Chapter 1

Nick didn't come home again last night. Damn him! He's been cheating on me for months now. Does he think I'm stupid? He leaves enough clues. Lip stick on the collar, phone numbers in his pants. Brian's wife Annie came over last week to drop something off. I asked her where the guys were performing tonight? She said, "They're off for the next month. No dates for a while." Well, then where the heck was Nick? I've got four kids this house and a dog. I've been paging him for days. I'll get the usual excuse. I was outside the range. Boy is he going to get it when he comes home. Nick and I've been married for 9 years now. Four kids and a dog is more than anyone can handle. Especially with a famous husband like Nick. He's always gone for something. Concerts, shooting video's. Recording records. Interviews, it never ends. If it wasn't for the picture of Nick on the walls of this house, I seriously doubt if the kids would recognize him. Our oldest child is 8 years old. Nick wanted a son but I disappointed him and bore him a daughter. Nicole. 2 years later he got his son. Nickolas, Jr. Followed a year later with Brian and 2 years later with Brooke. Somewhere in between we got a dog, Charlie. I don't know where things went wrong between us. I met him backstage after one of his concerts. I actually liked someone else, but Nick and I hit it off. We dated for about 2 years when he finally popped the question. We had gone on one of those Disney Cruises. Nick's more of a child that should have been my first warning. It was romantic though. We married on April 1st. There was my second warning. This is all a joke. It didn't take long for me to get pregnant. Nick was ecstatic. He wanted a son. All through the pregnancy he bought little boy toys. Basketballs, footballs, anything with a sports logo, he bought. The sonogram was inconclusive. She always had her legs closed. She was a beautiful child. Although Nick was initially disappointed, he was a proud father. He's always been a good father. Until recently, anyway. He eventually got his son. Now he's got 4 children and he's never home. The boys stopped asking for dad a long time ago. I still love my husband. I just don't know what to do.

Chapter 2

I waited a few more days and called Brian. I begged him to please contact Nick. "I'm worried the kids are worried. We need him to come home." He promised to look for him. My mother called a few minutes later to tell me my brother Jack was in town. "Grandpa and Jack wanted to take the kids to Disney World." "Oh they'd love that! I said. Are you sure?" She said, "they'd be delighted." Mom asked if I'd heard from Nick. I said, no. She said, she'd be at my house in an hour. I hung up the phone and raced upstairs. When mom said an hour, it usually gave me 30 to 45 minutes. I yelled, "Who wants to go to Disney World?" They all cheered. I said, "let's get dressed." I was just finishing up with Brooke's hair when Mom, Dad, and Jack arrived. Mom looked at me and whispered, "any word yet?" I just shook my head. The kids haven't been this excited in a long time. Daddy was beaming. Jack didn't have any kids yet so these were his only grandchildren close. My sister lives in CA. She has 2. Dad loved us growing up. Mom had said I married my father when Nick and I married. Nick and Dad got along great. However, in the last few months all that had changed. Just as they were heading out the door Nick walked in. I looked at him and felt such relief. He was alive anyway. The kids just walked out passed him without any acknowledgment. "Where's everyone going?" He asked. They didn't respond. They just kept going. Dad said, "Nice to see you Nick." Dad followed Mom, Jack and the kids to the car. Nick yelled to the kids, "Don't I even get a hug?" Not one looked back. Nick slammed the door and demanded to know what was going on. I said, "They're going to Disney World." He said, "They acted like the didn't even know me." I said, "They weren't acting." He just gave me a look. "I'm going to take a shower," he said. I told him we needed to talk. He said, It could wait. I told him it couldn't. He said, he had nothing to say and then he went upstairs. He'd been gone for eight days and he had nothing to say? OK, now I'm pissed off. I heard the shower turn on and then I turned on the dishwasher. Then I started the laundry. Nick came running down in just a towel asking me what the heck I was doing? "What am I doing?" I said. "I'm cleaning up my house. Just because you decided to come home doesn't mean this household stops," I spat. He turned and went back upstairs. He came down dressed and headed for the front door. "Where do you think you're going?" I said. "Out," was his reply. I said, "we need to talk." He said it could wait. I told him if he left this house, he should pack a bag before he left. He looked at me with such hate. "What's that supposed to mean?" He said. I said, "if you're not going to talk to me, then get a lawyer." He came at me so fast I thought he was going to hit me. I fell to the floor and put my hands up over my head. "What the hell, Cassie! Did you think I was going to hit you? You know me better than that?" I screamed, "NO I DON'T!"

Chapter 3

Nick tried to help me up off the floor, but I didn't want him to touch me. Our doorbell rang. Nick told me to compose myself. He answered the door it was Brian and Annie. Nick acted as if nothing was wrong. Brian told Annie to take me upstairs. Brian said, "Nick we've got to talk." Nick said, "Oh yeah, What about!" Brian pushed Nick into a chair and said, "What the heck are you doing? Where have you been for eight days?" Nick said he didn't need to answer to him. Brian said, "You'd better answer to someone." Brian has three sons and a daughter. Nicole and Shelly are the same age. Nicky and Lil Brian are the same age. Brian said, "your kids are complaining to my kids that all  Nicole does is cry about daddy. Cassie and Annie are drifting apart because Cassie doesn't want to burden Annie with her problems. Nick, I've got news for you. You're the problem." Nick stood up and said, "I don't need to hear this." Brian pushed him back down in the chair and said, "Oh yes you do. Do you realize that you're about to lose your family?" Nick broke down. He was crying. Brian said, "Nick, we used to be so close. What's wrong? Are you cheating on Cassie?" Nick said no. "He'd never cheated on me." "Then what's going on Nick?" Nick walked over to his attache case and pulled out a small leather case. Brian took it and opened it. "Drugs? Nick? You're taking these?" Nick cried. He said, "he's under too much pressure. His home life is nonexistent. He was feeling pressure to perform. He couldn't deal with all the pressures. He couldn't make his wife happy. It was killing him. His kids, his kids didn't love him." Brian asked, "Why didn't you come to me? I thought we were tight Nick. What's up with that?" Nick had no excuse. "Cassie found phone numbers and lip stick on your shirts Nick. Are you sure you're not messing around?" Nick said, "Brian if you never believe another thing I say, please just believe me, I've never cheated on my wife." Brian said, "I believe you Nick. You know I love you like a brother, right?" "Yes," Nick said. "OK, we're going get you off this crap. Pick up the drugs Nick". Nick did as he asked. He made Nick take the drugs and flush them. He then called me and Annie downstairs. My eyes were swollen and puffy. Nick's were too. I looked at him and he couldn't look me in the eyes. I stared at Brian. He said, Cassie sit down. Nick has to tell you something. I just started crying uncontrollably. I couldn't stand to hear that my husband had found someone else. Brian said, "Cassie, please sit down."

Chapter 4

I sat down across the table facing Nick. He still hadn't met my eyes. Brian said, "Nick, she's listening. Remember Nick, she loves you. She loves you more than life itself." I looked up at Brian and then I heard Nick speak. He was looking at me and he was trying to speak. His emotions were taking over now. I wanted to go to him, but I didn't know what he was going to say. He said, "Cassie. I love you. I'm so sorry for all this." I started to cry again. I said, "Who is she?" He said, "No, there isn't anyone." I looked at Brian. He said, "He hasn't cheated." I jumped up from my chair and flew into Nick's arms. Kissing him. He pushed me back. He said, "Cassie. Wait, I still have something to tell you." I said, "You want to leave me?" He said, "Cassie, just wait, this is hard enough. Please stop interrupting me." I sat in the chair next to him. He grabbed both my hands in his. "Cassie, I'm sorry I've neglected you and the kids so badly. It was out of my control and I hoping you will forgive me for what I have to say." I held my tongue and let Nick gather his thoughts. "Cass, I'm addicted to drugs." "What?" I screamed. "What?" Brian said, "It was true. Nick told him and he believed him. I was angry. You brought drugs into this house Nick? We have four children! What the hell were you thinking?" Brian said, "Cassie! This was hard enough on Nick. Please, give him a little slack." I looked at Annie. "Can you believe this?" I stood up and said, "OK, now what do we do?" Brian said, "we have got to get Nick some help." "Oh this will be great. The press is sure to get a hold of this." Brian said, "No we'll work it out so that no one has to know." "How are we going to do that," I asked? Brian blurted, "We'll do it ourselves." "What do you mean? Where? Here? We can't do that Brian." Brian said, "How much do you love this man, Cassie?" Nick was looking at me, waiting for me to answer. I said, "More than life itself." Nick stood up and hugged me. He said, I'm so sorry, I will make this up to you if its the last thing I ever do." I pulled his face to mine. I told him, "I was so afraid I was going to lose him to another woman. The thought never entered my mind that I would lose him to death." We just sobbed in each others arms. Brian told Annie to go home and pack him some things. He was going to be here a while. I called mom on her cell phone and asked if she minded keeping the kids for a few days. She said, she didn't mind. I told her I'd tell her why later. I ran upstairs and packed some clothes and toys in a few suitcases and drove to my parent's house. It took 45 minutes. When I got back I told Brian let's get started. I said, "Where do we begin?"

Chapter 5

Brian was waiting for Kevin. Kevin would be here too. Kevin's wife worked with chemically dependent people and gave Kevin a whole lot of information. Nick kept saying he could do this. He didn't need us fussing over him. Brian said, "If this was me Nick, would you just go home?" Nick said, "you're stronger than me Brian, you never would've done this." Kevin arrived about an hour later. "OK, what do we do?" Kevin said, "first thing is we got to get rid of all the drugs." I looked at Nick. He said, "Brian made me flush them." Kevin said, "All of them?" Nick wouldn't look him in the face. He pointed out to Brian that his wife Jenny said, "If you ask a question and they don't meet you eye to eye, they're not telling the truth." Brian said, "Nick, Where are they? Nick got up and we followed him upstairs. He went into his closet and pulled out 2 more vials." Bri made him flush them. He asked, "any more?" Nick said, "NO." Nick still wasn't meeting Brian's eyes. "Nick! What else?!" Nick dropped to his knees and pulled out more drugs from his shoes. I had to leave. Brooke is 3 ½ . She could've easily gotten to those drugs. It was more than I could bare. I went downstairs and started cooking. I made lunch for us. We sat down and ate in silence. Nick was so emotional. He apologized for causing us so much pain. Kevin and Brian tried to reassure him that they would forgive him, if and only if, he got off the drugs. Nick said he promised. He'd beat this. Nick got up to go to the bathroom. Brian got up and followed. "Where are you going?" He asked Brian. "Another rule Frack. You can't be alone." "I'm going to the bathroom." "Never alone." Nick looked at me and I looked away. Nick said, "Are you going to sleep between me and my wife too?" Brian said, "You won't be sleeping with your wife." While they went to the bathroom Kevin asked how I was holding up? I told him, I was OK. He said, "If you want to leave Cassie, no one will be upset. This is going to get ugly." I told him, "I married Nick for better and for worse. I've had better,now it was time for the bad stuff. I wasn't going anywhere." He explained to all of us that we'd have to take shifts with Nick. He couldn't be left alone. When Nick slept, one of us would be awake. He explained, the withdrawals that were to come. Nick again kept saying he was sorry. I was beginning to think that we would sail through this when around 11pm I heard arguing coming from downstairs. I ran downstairs and heard Brian yell, "Cassie get back upstairs."

Chapter 6

"What's going on?" I said. Nick was being held down by both Kevin and Brian. Nick was screaming and trying to get free. "What are you doing to him?" I yelled. "Cassie, please go upstairs," Brian said. I turned and went upstairs. I couldn't sleep though. Finally, things got quiet. I got up and went downstairs. I found Brian on the stairs. He was crying. "What happened?" Brian said, "the drugs are leaving his system and the craving for more was overpowering him. It was going to be a rough night." Nick's hands and feet were bound with duct tape. It killed me to see him that way. I hugged Brian and was about to go upstairs when I heard Nick. "You son of a… Are you sleeping with my wife?" He accused Brian." Nick, settle down. I just hugged her. She was hurt to see you like this." Nick called Brian a liar and it all started over again. I ran upstairs. It went like that on and off all night. Nick started to hallucinate. We finally made it to day break. The guys looked beat. They were both exhausted. Brian was asleep in a chair and Kevin had watch. I told Kevin to go take a shower and go lay down in my bed. I let Brian sleep. Nick was passed out and bound up. I went to the kitchen and made coffee. The phone rang. Brian jumped out of the chair. "Where's Kevin he said?" Sleeping in my bed. I told Brian to go shower. I answered the phone. It was mom. I told her what was going on and asked her not to tell the kids. She said she'd be praying for Nick. She asked if I was all right? I told her I was just fine. I didn't know how long this was going to take. She told me not to worry about the kids. They had a great time yesterday. They missed me terribly. I told her to kiss them all for me and tell them I loved them. She promised. I told my mom I loved her and hung up the phone. I had started Bacon and eggs for Brian. Kevin was more health conscious so I made him some oatmeal and an egg white omelet with cheese and veggies. They came down together and Nick woke up. They untied him and we all sat at the table together. Nick was starving. He ate practically a pound of bacon himself. He ate four eggs and 6 slices of toast. He said he was feeling better. Kevin flashed his notepad at us and said, He's to the point now where he is going to try to convince us that he's OK now. Nick asked to take a shower. Brian said, "Let's go buddy." Nick said, "I need to use the bathroom too, it may get a little stinky in there this time." Brian laughed and said, "Let's go, I'm use to your stink anyways."

Chapter 7

Nick's body was starting to break down now. He was sweating profusely. He was constantly in the shower. Kevin brought him into the weight room and made him work out. "Sweat it all out," he said. "It will make you feel better to take out some of your frustration." Nick worked so hard. I was proud of him. The days were long. We were constantly watching over him. Even I felt self-conscious for him. I fell asleep about 4:30pm. I hadn't slept much the night before. I woke up a few hours later to an awful silence. I called Brian. No answer. I called out for Kevin, still no answer. I called out for Nick, still no answer. I started running through the house. They weren't here. I ran into the kitchen to call Annie when I saw them. The were outside. Nick was throwing a temper tantrum. He was running all over the back yard. Kevin finally, knocked him into the pool. They were able to drag him out. I ran and got towels. Thanks Brian said. "How'd you sleep?" I had to laugh. I was laughing so hard now I was crying. Nick looked at me and then he started laughing. We were out of control. Brian and Kevin were doubling over in no time. Once we were able to have a conversation Brian said, "OK, now what was so funny?" I lost it again. I told Brian that after everything he'd just gone through with Nick, running and falling into the pool. It's 73 degrees outside they were soaking wet and shivering and all you could say to me was, How'd I sleep? Brian agreed it was funny. We got them all dried off and went inside. I made some coffee and they guys changed. Nick was still convincing everyone that he was feeling all right. He thought it worked. Kevin said, "Jennifer, his wife, said it took at least 72 hours for the drugs to work out of the system." Kevin told me it's when he started feeling bad, or guilty that he would be over the worst of it. I made dinner and we all ate together. Nick was more talkative now. He was more like his old self. I turned in early as I didn't know what to expect. Kevin took first watch. Kevin had gone out to Blockbuster Video and got some video's for them to watch. Change of shift came about 1am. Brian came down and Kevin went to bed. Around 4 am. I heard someone in my room. It was Nick. He said, "I want to sleep with my wife." I said, "Where's Brian?" He said, "Right outside the door." I opened the door and Brian was sitting on the floor. I told him to go to bed, I'd call him if I needed him. I told him I'd stay awake and read while Nick slept. He said, OK. "But call me if you need help." I turned around and Nick was no where in sight. I called Brian he came running back. I said, Nick's in the bathroom. Brian ran to the door and threw it open. Nick was standing over the toilet with 3 vials in his hands. He was flushing them. Brian just looked at Nick. Nick said, "I don't ever want to go through this again. I don't want Cassie to ever go through this again. I want my kids to come home." I had gone to get Kevin. He was standing in the doorway listening to what Nick was saying. Nick said, "What does your clip board tell you now?" Kevin said, "It says you're on you're way Nick, you're on your way." Nick slept beside me as I read a book. The next two days Nick did much better. We started to give him more and more space. He was able to leave the room unattended. We were able to sleep together. We were all pleased with Nick's results. About 8:30am Brian came in and said he had something for Nick.

Chapter 8

Nick figured it was going to be something off of Kevin's clipboard. As the days prior Nick was given some responsibilities. Like making breakfast or washing clothes. Brian said, "no this is something you've been waiting for." Nick's eyes lit up. He screamed, "My Kids!" With that the door flew open and before he knew what happened Nick was covered in children. Everyone was happy. I was crying. The kids were happy Nick was happy and I was happy. I left them together and met Brian and Kevin in the hallway. We were all sobbing. I thanked them for bringing my husband back to me. We all shared a hug. I said, "go in there with you God children. I'll go get breakfast." I threw my robe on and drove through the drive-through at Mc Donald's. By the time I got back everyone had moved downstairs. Mc Donald's they all yelled. It was the best morning I've had in a long time. It's been 2 years since Nick beat his addiction. He's touring again. He's closer to us than he's ever been. We even have another child. We have another son. We named him Kevin Brian Carter. After the two men that saved his daddy's life. Life is good now. I have my husband back. My kids have their father back, and Nick has his life back. We're careful not to put so much pressure on Nick these days. We both went through counseling so that we'd be able to communicate more. The guys have cut down on their schedule a whole lot, which has only benefited everyone. This Saturday is out 12th wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that we almost lost this. Nick takes out each of the kids individually. They have father daughter days and father son days and we have family days. The kids are thriving now. They are happier and Nick and I are happier. Nick goes to addicts anonymous meetings and has a sponsor he has to check in with. It seems to me like he's busier now than he's ever been before. He said, "I'm happier now than I've ever been before." My husband loves me. There is no better feeling in the world. Nick tells us everyday that he loves us. Nick sat the older kids down and explained why daddy had been so mean. Nicole and Nicky and Brian were all old enough to know that drugs were bad. We constantly had red ribbons to remind us. Nick was honest with them and promised he'd never do it again. And he hasn't.