Con Air

Staring: Nicholas Cage, John Cusack, John Malcovich, Ving Rhames, Steve Buschemi

Review by The Ranting WolfCastle

    What's with Nicholas Cage (The Rock, Firebirds) and Las Vegas?  Leaving Las Vegas, Honeymoon in Vegas, and now even in Con Air, Cage spends time in Vegas.  Not that it means anything, I was just thinking.  Con Air is a typical action movie, the hero ends up in the wrong place, and is forced to "save the fucking day."  Of course the hero has a background in some kind of military and or police training, so he's stronger and smarter than everyone else.

    Nicholas Cage stars as the poster boy for shitty lives.  First of all, he's in the military, problematic enough in itself.  He goes home to see his wife, and in a drunken brawl ends up killing a man.  Of course he was just defending his wife, but since he was in the military he is considered a deadly weapon, and ends up getting seven to ten.  Seven to ten years pass, his daughter is born and has grown up, and Cage is going home to see her, on her seven to tenth birthday.  But his life couldn't be getting any better because he is taking a plane home, but not just any plane.  A plane full of the most insane prisoners (Malcovich, Buschemi) in the country, who are being transported to a new high tech facility.  The prisoners have a plan to take over the plane, and they do so successfully, Cage just wants to see his daughter for the first time, so he has to stop the crazy men.

    Con Air's characters are baffling.  I'm so tired of being baffled, but it seems to happen more and more, especially while watching movies.   Malcovich (Of Mice and Men, Rounders) is the head bad guy, a mass murderer with morals.  Sure he kills dozens of people, but he won't let a serial rapist have his way with the female guard.  I guess it could happen, it just seems strange to me.   And Buschemi (Armageddon, Airheads) an even more whacked out serial killer, who wore the head of one of his victims across three states, doesn't feel the need to kill anybody throughout the movie.  And it's not as if he didn't have his one good chance.   If you've seen it you know what I'm saying.  It has to do with a certain Bible school song.  I mean, c'mon.  Then there's Cage's character, who is a good man but doesn't have the slightest reservations about killing about four people throughout the course of the movie.

    The acting is good, except for Nicholas Cage.  And it pains me to say because he is one of my favorite actors.  I just think he shouldn't have had to use the accent, he couldn't show any emotion, and it sounded fake and forced.  He couldn't say anything with that funny tone he always uses.  It sucks because I'm sure he could have added that ever important comedy aspect that is so vital to modern action movies, he seems to be good at that.  Keep that in mind in case you're casting for an action movie that needs some funny lines.  Because even if they aren't funny, Cage makes 'em funny.  But alas he could not in this film, and it's all because of that damn accent.  Stupid accents.

    Speaking of humor, this film tried and failed.  Sure I kind of chuckled when the two motorcycle cops took off, and a donut fell onto the road, it's an old joke but a good one, and when the plane hits the casino and a fallen over slot machine hits triple sevens and pours out quarters, it was a bit humorous, but those were about the only attempts.  It's like they consciously add these scenes in the last fifteen minutes, as if to say "Oh no, our movie is loosing interest!"  If you're going to make an action movie funny, it takes a little bit more effort than that.

    The story is a slight modification of Die Hard, instead of terrorists they are convicted felons, instead of a building it's a plane, and instead of a cop the protagonist is military folk.  Aren't we all a little bit sick of this scenario?  We've had this script in a building (Die Hard), on a plane (Con Air, Die Hard Two), and even on a battleship (Under Siege).  Stick a fork in it, it's done.  Celebrate it's memory and stop trying to bring it back.   Die Hard was good movie, why do the Hollywood beurocrats insist on trying to squeeze every last dollar out of us on slight modifications of the same movie? 

    The ending is confusing and disturbing.  First of all, the main bad guy dies in a weird place that makes no sense.  He's on a fire truck trying to escape, gets thrown through a glass walkway crossing the street, and falls down.  It seems to me he should end up on the street, but instead he lands on a conveyer belt that leads to a big hammer thing that squishes his head.  I don't know why this would be on the main strip of the city of lights, but I guess I'm not supposed to wonder about it.   And the disturbing part, is the most insane, most threatening criminal is seen playing craps right before the credits role.  It's really great, we see Cage meet his daughter and kiss his wife, fuckin' great right?  End the movie, but then it cuts to Buschemi throwing the dice.  I think it's supposed to be one of those failed attempts at humor we all heard so much about earlier.  I guess because he was one of the "nicer" criminals, we are supposed to be happy he gets away.  Not me.   

    Con Air doesn't totally suck, it's entertaining, doesn't force you to think at all, and doesn't attack your nervous system with insulting, lengthy action sequences.  It's a good movie to just sit back and watch, don't over analyze it, just try to ignore it's faults.  It may be difficult, but if you've had a really shitty day, and you just want to sit back and wind down, rent it and tell me your day was worse than John Cusack's.  He gets it handed to him all throughout the movie.

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