Chapter 1

I was sitting on the beach and had just been dumped by my boyfriend. We had had a very serious relationship. He decided that it was just time, to move on. After 6 years together, he felt it was just time to move on. What about me? I quit school, I quit my job. I gave up everything. What did I have to live for? I was just devastated. I hadn't gone home in days. I'm sure people were looking for me. My cellphone had long stopped ringing. The battery was certainly dead. I couldn't take it any longer. I remember walking into the ocean and swimming out as far as I could. That's all I remember. Three days later I woke up at the Orlando General Hospital. At first, I didn't know where I was. I kept hearing a beep and a hum of some machines. I saw some flowers on a table. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. A little while later I felt my arm being lifted. I opened my eyes and saw a nurse. "Well, look who's back? "She said. Then called for the doctor. A few minutes later the doctor came to me and smiled. "Well, hello there," he said. I was just so sleepy that I had a hard time focusing. "What's your name? "Jordan." "Hi, Jordan. You gave us quite a scare. Do you remember what happened?" "No," but I did. "Some guys pulled you out of the ocean almost three miles from the shore. How'd you get out that far?" "I don't know." "I'll be back later. Get some rest." He checked my vitals and wrote something in my chart and he left with the nurse trailing him. I started to look around the room. It was a private room. No one else in with me. There were lots of flowers. Who sent them I wondered? The nurse came back with a tray of food. "Try to eat something." "I'm not hungry." "Suit yourself the IV stays in until you eat. You won't be going home until you've eaten something." She left the tray and then left the room. What day is it? I wondered. I picked at the food on the plate. I called the nurse immediately, I was choking. She came in when I didn't respond to the intercom.

Chapter 2

The nurse came running in and said, "You're not choking! Calm down!" "I am choking." "If you were choking you wouldn't be able to talk." Once I was able to compose myself the nurse said, "You haven't eaten for quite sometime. You're body isn't used to eating solid foods. "She took my tray and came back in with some broth. I tried the soup and after about 10 minutes it came back up. The nurse came and cleaned me up. I was tired and my body hurt. "We'll try Jello later." I slept on and off through the night. I woke in the morning and began to notice my surroundings more. There were about 6 vases with flowers. The nurse came in and I asked her. "Who are these from?" "Someone named Brian. Do you remember him?" "Brian? No, I don't remember anyone named Brian. Well, he calls everyday to see if you've come around yet. Then later on he sends flowers to you." "How sweet," I said sarcastically. She just frowned and left the room. Not to long after she left a young doctor walked into my room. "Hello," he said. "I'm Dr. Stone." He handed me his card. "Psychiatrist?! Why are you here?" I asked. "Just to talk,," "I have nothing to say." Just then the nurse came in and said," Excuse me doctor, Jordan, Brian is on the phone." I looked at the doctor and told him I've been waiting for this call. "Could we pick this up later?" Without waiting for the doctor's response I told the nurse to transfer the call. My phone rang a minute later. I picked up the phone and said, "Brian, Hi, how are you?" He was surprised and said fine. "How are you?" I asked him to hold a minute. I asked the doctor, "please excuse me so that I could have this conversation." "I'll be back later." Once he left I returned to my conversation. I said flatly, "Thanks for saving me," and hung up the phone.

Meanwhile, back at Brian's. He hung up the phone with a funny look on his face. Kevin asked, "What's wrong?" "Remember the woman we saved in the ocean." "Of course I do, why?" "I just had a weird phone call with her. First she was upbeat and happy, she even knew my name. Then she asked me to hold and then came back and was down right rude to me and even hung up on me. " "What are you going to do?" "I'm going down there." Brian grabbed the keys to his Convertible Mustang and headed to Orlando General.

Chapter 3

Brian found a parking spot and headed inside to the information desk. He didn't know my name but through the information he provided he was able to make his way to the sixth floor. He stopped at the nurses station and Tess, my nurse, directed him to my room. He knocked on the door and walked him. "Hello," he said. I looked at him. "Are you another doctor?" I asked. He laughed. "No, I'm not a doctor," he said. "Then what do you want?" I snapped. "You've got a temper, don't you?" He walked over to me and said, "I'm Brian." "Brian who?" "The guy who rescued you." "OH, my knight in shining armor. Whoop de do!" "Look, I don't know what happened to you. I just wanted to tell you that God loves you and you don't need to try to kill yourself." "WHAT? God loves me! Are you some kind of freak? No one loves me." "You're wrong. God has enough love for all of us. He placed a bible at the side of my bed and said, "If you ever feel confused or alone. Go to Him." "You just take your religious BS and go somewhere else." He looked hurt. I don't care, I thought. I don't need anyone. He just looked at me with those sad eyes. "I don't need anyone feeling sorry for me." He should just leave. "Leave!" I screamed when he just stood there. Finally, he slowly turned and walked to the door. He turned around and said, "You may think I'm crazy. But I care a lot about you. And I don't even know you. I've been thinking about you for the last week, wondering what could have been so bad that you'd want to end your life. I'll be back tomorrow." With that he left. I just cried. "What was I thinking!" I screamed. Just then Dr. Stone walked in. "Are you ready to talk now?" He asked me.

Chapter 4

Dr. Stone asked me what I remembered about that day? I told him everything. "I'd been sitting on the beach for days and just decided I couldn't go on. So I walked into the Ocean. That was honestly the last memory I have." "What made you feel that way?" "Brandon. Brandon and I met in Junior High School. We dated from 9th grade until about a week ago. He then decided he needed to move on in his life without me." We talked about our relationship and Dr. Stone was able to show me that the relationship was really one sided. "Any man that will ask you to give up your identity is not worth it." "I realize that, but my heart is not ready to accept that." He was pleased with the session and said he'd be back to talk to me tomorrow. I rang for Tess. She came bouncing in. "Can you sit?" Through my tears I apologized for treating her so mean and asked for her forgiveness. "Sweetie, it's all right. You've been through so much. Can I call someone for you? Your parents maybe?" "They passed away. Many years ago. "Did Brian ever leave a phone number?" "Yes, I believe he did." "Can you please call him for me?" She went and got the phone number and called from my bedside. Once Brian was on the phone she handed it to me and left the room. I tried to speak to him, I was so emotional. "Hold on I'll be right there." I hung up the phone and Brian walked into my room 30 minutes later. I looked at him and started crying. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry. He started humming something in my ear. I stopped and looked at him. It was "Jesus loves the little Children." "Can you ever forgive me for the way I treated you?" "There's nothing to forgive." He stayed and talked with me for a while. I told him what happened and why I did what I did. "What's important is that I get better and not do anything like this again." I promised him. "A promise is a solemn vow. Don't go breaking it now you hear?" I smiled at him. Visiting hours were just about over. "Would it be all right if I came back tomorrow?" "I would like it very much." We said our good-byes and he left. The nurse came in a removed my empty food tray. "I'd like to remove your IV." Once that was done I picked up the Bible Brian left for me. I hadn't noticed before but he had marked some passages for me. I read all of them and then went to sleep.

Chapter 5

Brian kept his promise and came back. "Hey, your IV is gone." "Yes, they took it out after you left." "So when do you get to leave?" I just dropped my head. "Soon," I said. He lifted my head to meet his eyes. "What's wrong?" "Nothing, I'll be fine." "We promised to be honest with each other. What's wrong?" "After Brandon kicked me out. I really have no place to go to. My brother lives in Colorado." "There isn't anyone?" "No." "What are you going to do?" I didn't answer him. I changed the subject. "I read the bible for the first time in my life last night." He smiled. My, he had a beautiful smile. It's the kind of smile where even if your in the very depths of pain, it comforts and warms your very soul. "What did you read?" "All you marked for me." "Did it touched you?" "I realize now that God loves all of those who love him. I just have some issues to work through before I can accept that whole heartedly." He understood. We took a walk down to the cafeteria. It was great getting out of the room. I'd been in that room for over a week now. I was being released tomorrow. I had no idea what I was going to do. Finally, Brian had to go. Visiting hours were over. I'd come to depend on him. I didn't sleep well the night before as I didn't know what was in store for me the next day. I did something I hadn't done in such a long time. I prayed. "God to please take care of me. I'm afraid and all alone." I'd been reading my bible everyday. I'd gotten through Genesis. I had just started on Exodus. Tess came in with a new outfit for me and some food in a backpack. "I wish I could do more." I put my bible in the backpack and gave her a hug. I thanked her for helping me, and for the clothes. I left. I got in the elevator wondering if I'd ever see Brian again.

Meanwhile, Brian got off the elevator and bumped into a tearful Tess. Brian knew right away, "When did she leave?" "Jordan just got on the elevator. You passed her." He rang for the elevator and decided it was taking too long. He ran for the stairs. He ran down the six floors. I had already left the hospital. He ran outside looking left and right. Then he saw me standing on the corner waiting to cross. "Jordan!" He yelled. I turned, he was running to me. I walked in his direction. "Thank God, I found you." "I didn't think I'd ever see you again. What are you doing here?" "Coming to take you home." "What? What do you mean by that?"

Chapter 6

Brian guided me to his car. I said, "Where are you taking me?" "I'll show you in a minute." He closed my door and hopped around to the other side of the car. We drove about 20 minutes and he pulled into a private community. It was a huge house. "Who lives here?" "I do, well and you too." "Wait a minute. I'm grateful for what you did for me but I'm not that grateful." He laughed. "I have 4 roommates. It's not what you think." e hopped out and came around and opened the door for me. He held my backpack and escorted me into the house. There was a blond kid on the floor playing a video game. One of those gameboy things. "Nick come me Jordan." He got up and held out his hand. "Glad to see that you're doing better." Howie was in the kitchen making a sandwich. "I'm Howie, are you hungry? Can I make you a sandwhich?" "Sure. He gave me his sandwich and we sat down. "Kevin is in the pool," Brian said. "AJ is out with his girlfriend on the beach." Once I finished my sandwich, Brian escorted me up to the guest bedroom. "It's beautiful." "I'm glad you like it." He showed me around the house and then took me back to my room. He knew I was tired. "Why don't you take a bath and change into something more comfortable." I laughed. "What's so funny?" "I only have two outfits." He smiled back, "No you don't." He opened the closet. There were clothes, shoes, jackets, sweaters. They were all brand new. Still had the tags on them. "The dresser has clothes in it too." I sat on the bed and cried. He sat down next to me and asked, "Why are you crying?" "It's the first time someone has done anything like this for me." He ran my bath and went downstairs. It was a nice bath. I got out and dressed in some new clothes. They fit. I was surprised. I crawled into bed and read some more of my bible.

Over the next few weeks I helped out around the house. Cooking and ironing. Whatever they needed help with I tried to pitch in. Brian told me to stop. "You need to do something for yourself in order to feel good, don't base it on how you make other people feel." "I'm taking some classes over the Internet. Learning how to prepare medical records and stuff." He said he was proud of me. He wanted to make dinner for us tonight. "The guys were going to a football game." "I know, just the two of us." It surprised me, but I said all right.

Chapter 7

Brian made a pot roast with roasted potatoes and vegetables. It was the best meal I ever had. Once we finished we walked out on the beach. "How are you feeling?" "I'm doing better." "Do you want to go back to your old apartment and pick up any of your things?" "My car." "OK we'll do it tomorrow." "I can't face Brandon alone." "That's why I'm coming with you." We walked back to the house and I said good night and thanked him for dinner. I went to my room and changed my clothes. I was sitting in bed reading my bible when Brian knocked on the door. He scared me. "Come in." "I'm going to bed now." He saw that I was still reading my bible. "What are you reading?" "Psalms," "Wow. You've been reading a lot." "I skipped a lot in Numbers." "Everyone skips over Numbers." We both laughed. He always made me feel so comfortable. "You don't have to worry about me so much. I hope I'm not keeping you from anything or anyone." "Don't worry, you're not holding me back from anything." He left my room. I turned off the light and went to bed.

The next day we had breakfast together and drove to my old apartment. He pulled into the apartment complex and said, "If you need to lean on me you do it. OK?" "OK." He helped me from the car and we went to the apartment. The door opened and Brandon was there. "Jordan? What are you doing here?" "I'm here for my things." He stepped aside so that I could come in. The apartment was a mess. Brian was right behind me the whole way. "Who are you?" Brian held out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Brian." Brandon didn't shake his hand. I walked around the apartment and packed a small box. "You don't leave without me checking it first." About 20 minutes later the box was filled of my belongings. I grabbed the keys to my car and Brandon said no way. "The car is mine, the car was from my parents." "Liar!" "Let's go get the registration." He cursed at me. Brian tried to intervene. "Watch your language around a lady!" He was getting mad now. Brandon wouldn't let me take my car. So Brian called 911 from his cell phone. 20 minutes later the police were at Brandon's door. I told the police officers that he was stopping me from taking my personal possessions from this apartment and refused to give me the keys to my car. The police officers looked in the box and asked Brandon if he objected to me taking anything. He didn't. One of the police officers went down to the car and brought up the registration card from the car. "Mr. Williams, your name doesn't appear to be on this registration. The car is registered to Jordan Adams." "She sold me the car." "When?" "A year ago." "Do you have a bill of sale?" Which of course Brandon couldn't provide. "You know it's against the law not to register a car once you take possession of it. You say you bought it a year ago?" Finally, Brandon said, "Take the damn car." Brian carried the box downstairs and he followed me in his car.

Chapter 8

After I got my car back, I became a little more independent. I started taking classes at the community college. After 10 months I landed a job in a doctor's office. The guys were very proud of me. I was getting back on my feet. I had the love and support of Brian. We had become such great friends. I'd been living with them for almost a year now. It was time to move on. Brian didn't want me to leave, but he didn't want to hold me back either. They threw me a going away party. Just the six of us. We talked about how much I'd changed. "I'm going to you guys." "We'll miss you too." The world is full of changes. Sometimes people just need a break from having to make those decisions. The guys gave that to me. I'll be forever grateful to them for that. It was an emotional evening for me. Brian sat with me on the beach for a while. "I love you and I care a lot for me." "I love you too." "Did you finish the bible?" "Yes, thank you Brian. Without you and the Bible, I don't know where I'd be right now." He handed me a box wrapped in the most beautiful paper. "What's this for?" "Just open it." I unwrapped the gift and it was a daily devotional Bible. "This will continue to keep you focused on what's really important." "It's lovely. I'll cherish it always." We walked back to the house and I showered and hopped into bed. I was leafing through the devotional Brian gave me when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I said. Brian entered. He seemed a little upset. "What is it?" "I've been praying earnestly for some answers to the feelings I've been having." "Feeling's? What feelings are you struggling with?" "I've come to depend on you. Now I don't want you to leave." I made him sit down on my bed. I told him that I cared a lot for him. "You've been so kind to me this last year. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be dead." He looked down with tears in his eyes. "I'll always be grateful for what you did for me. If you are looking for a relationship with me, well, I'm not ready at this time. I'm not saying I'm not interested. I've just got my life back on track. I'm moving into the first apartment I've ever had. I don't have to depend on anyone. Everything in the apartment is mine. That just feels good right now." "I understand." He stood up and kissed my on the forehead and said, "I'll see you in the morning."

Chapter 9

We all woke up early the next morning. Brian and I went to get the U-Haul truck. All the guys were there to pitch in and help me move. I'd bought a lot of things with the money I'd earned working in the doctors office. I'd also had some pieces of furniture being delivered later on this evening. We loaded up everything into the truck and headed to my new apartment. With the money left to me from my parent's estate, I was able to afford a better than average place. I had an ocean view. We got everything moved in less than 4 hours. Brian helped me hang pictures. He gave me a picture of him for the table beside my bed. I had received pictures from all the guys. They wanted to make sure I didn't forget them. Soon my furniture and appliances started to arrive. It was all coming together. I headed into my bedroom with tears in my eyes. Brian followed. "What's wrong?" "I'm just so happy and so scared all at the same time Brian." He just held me and let me cry. He reminded me that God was here with me. "Whenever you're afraid, talk to Him." Brian is so important to me. I tend to be codependent in relationships. I've never wanted someone so bad and yet, didn't. Does that make sense? I've been to hell and back. Brian right beside me all the way. How can I live without him? We ordered Pizza and the guys all had gifts for me. "You didn't have to do that, but I'm glad you did!" First, Nick. He bought me a stereo. "Oooooooh! Nick, You didn't have to do that!" "I wanted to." Next, Kevin. He bought me dishes and silverware and cups. "Kevin, Thank you." AJ got me tons of music for the stereo Nick bought for me. Howie bought me towels and a bed in a bag and some linens for my dining room table. Brian said, "I went down to sears and your refrigerator and washer and dryer are all paid for." I just started crying. "What did I do to deserve friends like you?" I cried. Kevin said, "God brought you into our lives so that we could shower you with love and affection. That's what HE wants for all of us." Brian agreed. Brian brought out another box. Inside was necklace. He said, "This is from all of us." I opened it up and it was a cross with Jesus on it. He helped me put it on. He said, "Whenever you feel bad, you just look down and remember God sent his Son to the cross so that we ALL could live." "Group Hug!" Nick yelled. One by one they all left. It was just Brian and myself. Brian said, "I brought a change of clothes if you'd like me to stay with you this first night?" He quickly added, "I'll sleep on the sofa." "I'd really like that." I took a shower first. Then Brian. We stayed up until 2 AM. Finally, we both fell asleep on the sofa. I woke the next morning next to Brian. He was watching me sleep. "Hello," I said. "Good morning." It's been two years now. Brian and I are still together. We still live apart. That will change in 24 hours though. We get married tomorrow at 2 PM. I have learned now that whenever God closes a door, somewhere he has opened up a window for me.