for writing that note to the draft
board that said I was gay so I got out
of Vietnaaaamaaa.

Mom your way better than the World Trade Center baaaaamaaaa.

Who's name by the way is Mohamed Salaaaamaaa.

I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa.

And Richard Gere was also good in "Sommersby",
which was a melodraaaamaa.

Oh, all you moms out there oughta know,
we kids love you so.

Have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you very much!
Thank you!

Adam Saaaandlaaa.