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.........Colours purchased and with help from Col. Bindley {"Uncle Bindley"} Paget at Horse Guards, I became a Cornet in the 11th Light Dragoons {just posted home after years of service in India since long before I was born} Canterbury, New Regimental Commander Col. James Brudenell 7th Earl of Cardigan {"Lord Haw-Haw's" hatred fore India Officer's mirrors theirs fore him}. Superior Horseman already, drilled extensively in the Sabre, the Cavalry Drill Manual & the rules of camp life. Fit right in with the Plungers {i.e. the smart set}. "Lord Haw Haw's" condemnation in Punch about Capt. John Reynolds & "The Black Bottle Affair" in the Officers Mess brews; Bernier-Flashman Duell, Pistole's, Deloped {hip shot & blew the top off the Doctor's bottle at 30 ft.} I was sent a brace of barkers in silver mountings, with my initials engraved by an Oxford Street gunmaker; Cardigan suggests detached duty in Glasgow training the local militia till things cool off {no scandal's ya'see}, the 11th is to escort the arriving Albert, Prince Consort to London {redesignated 11th Hussars [Prince Albert's Own] & a new uniform is designed by him as honorary Regmtl. Col., dubbed the "the Cherrypickers" by the press}. Stayed with industrialist John "Old" Morrison & family in Paisley during the Scots Labor Riots, Chartist movement, met Allen Pinkerton {he was a nobody then}, wed "Old" Morrison's daughter Elspeth. Asked to leave "the Cherrypickers" by Cardigan {had a new Uniform made & everything ?!#*}, So it's off to India for me & Service in the Honorable East India Co.'s Army fore not marring into smart set {Raised to the Peerage, last laugh's on him}; London, Glasgow;
.........Served Afghanistan {Arrived Calcutta, as a Lieutenant in the H. E. I. Co.'s Army {kicking my heels waiting to be posted to one of John Co.'s Lancer regiments}; Hired Fetnab to learn Hindi {the Kama Sutra's all nonsense} & a Pathan Rissalder Muhammed Iqbal the lance & Pushtu; dined with Gov.-Gen. Lord Auckland & assigned instead as a.d.c. to Gen. Elphanstone the new commander Army of the Indus {1/2 British-1/2 John Co. Army}, sent ahead of "Elphy Bey" to make sure things are ready for his arrival; Met Gen. Sir Willoughby Cotton {father's Rugby School chum, who was expelled as the ringleader of the great Rugby School mutiny, the headmasters door was blown in with gunpowder}, Foreign Envoy Sir William McNaghten; Working with Political Officer Sir "Sekundar" Burns, I learned all about the Afghan's & polished up my Pushtu. Diplomatic mission to the Amir Sher Afzul, Mogala. With Iqbal, Sgt. Hudson leading four troopers of the 16th Lancers as escort, Met the Amir's son Ilderim Khan, nephew Gul Shah & dancing girl Narreeman {a little hellcat that one}, survived assassins during boar hunt, lost Iqbal & given the name of "Bloody Lance", Ilderim given as hostage & he accepts the Queen's salt; Gen. Sir "Fighting Bob" & Lady Sale, Col. "Wild John" Nichalson, Capt.'s George Broadfoot & Vincent Eyre's confidant; British cantonment besieged, I witnessed the murder of "Sekundar" & Charlie Burns; I was captured & tortured by Gul Shah & had talks with then released by Akbar Khan {Zounds! Prince & Rebel leader}. I Escorted, witnessed and survived the murder of McNaghten, Khyber Pass Retreat survivor with Sgt. Hudson, Witnessed 44th Ft.'s massacre at Gandamak. Re-captured & tortured by Gul Shah who was waiting for Narreeman to show & finish me, escaped, cutting our way out & road hell-fore-leather fore the fort. Sole British survivor at Piper's Fort, found flag draped after cannonade blew the wall in on me, in hospital {broken right leg & concused}. Met Maj. "The Gravedigger" Havelock, "Fighting Bob" was there as well, shedding manly tears over me & became god-father to subaltern O'toole's son, Flashman O'toole. Lauded by Gov.-Gen. Ellenborough; Mentioned in dispatches, Promoted Captain, Queens Medal, Gov.-Gen. Medal's, Thanks of Parliament; Kubal, Jallalabad.}
