Chapter 1

Kim? Yes I said, you have another patient coming up. OK, thank you I said. 10 minutes later a gentleman was wheeled up to a room. He would be my patient until he died or got better. I looked at the man he looked to be in his 40's. He was handsome but too old for me. I looked at the chart. Robert Carter, he had stomach cancer. Oh, how sad, he just got out of surgery and would eventually have to come back and under go radiation or Chemo or both. The orderlies transferred Mr. Carter to his bed. He was still out of it. I asked him if he was in any pain? I saw the tears in his eyes. He asked about his family. I said I haven't seen them. They are probably in the lounge though. Let me get your vitals and I'll go look for them, OK? He nodded and wiped his eyes. He asked if the doctors got it all? I said I did not know the doctor would be in later to talk to him. After I took care of what I had to do. I asked Mr. Carter for his wife's name. He said call me Bob, and her name is Jane. He told me that his parents and 5 children were all out there too. I said well, we can fit everyone in here. I'll be right back. Jane Carter, right? He nodded and I headed down the hall. I walked into the waiting room and saw all these long faces. I said you must be the Carter's. They looked up at me and I said you can see him now. They all followed me into Bob's room. I walked in and told Bob he had a few visitors. I let myself out and closed the door. Bob's room was right across from the nurse's station. A few minutes later a tall blond man came out crying. I walked over to him and asked if he was OK? He wrapped his arms around me and sobbed. This was not uncommon in my profession. I told him that Bob would be all right. He still had a lot of fight in him. He let me go and apologized. He read my nametag and said, I'm sorry Kimberly. I said it's OK, and call me Kim. I offered him some water and he stood at the nurses station with me. He asked how everything went? I said the doctor would be up soon. He had his reports to do and he'd speak to the family. The elevator opened and I said there's the doctor now. Dr. Spaulding stopped by the nurse's station and I looked at the man and I asked for his name. He said Nick Carter that's my dad. His voice cracked as he said dad. I introduced Dr. Spaulding to Nick and Dr. Spaulding asked if Jane Carter was here? I said she's inside. So Dr. Spaulding and Nick and I all went inside. Dr. Spaulding asked how Bob was doing? He just nodded, he was very emotional. Dr. Spaulding said it appeared that they got all of the cancer but, he would still have to under go radiation and chemo to make sure it didn't come back. Dr. Spaulding went into the side effects and the reasons why this was necessary. I watched as his family broke down from the news. They were devastated, once Dr. Spaulding left I reminded the family that Bob just had surgery and he needed rest. Jane said she was staying. I said that's fine but I can't have all these people in here. I walked out of the room and allowed them to say goodbye. Eventually they all left, Nick stopped by the nurses station and left me his phone number. He asked that I call him if anything happened. I told him his dad would be just fine. I took the number and placed it on the desk. A few hours later I noticed Bob developing a fever. It's not uncommon after a surgery of his kind. I alerted the doctor on duty and Jane was asked to leave the room. Jane asked me what was happening? I told her of Bob's fever and it wasn't uncommon and the doctor just wanted to check his incision for any signs of infection. The doctor called me into the room and I ran out, I told Jane to call the family back. I ran down the hall for a medical tray for the doctor. I ran back and Bob had coded. It was too much for him. The doctor was able to revive him but Bob now needed to be put on a ventilator. He was unconscious and semi comatose. Once we were able to get Bob settled the doctor and I left the room. Jane asked what happened? The doctor said Bob had a reaction to the anesthesia and that his incision was showing signs of infection already. Which isn't good. He said the main thing is we've got to keep him calm and quiet. He's on a ventilator, we'll see how his breathing is later and maybe we'll remove it. Jane went inside and waited for her family to arrive. I watched as they all came back and entered the room. I had other patients and didn't see Nick come back. I was working on medical charts when I heard his voice. He scared me. He apologized and asked what was going to happen to his dad? I asked if he'd talked to mother? He said she's too emotional. I explained again what had happened and what was being done. I could tell he was very close to his family. He turned around when the door to his fathers room opened up. More family members were coming out and leaving again. He said good bye and left. I walked in to the room and asked Bob if he was comfortable? He nodded. I told him we'd take the tube out in a little while. The doctor had given him some medicine to fight off the bad reaction he had to the anesthesia. I asked him if he understood to squeeze my hand. He did. I brought in some flowers and told him he needed something to cheer him up a little. Jane left the room to make a phone call. When she came back I was sitting on the bed talking to Bob. I told him everything looks good. He need not worry. I smiled and told him I'd be back before I left.

Chapter 2

The next morning I brought Bob in a newspaper. The tube had been removed and he seemed in better spirits. Jane had gone home for some rest and his parents were here. He was glad to have the newspaper and thanked me for it. I asked him how his night was and he said it was fine. I looked through his chart and took his vitals. I said everything looks really good. How's your stomach? Any pain? He said a little but he could handle it. I told him if he needed something for the pain just let me know. I headed back to the nurses station to do some work. Bob's parents left an hour later. I walked back in Bob's room and sat with him until the next visitor came. Bob was very friendly, he loved to talk about his family. He told me many funny things about each of them. I was laughing. I said you're not supposed to be making me feel better, I'm supposed to make you feel better. He laughed and he said I did make him feel better. I had added a few more plants to his room and he said they were wonderful. The doctor came in and examined his incision and told him it looked good. Radiation and Chemo would start in 4 weeks. The doctor preferred it if Bob would check himself into the hospital while it was happening. He didn't want to, he wanted to go home afterwards. The doctor told him if he had a nurse come by and do it for him it would be fine. But the nurse would need to be full time, around the clock help. The doctor left and I sat with Bob. His family still hadn't come back yet. I asked him how he felt about the news he'd just got? He said he wasn't coming back to the hospital. I said then you'd need to find someone to live in with you to take care of your needs. He said his family could do that. I said I'm not going to lie to you Bob. I like you and I can see that you love your family, but this is something not even family can do. You'll be sick, you may loose your hair. You'll become depressed. This is the sort of stuff that divides family. He asked if I knew of anyone. I said I didn't. He asked if I would do it? Me? Oh no I couldn't do that. He said he trusted me and he'd pay me handsomely. I said it's not the money Bob. I have a job already. He said he needed someone he trusted and who was compassionate and good. He said he didn't want this to effect his family and without me it would. I told him I'd think about it. Nick said think about what? I turned to him and said you dad just propositioned me. Bob laughed and then groaned. I said be careful. Nick said, what? I said your dad wants me to manage his health for him. He still didn't get it. I then went on to explain it to him and he thought that it would be a good idea. I told them both I had other patients. I said they are not a good as you Bob, but I still need to take care of them. He smiled at me and I walked out of his room. I checked on my patients and looked at my schedule. I had 6 weeks of vacation saved up. I could request that time off. I submitted my request for the time off and didn't give it another thought. I brought Bob in his dinner, broth. He looked at it and turned his nose up at it. I told him his stomach had to get used to the food again and it was easier with soft foods. He said I'd give anything for some tapioca pudding. I laughed and said that right now it has to be soup. He was hungry so he drank it up. I told him there was a basketball game on right now, and asked if he wanted to watch it? He said his son loved basketball, they usually watch the games together. I switched the game on and left him to watch it. His wife came by a few hours later, she remembered me and asked how he was. I said he's in great spirits, I put the basketball game on for him. Everything looks good, he should be able to go home in a few days. She smiled and thanked me. She went inside and called me right away. Apparently Bob didn't keep the soup down. He was lying in his bed soaking wet from the soup broth he had vomited up. I changed his gown and cleaned him up and had the orderlies help me change his bedding. I asked him why he didn't call me? He said he was too embarrassed. I said and you want me to live with you? He laughed and then held his stomach. Jane looked confused, I quickly explained what we were talking about and she said if he's happy I'm happy. I laughed and said I was still thinking about it. I said good night and that I'd see him in the morning. As I left the elevator Nick was coming back to visit his dad. He recognized me and asked me how I was? I said fine, your dad is doing great too. He asked if he could walk me to my car? I said your dad is waiting for you. There is a basketball game on, he said you always watch together. He said they did, he said it's dark it will only take a minute. He walked me to the car and told me to have a good night. I drove home and fed my cat. I took a shower and she came and sat on my lap. Sheeba was a stray cat that sort of adopted me. She was jet black with blue eyes. She reminded me of the ancient times so I called her Sheeba. I watched a little TV and was ready to go to bed when my phone rang. It was Beth the p.m. nurse. She said Mr. Carter was having some trouble and was requesting me. I said I'd be right there. I got dressed and hurried back to the hospital. Nick and Jane were still there. The doctor was checking on him now. As I got off the elevator Nick said he was so glad to see me. I asked what happened? My dad is in a lot of pain and something is wrong with the incision. I went inside the room and talked with the doctor. They were going to take Bob back into surgery and remove some of the infection that was inside his stomach. He was devastated. I walked out to tell his family.

Chapter 3

As soon as they saw my face they knew it wasn't good. I sat them down and explained that they had to take Bob back into surgery. His infection is pretty bad and they want to remove as much as they can so that he doesn't become toxic. If this infection spreads to other organs it could cause death. They were both crying. I told them I'd be in the OR with Bob and would come and tell them everything as soon as we were finished. Bob was being wheeled out of his room and Jane and Nick got up to go see him. I followed behind them and they hugged and kissed and said there I love you's. I told Bob I was coming with him and I'd let his family know as soon as we were done. He held my hand in his as I watched his tears role down his cheeks. I told him I wouldn't let anything happen to him. We got into the elevator and into the operating room. We were in a little over two hours but the doctors felt certain he'd recover nicely. I walked out into the waiting room and found them both asleep. I gently shook Jane and began to tell her Bob was OK. Nick woke up and looked a little dazed. I smiled and told him he was at the hospital and his dad was fine. His dazed looked turned to one of relief. I told them Bob was in recovery and would be there for another hour. He is pretty well sedated and it's very late, why don't you go home get some sleep and come back in a few hours. At first they both declined, but I reminded them that it would be several hours before Bob was brought back to his room. I headed to the lounge, I was on duty in 3 hours, it was useless to go home. I talked to the night nurse and asked her to wake me in time to get some coffee and freshen up before my shift starts. She promised she would. It seemed like I had just closed my eyes when she woke me up for my shift. I was very tired but asked her if Bob Carter had come up yet? She told me he was on his way. I threw some cold water on my face and grabbed a cup of coffee. I ran downstairs and picked up the Orlando Tribune and waited at the nurse's station for Bob. The elevator doors finally opened and Bob was wheeled through them. The orderlies put him into his room and I was surprised to see him awake and very alert. One of the orderlies told Bob to get some rest. I asked if he was in any pain? The orderlies both laughed. What's so funny I asked? They proceeded to tell me how Bob tricked different nurse's to give him pain medication. He was feeling pretty good right now. I told him I brought him the newspaper. He was happy to see it as he never got to finish watching the basketball game. He was very funny. I checked his incision and it looked really good. His fever was gone and he seemed to feel really good. He asked me if I was going to move in with him? What he meant was take care of him, being his home nurse. I told him I was still thinking about it. He said well you better hurry up and think fast because if I have to go through this again (he points to his stomach) then I won't need a nurse. I'll get up and walk out of here. I knew he was serious, but he managed a phony laugh. I told him I thought he was very brave to put on a strong front. His family must be so proud of him. That's when he broke down. He cried on my shoulder telling me he didn't want to die. He began to tell me stories about his kids. His oldest son Nick was in a group called the Backstreet Boys. They were very famous. I said I know them, it never even occurred to me that he was one in the same. Now I'm nervous. He talked about his daughter Barbara Jean, BJ, how she was making her own way in the world as an actress and model. I told him I'd heard something about that. He said Leslie wants to record too, Nick's going to produce her. Wow, I thought what talent. Angel show's no sign of wanting to be in the business at all. Aaron, well Aaron is a big star too. I told him I never realized who he was. I listened as he talked about his family and what the kids were up to lately. He talked about his parents and his wife. What an amazing man. It turns out he has always had trouble with his stomach. In his wildest dreams he never thought it would turn out to be cancer. I was buzzed back to the station and told Bob I'd be back. I had to change an IV on one of my other patients. When I came back Nick was sitting with his dad. I had snuck in some tapioca pudding for Bob and seeing Nick sitting there scared me a minute. I started to leave and then Nick called me back. I held the cup of tapioca behind my back and asked if there was anything they needed. Bob said they were just talking about me and… he got distracted. Nick asked what I had behind my back? I said oh, nothing. Bob had a smile on his face, he said is that what I think it is? I smiled too, Bob said bring it here, Nick will keep our secret. Nick was looking from his dad to me and wondering what was going on. I walked over to the bed and sat the cup of tapioca pudding on his table. Nick laughed when he saw it. I told Bob just one bite, let's see if you stomach can handle it first. Bob took one huge spoon full and then swirled it around in his mouth. He loves his tapioca Nick said. I just laughed. Bob said so son, should we take her home with us? Nick smiled and said, yes she's definitely a keeper. I laughed and told them they were both too much. I took the pudding cup and told him if he kept it down then I'd bring it back before I went home. The doctor came in as I was leaving to check on Bob and Nick made his way out to my station. He thanked me for treating his dad so wonderfully. I said your dad is great. Nick got serious and said, have you given any thought to helping him? I told him I had. I would love to help his dad.

Chapter 4

Nick was thanking me when Jane walked up with BJ. She said what's going on? I told her the doctor was in with Bob and he was checking over the incision. I filled her in on the days events since she'd been gone. Nick was smiling and I looked at him, what's so funny I asked? We were all looking at him now. He said you forgot to mention something. I said no I didn't. He said what about the tapioca? I blushed and he started laughing. Jane said what about tapioca? Nick told her I snuck some pudding into Bob and would only allow him one bite. So dad took this huge, huge spoon full he must have rolled that around in his mouth for 10 minutes. I said you were supposed to keep that a secret. He said we Carter's don't keep secrets. They all laughed, Dr. Scott exited Bob's room and everyone got quiet and very serious. Dr. Scott said that he was satisfied with the way the incision looked. He would be on antibiotics for some time though. Bob would be released in about 4 days, as long as everything goes smoothly he said. They were relieved, and filed into the room to be with Bob. It was finally the end of my shift and I was exhausted. I went and said goodbye to my patients and then took the rest of the tapioca into Bob. Jane, BJ, and Nick were still there. I told Bob I'd be back in the morning. He just smiled at me. I said what? Knowing full well why he was smiling. He said I kept it down. I laughed and pulled the remainder of the pudding out from behind my back and gave it to him. He said I was his favorite nurse in the whole wide world. Jane said, Hey! He looked at her and said next to you, my love. We all busted up laughing and then he got really serious. He said have you given any thought to helping me through this chemo and radiation? I told him I was doing nothing but thinking about him. I told him I submitted a vacation request so if it's approved I would gladly do it for him. He took another bite of his tapioca. He said will you bring more tomorrow? I laughed and said sure I would. I said good night to everyone and headed out the door. I was met by Nick and he walked me down to my car. He told me if the vacation doesn't come through could I take a leave of absence? I said I imagined I could but I need to pay my bills. Nick said not to worry, the family would pay me for my services. I said I should get my vacation, I'm just not sure that he's going to be done by the time it's all used up. Nick said he would double my salary. I told him that wasn't necessary. He said he wanted the best care for his dad and he'd pay anything to get it. I looked at him and very seriously said, I couldn't prevent Bob's cancer from advancing. That would be left up to the chemo and radiation. He knew that and it pained him to even think about losing his father. I told him Bob wasn't out of the woods yet. He said deep down he knew that, but didn't want to dwell on it. I told him his dad talked a lot about him today. His smile returned to his face. I said he talked about all of his kids. He loves so you guys so completely. Nick said every parent gushes over their children like that though. Didn't your parents do that to you? I turned away from his gaze and told him it was really late and I was tired. He asked if I would be back tomorrow? I said of course. I work a lot of overtime so I'm always here. He asked if I was married? Heck no, there is no time for that, I'm too busy. He said he knew what I meant. I said oh yeah, that's right. You're a Backstreet Boy. He smiled and said so you know huh? I said your dad told me. He said I knew an awful lot about him but he knew nothing about me. I said well you will soon enough, especially if we live together. He looked at me funny. I said when I take care of your dad. He let out a nervous giggle and said he knew that. He made me laugh he was so innocent and so young. He was 20 and I was 26. He is very handsome. He has the most amazing blue eyes I've ever seen. Anyway, I said as I yawned for the 60th time. I have got to go before I fall asleep right here. He laughed and apologized for keeping me so long. I got in my car and Nick watched me drive away. I got home and Sheeba was bawling me out for being gone so long. I quickly changed her cat box, that had been neglected far to long. I refilled her water bowl and her cat food bowl. I took a shower and went to bed. Sheeba was not happy. I usually play with her for a little while. I was too tired. She finally settled down and fell asleep purring. The next morning I stopped off at the local market and bought a pound of tapioca pudding. I'd keep it in the staff lounge. I picked up the newspaper and a sports magazine for Bob. He was my favorite patient. He was very honest and funny too. I walked in and he was sitting up in a chair. It was like a baby taking his first steps. Jane and Nick and Aaron were here this morning. I handed Bob his newspaper and magazine. He looked at my empty hands and said is that all? I said for now. He said he'd kept it down again. I laughed and told him I'd be right back. I went and got him some tapioca and noticed an envelope in my mail slot. I opened it and my vacation time had been approved. I walked back to Bob's room and put the papers on his tray with a spoon. He looked at me and said, What's this? I told him to read it. I watched him read and his tears began to fall. Jane got up all worried and asked what was wrong? Bob asked everyone to leave. Jane was scared and he said not you! He was pointing to me.

Chapter 5

Once everyone had left the room he asked me to sit on the bed. I sat down and said I thought you'd be happy? He said he was happy. He said he didn't think he could go through this if I wasn't here to be with him. I said Bob, you have your family and they love you. He said yes, but that's different. They have to love me. My tears fell and I said no they don't. I stood up and walked to the window. He said he didn't mean to upset me. He just felt a bond with me and knew he could beat this as long as I was with him. He called me back over to the bed. I sat down and he asked if I trusted him? I said of course I do, why would you ask that? He said those tears of yours, they are not for me. Who are they for? He said we have to be honest with each other. I told him that when he said before that his family had to love him that isn't true. He looked at me funny and asked what happened. I told him my birth parents gave me up for adoption at age 6. They just didn't want me anymore. Bob said there has to be a reason, no one just abandons a child. I said no reason, they just didn't want to be parents anymore. He said he was sorry and he understood my pain. He pulled me to him and he hugged me. It was too much for me and I ran out of the room right passed his family and into the lounge. After a few minutes I was able to control my emotions. I washed my face and walked back to the nurse's station. A few minutes later Bob buzzed me. Yes Bob I said. He said I'm ready for my massage now. He always knew how to make me laugh. His massage was these things I attached to his body to help circulate his blood while he laid in bed. I walked in the room and all eyes were on me. As I hooked up the belts to his legs Bob grabbed my hand and asked if I was all right? I just nodded and looked from face to face. I said let me guess you guys don't keep secrets either? I watched as Jane's tears fell. She said she was sorry about my parents. I shrugged it off and said I was over it. I flipped the switched and the belts tightened and vibrated and then loosened. I asked Bob if he was in any pain? He said no, so I checked his vitals and told him he was doing really well. I brushed the hair off his forehead and whispered thank you to him. He smiled and asked if I had any tapioca left. I laughed and said don't you want something else? He said he did but the doctor told him he'd have to wait a few weeks for that. Jane gasped and hit his leg. We all laughed and I told him I'd be right back. I got Bob another cup of tapioca pudding and walked back to the room. I met Nick and Aaron out in the hall. They were both really sorry about my family. Aaron didn't know what to say but he was looking really sad. They made me smile. I said that was 20 years ago, let's not beat a dead dog. I walked passed them and into Bob's room. I handed him his tapioca and he devoured it in no time. I asked him if he wanted to go home on Thursday? It was Tuesday. He said of course I do. I said then you are going to have to get that butt of yours out of this bed and walk around. He said after his massage. I laughed at him, he was so funny. He had those mischievous eyes, just like Nick. I told him I'd be back in 20 minutes then we were going for a walk. He said yes dear. We all laughed and I left him with his family. I got caught up in some paper work when Bob buzzed me again. I said yes dear? He said he was ready for his date now. I laughed and got up and helped him out of bed. He said it was a little drafty back here, pointing to his butt. I grabbed another gown and he put it on backwards. I told him to lean on me and use his IV stand to help balance him until he got used to standing. He stood up and felt very dizzy. I said OK, let's sit down really slowly. He said down and said why am I so dizzy? I said anesthesia. We tried again and he felt a little better he got up much slower this time. We took a few steps around the room but didn't head out in the hall. He sat back down on the bed and said he was pooped. I came back later to say good bye and Bob said look what I could do? I watched as he stood up and stood on his own. He was like a little kid. I said bravo Mr. Carter. He said call me Bob. I said OK, Bob. I said good bye to everyone and headed down to the elevator. Nick followed me out again and invited me to dinner on Friday night. I said I'm sorry, I don't date relatives of patients. He said it's not a date, it's dinner with my parents. I felt my face go beat red. He said what he meant was that his parents had sent the invitation. I said sure, I'd be there. Great I'll give you directions tomorrow, he said. I drove home and went directly to bed again. My alarm went off a 7 a.m. and I showered and fed my cat. I hadn't been home much lately I apologized to her. I didn't have to go in until 11 a.m. today so I sat and read the paper and Sheeba slept on my lap. My phone rang, I was surprised it was Bob. He asked if I was taking the day off? I laughed, how did you get my number? He said Nick conned it out of one of the other nurses. He said he thought Nick had a crush on me. I felt myself blush again. I told him I'd be in about 10:30 a.m. He said good. I hung up and got ready for work. I picked up Bob's newspaper and drove to the hospital. I then got his morning tapioca fix and headed into his room. He was standing and looking out the window. I said good morning, he turned around and his face was white as a sheet. I asked him what was wrong?

Chapter 6

His lower lip started quivering and he said he was in so much pain he could barely stand it. I asked him what hurt and when was the last pain medicine he had? I helped him into bed as he told me the pain medicine was given 3 hours ago and hadn't helped. I pulled up his gown and his incision seemed to be infected still. I told him I'd be back with something for him. I rubbed his forehead as he tried to make me laugh. I told him to just rest, I'll be right back. I found Dr. Simmons making rounds and asked him to check out one of my patients. He came in and checked out Bob's incision and said it's normal. It takes a while for the antibiotics to clear it all up. He gave Bob a shot to help with the pain and within 60 minutes Bob was feeling more comfortable. I didn't have but 2 patients today so I spent a lot of time with Bob. We talked a lot more about me and he felt very sorry for my circumstances. I told him I was used to being alone. It was hard for me to get involved with anyone because I obviously have issues. He said I was a very sweet girl and any man would benefit by having me in his life. I told him he was all I could handle right now. Which made him laugh and me blush. I didn't mean it like that I said. He laughed and said he knew what I meant. I told him I'd be right back, I had to go check on another patient. When I came back Bob was asleep. I covered him up and rubbed his forehead and cleared the newspaper from his lap. I looked up and Nick was standing in the doorway. I felt myself blush again. I put my finger to my lip and told him to be quiet. We walked back to the nurse's station and I offered Nick a seat. He sat next to me and Nick said thank you. I said for what? He said for taking such good care of my dad. I said it was my job and he didn't need to thank me. He said he saw what I did in there and it was more than a job for me. I looked down at Bob's chart and told Nick what happened today. I said your dad called me at home this morning. Now it was his turn to look away. I said he just didn't sound right and was asking me when I was coming in today. When I got here he was in tears. He was in a lot of pain. Nick's eyes began to fill up with tears. I got the doctor to check his incision and he said it was fine. It just takes time. He gave your dad a shot and now he's finally getting some sleep. Nick thanked me for being here, his tears were falling now. I stood up and placed my hand on his back and he embraced me. I was stunned. I asked if he was all right? He let go and said he was fine. I asked if he wanted me to call his mom or someone? He said no, they are all planning something for dad coming home tomorrow. I said that's so sweet. Nick asked if I'd be there? I said sure I'd love to come. He asked if he could pick me up? I said I'll meet you there. He said he'd really like to pick me up if I didn't mind. I said all right, I'd probably get lost anyway. I gave him the directions to my house and when I handed it to him I said, you already have my phone number right? He smiled and looked away. Did dad tell you? I smiled and said yes he did. I got buzzed into Bob's room and asked if he slept well? He apologized for falling asleep on me. I told him it was perfectly fine. Would you like your tapioca now? He smiled and nodded his head. Nick sat down and held his dad's hand. Hi son, Bob said. Nick asked if he was in anymore pain? Kim told you about that huh? Nick said yes, I hear you called her at home this morning. I came back with the pudding and helped Bob sit up in bed. He thanked me for the pudding and devoured it in no time. He asked me if I played cards? I said Solitaire, he said pull up a chair. He taught me to play poker. Nick sat next to me helping me in my decision on which cards to keep and which to lay down. It was the most relaxing afternoon I'd had in a long time. At the end of the day I told Bob I was sure going to miss him once he left. I enjoyed taking care of him. He said, well you are going to be my nurse aren't you? I said yes but your radiation and chemo don't start for quite some time. He said he would really like it if I could be there Monday. I looked at him shocked, Monday? He said if it could be arranged. He asked Nick to leave the room because he wanted to talk to me alone. I sat down and he said, I don't think I'm going to beat this. I need you to help me and my family in what ever time I have left. I said Bob you don't know that. He said that I didn't know that either. I found myself crying having this conversation with him. He told me he really appreciated everything I've done for him and he thought of me as a daughter. I jumped up and ran out of the room passed Nick and into the lounge. I put on my jacket and grabbed my purse. I jumped in the elevator and out to my car. I laid my head on the steering column just sobbing. I couldn't believe he said that. My own father threw me away and here was a stranger calling me his daughter. It was too much. I heard someone knocking on my window and looked up to see Nick. I rolled down the window and he asked if I was all right? I'll be all right I said. He opened the car door and pulled me out and held me. I just cried in his arms.

Chapter 7

After a few minutes I was able to regain control of my emotions. He asked what happened upstairs? He said his dad feels really bad he doesn't understand what he did wrong. I said he didn't do anything wrong. I started to cry again. I said I should go back in and talk to him. I grabbed my purse and Nick and I walked back into the hospital. I walked into Bob's room and he was relieved to see me. He said he was sorry for whatever he said. I sat down next to him and hugged him. I said you did nothing wrong Bob. I let him go and told him he actually made me happy. He looked confused. I said my own father didn't want me and you called me your daughter. It just meant so much to me, I said choking back my tears. He hugged me and rubbed my back. I said it just felt good to be validated as a good person by someone I care about. I said I know that we've only known each other for a little over a week but there is a bond here … maybe it's more me, but I feel it. Bob said he couldn't get through any of this without me. Nick was leaning against the door watching and listening to us. I forgot he was even here. Bob wiped my eyes and told me to go home and get some rest. I told him to call me if he needed anything. He smiled and kissed my forehead. I walked down the hall with Nick and once we were in the elevator I told him I didn't think I should be his dad's nurse anymore. Why he asked? I said we're too close. I've never gotten this close to a patient before and when my job is done being his nurse, I will have a tough time adjusting, I know I will. Nick said dad considers me a part of the family now, it's too late to change my mind. Even when dad is well again, you'll always be family. I told him I really wasn't sure anymore. He walked me to my car and he asked me if I would be all right? I nodded and said I would be. He asked if he could call me later, to check on me. I said that I would be fine. I got in my car and left. I didn't even look back. I got home and faithfully waiting was Sheeba. I picked her up and carried her around for about 20 minutes. I just needed to feel comforted. She sang to me the entire time I held her. I finally put her down and fed her dinner. I took a shower and changed my clothes. I sat at the table paying bills and thinking about Bob. He has become the father I never had. I didn't want to lose him from my life but I knew eventually I would. If I became his nurse there would be a time that my job would end. If I didn't then he left tomorrow and I'd probably never see him again. My thoughts were interrupted by a ringing telephone. I picked it up on the third ring. It was Bob, he asked if I was all right and I answered him by asking him if he was all right. He laughed and said he asked me first. I told him I was just sitting here thinking about him. He said Nick told him what I said about not being his nurse. He hoped I wouldn't change my mind because he really needed me. I told him I hadn't changed my mind and I'd be at his home on Monday. He was happy to hear that. I asked him if he was in any pain? He said nothing he couldn't handle. He said Nick wanted to talk so he would pass the phone now. I told him I'd see him tomorrow. Nick again asked if I was OK. I'm fine I said. I just have a lot on my mind. He said his dad was pretty upset when he told him that I was thinking of not being his nurse. I asked why he told him? He said there are no secrets in our family. He said since you're family you have to be open with us, OK? I smiled and said OK. He said he was leaving in a few minutes and wanted to stop by. I said why? He said no reason, you stop in and see my dad all the time, I just want to visit. I reminded him I worked there. He laughed and he said he knew that. I asked if he knew how to get to my house and he said he did. I hung up and dusted and vacuumed my floors and dumped the cat box. My house smelled like it had just been cleaned. Nick arrived about an hour later and I let him in. Sheeba ran out to greet our visitor. We don't get many visitors I said. Nick tried to get Sheeba to sit with him but she wouldn't go near him. He said he was allergic so it was better anyway. He asked if I felt up to coming to his house tomorrow? I said your house? He said he still lived with his parents. I said, oh yes, I'm OK with that. He said his mom had prepared me a room there. I said I'd commute it can't be too far. He said it is far and dad wanted it this way. I think he just assumed… I said what about my cat? I can't just leave her here. He said bring her. I don't want her locked up in a bedroom all day either. He said she wouldn't be, they are very laid back and have all sorts of animals. I asked if he lived on a farm? He laughed he said sort of. A people farm. I laughed. I offered him a diet Pepsi, I told him it was all I drank that and water. He said diet Pepsi was fine. We talked for about an hour and then he had to go. He thought my little house was cute. I lived in an older section of Orlando and my house was quite old, but it was all mine. Well almost, I still carried a mortgage I told him. Working for your dad would make this house mine a little sooner. I walked him to the door and he kissed my forehead. I smiled and said you Carter men, he smiled and told me he'd see me tomorrow. I told him I was off tomorrow but I'd be there to see that his dad got released. He said that was sweet of me. Yeah, yeah, I said. He left and I went in and got ready for bed. I had so many different things going through my head it took me a while to fall asleep. I never even thought of moving in with them. I'd finally get to see what it was like to be a real family.

Chapter 8

I got up early and headed for the hospital. I bought Bob's newspaper and got him a cup of tapioca pudding and went into his room. His entire family was there today. Bob said here's my girl. I handed him the paper and his tapioca pudding. He asked why I was out of uniform? I said it's my day off. I had my hair down and I was in an old pair of Levi's and long-sleeved shirt. He said I looked better with my hair down, he said not better cuter. I laughed, I said hello to Jane and Bob's parents. His kids were there too, everyone except Nick. I asked where he was this morning? Jane said he was running late, he'd be here in time though. I grabbed an empty chair and talked with Bob's family. Bob asked me to play cards with him. I said I don't have my helper with me but OK. Bob, Jane, Bob's parents, and I all played poker. I was not doing well. Nick finally arrived and asked how I was doing? I told him I would now be working for his family for free. Bob laughed so hard when I said that. He is such a wonderfully compassionate man. There was no reason he should have to be going through this. We got to talking and the time just slipped away from us. Around noon, Dr. Simmons came back and officially released Bob from the hospital. Everyone else was happy, it made me sad. I still had to work the weekend and Bob would not be here. He reminded me we had a dinner date tomorrow night and that I'd be moving in with him on Monday. I blushed, I don't know why I blushed but I did. He was holding my hand in his and we gave him some privacy as he got dressed. A few minutes later he walked out of his hospital room, for me it was a sad sight. I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I told him I was really happy that he was going home. I would miss him terribly though. How am I going to occupy my days? He laughed and he said I'd actually get to see my other patients now. We all climbed into the elevator and Aaron brought the car around to the front doors. Bob got out of the wheelchair and turned to hug me. I was a little embarrassed hugging him as his family looked on. He told me not to forget tomorrow night. I promised him I'd be there. Then he got in the car and Nick and I were left standing on the curb as they drove away. I sighed deeply and turned around and hugged Nick. He asked if I was hungry? I said don't you want to go home to be with your dad? He said he had all the time in the world for that, right now he was hungry. I smiled and said only if I can buy? He said, that's a first for me. He walked me to his green Durango and helped me in. He asked if I was wanted to go anywhere in particular. I told him I didn't much care. He pulled into this mom and pop diner. He said they have great food here. I smiled and said it was fine. We went inside and sat in a small booth in the back. The waitress brought us two glasses of water and some menus. After we ordered we talked until our food came. We talked mostly about how I grew up in foster homes and state run facilities until I was 18. It was a hard life for me even though at times I would be placed with very loving families there always came a day when I had to leave. He placed his hand on mine and I pulled it away. I said I didn't need him feeling sorry for me. He said he didn't feel sorry for me, he cared for me. It isn't very often that you find someone with your compassion he said. I said it was why I went into nursing to begin with. I got to be the caretaker, I didn't have to depend on anyone they all had to depend on me. He said, so you like to be depended on? Doesn't that make you crazy sometimes? I said not really, it feels good to be needed. Our food finally came and we enjoyed a nice lunch together. The bill came and I snatched it up before Nick could. He said he'd get the bill, I told him I told him I would only come if I paid. He said he felt funny not paying. I said next time you can buy. Then I said , well if there is a next time. He smiled and said, next time I'll buy. I asked him what time he'd pick me up tonight? He said about 6:30 p.m. I said that's good I'll be ready. I asked him what it was like to be a Backstreet Boy? He asked me if I'd ever heard of his group before? I said I own a few of your CD's. I didn't know Bob was your father though. Not until I saw your mom that is. He smiled, she used to be my manager he said. I asked if it bothered him that I knew who he was? He said why would it bother him? I don't know, I'm sort of a fan and here we are having lunch together. He said and … Never mind I finally said. We walked out to his car and he again held open the doors for me. He was such a gentlemen I thought. We drove back to the hospital and he walked me to my car. As I got in he said 6:30, I'll be there at 6:30. I smiled and thanked him for lunch. He said I should be thanking you. Oh yeah, I bought didn't I? I laughed, well thanks for the company. I backed out of the stall and noticed it was now 2:30. I drove home and went through my closets. What do I wear? I settled on a velvet green dress. It had short sleeves and fell just above my knees. The neckline was a little low for my taste but I loved the dress from the minute I saw it. I found my off black nylons and my black velvet pumps and took a shower. I stayed in my thick bathrobe until around 5:00. I ate and read a magazine and played with my cat. I set my hair in hot rollers and finally got dressed. I applied my make up and at 6:15 p.m. removed my hot rollers from my hair. I was just pulling it back when my doorbell rang. The barrette snapped in half in my hand. I hate when that happens. I met Nick at the door with my hair in my hands.

Chapter 9

He smiled and asked if I planned on holding my hair all night? I said my barrette just broke. I let go of my hair and it fell around my face. He said I should wear it down. I said it's too thick to wear down. He put his hands threw my hair and told me I had beautiful hair. I told him I'd be right back. I went into the bathroom and brushed some of the curl out and left it down. I grabbed my shoes and my purse and sat down on the couch and slipped my feet into my shoes. He said I looked beautiful. I said not bad for a nurse huh? He smiled and again said I looked beautiful. I looked for my cat and said goodnight to Sheeba. Nick escorted me out to his car again holding doors for me. I told him it was hard getting use to someone holding doors for me. He just smiled and helped me into his Durango. We drove the 40 minutes out to his home and I was just flabbergasted. I had never seen such a large home. It looked more like a mansion. Nick said it was just a house and not to be intimidated. Easy for you to say, I said. He opened my door and helped me out and we went inside the house. Bob was sitting in his chair and he had fallen asleep. I asked Jane if he was feeling OK? She said he's fine, it's just been a long day for him. She said I looked very nice. I heard Bob call for Jane and I said may I? She reminded me I didn't start until Monday. I smiled and said I missed him all ready. She said go ahead and smiled at Nick. I walked in the living room and said yes dear? He smiled and said look who is here? I bent down and gave him a hug. I asked him how it felt to be home? He said it felt good, he was just tired. He put his hands in my hair and said he liked it down. I smiled I said that's what your son said. He said my son? I said Nick? Remember him? He smiled and asked what was going on with the two of us? I said nothing he picked me up so that I could surprise you. He said but didn't you two go to lunch today? I said yes, I bought him lunch. He laughed, he said you are such a today woman. What's that supposed to mean? Just then Jane and their kids walked into the room and Bob said OK, what's going on? Everyone was all dressed up and Leslie said it's a welcome home party daddy. Nick said yes all the family is here tonight. Bob squeezed my hand and said is that so? Well I better get dressed then he said as I helped him stand. Jane followed him into their bedroom and helped him get dressed. The kids were discussing Thanksgiving plans, and how special it would be for dad. I reminded them that it would be in the middle of his chemo and radiation, so not to expect Bob to be especially happy. He's going to get very moody during that period. BJ asked if he would be able to eat dinner then. I said it all depends on how he handles the radiation and chemo. Just then Bob and Jane returned and the kids scattered. What did we interrupt Bob asked? I said we were talking about Thanksgiving and whether you'd be able to eat or not. They all looked at me like I let a big secret out. I said I thought the Carter's didn't keep secrets? Bob laughed and said they didn't. Bob looked at his kids and told them I was right. He wanted me to be honest with them. He knew that the radiation and chemo wasn't going to be easy on any of them. Everyone was real quiet and serious and Bob finally broke the silence asking if this was supposed to be a party? We all lightened up after that. The music played and the girls brought food out from the kitchen. They were a very musical family and there was a lot of singing. I listened to the stories and took in as much as I could. Jane asked me to follow her and we went upstairs and she showed me a bedroom. She said this would be my suite while I stayed with them. I told her I didn't mind going home. She sat on the bed with her face in her hands and cried. I said OK I'll stay. I have a cat though. She smiled through her tears and told me I could bring any thing I wanted. She said she didn't know if she could get through this without me. I looked at her and she said, Bob really loves you, do you know that? I said what? When he says your family he means it from his heart. I told her in a way I love him too. We really got to know each other in the hospital the last week and a half. I love him like a dad. Or as if he were my dad, I'd do anything for him. She said she knew that. I had a big heart she said and they were so fortunate to have found me. She made me promise to ask if I needed anything. We walked out of my room and she pointed to the other doors on the floor and told me which rooms belonged to which child. I was across from BJ and next door to Nick. We walked down stairs and rejoined the party. I helped Jane in the kitchen and we put the food on the table. We all sat down and Bob led us in prayer. After that was done the conversation was non-stop through dinner. I just listened, it was hard to get a word in edge wise. I sat in between Nick and Bob. Bob leaned over and told me that he was in pain and needed something. I asked him when he had his last pill? He said three hours ago. I told him I'd meet him in his room. I went and got my purse and took out a syringe. I talked to Dr. Simmons and he felt that Bob would probably be in pain because he didn't think they got all the cancer and this would be his last hope with chemo and radiation. I met Bob and Jane in the bedroom and gave Bob his shot. He asked why he was having so much trouble. I looked him in the eyes and said do you want me to be honest with you? He said he expected nothing less. I looked at Jane and said do you want to hear this? I could see her eyes start to water as she sat down on the bed and held her husbands hand.

Chapter 10

I told them of my conversation with Dr. Simmons. I told them both that he could be totally wrong, but we really needed to get you through this chemo and radiation. If this didn't work, there wouldn't be anything else for them to try. Jane was very emotional and Bob just nodded his head. I'd confirmed what he already knew. He surprised us both by asking us not to mention this to the kids. He said he didn't want them moping around waiting for him to die. I said this is not a death sentence. Like I said Dr. Simmons was just speculating, he didn't have any medical information to back up what he was saying. He asked me if I remembered our conversation? I said of course I do, but that was just the pain. We'll get you through this. I stood up to give them some time alone and I walked out and Nick could see I was crying. They all looked at me and I held up the syringe and said through my tears, I gave him a shot to help with the pain. Nick asked if I was all right? I said I needed some air. He got up from the table and we went out in the back yard. I just cried, it hurt so much to think of not having Bob in my life. I've only known him less than two weeks. His family has known him their whole lives. Nick asked me what was wrong? I said I just wish he didn't have to go through all of this. He held me and said we'd get through it together. I was shivering but didn't want to go back in. Nick held me tighter and rubbed my arms. Aaron came out looking for us and I let go of Nick too fast. He apologized for interrupting. I told him he wasn't and walked passed him into the house. Bob was back at the table with Jane by his side. I sat down next to him and asked if he felt better? He grabbed my hand and said he felt just fine. Aaron and Nick came back inside and we finished eating. I helped clear the table while Nick and Aaron helped Bob into his chair. Nick kept looking at me to make sure I was all right. I smiled at him but the atmosphere was so much more serious now. I walked into the kitchen and found Jane crying at the sink. I sat the dishes next to the sink and put my hand on her shoulder and told her he wasn't in any pain. She asked what I gave him. I said morphine. She gasped when I said it. I said he gets it only when he can't tolerate the pain. He's doing too much too soon. She said I really want to know what we can expect from him during his treatment. I said at first he'd be fine but once the chemo and radiation started to work he'd be sick and most likely lose his hair. He's going to be very angry and irrational. He'll want everyone to leave and let him die. She asked how I could ever do this? I told her Bob would be the first person I really, really cared about. Everyone else it was easy to detach and ignore them. So I'm not sure how this is going to go. She turned and hugged me and promised to be there for me if I'd be there for her. I said that of course I'd be there for her. Nick came through the door with more dishes and looked at us funny. I said it was a chick moment, not to worry. Once the dishes were done and the kitchen cleaned up we all met in the living room and talked about everything. Bob was getting really tired and got up to go to bed. He stopped and kissed me on top of my head and told me he'd see me tomorrow night again. I smiled and watched as he and Jane retired for the evening. Nick was talking about leaving on tour again in a few days. I said that would be great. He was very nervous about leaving and didn't want to go. I told him I'm sure there would be a way to contact him if anything happened. He looked at me and asked what could happen? I said I didn't know. He said that if anything ever happened to his dad while he was on the road he would never forgive himself. I said we'd contact him if there was ever anything seriously wrong. Besides, your dad would want you to go on with your career anyway. You didn't work this hard just to give up in the first instance of trouble. He said his parents were his whole reason for living. I told him I couldn't relate to that. I never had a single pair of parents. I did understand where he was coming from though. I told him it was best that everyone continue to do what they were supposed to do though. Having a normal routine was very important in helping his dad. So I should go then? I said yes. He was having a hard time dealing with that. We sat on the couch just thinking to ourselves and Aaron came downstairs and walked right by us. The lights were off and we could hear him singing and getting a snack and then walking up the stairs singing again. Nick and I both busted up laughing scaring poor Aaron. He came back down and asked us what we were doing? Nick said we were listening to him singing? He blushed and said he didn't think anyone was around. Then he joked and said, so how did I sound? I smiled and said he sounded better than Nick. That made him smile, and Nick pinched me. I said it's late, I have to work tomorrow, can you take me home now please? Nick teased me and said, maybe I'd want Aaron to take me home instead. I said oh, did I upset you? He smiled and said no. I said good night to Aaron and Nick handed me his jacket and then he drove me home. He walked me to my door and I invited him inside. As soon as I opened the door Sheeba was on me. Hi baby I said. She meowed loudly to let me know I'd been gone to long again. Nick sat down and Sheeba went to him. I slipped out of my shoes and offered Nick something to drink. He passed and said he wouldn't stay long.

Chapter 11

A few minutes later he got up to leave. I walked him to the door and he asked if I had a nice evening? I said all things considered yes, it was a nice evening. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips. His lips just barely brushing mine that he made my stomach flutter. I looked into his eyes and asked what that was for? He said he just needed to do that. I smiled and said oh. He smiled and came towards me again. This time his tongue explored the inside of my mouth making my knees weak. I told him it was late and he had a long drive ahead of him. He said he'd see me tomorrow. Good night I said. I closed the door and showered and changed for bed. I fell asleep thinking of that kiss. I dreamed of his hands exploring my body and his tongue in my mouth. I woke up the next morning feeling so guilty. I was six years older than he was. What was I thinking? I cleaned up my house and dressed for work. I wore my hair down for the first time in 6 years. I waltzed in there and received so many compliments I was feeling self-conscious. I walked into Bob's old room and seeing the empty bed made me sad. At lunchtime the uneaten tapioca got me thinking about him too. I called his house and Jane answered. I said how is he today? She said he was good, he was watching a basketball game. I was just here at work and couldn't stop thinking about him. She said he'd love to talk to you, hold on a minute. Next I heard hello sunshine. He always made me smile. He asked me how I was? I said I'm suppose to ask you that? He said he's fine. I said me too, I just missed you today. He said he missed me too. He asked if I was still coming tonight? I said yes. He asked if Nick was picking me up? I said he didn't offer so I don't think so. He asked Nick what time he was picking me up. Nick said what time are you off work. I laughed and said I was off at 3. He said 4 then. I said no, how about 5 I needed to shower and change first. He said OK, if you're going to make us wait. He passed the phone back to his dad. I told him I'd see him about 6 p.m. He said, see ya later sunshine. I hung up and had a smile on my face. The rest of my shift flew by. I brought home the tapioca pudding and fed my cat. I took a shower and wrapped up in my bathrobe. I again went through my closet and found a plain black dress. I put it on and was starting to put on my makeup when my doorbell rang. It was only 4:15 p.m. I opened the door and Nick stood there with a dozen roses in his hands. I said you're early. He said, You're beautiful. He handed me the flowers and I invited him in. I said you'd have to wait for me now. He said he'd wait, Sheeba would keep him company. I walked into the bathroom and took the hot rollers out of my hair and finished applying my makeup. I turned off the light and almost fell over Nick. He was sitting in the hall watching me the whole time. He caught me before I fell. What are you doing I said? He just kissed me. We're going to be late I said. I struggled to get up, but he pulled me back down to the floor. Where are you going so fast he asked? We have to go I said. He finally let me get up and followed me back to the living room. I slipped my shoes on and grabbed a sweater from my closet. He asked me if he made me uncomfortable? I said that he didn't. He asked if I had a problem with the age difference? I said do you? He said no, but he wasn't getting the response from me that he thought he would. I said and what was that? He shrugged his shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. I asked him what he was looking for? He smiled and said my heart. I leaned in and kissed him this time. He said that's what I was looking for. Before we left my house I asked him to take a few boxes to his house for me. He said sure I grabbed a suitcase and Nick took the boxes out to the car. We drove to his parent's house and we brought my things up to my room. Bob was sleeping again Jane found us putting my things away and she said she just felt better knowing I was coming. I asked how her day went? She said he gets tired very easily. I said he's just getting his rest now. It's hard to sleep in those hospital beds. He'll feel better soon I promise. I hung up my clothes in the closet and put some of my things around the room to remind me of home. I loved those porcelain music boxes. Jane thought they were very pretty. I only had four, but some day I'd like to get more I told her. Nick was sitting on my bed and he liked the one with the rocking horses. Angel came upstairs and said dad was awake. I said well let's go see him. We found him in the living room in his chair. He brightened up when he saw me. I asked him how he felt? He said good. I asked him if he needed his shot today? He said not yet, he was doing well. The conversation quickly turned to sports and then the guests started arriving. Brian and Leighann, Kevin and Kristen. AJ and Howie came alone and then some friends of Jane and Bob's arrived. There must have been 30 people here. Nick kept close to me all night and we even danced a few times. I kept checking on Bob all night and he was getting mad at me. He told me to go and have a good time. I said I was having a great time. He asked what was going on with Nick and I? I said not much we're dancing. Bob said he saw us holding hands. Oh, that. He laughed and said yes that. I said we were just getting to know each other. Nick came and sat down and asked if everything was all right? I said yes. He grabbed my hand and said let's go then. I said good bye to Bob and followed behind Nick. Not the dance floor again. We danced all night, I couldn't remember having this much fun before.

Chapter 12

Bob was up until almost midnight. I had taken the weekend off. I begged borrowed and stole for it. I had to move. I wanted to be all moved in by Monday so I could get used to being here. Nick drove me home, it was almost 1:30 a.m. Sheeba was happy to see me. Nick pulled me close and asked if I had a good time? I said it was a lot of fun. The guys in your band were a lot of fun. Especially Brian, he kept making everyone laugh. He said that's Brian. People would hear stories about the pranks I use to pull, but Brian now he got away with a lot of stuff man. I laughed and said I believed him. I told him I had the weekend off and would be moving more stuff into his house tomorrow. He asked if I needed any help? I said actually if you came by with your truck I could do it all in one trip. He said why don't we swap cars for the night then. He said or he could stay here tonight and then we could drive to the house together in the morning. I looked at him funny and he said he'd sleep on the couch. I said I don't know. He said we'd be living together under the same roof tomorrow night anyway. I laughed, he was right. OK, as long as you stay on the couch I said. I went and took a shower and dressed for bed. Nick took a shower slept in his boxers and a T-shirt. I gave him a pillow and a blanket. He called home and told his mom he was sleeping on my couch so he could help me move in tomorrow. She said she'd see us in the morning. I brushed my teeth and went to find Sheeba. Nick was already asleep on the couch and Sheeba was balled up on his chest. I smiled and went to bed myself. I woke up around 8:30 a.m. I could smell fresh coffee, it smelled especially good because I didn't have to make it. I scrambled out of bed and brushed my teeth. I apologized for sleeping so late. Nick was already dressed and Sheeba was eating. You fed my cat? He said he hoped I didn't mind? I smiled and said that was so sweet. I kissed him and he slipped his hands up under my shirt and rubbed my bare back. I said your pretty smooth Carter aren't you? He just gave me the most adorable look. I told him I'm going to get dressed and I'll be back. I closed and locked my bedroom door and got dressed. I came back out and he was at the table reading the newspaper. I put an English muffin in the toaster and poured myself a cup of coffee. We sat at the table reading the newspaper and eating breakfast. Sheeba was sitting on Nick's lap. He didn't seem to mind so I left her there. Nick placed his cold foot on mine and made me jump. I said why are you so cold? He shrugged his shoulders. Do you want a pair of hospital socks? He said those bootie things? I said I had some in black. He said OK. I went and got him the booties and he covered up his feet. He had very strong looking feet. Veins popping out all over and long slender looking toes. About 11 a.m. I put Sheeba in her carrier and we locked up my house. All my mail would be forwarded to Nick's address. I followed Nick in my Camero and drove to our new home. I put on my Millennium CD and sang all the way to his house. Once we got on his street I popped it out and put in TLC. We unpacked my things and brought Sheeba up to my room. Bob was moving around a lot better now. He saw my cat and thought she was cute. Jane had made up my bed for me and I thanked her for that. I set up my laptop on the desk and put the rest of my clothes away. I had a small sitting area and I hung an afghan over the back of the love seat. Nick said it looks very nice. Bob made his way up to my room and officially welcomed me. He said he loved my music boxes. I could tell he was in pain and I grabbed a syringe and told him to go lay down I'll be there in a minute. He said he was all right, I said go lay down I'll be there in a minute. Nick and Jane both looked at me funny. I said he's breaking a sweat, whenever he does that I know that the pain is too much for him. I told them I'd be right back. I grabbed my stethoscope and made my way down to Bob's room. His blood pressure was up, I told him whenever the pain gets too much he's got to tell me. You're blood pressure is elevated. I need you to lay down with your feet elevated. I gave him the shot and elevated his feet. I told him I'd be back in 20 minutes, do not get off this bed. He smiled through the pain and I went upstairs. Jane didn't know what to do so she was folding and unfolding my clothing. Nick was gone and I asked her what was wrong? She said why couldn't I see that? I should've known that he was in pain. I said it's not easy when you are so close. I said his blood pressure is elevated and he's resting. I'll check on him in a few minutes. I went downstairs and Bob was asleep. I checked his blood pressure and he woke up. I said it's better. He asked me to sit down and sit with him a few minutes. I sat down and asked him what was on his mind? He told me he was scared. I said I was scared enough for both of us so he should just stay focused and get better. He asked how his family was reacting? I said Jane and Nick are concerned that you need these shots, but I assured them that it's nothing more than anyone else gets in your position. You need a shot every couple of days, I've had patients who used to get them 3 times a day. I could tell he was tired. I rubbed the hair off his forehead and told him to get some sleep. I rubbed his face until he fell into a normal breathing rhythm. I left the room and found Jane sitting on the floor outside her bedroom door. I said what is it with you Carter's? She said what? I said what are you doing sitting on the floor? She said she was listening to our conversation. I said come on in next time. She told me she was scared too.

Chapter 13

I told her she had every right to be scared. You are going through a lot now too. I told her go lay down with your husband. He'd like to wake up with you beside him. He told me that was one of his favorite things. Waking up next to you. She smiled, she said you two got really close in the hospital didn't you? I said he's like a father to me. I really care for him. She said what about you and Nick? I said I don't know where that's going. He's kind of young for me not that age has anything to do with it, but it kind of does. She said love knows no age, race, or any other boundaries. I said so you wouldn't mind if we dated? I'm not saying that we would but as a mother of a 20-year-old you wouldn't mind? She said her goal in life was always to make sure her children were happy. If being with a 26 year old woman makes Nick happy, then who is she to say anything. Nick crawled in next to us and my face went totally red, I'm so sure of it. Nick said if our age bothers you it shouldn't. He grabbed my hand and said my mom's right. Love knows no boundaries. I said could we get off the floor now? They both started laughing. Jane hugged me and told us she'd be with Bob if we needed her. Nick and I went for a walk outside. Thanksgiving was a week away and Nick was leaving in two days. We walked around his garden holding hands. I asked him how long he'd be gone? He said 13 weeks. Wow, that's a long time I said. He said especially with dad being so sick. I told him I wouldn't let anything happen to his dad. Nick's eyes began to water. He said he doesn't know what he'd do without him. I said don't think like that, if you start doubting your father, he'll start doubting himself. I said if anything happens we'd contact him. The next two days Nick and I spent a lot of time together. I was falling in love with him. He was a very special man. He loved life and he loved his family. He was close to all of them. The night before he left I went out to give him so time alone with his family. He wanted me to stay but I lied and told him I had something really important to do and I'd come back early. He kissed me good bye and I went to my home and checked things out. One of my friends promised to look after my place while I was away. She'd picked up the mail that wasn't supposed to be delivered and put it on my table. I grabbed a few more clothes and headed back to Nick's house. By the time I get back three hours would have passed. I walked in and saw them in the kitchen playing a board game so I just went upstairs. I changed my clothes and got ready for bed. I laid on my bed reading a book and fell asleep. Nick came in around 11 and woke me up. When did you get back he asked? I looked at the clock and said around 8:30. He said everyone waited up for me. They were starting to get worried when Aaron noticed your car in the driveway. I told him I wanted him to have time with his family. He said he was leaving for 13 weeks and he wanted to spend some time with me too. I asked if his dad was awake? He said probably, he was worried. I got out of bed and told him I'd be right back. I ran downstairs in my bare feet and knocked on Bob and Jane's bedroom door. I heard Bob say come in. I opened the door and he sighed. Where have you been? I said I was upstairs, I didn't want to interrupt your family time with Nick. He looked at me and said Kim, you're family too. Nick was really sad that you weren't here. The evening was spent watching him sulk and checking his watch. I apologized and promised never to do it again. He smiled and said, now go to your room young lady. I smiled and kissed him on the forehead. Jane was smiling too. I'll see you in the morning I said. I went up to my room and Nick was gone. I knocked on his door and he said come in. I asked him if he could forgive me? He said of course. I sat on his bed and asked if I could sleep next to him. He looked at me funny. I said well you are going away for 13 weeks, we didn't spend anytime together. He flipped the blankets back and I scooted in under the covers. I lay there with my head on his shoulder and listened to him tell me where he would be traveling too. Two and ½ months I said, that's a long time. He said it was. I fell asleep listening to him talk. I woke up in the same position. Nick was still asleep and I snuck out of his room and into mine. I got dressed and fed Sheeba in the kitchen. Sheeba was getting used to this new house. She had been declawed so their furniture was safe. Nick came down about an hour later. Jane and I were making out a schedule for Bob. His radiation starts soon. Nick said good morning to us both. I looked at him and he mouthed why did you leave? I smiled and returned to my schedule. Nick made himself a huge bowl of cereal and sat next to me as he ate. He stuck those icicles he calls feet on my legs and I about jumped out of my own skin. Jane laughed and Nick almost choked on his cereal. I said don't you have any socks? We finished the chart and Nick finished his cereal. What time do you leave I asked him? He said in thirty minutes, I didn't expect that. I pulled him upstairs and we locked lips for the next thirty minutes. He said he'd call everyday. I told him I'd miss him. He said he would miss me too and he was gone. I didn't think I'd be so emotional. Jane said he'd call every night. I said I don't even know where he's going. She said Los Angeles. We walked into her office and she handed me a schedule of where Nick would be. I made a copy and put it on my wall and in my computer.The days flew by and it was time for Bob's radiation treatments to start. We got Bob all ready for his first appointment. He was very scared, I assured him he had nothing to be afraid about.

Chapter 14

He asked if it would hurt? I said not really. I explained that the first five treatments he would be fine. The next 20 he'd probably lose his appetite and feel some burning. It wouldn't be anything like he went through with the surgery. He felt better and once we got through the first session he was more relaxed the next time we went. Nick called every night and talked to all of us. He called me on my private line in my room after his shows. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and he was especially down because he'd miss it. They were in Washington State. I kept him up to date with his dad's progress. He said he was more relaxed than he thought he'd be. He said he asks the fans to pray for his dad. He knows they all won't but if he can get one fan to pray for his dad he feels it would make a difference. I told him his dad was so proud of him. I could tell he was crying and he said he wasn't ready to lose him. I told him I'd do whatever it took to prevent that. He said he'd call me tomorrow and we hung up. I talked Jane into recording the dinner for Nick. She said it was a good idea. I said it would either make him feel worse, or better I wasn't quite sure which yet. The guys would be eating dinner in some hotel somewhere Jane said. It's too bad it wasn't organized better so that the tour would begin after the holiday. Bob didn't have his radiation treatment on Thanksgiving the lab was closed. He'd go back on Monday. Three down 27 to go he said. He was beginning to feel like this wasn't going to be so bad. We had a great Thanksgiving and we sent the video off to Nick. By the following Friday Bob was beginning to understand what I was talking about. His appetite began to lessen. He would only eat tapioca now. He was in a little pain but nothing compared to the surgery he said. By the end of the third week he was down right miserable. He was sick all the time. Mostly dry heaves, which caused sores in his stomach. I did some research and started making him drink Aloe Vera juice. Two weeks later his stomach sores were healed. He had lost about 30 lbs. and was weak. He had two more treatments left. Nick was disappointed when Bob stopped talking on the phone. I clicked on the speaker so that Bob could here his son's voice. Bob tried to talk but was just so weak. I told him to call me tonight after the show and we'd talk more. They were now in Illinois. Five weeks gone and Nick would be home in 8 weeks. It seemed like forever. Bob finished up his radiation and would now have two weeks off before the chemo would start. Next Friday we'd go and see the doctor for an exam. Bob didn't enjoy these at all. I spent a lot of my time sitting on the foot of Bob's bed reading him the newspaper. He was just that week. I asked if he was in any pain and he said no. He was just tired of fighting for nothing. Unfortunately for him, that statement made me very angry. Aaron, who had also gone out on tour, and Nick were calling in everyday to talk to you. Your daughters wait on you hand and foot and Jane is aging over night. If they mean nothing to you then go ahead and give up. Die, go ahead and just give up. I ran out of the room and upstairs to my room slamming the door behind me. I fell on the bed and sobbed until I fell asleep. Jane went and calmed Bob down and when I woke up I went down and apologized to him. He seemed stronger and he said he was sorry, it was his fault. Everyone was fighting for him, except him. He promised to try harder. I lay next to him and put my head on his shoulder. I said I know you're not my dad, but I love you like a dad. I hope that's OK. He kissed the top of my head and said I was his sunshine, of course it was OK. I let my tears fall freely and Jane walked in. I sat up and apologized, I said it's not what it looks like. She laughed and said she knew that. Lighten up, she trusted me. I got out of the bed and told Bob I'd be back to take check on him later. He said Kim, call me dad. I smiled and my tears fell again. I took off upstairs and checked my messages. No calls, I checked my email and found a letter from Nick. He told me he missed me and would call me at 9. I was in the middle of emailing Nick back when I heard Jane screaming. I ran downstairs and she said Bob couldn't breathe. I ran into the room and he was gasping for air. I said he's hyperventilating. I asked her to get me a lunch bag, a brown paper bag. The whole time Bob is looking at my wide-eyed and I'm telling him it's OK, just relax. Take a deep breath, relax your going to be fine. I promise you will be fine. Jane ran in with the bag and I blew it up and had him breath into the bag. Within a few minutes he was breathing fine. Jane asked what had happened? I said it appeared to be an anxiety attack. I looked at Bob and said there is no reason to be anxious. You are doing very well. You are a fighter and we will get you through this. OK? He nodded his head. I told her to keep the bag by his bedside and if it happens again talk him through it. If you can't call me, OK? She looked so frightened, I said Jane? OK? She said OK. I said Dad, I'm going upstairs. Are you going to be all right? He smiled through his tears, I knew he was afraid, I told him I loved him and I wouldn't let anything happen to him. Do you believe me dad? He nodded his head. I called Jane out of the room and told her she was going to have to buy an intercom or two way radios so that she could get me once the chemo starts. She said is that going to be worse? I said we haven't had bad yet. She looked really scared. She said she thought Nick had something. I said when he calls tonight I'd ask. She went back to sit with Bob and I went to finish my email.

Chapter 15

Nick called that evening and he knew something happened. I said your dad didn't have a good day, but he was fine now. I told him what happened and he said he was coming home. I said Nick don't, it wouldn't be any easier. Your dad has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, let's see what he says and if the radiation isn't working then I'll tell you to come home. He said he trusted me, if I thought he should wait he would. We hung up and I went to check on Bob again. I took his blood pressure and it was normal. He held my hand and I rubbed his forehead. I asked him if he was thirsty? He nodded and I gave him his water. I rubbed some Aloe Vera gel on his stomach to help heal the blisters. The Aloe Vera juice really made a big difference with his stomach. He was eating a little more now. The next morning we loaded him in the car and took him to the doctor. His doctor was very impressed with his improvement. They did an ultra sound of his stomach and the doctor said it looked really good. He was going to give Bob a prescription for the sore stomach, meaning the blisters he was supposed to have inside his stomach, but Bob declined stating he didn't have any discomfort since he started drinking the Aloe Vera juice. The doctor looked at me and I said I read it in a study. The doctor said it was his study that I'd read. He asked how I measured it out to him and what effects if any Bob had. We talked about that for a few minutes and then the doctor said Mr. Carter the radiation appeared to be working. He still felt that chemo was necessary because he had a very aggressive cancer. He didn't want it to rear its ugly head again. Bob said with Kim in my corner, I can't lose. We left the hospital feeling very good about Bob's prognosis. I was taking a class on how to administer the chemo. It was more of a refresher class. Bob would take his chemo at home. 30 minutes a day for one month. He would finish up on New Year's Eve. Jane and I would take turns going shopping for Christmas gifts. One day Bob's parents came by and Jane and I went out to lunch. We rarely left the house, this was the first time we'd gone out together. I called to check on Bob and I think his mom took offense to it. I apologized and said we'd be home soon. Jane and I laughed and paid the bill and drove home. The phone rang it was Bob's mother, Bob was having another panic attack. I told Jane to hurry. I told his mom to give him the paper bag. She said she thought it was trash and threw it away. I was crying and asking Jane where the bags were. I quickly explained to Bob's mother and she found one. I told her to blow it up and place it over Bob's nose and mouth. I looked at Jane and told her to hurry, please hurry. She was going as fast as she could. She spotted a police officer and flagged him over and told him she had a medical emergency and needed an escort. He surprised us and gave us one. I jumped out of the car before Jane even stopped it dropping my phone on the ground. I threw open the front door and ran into Bob's bedroom. I screamed at him, look at me, look at me. He found me and I told him to relax, just concentrate on my voice. You're all right. Just relax I'm here. Jane is here, Breathe, the police officer asked if we needed a paramedic. I said no, he was having a bad anxiety attack. Jane explained the whole situation to him. Once Bob was relaxed and able to talk he thanked the officer for getting us here so quickly. He said Bob should thank his daughter, he'd never seen anything like this before in his life. Bob looked me in the eyes and said he was very grateful to his daughter. I just smiled and gave him a hug. I said we didn't bring this up with Dr. Marshall today. I'm going to call him. Before I left I took a sharpie and wrote Bob's name on his bag. I also said do not throw anything away without asking me first. I went and picked up my phone from the driveway. It was busted into a million pieces. I sat there crying and BJ pulled up. She asked what happened to my phone? Then she saw the cop walking out of the house. She screamed no! She scared Jane and me to death. She screamed daddy! I said BJ he's fine, your dad is fine. She was crying and sobbing in Jane's arms now. The police officer left and Jane explained everything to BJ. She said that for a minute I thought that he died. Just the statement made me shiver. Jane said she'd get me a new phone. I said it's all right. I went upstairs and left a message at Nick's hotel for him to call me. I said please tell him it's not an emergency. The desk clerk said she had it. Nick called back in a panic. I said I told her it was not an emergency. He said well you haven't called me before. I said I just missed you and wanted to hear your voice, and I didn't want to wait until tonight. He said what happened, I started to cry and told him how his mom and I went to lunch and his grandparent's were here so I thought what could happen… Your dad had another anxiety attack and we weren't home yet. Your grandmother threw the bag away and had to search for another one. Your mom stopped a cop who escorted us home and BJ thought your dad died! He said he was coming home. I said no, we just won't be taking anymore day trips. He said this is too much for you and mom. I said you'd be home in two weeks. We can manage. He said he missed me a lot. I said I have one of your jerseys. He said he took one of my sweaters. We both were laughing I said what sweater? He said the long sleeved one you wore when dad was released. I walked to my closet and I said I thought the dry cleaner lost that one. He laughed and said he had it. He had to go but he'd call again, good bye Nick. He said bye.

Chapter 16

I took a shower and made my way downstairs. Bob surprised all of us by joining us at the table. I said it's nice to see you dad. He smiled and even though he didn't eat much it was nice for him to be up. I helped him into his chair while Jane and the girls helped with the dishes. I sat at his feet and watched TV with him. He fell asleep in the chair and I fell asleep on the floor next too him. We were both wiped out from the day's events. Angel brought my phone down to me and woke me up. She said Nick was on the phone. I said oh, she said she hopes I didn't mind her going into my room. I said of course not. Your welcome anytime Angel. Hi I said into the phone. Nick asked how his dad was? I said he's better he joined us at the dinner table tonight and right now he's asleep in his chair. Nick laughed, I said I'm doing the Carter thing. He said what's that? I said I'm sitting on the floor. He really laughed. I could hear voices in the background. I said who's there? He said Brian and Kevin and a few dancers. I asked if they were male or female? He said both. I said so who are you dancing with? He said he doesn't dance with anyone but me. I smiled and told him he better not. He said he only had eyes for me. I felt myself blush. I saw Bob stirring and I looked up at him. I said Nick's on the phone do you feel up to talking? Bob reached for the phone. I said hold on Nick. Bob said hello son. They talked for about 10 minutes. Nick made him laugh a few times and by the time they said good bye Bob was in tears. I told Nick I had to help his dad back to bed, I'd talk to him later. He said he'd call me tomorrow. I said good night. He said I love you Kim. I felt my heart skip a beat and then I heard the dial tone. He said he loves me. I was shocked. I stood up and helped Bob to his feet. I got him into his room and called Jane to change his clothing. The whole time I had a strange look on my face. Jane kept asking me what was wrong? I said nothing, I was just thinking about something Nick said to me. I told her I'd see her in a few minutes. I ran up to Nick's bedroom and found one two-way radio and went into Aaron's bedroom and got he other one. I ran downstairs and handed the radio to Jane and told her I had the other one. She put it on her bed table and I went upstairs. She tested it and I said I could hear her. I told her to call me no matter what. She promised. I said good night dad, I love you. He said good night my sunshine, I love you too. I dressed for bed and went to sleep. It was Monday, day one of chemo. The first two days were fine. On the third day Bob started getting sick and losing his hair. I assured him it would grow back. We were finally celebrating Christmas. We were still missing Nick. He was in Georgia and was due home next week. They guys would spend another holiday away from family. We were just sitting down to dinner when the front door flew open. HO! HO! HO! We heard from the living room. We all got up and found Nick dressed like Santa. I ran and hugged him. His sisters and mother were behind me. What are you doing home I asked? He said we were just over the border so AJ, Howie, and I flew home and Brian and Kevin flew to Kentucky with Leighann and Kristen. We have to go back to Georgia tomorrow though. He went into the dining room and met his dad. He kissed him on top of his bald head. He wiped the kiss off and he said only Kim's kisses up here. He laughed. I grabbed Nick's hand and Jane made him up a plate. I said boy it's good to see you. He kissed me and said he missed me. He said he and dad planned this, he wanted to give back to the family for doing for him. I looked at Bob and asked about Aaron. Bob looked at his watch and winked at me. 30 minutes later Aaron walked in the front door. The family was together. Bob looked me in the eye and said you better not disappear this time. It was a wonderful day. Everyone was happy and cheerful. Bob sat in his chair and I administered the chemo again. Nick said it wasn't pretty but was so proud of his dad. Nick had to leave the room when Bob got sick. He said he'd never seen his dad like this before. I said it was really hard for me to see him like that too. Your dad is a fighter though, so you keep your chin up too. I helped Bob back to his bed and Jane told me to go spend time with Nick. Nick and I went upstairs to my room. Sheeba came out and found Nick and Nick and I just kissed and held each other. I asked him if he meant to tell me he loved me the other day? He said yes and no, he meant to tell me in person, but he was so emotional that he told me over the phone. He said that's why he hung up so fast. He was mad that he told me that way. I said I didn't care how he told me as long as he told me. He told me he loved me. I said I love you too Nick. We changed for bed and I radioed Jane, she said Bob was asleep and they'd be fine. Good night I said. She said good night. Nick was chuckling, he said he and Aaron used to send secret messages in Morse code across those when they couldn't sleep. I said now it's a lifeline. He got really serious, I said didn't mean it like that. He said he knew that. I asked him if he'd stay with me tonight? He said he would, I gave him his gift a new Jersey. He said he didn't have this one yet. He gave me a new porcelain music box. I loved it. We showered and changed for bed. Nick leaned over and kissed me so passionately. My body wanted him and I pulled him on top of me. I could tell he wanted me too. He removed my clothes and then his. His hands roamed all over my body and then he entered me. It was so beautiful, I felt so complete.

Chapter 17

Nick didn't have a condom so he pulled out when he climaxed. He fell on top of me and kissed me again. We fell asleep nude in each other's arms. I woke up first I the morning and got dressed and headed downstairs. I checked on Bob and he was the same. A little moody but hanging in. I went upstairs and woke Nick up. He said was I dreaming or did we make love last night? I smiled and told him he wasn't dreaming. He said he was exhausted. I told him to go back to sleep. We were laying there when Jane's frantic voice came across the two way radio saying Bob was having another attack before Nick even sat up I was out the door. He found me in his parent's room yelling at Bob to breath and look at me. I was holding both his hands tightly in mine and taking deep breaths with him. I said look at me dad, look at me. Breathe, breathe. The attack finally subsided and Bob embraced me. He said that one was different than the rest. I said how? He said he could feel it coming on this time. I said you are gaining control of them. The next time it happens grab your bag and breath and I promise it won't get like this. OK, will you do that for me? He said he would. I kissed the top of his head and told him he did really good. I walked to Nick and hugged him. Nick said what was that? I said he has anxiety attacks from time to time. He's gaining control of them though. He said you called him dad. I said he asked me too. I said when we had that instance with the cop, the cop thought I was his daughter too. Ever since that day I've been calling him dad. Unless he gets really confused I'll call him Bob or even Robert to snap him out of it. He has one more week of chemo and then he's done. Nick said he wishes he could stay. I said there is nothing for you to do here. We went upstairs and spent the next few hours together. He made love to me again and then left for the airport. I walked him out to his car and kissed him goodbye three or four times. I love you Nick Carter. He smiled and said he love me too. I watched him drive through the gates and out of view. I sat down on the bench by the front door and sat in total silence. How did I get here? My life was so upside down and backwards. I made my way inside the house and Bob was watching a game on TV. He said he was ready for his chemo. I kissed his head and told him how brave he was. I went and got the chemo and started it. By the time he was finished he was just as sick as ever. I cleaned him up and rubbed his feet. He fell asleep in the chair again and woke up asking for his bag. I ran and got his bag and he breathed into it and his attack never worsened more than some deep breaths. After it passed he was smiling. Tears falling from his eyes he told me I was right. I said we Carter's don't keep secrets. He smiled and held my hand. I leaned my head on his knee and we both fell asleep. Jane came in and woke me and said she'd sit with Bob if I wanted to go lay down. My neck was stiff and Bob still had my hand. I slowly got up and Jane took care of Bob. I went upstairs and went back to sleep. I hugged my pillow with Nick's jersey on it and woke up to his phone call. Hi baby he said. I was groggy and told him I missed him. I told him about his dad and I couldn't stop yawning. He said he'd be back on New Year's Eve. I said that's Friday night. He said just a few more days. He told me he loved me and I went back to sleep. The next morning my neck was very sore. I asked Jane for a heating pad and sat around with it on my neck all day. Bob was ready for his chemo and he was getting stronger every day from it now. By Friday he was ready for the last dose. Nick would be in late tonight and Aaron would be home next week. After Bob's last chemo treatment he got violently sick and we had to hospitalize him. He became very weak and dehydrated. Nick came home to an empty house. No one remembered to call him. Jane's phone rang and it was Nick. She calmed him down and told him dad was fine, he was just dehydrated. She thought I'd called him and I thought she called him. I took the girl's home and Jane stayed at the hospital. Nick met us in the driveway. He was relieved but I could tell he was mad too. I apologized and said we just wanted to take care of your dad, I'm so very sorry for not calling you. He said it was all right the girls went upstairs to bed and Nick and I showered and changed our clothes. We called Jane and she said everything was fine, she'd call if anything happened. Nick said Happy New Year to me and kissed me. I said Happy New Year. With that we fell into bed and made love, this time I made sure we had condoms. It was cold and we got dressed and cuddled together and fell asleep. We didn't wake up until 10 a.m. I called Jane and she said they were being released at noon and they needed a ride. I said Nick and I would be there. I asked if she got any sleep? She said a little. Bob had a very restful night. They gave him something for the attacks and also some sleeping pills. I told her to only give him a half. Even though they give him a whole pill, you don't want him to rely on it. She said she'd talk to me in a little while. Nick stuck his gold feet on my legs. What is with your feet? I said. He laughed and said they were always cold. I kissed him and told him we had to go get his parents. He said just a minute and he lifted up my shirt and began to suck on my nipples. I climbed on top of him. He said he liked this. I slid his shorts off and made him take his shirt off. He moaned until he released his load into me. He then rolled me on my back to satisfy me.

Chapter 18

We got dressed and headed to the hospital. Bob looked so much better and Jane looked very tired. Once the papers were signed we took Bob home. Jane went to bed and Bob sat up in his chair watching a football game with Nick. I just sat back and watched them both. I was thinking about how much time I had left here. I hadn't even realized I was crying until Nick sat next to me and wiped my tears away. He asked what was wrong? I just smiled and said I was just thinking. He asked about what? I said it wasn't important. Sheeba found us on the sofa and I took her into the kitchen and fed her. Nick followed us and asked me what was wrong? I told him that I'd be leaving soon, and it just made me sad to think about it. Nick said I could stay as long as I wanted. I said your dad will be feeling much better soon, and I'll have to go back to work. I have bills, and a mortgage. I can't stay here forever, even though I'd love to. Nick hugged me and said nothing would change when I moved out. I nodded, but I didn't believe it. I fixed Bob some lunch and brought it into him. I sat the tray down and kissed his head. He looked up at me and asked me what was wrong? I said you're getting better and I'm so proud of you. I took off upstairs and lay on my bed. Bob looked at Nick and said Women are so emotional, I'd never understand that. Nick made sure Bob had his bag and everything he needed and then came upstairs to find me. I was still on my bed and he came and sat next to me. He said after his mom woke up from her nap, how about the two of us go out together? I rolled over on my back and told him I'd really like that. He bent down and kissed me and again told me he loved me. I looked so deeply into his eyes. They were the most amazingly blue eyes I'd ever seen. I said I love you more than you know Nick. He scooted me over and we lied on the bed just talking about his tour. After about 30 minutes I got up to check on Bob, Nick said he'd be all right. I said I still had to make sure. He let me pass and I made my way downstairs. I cleared his tray and brought him some tapioca pudding. He flipped off the television and asked how I was feeling. I told him a little sad. As he took a bite of his tapioca he asked why? I said, you're getting better, it's almost time for me to leave. A tear fell down my cheek. Bob reached out and wiped it with his finger. He said he only wanted happy tears. I nodded my head but another tear fell. He held out his arms to me and I hugged him. I said this has been the most amazing time of my life. I said I know it hasn't been for you, but I loved taking care of you. He said what about Nick? I said I love him, dad. I can't imagine being away from any of you. It's inevitable though. He said I didn't have to go back to work at the hospital. I said I want to, it's what I worked so hard to do. He said there is a closer hospital to this house. I said I have a house it's on the other side of the city. I've been working so hard to pay for that house. It's something I look forward to. Being a homeowner. It means that I've accomplished something. He said I had all ready accomplished something great. I said and what's that? He said you. You are the most unselfish person I've ever met, he said. I smiled and said I love my work. He said this isn't work to you, this is love. He asked why I hadn't gone on to become a doctor? I said one thing it costs too much money, and secondly the doctors spend less time with their patients. Before you came to my unit I put in a transfer to the pediatric unit. It hadn't come through yet, but I'm hoping it will soon. Bob asked if I liked kids? I love kids, someday I hope to have a house full. Bob said once you find the right person. I said they don't even have to come from my body. I longed to be adopted, but never was. I know there are children out there who feel the same way. He said you're right. Nick made his way into the living room and asked what was taking so long? Bob smiled and said he's still a whiner. We both laughed. Nick said he's been gone 13 weeks and wants to spend some time with me. Bob told me to go with Nick, he'd be fine. I kissed his head and told him I felt stubble. He put his hand on his head and rubbed it. He got a huge smile and said it's coming back. I said have I ever lied to you? He said, no sunshine, you've never lied to me. I kissed his hand and Nick and I went back upstairs. He said you two are very close aren't you? I said now do you understand? He apologized, and I said there was nothing for him to be sorry for. I turned on the radio and Jessica Simpson came on. She's going to be big I said. He said oh so you're a music critic now too? I said be quiet and listen to her. Once the song was over he said I was right. She was very talented. He said let's get out of this house. I smiled and said OK. He went and changed his clothes and I changed mine. I went downstairs and Jane was up and about. How are you feeling Mrs. C? She said much better. Nick came down and kissed his mom. I said dad's had his lunch and tapioca, so don't let him talk you into another cup. She looked at me and said too late. We all laughed. Nick said we'll be back later, I'm taking Kim out for a while. If you need us we'll have the phone on. She told us to have fun she'd be fine.

Chapter 19

Nick helped me into his Durango and we headed towards the city. A Backstreet Boys song came on the radio, "I want it that way." Nick wanted to turn the station but I stopped him. He said he feels so funny sometimes listening to his music. I said I love this song, don't turn it. We both started singing along and we were laughing so hard by the end of the song. Thanks for that I said. For what he asked? You make me feel good, thanks for being you I guess. He squeezed my hand in his. Where are we going anyway? He said there was this cove that he liked to go and just think sometimes. I said it's to cold for the beach. He said not to worry. We continued heading towards the water and Nick asked me what I liked to do for fun? Fun I asked like it was something foreign? I don't really know anymore. I've been working so hard to pay off my mortgage that fun hasn't been part of my vocabulary. I love kids so sometimes I go down to the pediatric care unit and just play with the kids. He said, no like dancing or going to movies. Stuff like that. Oh, well movies are fun I guess. He looked at me, he must have thought I was kidding. I said I just don't have the time. Spending these last few months with your family has been fun for me in a weird sort of way. He said he's going to have to get me out of his house. I laughed and said I was out. We finally arrived at this deserted cove and we made it just before sun down. Nick opened the back of his truck and took out two blankets and a thermos with two cups. I said what have you done? He smiled and took my hand and we walked down on the sand. He spread out one blanket and then told me to sit and then he sat behind me and wrapped his legs around me and covered us both up with another heavy blanket. I asked what was in the thermos? His said hot cocoa. Mmmm that sounds wonderful. He offered me a cup and I said not now. We sat there in silence while Nick held me and we watched the sun slip further and further into the ocean. I asked him what he was thinking about? He said he wished he could come here every day and watch the sun go down with me. I hugged his arms tighter to my chest. He said what are you thinking about? You mostly I said. What about me he asked? Oh, I just wonder if you're really happy with me? What can attract you so much to an older woman? Are we just fooling ourselves? He said boy you sure think a lot. I laughed and said I spend a lot of time alone. He said not anymore. I just smiled, we watched as the last of the sun slipped below the waves. All around us the darkness seemed to close in. I'll have that hot cocoa now I said. Nick poured us each a cup and we slowly sipped it until it was gone. We'd sat on the beach for about an hour and a half. I said let's call and check in on your dad. Nick handed me the phone and Bob answered. I said hi dad. He said he was just thinking about me. I said you were? What were you thinking? He said he missed not having me around. It made me a little sad, I told him I missed him too. He said he was actually having a good day. He ate dinner and just finished his tapioca. He didn't even need the bag today. See, I told you that you'd gain control. He said what would he do without his sunshine? Nick was tapping me on the shoulder, I said oh Nick wants to talk. I passed the phone and Nick said are you all right dad? He then said OK, cause I kind of want to finish my date here. I heard Bob laugh and Nick said that we both loved him and would see him later. I apologized, he said who do you love more? My dad or me? I turned to face him he had a smile on his face so I knew he wasn't that serious. I said I love your dad like a dad. I love you like … like a man I guess. I haven't ever dated much in the past and this is the most serious relationship I've ever been in. I don't know if it's because I fell in love with your family first, or if I just want it to work more than the others. He turned me back around and hugged me to his body. He asked if I was hungry? I said starving! He laughed and said so was he, he got up and our little warm area was quickly flooded with cold air. I shivered and Nick laughed. I said at least it wasn't your feet this time. We folded up the blankets and picked up the empty thermos. We walked back to the car and headed for our restaurant. We pulled into the little mom and pop diner and took our usual booth. We sat much closer this time. I went to the restroom and washed my hands and freshened up. I met Nick back at the table and he had ordered us some hot soup to warm us up. He asked if I wanted crackers in my soup. Yes please, I said then he crushed them up into my soup for me. He took a spoon full of soup and blew on it until it wasn't so hot and fed me. I said I never had anyone crush crackers for me before. He smiled he said has anyone ever fed you before? I laughed and said no, he was the first. He said good, he liked that he was the first. We finished our meal and Nick asked what I wanted to do next? I said well, if you don't mind I'd like to go back home. He said you're worried about my dad? I nodded and said he just got back from the hospital and your mom has been with him all day by herself. He said he was pretty tired anyway, he paid the check and we went home. Bob and Jane were still up and I went and checked on Bob. He was watching one of those news shows, 20/20 or Dateline. He asked us how our date went and I just smiled and said it was nice. Nick said nice? I said it was romantic and wonderful, the best date I've ever had. Nick smiled and went upstairs. I asked Bob how his day went? Uneventful he said, I looked at Jane and she said it was really great.

Chapter 20

Once they assured me that he was fine I went upstairs and took a shower. I went into Nick's room but he was already asleep on his bed. He still had his clothes on. I closed the door and went into my room. I read a little from my book and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and checked up on Nick, he was still sleeping. He must have been tired. I went downstairs and Bob was in his chair reading the newspaper. Good Morning I said. He put the paper down and said I was up early. I said I feel so refreshed. I went and made myself some toast and coffee and joined him in the living room. I asked him if he felt up for a walk today? He said actually he did, I helped him up and we got out coats and headed out the back door. We walked through the garden and sat down on one of the benches and just talked about everything and anything. I told him I was going to miss our talks. He asked if I was going somewhere? I said well eventually I'll have to go back to my job and reality. You don't need me anymore. He said he would always need me. I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't. I said you have done more for me than I could ever do for you. I stood up and he stopped me. He said don't go running off because I don't have the strength yet to chase after you. I smiled and sat back down. He wiped my tears and said, what did I say about these? I said only happy ones allowed. I wiped them and told him I couldn't help being sad. He asked when I had to go back to work? I said there isn't a specific day, you have an appointment on the 15th of January and depending on what the doctor says … He said you can stay as long as you need too, you know that right? I know I said, the sooner I get on with my life the better off I'll be. He said well Nick has a birthday at the end of this month and we're going to need you to help with it. I smiled and said I would always make time for Nick. He said when is your birthday? I said January 29th. He said one day apart from Nick's? I said well and a few years. He laughed and said age didn't bother him anymore than it bothered Nick. We got up and walked back into the house. Jane and Nick were both sitting at the breakfast table. There you are they both said. We both smiled at them. I asked Nick if he got enough sleep? He smiled and apologized, I said don't apologize it made our date yesterday all the more special. Jane said so what did you two do? We sat down at the table and Nick rested his hand on my thigh and I looked at him and said can I tell her? He said we Carter's don't keep any secrets. I laughed and told her all about our date right down to him feeding me my soup. She smiled and looked at Bob, he's just like his father she said. I helped Jane clean up the house and then Nick went and got the mail. I had a letter from my mortgage company and I opened it. It was a returned check. At first I thought I must have bounced a check but as I read the letter I got more confused. Bob asked what was wrong? I said my mortgage company made a mistake, they said my mortgage is paid off but I know it's not. I better call them. He said sit Kim we need to talk. He called for Jane and the three of us sat in the living room. I waited for someone to speak. I said did you hear something for the doctor? Are you in pain, what's wrong dad? He smiled and said that the letter from my mortgage company was not a mistake. My mortgage had been paid off. My jaw fell open, I said I can not accept this. Bob said it's done and he doesn't ever want it mentioned again. I said I'm sorry but… He stopped me and said you have given me back to my family. You have given every ounce of yourself to us, this is the least Jane and I can do for you. I was crying and I looked at Bob and said happy tears. He laughed and I hugged him. I told him I loved him and I'd repay him some how. He said I already did. I hugged Jane and she kissed my cheek. She said we owe you so much more, please take this gift from the entire family. I sat down unable to believe that my house was paid for. Bob said he didn't want me to "have" to work overtime anymore. If I wanted to that was one thing, but he wanted me to have a life. We were interrupted by Aaron's return home. Hey guy I said. He flew into his dad's arms and rubbed the top of his head. It's coming back dad he said and then kissed the top of his head. He again warned his son that the spot was reserved for me. I smiled and asked him how his tour went. He began to talk a mile a minute. He was a miniature version of his dad and brother. I envied Jane so much. She got to live with these guys and revel in their joys and their pain. What I would give for a family. Nick came downstairs and hugged Aaron and welcomed him home. He plopped down next to me on the couch and smiled at me. He held my hand as we all listened to Aaron go on about his travels. I sighed heavily as I knew in a few weeks I'd be sitting in my quiet living room with my cat, all alone. I excused myself and went upstairs. Over the next few weeks Bob got stronger and stronger. We all went to his doctor's appointment and they poked and the prodded and the doctor said he could see no signs of cancer. Bob had a flat top type of hairstyle. He almost looked like he should be in the military. The doctor warned us that it doesn't mean that it won't come back. We need to be very careful and attentive to any changes. We left and went out to dinner. It was the best medicine Bob could have ever taken. From then on his energy and strength returned. On January 20th I packed up my belongings and said good bye.

Chapter 21

It was an emotional day for Bob and me. He was crying and I was crying. I told him only happy tears. He said oh forget that. He walked me out to my car and I kissed Nick good bye. I had told him I wanted to be alone tonight. He promised to call me. I waved and drove away. I cried all the way home and I cried as I walked into my house. It was really mine now. It was all paid for. I unpacked as much as I could and lay on the couch waiting for Nick to call. Sheeba had fallen asleep next to me and when the phone rang she fell off the couch. It was so funny that I couldn't control my laughter. I picked up the phone and managed a weak hello. Nick asked if I was all right? I tried to say yes. I was finally able to communicate to him what had happened. He asked how I was? I said I'm so lonely and miserable. He said he wanted to come over, I said I want you to also, but I've got to remind myself that I can get through the night alone. I miss you so much Nick. He said he'd be by first thing in the morning. OK, I said. I love you Kim, he said. I love you too. We hung up and I picked up Sheeba and went to bed. I didn't sleep very well and when I woke up I was a little disoriented. At 9 am my doorbell rang and Nick and his parents stood in my doorway. I smiled and hugged Bob and then Jane and then Nick. I said come in, this is such a wonderful surprise. Bob thought the house was beautiful. I said it's small but its perfect for me. He noticed the pictures of him and Jane and the kids and he asked when I took them? Oh, different times I said. You're my family now and I liked to be reminded of you. Nick smiled and picked up Sheeba. I offered them some coffee or anything? They said they just wanted to check on me. I said I'd be fine. I'm going back to work in two days. I got my transfer to the pediatric care unit so I'll be with children. I'm really looking forward to it. Bob said to make sure I had next weekend off. I said I have all weekends off so it wouldn't be a problem. Nick asked what was so important about next weekend. I said it's your birthday silly. Bob said it's Kim's birthday too. Nick looked at me and said when? I said January 29th. Why didn't you tell me? It's not something you go and say oh by the way mark this down in your calendar. He said how did my dad know? Bob said I asked her. We all started laughing. One day apart Nick said. We'll have to do something special now. I just let his wheels spin and I took everyone on a little tour. Nick noticed the porcelain music box he bought for me sat on the coveted center spot on my dresser. Jane thought my bedroom was tastefully decorated. She said the whole house was just adorable. Who helped you decorate? I said no one really, I read a lot of magazines so I'd take ideas and implement them here and there. We all went to lunch and Nick's parents went home after lunch and Nick came back to my place. We snuggled and held each other for a little while and then he stood up and led me to my bedroom. He sat down on the bed and said we haven't done it here yet. I smiled and asked if he had a checklist going or something? He said he just missed me. He made love to me and we lay in bed almost all day. I asked him what was next for him now that he was done touring? He said he was going back in the studio with the fellas to record another album. I said that was great! He said it would be long commutes and really long and lonely days. I asked where he would be recording? He said downtown. I said that's only a few minutes from here. He said yes from here but from his house it was an hour in each direction. I looked at him and said but from here it's only a few minutes. He said don't toy with me Kim. I said why don't you stay here? He asked if I was sure? I said well if you can handle Sheeba with your allergies and all. He kissed me and said it was a great idea. This way we could spend more time together. I told him I'd still be working so we wouldn't have all that much more time together. He said if he could get one more minute with me then he'd be happy. How could you not love him? I kissed him and said should we go and pack some stuff? He said in a few minutes and then he climbed on top of me. We stopped off at the diner and had some dinner. We then drove out to his house and Nick packed a few things to bring to my house. His dad found us in the kitchen and asked what we were doing here so late? I said I've come to steal your son away. He laughed and said what? I said Nick's recording in town so I offered him to stay with me. Bob smiled and said he was really happy that we were so in love. I asked him how he was feeling? He said never better. Nick and I left and promised to be back on the weekend for Nick's party. We drove back to our house and I cleared some room in the closet and my dresser for Nick's belongings. Sheeba had curled up in her little bed and didn't give us a second thought. Nick showered and I straightened up the kitchen and I took a shower when he was done. I set my alarm and we went to sleep. It was wonderful sleeping next to him. The alarm went off and I didn't want to go. I got up anyway and ran around my bedroom trying to be quiet. I was finally ready to go to work and I woke Nick up. I placed my spare keys by his side of the bed and told him I was leaving now. He got up and walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye. I asked what time he had to be at the studio? He said he had another hour. He kissed me again and I went to work.

Chapter 22

Friday night we drove to Nick's parent's house and we were both surprised his parents had thrown us both a surprise birthday party. Friends from work were there and Nick's friends and family. It was the best surprise I'd ever had in my life. Nick's parents were sending us to Hawaii. Oh my god! I've never been out of Florida I said. They said I needed a vacation. I said I would have to put in for my vacation as soon as I went back to work on Monday. Anna said she submitted it for me on Mr. Carter's request and the time was granted. She handed me the slip, I looked at Nick and he leaned in and kissed me. You mean I get you all to myself on a tropical island? I smiled and said it looks that way. I kissed him and gave him my present. It was a gold chain with a cross. He put it on and said he'd never take it off. I smiled and then he gave me mine. It was a gold locket. It's so beautiful. He said open it. I opened it up to find a family picture of The Carter's on one side of the locket and me and Nick on the other side. He said this way I'd always have my family close to my heart. He was so romantic. I looked at the tickets again and asked, "when do we leave again?" Everyone laughed, Nick embraced me and kissed me so passionately. I just wanted to leave, I thanked Jane and Bob for the trip I couldn't wait to go. Nick grabbed a few more of his belongings and we headed home after a long night. Two weeks later Nick and I boarded a flight to Los Angeles and then on to Honolulu. I was excited and nervous. I had never flown before and was petrified. Nick wasn't a great flier either. We finally made it and when we landed it was the same time as we left Florida. Hawaii was 8 hours behind Florida in time. We checked into our hotel and never left that night. It was so romantic, we took in all the sights and a few luaus. We went sailing and just spent time on the beautiful beaches. We both fell in love with pineapple ice cream from the Dole Pineapple Plantation. We shipped two cases of pineapples back home. We walked through a sugar cane field. We did all the tourist stuff. We found a bar down the street from our hotel. They played Reggae music. Nick had just turned 21 so he was legal to go in. He ordered a beer and I had a diet Pepsi. I don't drink I told him. He asked if I minded? I said not at all. We danced and really enjoyed the music. It was two Hawaiians and a white guy from the mainland. It took me awhile before I realized the mainland was the continental United States. I didn't know and didn't much care. They were good, Nick really liked them too. He talked with the guys when they took a break and wanted to know if they had any CD's out? They weren't signed to any label so Nick gave him a name and a phone number and told them to call tomorrow and tell them Nick Carter referred you. The guys said thanks and they would do that. Nick gave them the name of the hotel and told them if they had any trouble to call him. We said good night and walked back to the hotel. I said do you really think you can help them? He said he knew he could. We went upstairs and made love again. We only had two days left. We spent the next day over at the Arizona Memorial and Punch Bowl Crater. It was very somber but very educational too. The next day we hung close to the hotel and packed and went to a luau and went shopping for souvenirs. Our flight left pretty early so we turned in early, Nick asked if I enjoyed Hawaii? I said I did and I'm so glad we came together. We cuddled until we fell asleep. Once we got back to Florida we fell back into the same routine. I went to work and Nick went to the studio. Over the next several months Nick gradually moved in with me. We were coming up on the one-year anniversary for Bob's Cancer surgery. He'd been going back once a month for check ups. When that day finally came I think we all held our breath until the doctor said no change. We all sighed a sigh of relief. We all went out to lunch and celebrated. Before you knew it the holidays were upon us. We would all meet at Nick's parent's house for dinner and for once everyone would be home. Christmas also came and went and again no change with Bob. They were again making preparations for our birthdays but we were on to them. Nick and I were closer than we ever were. We never fight, we just have this perfect relationship. It's hard to explain I let him have his space when he needs it, and he lets me have mine. We dressed for our birthday party and acted surprised even though we weren't. Bob asked me if I knew? I said Dad you keep lousy secrets. He looked a little pale but he said it was just the flu. Everyone in the house has had it. I asked if he got the flu shot? He said he never had time. I told him he should have called me I would have brought one with me. Nick grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. He asked if I was happy? I said of course I'm happy. He pulled me upstairs to his old room. He was scaring me, he said he had to tell me something. I said OK, so tell me. He got down on his knees and pulled out a ring. He asked me to marry him. I said what? He said it's been more than a year and he didn't want anyone else. Would I please marry him? I said you didn't have to ask me twice, of course I'll marry you. He put the ring on my finger and kissed me. He said let's go tell everyone. I said wait, come here first. He bent down and kissed me so passionately. I started crying. He asked what was wrong? I smiled through my tears and said I was just so happy. We ran downstairs and he stopped the music. He said he had an announcement and needed his family front and center.

Chapter 23

Once everyone gathered around he pulled me next to him. My tears gave it away. Bob had to sit down. Nick said Kim and I are getting married. People were hugging us and kissing us but I just wanted to get to Bob. I made my way through the people and found him sitting on the floor. I said are you all right? He looked at me with tears running down his face, he said I was wondering when Nickolas was going to get around to this? I helped him to his feet and noticed he was really hot. I said you need to take some Tylenol. I walked him to his room and found some Tylenol in his medicine cabinet. I gave him a glass of water and he asked to see my ring. He said it was beautiful, I said I never ever imagined that I would be this happy. He said I deserved it. He said he needed to rest and would join us in a few minutes. I was afraid, he wasn't telling me something. I walked out and cornered Jane. I said what isn't he telling me? She said nothing really he has the flu. We've all had it. I asked if she was sure? Kim relax, nothing is wrong go have fun. Nick was looking for me and he saw the look of concern on my face. He asked what was wrong? I looked at Jane and said nothing. Nick looked at Jane and Jane said I was concerned because dad had a fever. Nick now had the same look of concern. Bob made an entrance again and Nick asked him if he was all right? He said he just had the flu, stop making a big deal out of it. He told us both to go have fun. After awhile we were able to forget about him and have some fun. We saw Bob and Jane dancing so we figured they weren't lying to us. Just the same I made a mental note to talk to his doctor. Nick and I took a walk out back alone. There were so many people inside that we were actually sweating in January. We found Bob and Jane outside too. We watched them as they kissed and hugged each other. Nick said he hoped that would be us in twenty years. I laughed and said me too. They turned around and saw us and walked up to us. Bob said he hoped we weren't spying on them. Nick said he's just watching the master. That made us all laugh. It was getting late and Nick and I had a long drive. We thanked them for the party and went inside and said good night to everyone. We drove home and Nick held my hand all the way. He was big on affection and I ate it up. Once we got inside the house his hands were all over me. He told me to go into the bedroom he'd be there in a minute. I heard him in the kitchen fishing for something, I just didn't know what. He finally came in with a rose and some candles. He lit the candles and turned the lights off. He found me on the bed in my nightgown and asked me what was with the clothes? I smiled and he handed me the rose. He began to undress himself and then I slipped out of my nightgown. He made love to me and I swear it was the best sex I'd ever had in my 27 years. I couldn't believe how he made me feel. We'd be married in nine months. Nick laughed and said that's how long it takes for a baby. I asked him if he wanted kids? He said it's a little late to be asking me that don't you think? I said I just assumed you did. He said he did. I said how many? He asked me how many I wanted? Oh 5 or 6 I said. He laughed and said really? I said I'm just kidding. Whatever, is fine with me. Nick said that he'd really like me to be home with the kids once they started coming. I said why? There are plenty of working mother's out there. He said he was just thinking of me. He said I never had that mother daughter bond and if and when we had a daughter he'd want me to bond with her. I thought that was so sweet.

Chapter 24

The next few months we spent planning for a September wedding. We booked the church and the reception hall. I asked Bob if he would walk me down the aisle and he said he'd be honored to do that for me. I told him he was like a father to me and if anything ever happened to him, I'd die. He promised me he wasn't going anywhere for a very long time. Summer was upon us in no time. Nick was still in the studio recording and I was busy working at the hospital's pediatric care unit. The children were dreadfully sick and I second guessed my decision. It's so much harder when children are sick. There have been many nights that I've gone home so upset that Nick had to comfort me. Nick would plan out a date night for us since we really didn't see much of each other during the week. We went dancing and bowling and just hung out at the beach. It was fun getting to really know him. Nick and I were planning a family wedding. Aaron would stand up for him and Bob would walk me down the aisle. Jane would be my matron of honor and Nick's sister's my bridesmaids. Everyone had a role to play. Nick's friends, Brian, AJ, and Howie were his groomsmen. The summer was flying by and Bob's hair had grown back and he was his old self again. He would often just show up at our house and ask me if I needed anything fixed or he'd take me to lunch just the two of us. We had created this very special bond. How did I ever get so lucky? I went from having no family at all, to a huge family. I requested the entire month of September off, I wanted to be stress free before my September 10th wedding. I had two weeks to go before that time. Nick was getting nervous too. He and his dad and brother went for their tuxes and they ended up going to dinner and having a boys night out. They hadn't done that in a long time. When Nick came home I was asleep. He woke me up and told me all about their day. He was like a little kid. It took me awhile to realize he had tears streaming down his face. I asked him what was wrong? He said he was just thinking that if things had turned out differently... I said they hadn't so put it out of his mind. His dad was Cancer free! That was a reason for celebrating! That's what you guys did today. He bent down and kissed me. I loved him so much and hated to see him sad. He'd been having a hard time because there had been bad press about him in the newspaper. A lot of the tabloids were ridiculing his weight. I told him there was nothing wrong with his weight and as a nurse and almost a Carter, I wouldn't lie to him. He cared to much what other people thought of him. I told him he had a big heart and that was OK. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

Chapter 25

I took the month of September off so that I wouldn't be distracted or upset before my September 10th wedding. Jane and the girls were throwing me a party at my house and Nick was having his bachelor's party at his house over Labor Day weekend. Before he left for the day he told me he loved me and he'd call. Jane kicked him out and told me it was time to start the party. Nick said there better not be any strippers. I said that goes for you too, you know I can get it out of Aaron so I'll be checking. He laughed and kissed me again and left. I made my way back inside and Jane and the girls were hanging streamers and inflating helium balloons. It was almost 6 p.m. and the sun was beginning to set. I stood on the porch and looked towards the ocean. I missed our cove, I wondered if Nick was home yet. Leslie came looking for me and we sat and talked. I asked her how she was doing? She said she loved the bridesmaid dresses, she was so excited about the wedding. My friends were pulling up now and I was waving at them. Anna and Shirley came together and I introduced them to Leslie, I said this is my little sister. She laughed and said she was Nick's sister. I said we're like sisters too, aren't we? She said we were more than sisters. We all went inside and Jane was putting out appetizers and drinks, non-alcoholic, my one rule. I didn't want to be responsible for any accidents. Leighann and Kristen showed up a few minutes later. I was so glad to see them. I really wanted to get to know them better. I showed them around the house and we went out back. I told them I really wanted to spend some time with them before the wedding. Our guys were really tight and I didn't know them very well. Leighann is older than I am so she knows how I feel about the age difference between Nick and me. She and I understand each other very well. Kristen is also older than I am but she's more compatible with Kevin. I said we better get inside, after all this party is for me. We went inside and I made sure everyone was introduced. We played a few games and a one game that embarrassed me immensely. I had to talk about Nick and what he meant to me. It really wasn't a game but everyone had to tell a Nick story. I told them how he blurted out to me that he loved me on the phone. It surprised me and I couldn't concentrate on anything that day. I reminded Jane of the day when Bob had his really bad attack. When he came home I asked him if he meant to tell me that he loved me? He said yes and no, he wanted to tell me in person, not over the phone. Then he told me he loved me. I was bawling and so were a lot of the women there. Well, one of his sisters started talking about Nick we were all busting up laughing. Nick was quite the performer as a child and he used to jump on their trampoline and sing at the top of his lungs to the kids over the fence. Jane said one day she caught him singing in the backyard and she asked him whom he was singing too? He said the blades of grass are my audience today mom. She also told of the time he serenaded her. She was in the kitchen preparing dinner and he sat under the kitchen window Singing Bridge over troubled water, to her. That's my Nicky I said. Everyone laughed, I was very protective of him. The pizza's arrived and everyone started eating. I called Nick on his cellular phone and told him I missed him. He asked how my party was going? I said we talked about him. He said what? I said we all told little Nick stories. He wanted to know what I heard? I said oh how you used to sing to the neighbors or the grass. He was so embarrassed. I told him I loved him no matter how crazy he was. He said he was crazy all right. Crazy in love with me. I told him to conserve some energy and he laughed. I returned to the party and there was a man dressed like a doctor and I said to Anna who is that? Just then he spun around and said he had a prescription that he needed me to fill. I screamed, it was a stripper. I sat down and he pulled my chair to the center of our circle. I was so embarrassed. I knew I was red I could feel the heat. He danced all around me thrusting his pelvis at me. Every time he touched me I jumped. I didn't want this, I was getting upset and looked at Jane who realized it was too much. She stood up and thanked him for coming and escorted him out. I got up and laughed and made my way slowly to the kitchen and back to my bedroom. Jane found me there and apologized. She said the subject came up and she didn't think I'd mind. I told her it just felt wrong. She understood, I asked her if there was going to be a stripper for Nick. She slowly nodded her head yes. I didn't know how I felt. Jane said there was no reason to feel insecure. Nick comes in contact with a lot of women everyday and if he didn't want to be with you and only you, he never would have proposed to you. I knew she was right, but I still didn't like it. Leighann and Kristen found us in the bedroom and asked if everything was all right? I smiled and said I was fine. It just got to hot in there. They all laughed. Leighann was admiring my music boxes. She thought they were beautiful. She recognized the one Nick bought me. She said we were in Seattle and he saw this shop and he spent about an hour in there looking for the perfect music box. I smiled and asked what it was like to tour with them? She said it's crazy, but if I don't go I'd never see Brian. She said the fans are great but they can be a bit much sometimes. Without them, the guys wouldn't be living their dreams. Jane said it's time to go back to the party. I placed my music box back on its stand and left my bedroom.

Chapter 26

Next it was time to open the gifts. My favorite part I beamed. I got lots of negligees. My favorite gifts came from Leighann and Kristen, they bought me another music box. Leighann said they called the shop they were telling me about and had them send the music box Nick was looking at. He couldn't decide between the one that he gave you and this one. Now I had both. I thought that was so incredibly sweet of them. The Carter women made me cry. First I got a computer generated Adoption Certificate encased in glass that showed me as their adopted daughter and sister. I was so touched I couldn't even speak. I already thought of them as parents but they kind of made it official. Then I got some framed pictures of Nick and I. Jane had put together a baby book of Nick for me. She said this would be a guide so when Nick and I started having children I could copy what she did. I surprised even myself when I said, You will be a grandmother. I quickly said, I'm not pregnant, I swear. They laughed, I said not yet anyway, but we do want kids. My phone rang, it was Bob checking up on us. I said hi dad, how's the party over there? He said it was good. I asked if Nick's stripper got there yet? He was so silent, he said you know about that huh? I said I did, Jane kicked mine out for me. Good girl he said. I asked if Nick was having a good time? He said he appeared to be. They were playing pool downstairs and drinking beer. I said he couldn't drink and drive. Make sure he doesn't. I'll come get him but don't let him get behind the wheel. He told me to calm down. Nick would never do that. I asked him how he was feeling? He said he needed a haircut. I smiled and asked if he was going for the Mr. Clean look again? Hell no, he said. That made me laugh. I said well I suppose you called to talk to Jane I'll get her for you. He told me he loved me and he'd see me soon. I found Jane and told her Bob was on the phone. She went and talked to him and I watched her from across the room. They been married for over 20 years and they were still in love with each other. God how I prayed that would be Nick and I. She hung up the phone and I noticed she was crying. I crossed the room to her and asked her what was wrong? Is he OK, tell me what's wrong? She said he was fine, he just told me how much he missed me and loved me. I had tears in my eyes too. What would we do without the Carter men I asked her? She hugged me and said she prayed she would never have to know. We wiped our tears and I said, isn't it time for cake or something? She laughed and said yes it was. We made some coffee and cut up the cake, which was in the shape of an adoption certificate with my name on it. Jane was so creative. I was half kidding when I told her I wanted her to design the nursery for me. She laughed and asked if I was sure I wasn't pregnant? I told them all about Nick's conversation about me and our daughter. I made them all promise that they would never tell him I told them. They said they wouldn't but they though it so sweet of him. We all got so close that night. Each one of us had bared our souls at one point or another. Leighann talked about almost losing Brian. When he had his surgery he was so afraid and she was trying to stay strong for him, but she had doubts herself and was very scared. She hoped and prayed she would never have to go through that again. Jane talked about Bob as did the girls. My co-workers each had their stories from miscarriages to losing parents or siblings. I finally said this is a party, and I got up and turned on some music. Leighann was going through my CD collection and she found my Millennium CD and she put it on. As soon as I heard AJ's scream at the beginning of LTL I went crazy. We were dancing and singing and having a ball. No one heard the phone ring and we continued through each song. Jane was laughing so hard. We started imitating the fellas. I of course was Nick and I kept flipping my hands all over the place. She was laughing so hard, she kept telling me to stop it. I said I can't get over how animated he gets with those hands. Mind you he has great hands, but he needs to be a little less expressive. She said those hands cost her a lot of money. I said don't tell me he took a class? I couldn't look at her anymore I was laughing so hard. She was laughing too and said it wasn't a class, then she couldn't speak anymore. She had lost it too. We were bad but it was all right, it was all done out of love. Besides it was Leighann's fault. She asked why it was her fault? She said she didn't put Nick in the hand jive baby class. That sent us over the top again. I got up and said I think I have that hear somewhere. I found my Grease CD and put on the hand jive song. We all got up and did the hand jive. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. We put the Millennium CD back on and Leighann tried to teach us the dance moves. I have two left feet so I was a lost cause but the other ladies were picking up on the moves. The phone was ringing again and I picked up. Nick asked if we'd gone out? I said no why? He said he called but there was no answer. I said the music was too loud. He asked what we were listening too? I laughed and said these 5 hot guys. He said it better not be N'Sync. I laughed and said no the Backstreet Boys. He laughed and said let me guess you put it on. I said wrong, Leighann did. He said it sounded like I was having a good time. I said I was, but when are you coming home, and how are you getting home? He said his dad was driving him and he'd ride back with mom. Great are you coming now? He said he was leaving pretty shortly.

Chapter 27

Nick, Bob, Brian, and Kevin all showed up about an hour later. It was almost 11 p.m. and most of my guests had long left. Leighann, Kristen, Jane and the girls and I were cleaning up my house. When the guys came in they were pretty bombed. Bob was the only sober one. Nick when he found me was so horny he wanted to go to bed. I had to fend him off, his family was still here. He said he didn't care. His mom walked into the kitchen and she said you don't care about what? Nick blushed and said nothing then he grabbed a slice of cold pizza and left the room. She smiled at me and said what was that all about? I said he wants to be alone. She laughed and said we'd be out of here pretty soon. I said stay awhile. I walked out into the living room and plopped down next to Nick. Brian was kissing Leighann and asking her if she had a good time? She said we had the best time, didn't we Kim? I could only smile as I remembered our imitating the Backstreet Boys. What's so funny Bob asked? I looked at Jane and said should we show him? She said No! How embarrassing? I said so, it's family. I called Jane in and Kristen got up to turn on the Millennium CD. I looked at Nick and said do you want to know what we were doing when I missed your call? He just bit into his pizza and stared at me. As soon as the music came on they all smiled at us. We danced around imitating our men and they were rolling. After we finished Nick said I do not act like that! I said OK baby, whatever you say. He said I don't. I said it's OK, I love your hands. I whispered in his ear, especially when they are all over my body. He stood up and said OK, it's time for everyone to leave. I laughed. I told him to sit, there was plenty of time. He sat down and turned and kissed me so passionately I quickly had a change of heart. OK, guys you can all go now, we'll finish cleaning this up tomorrow. They were laughing at me now. They all got up and headed for the front door anyway. I kissed dad goodnight and thanked him for bringing Nick home safely. Once they were gone Nick grabbed me and took me right there on the living room floor. I asked what had gotten into him tonight. He said something about drinking the worm and that was all he said. His mouth came down on mine hard. Our clothes were ripped off and the sexual desire just over took us. We fell asleep on the floor there. When we woke up the next morning Nick was still ready. I looked at him and said ah the joys of being with a younger man. He laughed and carried me into the bedroom. Jane called about an hour later and asked if my house was clean yet. I said no, not yet. She laughed she said we had to save something for the honeymoon. I said we started early. She reminded me that we had to go pick up my dress at 1 and Nick couldn't come. I said OK, I'll tell him. I again thanked her for a wonderful time yesterday. I told her I loved her, she was a little quiet and I said mom? She said I love you too, Kim. I hung up the phone and started to get out of bed. Nick pulled me back and asked where I was going? I have to take a shower, your mom is coming over. He wasn't mad, but disappointed. Why? He asked. I said I have to pick up my dress today. He smiled and said, OK as long as you marry me you can go. I kissed his sweet lips. I love you, I told him. He kissed me deeper. I said Nick, we can't … It was no use he flipped me onto my back and he made love to me again. I asked him about the worm? He said they were having tequila shots last night and there is always a worm in the bottle. Yuck! You ate it? He said it was his party he had too. I said did you chew it or swallow it whole? He said he swallowed it whole, Yuck he would never chew it. I laughed and pulled him off the bed. He said where are we going? I said I had to take a shower, why waste water. He smiled and we stepped into the shower and he washed my body and I washed his. The water beading up on his body made me want him again, but there wasn't time. As soon as we stepped out of the shower the doorbell rang. Nick and I looked at each other and laughed as if we'd just been caught. Nick quickly got dressed and let his mom in. I quickly got dressed too, but I had more clothes to put on. I walked out of the bedroom drying my hair in a towel. She just smiled and told me to hurry. I ran back into the bathroom and blow-dried my hair. Nick brought me some coffee and an english muffin. I kissed him and finished getting ready. I slipped into my shoes and put my coffee cup in the kitchen sink. Nick had put a shirt on and was sitting on his feet. I looked at him and told him to go put some socks on. He just smiled. Jane was cleaning, I said leave it. Nick will have something to do while I'm gone. He looked at me and said, it was your party. I bent down to kiss him goodbye. He walked us out to Jane's car and kissed me again. We were driving down the street when Jane noticed Nick running after us. She said what now? I turned around and opened the door for him. He said he locked himself out. We both started laughing. I fished my keys out of my purse and he kissed me again. He walked away and Jane and I looked at each other and laughed.

Chapter 28

Jane and I got to the boutique and they brought my dress out. I went back and tried it on. Jane brought her camera along to capture the moment. I said I never would have thought of that. She said that's what mothers are for. I smiled and looked in the mirror. I had tears pouring out of my eyes. She asked me why I was crying? I said I always dreamed of a day I'd get married and my mom would help me get ready. Now it's actually happening. She hugged me and we were both crying now. She said she was flattered that I thought of her as a mom. I said that for the last year you guys have been my family. I've never known that before. The salesperson came in to check on us and I said it's so beautiful. She agreed, she asked when the wedding was? I looked at Jane and said Saturday. We had 5 more days. Even Jane shivered when I said that. It's so close. I paid for the dress and Jane and I went to lunch. I called Nick and asked him if the house was clean. Jane laughed, Nick said uh huh, yep it is. I laughed and asked what he was doing? He said cleaning, when are you coming home? I said after lunch, can I bring you something? I took his order and hung up. Jane said let me guess? A double cheeseburger and fries. I smiled and said I can't wait to have that with him. She said I already did, I just didn't realize it. When Nick's food came back Jane insisted on paying the bill and then she took me home. I invited her in and when we walked in we found that Nick had actually cleaned the house. I heard him in the shower and Jane was impressed. I said look for a house cleaning bill or something. She laughed I knocked on the bathroom door and told him I was home. He opened the shower door and kissed me. I said the house looks beautiful. He said he'd be out in a minute. I walked back into the living room and Jane was petting my cat. I said he'd be out in a minute. She was taking my dress back to her house. I asked her if she rolled down the windows? I didn't want anything to happen to that dress. She said the dress would be fine. The dress was gorgeous. It was sleeveless and back less. The dress fastened behind my neck and left a lot to the imagination. I knew it would knock Nick's socks off. Nick joined us in the living room and asked where the dress was? I said don't you worry about the dress. We watched as he inhaled his double cheeseburger and fries. The man could eat, but he had an awful lot of energy. We were getting married at 3 p.m. on Saturday. He said he had to go out of town on Friday but he'd be back for the wedding. I was surprised, to say the least. I said but we get married on Saturday. He said it was out of his hands and he would be back Friday night. I said fine, I was not happy about it but it was business. Jane left and I thanked her for a wonderful day. Just after she left Bob called, I said dad she just left. He was worried he hadn't heard from her all day. He asked me if I got my dress? I said dad it's so beautiful. He asked if Nick told me that he had to go out of town on Friday? I said he did, he said he'd get him home on time. He promised, he was going with him. I told him I trusted them both. The rest of the week was spent reconfirming everything. We pushed back the rehearsal to Thursday as Nick was no longer available on Friday. Everything was in place. Nick woke me up on Friday morning and kissed me. He said he'd see me on Saturday. I told him he had better be there. He promised he would be, dad will make sure of it. He again told me how much he loved me. I walked him out to the limousine and told him to open his jacket and lift up his shirt. He knew better than to ask why at this point in our relationship so he did. I opened my shirt and smashed my chest into his. He leaned down and kissed my breasts and said he'd see us on Saturday. I laughed and kissed him again. My tears started falling and he wiped them away. I told him I loved him. I stood in the driveway until the limousine couldn't be seen anymore. I went back inside and crawled into bed. I woke up about ten and called Leighann. I said can we do something today? She said Nick left huh? I said yes, did Brian? She said he left last night. She said Nick was barely going to make it on time but he refused to leave last night. He wanted to be with you. It made me cry. I said well come over and we'll go shopping or something to take our minds off tomorrow and our men. She said she was on her way. I got dressed and cleaned up a little and when she got here we went to the mall. She asked if I was nervous about tomorrow? I said I'm just afraid that Nick isn't going to come back in time. She said he wouldn't miss it for all the free Nintendo games in Japan. I laughed, we took in a movie. It was a chick flick and made us miss our men. I went to the jeweler and picked up the Bridesmaids necklaces. They were beautiful but simple. A simple gold chain with a few pearls. We headed back to my house and I made some dinner for us. It was almost 6 p.m. and soon Jane would be coming over with my dress. I was so nervous I was shaking. Nick called to check on me. I told him I was afraid that he wasn't going to make it home in time. He said he would and not to worry. I told him I missed him so much and couldn't wait until tomorrow. He told me he loved me and would call me tomorrow. Jane showed up a few minutes after I talked to Nick. I of course was crying. She looked at me and knew Nick called. She said try this on it will make you feel better. I got up and went into my room and when I came out they were speechless.

Chapter 29

They said I looked beautiful. The dress fit perfectly and showed a lot of skin. Leighann asked how I was going to wear my hair? Nick likes it down I said, I would probably curl it and wear it down. Leighann asked if I needed help with my make-up tomorrow? I said oh please, I need all the help I can get. She laughed and asked if she should meet me here or at the church? I said here, I think. What do you think? She said she'd meet me here around noon. With that we hugged each other good bye and she left. Jane helped me put my dress away and asked how I was feeling? My stomach is fluttering all about. I'm so nervous and excited, I feel like screaming! She said go ahead. I looked at her and she said, really if you think that will help, scream. So I did, we both fell on the floor laughing. She asked if I felt any better. I said a little. Maybe I should scream again. I didn't but we were laughing and she asked if I'd be OK by myself here tonight? I asked if I could come to her house? She said of course, but you'll have to call Leighann and have her come to the house to do your makeup. Jane dialed her cellular phone and gave Leighann the message. Jane and I carried everything we'd need for tomorrow. I put Sheeba in her carrier, Bob and Jane would be cat sitting while Nick and I left for our honeymoon. We drove the 40 minutes out to Jane's home and I settled in my old room. Nick's siblings kept me busy and my mind occupied doing other things like playing games and singing songs and stuff. Bob called Jane and said Nick was worried about Kim, he called but there was no answer. Jane told him I was here with the family. I got up and took the phone, Hi dad. He said he was glad I'm all right. Nick was worried he said. Can I talk to him please? He passed the phone and Nick sounded worried. I said I was lonely without you and I came back with your mom. He said he was just glad I was all right. He said he should have planned my coming to his mothers. I said it all worked out. He again told me he loved me and would see me tomorrow. I passed the phone back to Jane and went back to my game. I felt really good, I knew he loved me and I love him. All that mattered now was him getting here in time for the 3 p.m. wedding. Aaron came to my room later that evening and said he was glad I was finally becoming a Carter. That meant no matter what happened I'd always have a family. He asked if I was nervous? Yes, I just want everything to go perfectly tomorrow. Aaron said he did too. He let it slip that Brian, AJ, Kevin, and Howie would be singing a song for Nick and I. Nick had it all planned. I thought that was so sweet. I asked him which one, I couldn't even imagine. He said it's a song called "I'll be there for you." I've never heard it. Aaron said he had the CD, of course. So he ran to his room and we played it. It was the most beautiful song. Hearing it tonight, the night before my wedding told me that I had no reason in the world to worry about Nick getting to the wedding on time. Here are some of the words:

Don't say a word, I understand

You want to know, If I'm still your man

Girl can't you tell

By the touch of my hand,

I'm gonna please you,

Every way that I can,

I'll hold you, hold you

Love you, love you,

I'll never let your love go,

Let you go, let you go.

For always, for always,

I'll stay, I'll stay

Just look in my eyes and you'll know

Baby, I'll be there for you

Where ever you go, whatever you do

Girl, I've got forever inside

For all of my life, I'll be there for you

Don't ever doubt, your destiny

I'll give you my heart, so honestly

Deep in my soul, baby you'll find the truth.

I'll never change, Girl I promise you

Chapter 30

Once that song finished I was crying and I knew how much he loved me. Aaron just sat there not knowing what to do. He apologized for making me cry. I told him they were happy tears and I'm glad he shared it with me. I said I didn't really prepare anything for Nick. I don't sing what can I do now? Aaron said the sweetest, sweetest thing. He said just show up that would make him happy. I smiled and said I'm getting the better deal out of this marriage. Aaron gave me that confused look that Nick gives me a lot when he doesn't understand me. Aaron said how so? I said, I'm gaining a little brother and 3 little sisters. Nick's gaining a cat he's allergic too. Aaron said he gaining a wife who loves and adores him more than anyone can. I told Aaron I really loved his brother and would never do anything to hurt him. Aaron said he knew that, he trusted me completely. I looked at the clock it was 11:45 p.m. I said we better get to bed. We've got a very important day tomorrow. I gave him a big hug and thanked him so much for sharing the song with me. He went to take the CD, I asked him to please let me listen to it again. He smiled and turned it back on for me. I fell asleep listening to the words.

Nothing and no one can tear us apart, tear us apart

You'll always be here, inside of my heart, inside of my heart

And just as sure as the stars shine above

No matter what that is

You can count on my love

I'll be there for you

Where ever you go, whatever you do

Hey girl, I've got forever inside, for all of my life

I'll be there for you.

Jane came up to my room at 9:30 a.m. I was still sleeping and dreaming of my wedding. She woke me up and I could tell that by the look on her face something was wrong. I sat straight up and said what happened? She said don't be alarmed but New York City is fogged in. What?! This can't be happening I said. I looked at the clock. 9:30 a.m. Oh no, I cried. She sat down and said they are doing everything they possibly can to get here in time. I said even if the left right now it's 2 ½ hours that would get then here at 12:00. Jane said there was no way of preventing this. Nick is physically sick over this. He feels awful. I said if I don't marry him today, I'd just die. Bob promised to call as soon as they were in the air. I said this is crazy, why did they go to New York anyway? Jane said business, it couldn't be helped. I lay back down and pulled the covers over my head. I can't believe this is happening. The phone rang again and Aaron flew up the stairs. He said its dad again. He handed the phone to Jane. All Jane said was uh huh, OK, do you think that's wise? Uh huh, OK, I know. It was driving me crazy. I said what? Finally coming out from under the blankets. She asked if Nick was close by. Then she handed me the phone. As soon as I heard Nick's voice I lost it. I couldn't even talk. He said he was doing everything possible to get to me. They were in a taxi driving across the river so they could fly out of Newark, New Jersey. He said at the very latest they'd arrive at 1:30 p.m., 2:00 the very latest. I said that gives you 1 hour to get ready. He made me smile when he said he was ready. He was more than ready to get married. I said what about your tuxedos and stuff. He said Mom was going to bring them to the church and Denise was bringing AJ's and Howie's parents were bringing his and Leighann and Kristen were both called to bring the tuxedos with them.

I asked him if we were going to get married today? He said yes. I'll be there at 3 p.m. sharp, don't you doubt that Kim. I told him I didn't doubt his love for me, but bad weather is bad weather. He said they were at the airport now, he'd talk to me at 3:00 sharp. I said I love you Nick. He said I love you too babe. I'll see you at 3 p.m. I promise. He hung up and I turned the phone off. I looked at Jane and said, he promised me that he'd be at the church at 3 p.m. She smiled and said well that's as good as gold. Nick never breaks his promise. I got out of bed and headed for the shower. I went downstairs and ate what little I could manage to get down. My stomach was not cooperating today. Leighann came by at noon and helped me with my make up and hair. It was sunny and hot in Florida. How could there possibly be fog in New York? The day here is so perfect. Leighann said Brian called her from the air she brought Brian's tuxedo to Denise who was bringing all the tuxedos to the church. Nick's tuxedo was at her house so we don't have to worry. It's at the church. I said what about Bob's? Jane said we'll bring it and if he has to get dressed in your room then he will. I laughed and said this just might work. Jane said, Nick promised you it would.

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I was feeling a little better but not much. We all went upstairs and I sat and stared in the mirror as Leighann performed magic and made me beautiful through the art of makeup. She said now this is really important as she brought out the smudge proof mascara. She said it's hard to get off, but it will not bleed when you cry, or smudge. It's the best stuff. I got into my dress and filled my hair with hot rollers. Every time the phone rang I jumped out of my skin. At 2:00 we arrived at the church. The guys still weren't there. I was a bundle of nerves and I was going crazy. Aaron ran in at 2:25 and said Nick and the guys were here. I sat down and cried. I don't believe it. Aaron looked at me funny. I said I believe he's here, I just can't believe our wedding is going to happen. Bob and the guys all got dressed together in a room on the other side of the church. Jane left to go check on them. Bob came into my room at 2:55 p.m. and asked if I wanted to get married today? I told him no thanks I was all ready getting married. He laughed and said he was sure glad I had a sense of humor. I said is he all right? Bob said he's nervous and anxious, but he's fine. He's waiting for you at the altar. I said I can't believe this is really happening. Bob hugged me and told me he loved me. He said I was his first daughter to get married so he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. I just looked at him through my teary eyes and I said I love you dad. His eyes welled up with tears. He said I know I've only known you a year, but in that year you have affected my family so greatly. He said he would surely have died if it weren't for me. You brought me out my world of self-pity and negativeness. He said he'd gladly give his life to make me happy. I joked and said no thanks, but I will take your son. He laughed and said, I can't imagine not having you in my life, never mind my family. We were both crying now. He said I'm giving you to my son, but I still have this pain in my heart that I'm losing one of my little girls. We embraced and then Jane said it's time. The groomsmen and the Bridesmaids were all in place. Jane left us and then Bob adjusted my vale for me. He lifted it and kissed my cheeks and said let's go get you married. I wiped my eyes and gave Bob a fresh tissue. We walked out into the Narthex and waited for Jane to reach the altar. When we heard the wedding march the doors opened for us and we walked into the Sanctuary. I could see Nick at the altar waiting for me. I lost it and grabbed Bob's arm tighter. Bob was crying too, it was very hard to get down the aisle as slow as we had to walk. I wanted to let Bob go and run down the aisle. I tried to keep control but we walked faster than we were supposed too. Once we got to the front of the church the Pastor asked who gives this women into holy matrimony? Bob said, her mother and I do. I nearly cried out. Bob lifted my vale and kissed both my cheeks and then wiped tears. He joined Nick as his best man. Nick and I stood face to face, hand in hand. He smiled through his tears and said, I told you I'd be here. I let a small laugh escape. I so desperately wanted to kiss him and hold him. The Pastor started the service with a prayer. Next he said there is a gift from the groom to his bride to be. Just then I heard the music key up and my tears just flowed faster. Nick looked me in the eye and started to sing. It wasn't Brian who was singing lead, but Nick himself pledging his love to me. I was shaking so much and crying I didn't think I'd get through the ceremony. Don't ever doubt, your destiny. I'll give you my heart, so honestly. I wiped my eyes with my shaky hand as he sang. Once the song was over I kissed him. I couldn't hold back anymore. Nick was crying too. The Pastor continued on with the wedding and we were FINALLY pronounced husband and wife. When he said you may kiss your bride, I lunged towards Nick and kissed him. Our guests laughed. The Pastor announced us officially as Mr. and Mrs. Nickolas Carter. Our friends and family all applauded our union. We practically ran up the aisle to the bridal room. Nick and I kissed and hugged and held each other. I wouldn't let him go. He asked if I liked the song? I said it was so beautiful. He asked if I had ever heard it before? I looked at him and said yes. He said oh man, I wanted it to be special. I said it was special. You just don't know how much that song meant to me. He kissed me again and Bob and Jane came into get us for pictures 20 minutes later. Our guests were heading over to the hotel for the reception. I hugged Bob and thanked him for walking me down the aisle. Nick said he really liked my dress. He said it's a little skimpy isn't it? I said I wore it for you. He smiled and said he really loved the dress. We headed out to the Sanctuary and posed for pictures. This was my new family. I was so proud and so happy. I couldn't ever imagine being any happier than I was at this moment. Once the pictures were done we all climbed into the Limousines and headed for the reception. Nick and I first went up to our suite and Bob and Jane got everyone into the Banquet room. We had a no host bar and appetizers for our guests until we had arrived. Nick and I were both starving so we couldn't wait to get downstairs. Once we got down there we found that paramedics had been called. Bob had collapsed and was fighting being taken to the hospital. Nick and I were devastated.

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I said what happened? Jane said, "I'm so sorry, we didn't want you two to see this." I said what happened? The paramedic said Mr. Carter has just over done it. He was having chest pains and they wanted to look him over and felt better if he went to the hospital with him. I told Bob to go. He said he wanted to dance with the Bride. I said we'd stall, I asked the Paramedic which hospital they would take him too? The said Orlando General. I said great, I'd call emergency and tell them that you're coming. I promise that you'll be in and out. Please, I want you to go and get checked. He said they'd get me in and out? I said as long as there isn't any concern than you should be back here in 90 minutes. He finally agreed t go. Nick said he'd send the Limousine to bring him back. I kissed Bob and told him to take it easy, we had the rest of our lives to dance together. He apologized for ruining my wedding. I said you got Nick here. You could never do anything to ruin my wedding. Now go so you can get back. I love you I told him. He said he loved me too. We followed him down into the ambulance and Jane went with him. I called from the front desk and Dr. Simmons was on call. I talked to him and told him my father was on his way and I had just got married. To please process him as a full-blown emergency. I need my dance. He could hear the emotion in my voice and promised he get him out as soon as possible. Nick and I went back to the room and waited another 30 minutes. Jane called and said they were on their way. It was an anxiety attack. They gave Bob some medicine and were 10 minutes away. I said is he really all right? She said the Carter's don't lie. I smiled when I heard Bob laugh. I grabbed Nick's hand and we headed downstairs. Our guests had been waiting for some time now. They were all informed of Bob's occurrence. The DJ introduced the Bridesmaid's and Groomsmen and when the introduced the best man and Matron of honor our guests all stood and applauded. Bob waved and walked quickly to the table. Finally we were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Nick Carter. Nick kissed me and we walked into the room. Everyone was on his or her feet applauding our arrival. We all stood up at the front table and looked at our guests. Nick leaned over and kissed me again and that just drove them crazy. Finally Bob spoke into the microphone and said he had double duty tonight. He first gave his toast as best man. He welcomed me into the family as a Carter. He said from the day that we'd met in the hospital and served him his first tapioca pudding, I was family. Everyone laughed at that. He said seriously, I wish you both all the love and peace in the world. You two have enough love to bring this many people together and may they all leave with a piece of your love and affection tonight. They again all applauded. We sat down as the salad was served. Nick asked how I felt now? I said there are no words for how I feel. Nick's siblings were coming up to me and hugging me and telling me what a wonderful ceremony it was. I tried to eat my salad but just couldn't. Nick whispered in my ear that he'd ordered pizza for later. That made me laugh. He said we'd never get any food here. Just then Brian came over and hugged me and welcomed me into the Backstreet family. He said it wouldn't be official until I went on tour with them in January. He said congratulations again and went off to find Leighann. Nick said see what I mean? I said its all right watch this. I filled up my fork with salad and fed him. The aw's that came from the guests startled me. I said OK, you were right. He said your turn, and he filled his fork with salad and fed me too. Again the guests responded. Nick and I laughed, everyone was watching our every move. It was weird. The salad plates were quickly cleared and the prawns were served. Bob came over and asked me how I was feeling? I said me? How are you feeling? He said he was ready to cut a rug. Nick and I laughed, he said it was just an anxiety attack and he tried to tell them that here but they insisted that I go and get checked out at the hospital. I said I was glad he did. Nick agreed with me. He also reminded Bob that he got the first dance. Once the prawns were cleared it was time for the father of the Bride to make his speech. I never thought that Bob would make a speech, we'd skipped this part in the rehearsal so when Bob asked for everyone's attention I didn't know what to expect. I thought someone left there car lights on or something trivial like that. He said as most of you know I am not the father of the bride. However, I love Kimberly like a daughter so instead of welcoming Nick into the family, I'm going to take this opportunity to finally and officially welcome my Kimi into the Carter family. As he spoke those words he choked up. I stood up and kissed him. I gave him such a big hug that I thought I might hurt him. I hugged Jane and gave her a kiss too. The main course was finally served and Nick and I actually got to eat. We kept having flash bulbs go off all around us. I said is this what it's like to be you? He smiled and said this is nothing. We ate and finally the dishes were cleared. The DJ announced the dance of the Bride and Groom, introducing us as Mr. and Mrs. Nickolas Carter. We danced to I do, by 98 degrees. Nick and I floated across the dance floor. For a minute, just a minute I forgot that 200 pairs of eyes were watching our every move. For just a minute I was in heaven. The song ended and so did the dream. Next Bob came and took my hand. I had found the perfect song, Daddy's Girl.

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I had found it strictly by accident. I had gone to tower records and heard this song called Daddy's hands on the loud speaker and thought well, Daddy hands, it's good enough. I went looking through the CD's and saw Daddy's Girl and assumed it was the same song I was hearing. I paid for the CD and went home. Once I got home I popped it into the CD player. When the track finally game on I had to sit down. I couldn't believe, first of all that it wasn't the song I thought it was, and secondly it was better. It told the story of the love of a girl for her father. How she loved and cared for him, just as he loved and cared for her. I cried when I heard it and when Nick came home he listened to it and said his dad would love it. When we went to his parent's house that weekend I played it for Bob and Jane, they were both in tears and said it was perfect. Now the song blared over the loud speakers at my wedding. The moment I stepped into Bob's arms and he and I dance across the floor. I wept, I was so happy and couldn't imagine my life any other way. Once the dance ended Bob kissed me on the lips and said he loved me. I love you to daddy. His lower lip quivered. He said you've never called me daddy before. I said you are my daddy. I hugged him but some more music started playing and then I had to dance with the groomsmen and other guests. When I finally got to dance with Aaron he asked if he ruined the surprise? I said no, Nick asked me if I had heard the song before and I said yes, I didn't tell him that you played it for me last night though. Is that a lie? I feel like I'm deceiving him somehow. He said I wasn't, and if Nick asked to tell him. Don't feel like I had to protect him. We danced for a few minutes and Nick asked if he could dance with his wife now? Aaron laughed and said he couldn't believe we were married. He quickly said he was glad, but he never thought Nick would be married at 21. Nick pulled me to his chest and kissed my forehead. Aaron said I guess I'm invisible now. I went to respond but Nick kissed me, sending a shiver to the very core of my body. I heard Aaron say he could take a hint and then he walked away. Nick's tongue made its way into my mouth and my knees almost gave out. He asked what was wrong? I said I just love you so much and my body can't take it. He laughed and said should we sneak out early? I said we have to cut the cake still. He said let them eat cake, I'd rather go upstairs. I said no way, this night only comes once in my lifetime and I want to enjoy it. The song ended and Nick and I went and sat down. He said how long do we have to wait until we can cut the cake? I said stop it. He said, I want you, I want you so bad I'm ready to take you on this table. I looked at him and said I dare you. He said don't do it. I said you'd never do it here. He stood up and moved the plates out of the way. I jumped up and asked Bob to dance with me. Nick sat there laughing and told me I'd better run. As Bob and I went out onto the dance floor AJ and Brian were talking to Nick. I saw them both double over with laughter and new he must have told them. Bob said Nick and I weren't mingling enough and should get out and talk to the guests. I said he was right, I'm just so happy being with my family that I don't even care who's here. Is that selfish I asked him? He said I was being honest. The song ended and I walked up to Nick and said we have to mingle. He just looked at me. I said I bet you somewhere in those presents there is a Nintendo game or machine and you don't want to have them take it back home because you didn't say hello do you? He practically dragged me to a few tables as we sat and talked with our guests. It was finally time to cut the cake. We were stupid and childish. Once we fed each other a piece of cake we proceeded to smash it into each other's faces. Some of the cake fell down the front of my dress. Nick said to leave it there, he'd get it later. I went to wipe the frosting off my chest but he leaned down and licked it off right in front of everyone. I must have turned beat red. Nick said, you know it's really late and I haven't seen Kim since Thursday night. We're married and we want to celebrate that, but there are just too many of you here right now. I couldn't believe he was saying this. He said so please forgive us, but we are leaving the party. With that he started to drag me to the door. His sisters said we couldn't leave until I threw my bouquet and he threw my garter belt. He dropped his head in his hands and said to me, he really couldn't wait anymore. He looked down at his crotch and I could see what he meant. I said stand behind me and maybe no one will notice. He said yeah, right. The DJ asked for all the single ladies to come to the front. I looked for Leighann and winked at her. She got the message and I threw the bouquet and she caught it. I whispered in Nick's ear to send the garter in Brian's direction. He said he'd try. Well of course they had to play some trampy music as Nick removed my garter. The trick was he had to remove it without using his hands. So he enjoyed it immensely. He used his tongue to lift it off my leg and then bit down on it and pulled it off my leg. He kissed my leg all the way down to my toes. I wanted him to hurry now. He stood up and tossed it in Brian's direction. He caught it and Leighann kissed him. Nick stood up and started asking if we could go now? He was getting mad, he wanted out of the reception. We were finally allowed to leave. We got back up to our room and the lights were all turned down low and music was playing softly and a bottle of Champagne chilled by the bed. Nick carried me into the room an kicked the door closed.

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He undid the button holding my dress up behind my neck and the sliver of cake fell to the floor. I had frosting all over my chest and stomach. Nick licked it off me and then he unzipped my dress on my side and it fell to the floor. Nick stripped out of his tuxedo and I stepped out of the rest of my undergarments. He lay me on the bed and kissed me so passionately. I wanted him so badly, probably more than he wanted me. He climbed up on top of me and entered me. We moaned and rocked and arched in perfect unison until we both climaxed. We rested and started up again, we were like to addicts unable to get enough. We ended up in the shower together we were so sweaty and sticky from the cake. Nick didn't hold back there either. He was still rock hard and ready. He lifted me onto his member and we did it in the shower. We finally had the Champagne that had been chilling all this time. We lay naked side by side and Nick looked me dead in the eye and asked me if I was happy? I said how could I not be? He kissed me and said Mrs. Carter? Should we go to sleep or should we do the deed? I laughed and pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him. He liked when I got on top. He enjoyed it immensely. I sucked on his nipples, which made him moan in ecstasy. He finally released his load deep inside of me and pulled me down and kissed me hard. We both lay there breathing heavily and finally fell asleep. When we woke up the next morning we were ready to go again. We showered and ordered room service. We were going on our honeymoon and I hadn't even thought to ask where? Nick said we were going back to Hawaii. This time to the Island of Maui for 4 nights and Oahu for three nights. I was so happy. We'd had the best time there. I had just finished packing when there was a knock on the door. I peeked through the peek hole and told Nick it was his dad. Bob said I hear you two whispering so just open the door. I laughed so hard. Nick said daaaaaaaaad? It's our honeymoon. Bob told Nick to stop whining. You haven't left yet. Jane finally caught up to Bob and she said we were here for the dress. I said, it really needs to go to the cleaners. She said she knew that, that's why she was here. She saw the cake go down and knew it had been there for quite some time. Nick finally stepped aside and let them in. Our room was a mess but we didn't care. Our clothes were strewn about and the bed sheets were all pulled out. Bob laughed and said he was surprised that we could walk. I smiled and kissed Nick. I said what can I say? We had some making up to do. He laughed and looked at Jane and asked her how come there bed never looked like that anymore? She blushed and told him to behave. We laughed at them. They were the most amazing people I'd ever met. They loved each other so completely and their love for their children was incomprehensible. For me especially, since I didn't grow up with one set of parents. Nick pulled me down next to him and said our plane leaves in 2 hours. We got to get rid of them. I told him they were coming with us and I could have sworn I heard his heart skip a beat. I quickly told him I was kidding. He was so serious and he made me promise never to do that again. I laughed , he said he loved his family but he had to draw the line somewhere. Jane took the dress and Bob told us the Limousine was downstairs and we should head to the airport now. The storm that was in New York is in Florida today. I walked to the window and said, honey it's raining? Bob said didn't you hear the thunder last night? Honestly, we didn't hear a thing I said. Bob shook his head and again turned to Jane and said how come we heard it? She smacked his arm as he laughed out loud. Nick and Bob grabbed the suitcases and we all headed downstairs. We kissed Bob and Jane goodbye and climbed into the limousine. We made our way through the clogged streets of Orlando. Everything was wet and flooding but we didn't care. We were married and extremely happy to start our honeymoon. We were flying to Los Angeles where we'd stay one night and then head out to Maui first thing tomorrow morning. Our flight was delayed due to the weather but for once we didn't care. We sat off in a corner all by ourselves and cuddled and read newspapers and magazines. After an hour delay we were finally allowed to board. We took our seats on the airplane and headed off to our honeymoon. Our family surprised us by ordering a bottle of Champagne and a small cake for us. I didn't even know the airlines did this I said to Nick. He said leave it to Bob and Jane they can get anything accomplished. Everyone around us was congratulating us. The Captain even came out and talked to us. The 5 ½ hour flight just flew by and was uneventful. We deplaned in Los Angeles, this was my first time here ever! I was so excited, passengers and crew were still congratulating us. We made our way down to baggage claim and found a limousine waiting for us outside. We were taken to our hotel, which was just outside the airport entrance. I thought that was pretty scary. What if a plane was to crash? Nick said I was being silly and we have another flight in the morning so please don't talk about airplanes crashing. I laughed and kissed him. Have I told you how much I love you Mr. Carter? He said why no Mrs. Carter, I haven't heard that for at least 8 hours. I pretended to beg him to forgive me. He kissed me deep and hard. Once our faces separated I told him to tell the driver to hurry. He smiled and asked me why we should wait?

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The door flew open and Nick and I walked inside. The bellboy was getting our luggage and Nick and I walked up to the front desk. Nick checked us in as Mr. & Mrs. Nickolas Carter and we were escorted up to our suite. Once inside Nick tipped the man and quickly escorted him out. I'm on my honeymoon man, the bellboy smiled and said he'd see that we were not disturbed. Nick tipped him a $50. I looked at him and said that was generous of you. He said that's all he had in his wallet and he didn't want to go fishing for change. His thoughts were on other things. He pulled me to him and he kissed me while unbuttoning my Levi's. He lifted my shirt up over my head and my jeans slumped to the floor. With one attempted he unfastened my bra and he pulled it off. My hands began to work at his Levi's and I could feel his excitement. It wasn't long before we were in bed. We napped and then dressed for dinner. Nick said he had a surprise for me. I said another surprise? He said what was the first? I looked back at our bed he just smiled. He said this hotel has a glass domed dining room on the roof. We'd be able to watch the stars and the airplanes flying over head. Wow that must be something to see, I said. He grabbed my hand and we flew out the door. We had both worked up an appetite. We made our way up to the dining room and we escorted to a table. This place was awesome. It had a dance floor and the ceiling really was a glass dome. You could see millions of stars and the lights from the approaching aircraft. We sat down and Nick ordered Champagne. He held my hand as we looked at our menus. We both decided on the Prime rib. The waiter came back with our Champagne and we placed our order. "I do", came on and Nick and I bolted to the floor for our dance. He told me he loved me as we danced. I love you too, I said. We returned to our table once our song was over and waited for our food to arrive. Nick is so attentive, he's always holding my hand or has his arm around me. I feel so safe and warm when I'm with him. I hope this never ends I thought to myself. Our food was served and Nick and I cut into our Prime rib and fed each other the first bite. We smiled as we each thought of it at the same time. I leaned in to accept his kiss. Once our dinner dishes were cleared Nick and I were just relaxing, I had my head on his shoulder and he was talking softly about what we'd do on our honeymoon when we were interrupted by an older woman. The woman said excuse me but are you Nick Carter? Nick said yes, I am Nick Carter. She explained that her daughter, whom she pointed to back at her table, was too embarrassed to come over for an autograph. I waved her over and she slowly came to our table and Nick shook her hand. He introduced me to them as his wife. The girl looked so surprised. She asked when we got married? Nick said yesterday. The girl's mother apologized for interrupting us on our honeymoon but her daughter was Nick's biggest fan. I said why don't you sit down and have some dessert with us? The girl's eyes nearing fell out of her head and Nick turned to look at me like I was crazy. They both sat down and the waiter came back and took our dessert order. The mother whose name was Cynthia said it was obvious that we were very much in love. I looked at Nick and he smiled at me. I asked Julia what grade she was in? She said 8th grade. Nick said that's about when I left school. She smiled and said she knew. One of the Backstreet Boys songs came on and Nick asked Julia to dance, he turned to me and said if I don't mind? Julia looked at me and I said have fun, I'll talk to Cynthia. When they left she asked if she could take a picture of Nick and Julia when they came back? I said by all means. She said I was very gracious. I said I used to be a fan and I guess I can understand better than most. Also being a nurse helps too. She smiled and said that explains it. I smiled, they were here visiting from Tennessee. She said Julia's friends would never believe her without pictures. I said no problem. It turned out that Julia's father had just passed away 2 weeks ago from lung cancer and this was there way of getting away from everything. I offered my condolences and told her I wanted her address to see if there was anything the group could do for especially for her. I said the guys practice a lot in Tennessee. I'm not sure which part but I do know that they are touring again in January. She said she knew that but with her husband getting so sick and dying she forgot to get tickets. I said I'm not sure how it works but I'm sure we can get her to the concert. I asked her for her room number and told her I'd talk to Nick about it. She wrote it down on the back of a napkin and I put it in my purse. They came back and I had moved next to Julia's mom so that Nick and Julia were sitting side by side. I asked Nick if he minded having his picture taken with Julia? He said not at all. Cynthia pulled out her camera and started snapping pictures. First they were serious and then Nick started getting goofy. At the end he was kissing her cheek. She was so happy. Cynthia said we'd imposed enough and would allow us some privacy. They both stood up and thanked us for our generosity and dessert. Once they left Nick and I went back to our suite. He said I was very kind to that family. I said there's more. I filled him in on her father dying recently which we were very sensitive too as Bob had come very close last year. I explained that they weren't able to get tickets to the show in Tennessee and promised her mother I'd talk to you. He said I'm sorry, but I can't.

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I said I didn't know how it worked so I didn't promise her anything. He stopped me and said, he couldn't just leave like this. Getting her tickets was not a problem. He said I have an idea but it involves you too. I said what? Once he told me what he wanted to do I fell more in love with him. I said you amaze me. You have a heart the size of all of California. He kissed me and asked which room she was in? I handed him the slip of paper and he dialed the number. Cynthia answered and Nick offered his condolences over the loss of her husband. He talked a little about almost losing his dad and couldn't imagine what it would be like for them. He asked if he could help her in anyway? She asked him if I had talked to him? He said yes, but he had another idea too. He asked if they had any plans for tomorrow? She said nothing that couldn't be changed. He said he would like to personally invite them both to Disneyland with us. She said that would be great! Nick said as far as the tickets go to the show in Tennessee, all he needed to know was how many. He asked to speak with Julia. Julia came on the phone and Nick talked with her for a few minutes and said he'd see her in the morning. Nick and I got ready for bed. It was almost 10. He made arrangements with the airlines and hotels in Hawaii and we also called Bob and Jane and told them of our change of plans. Jane was happy that Nick was helping this girl. We made love and went to bed. The next morning we met upstairs and all ate breakfast together. At around 9:30 a.m. we climbed into the limousine and headed for Anaheim, and Disneyland. I had never been and Julia and Cynthia had never been. So we were all looking forward to a wonderful day. Julia kept saying she couldn't believe this was happening. Her mother was video taping it for her. We spent the entire day, 12 hours at the park. When we left after the parade that night we were all exhausted. Nick and I had and 8:45 a.m. departure and we were beat. We got back to the hotel at around 11. Julia had fallen asleep and I had rested my head on Nick's shoulder. It was the most intimate moment we'd spent all day. I had him for the rest of my life so I didn't mind too much that Julia occupied most of his time. We said goodbye and we got their address and phone number and promised we'd hook her up with tickets and backstage passes to the Tennessee show. Nick and I said good night and headed back to our room. We showered and went to bed. We were too tired to even make love. The next morning we boarded our flight to Maui. The island was beautiful. We lay out by the pool or on the beach. Nick even tried to teach me to play golf. We did all the tourist stuff, luaus and hikes up the volcanoes. I tried to get Nick in a helicopter to tour the island but he wasn't having any of it. Our days and nights just seemed to fly by. We flew over to Oahu and rented a car and immediately drove to the Dole Pineapple Plantation for Pineapple ice cream. We sent 4 boxes of Pineapples back to Florida. We took in the familiar sights of Hawaii and before we knew it, it was time to go home. Nick and I boarded the red eye for Los Angeles and connected immediately to Orlando. We had barely an hour connection. By the time we arrived in Orlando we were exhausted. Jane and Bob and the family all met us at the airport. We were both very tan and excited to see them. We got in the Suburban and headed to our house. Nick and Bob brought in the luggage and Jane and I went inside. She asked how the honeymoon was? I said it was great. We did so much. She laughed. I said that we didn't spend all of our time inside. Nick and Bob came in and I grabbed the hard cased suitcase. I pulled out all the souvenirs and handed them out. Nick was talking all about Julia and how we spent the day at Disneyland. We totally enjoyed ourselves I said. An hour later Leighanne and Brian showed up and then it wasn't long after that the rest of the guys showed up. We had a full blown party going on. Nick called and ordered pizzas for everyone and I went and started the laundry. Nick came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. Are you glad to be home, he asked? I said it was wonderful being home amongst family and friends. Not that I didn't enjoy my time with you, but I missed this. Aren't you happy, I asked? He said as long as I was happy he was happy. The doorbell rang and Nick asked for money. I laughed and told him in my purse. He paid the delivery guy and came back to me with a serious look on his face. I said wasn't it enough? He said it was, he had something in his hand and he looked hurt. I said what is it honey? He held out my birth control pills. I said what's the matter? He asked if I was taking them? I said of course I was, why? He said he thought I wanted kids. I do want kids. Then why are you taking them then? He asked. I said we hadn't discussed whether we wanted to wait or have them now. I didn't want to assume you wanted children now. I figured we'd talk about it once we got back. I asked him if he was upset with me? He said he wasn't upset, he was just surprised. I told him if he wanted to start a family now, then I won't take another pill. That beautiful smile flashed across his face and he tossed the pills in the trash. He kissed me and Bob reminded us that the honeymoon was over. I kissed Nick and said the honeymoon will never be over.

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I went back to work on Monday and Nick and the guys fell back into their routine of learning new dance moves and practicing 8 to 10 hours a day. Halloween was approaching and we still hadn't gotten pregnant. Nick was concerned so I made an appointment with my doctor. She said I was fine to get pregnant. Sometimes by taking the pill it could take up to six months before I would get pregnant. I really didn't want to tell that to Nick. So I went home and baked. When Nick got a free minute he called me. I told him what was going on and he was disappointed but he said we'd just have to try harder. I asked him when he was coming home? He said another couple of hours. Halloween came and went and Thanksgiving was approaching. We were planning on going to Nick's parent's house for Dinner. Bob was still doing great. Two years free of Cancer. It was definitely something to be thankful for. As we sat around the table we listened as Bob said grace. I still sat to Bob's right. That had just become my spot. Nick sat to my right and Jane sat across from me. Everyone was talking a mile a minute and Bob looked at Nick and I and asked when we were going to provide him with a grandchild? I was not prepared for the question and I tried to answer but ended up leaving the table. I ran upstairs to Nick's old room, my old room had since become a sewing room for Jane. I threw myself on the bed and cried. Nick came and laid down next to me and promised me it would be all right. He said maybe it was him and he would go get checked out next week. I said it's me, I just know it's me. Bob came upstairs and asked if I was all right? Nick told Bob that we were having trouble getting pregnant and that I felt responsible. Bob sat down and put his arm around me. He said that some women just have trouble. There are ways to correct this. I told him I knew that, we just wanted children so badly. He told me to dry my tears and come down and eat. We won't discuss it. He apologized for hurting my feelings and he was sorry I was having trouble. Nick brought me a wash cloth and I wiped my face. He said he loved me. He said if it doesn't happen naturally, we could always adopt children. That just made me cry more. He was so compassionate. He loved me and I couldn't get pregnant. It's the only thing he ever asked me for. I told him I wanted to have his children for him so badly. My body aches for it. He said maybe you're under too much stress. Have you thought of maybe quitting your job? Quit my job? Why would I quit my job, I asked him? He said that once you get pregnant aren't you going to stay home? I haven't decided I said. He said let's go back downstairs and finish dinner. We can talk more about this later. He led me down the stairs and we finished our dinner. The conversation was much more subdued, I guess Bob told them. Nick and I drove home that night and I just lay in his arms and cried myself to sleep. I started reading everything I could get my hands on. I wanted to give him a child. A part of me and a part of him. My heart ached for that. The days turned into weeks and Christmas was upon us. Nick and I had been shopping like crazy. The flu season was upon us, and Nick and I were both sick in bed with it. Nick recovered much more quickly. I went to the doctor on my day off and he told me it wasn't the flu. I was finally pregnant. It had taken three months, but I was pregnant. I couldn't contain my excitement. I hugged the doctor and headed for home. I then decided to wait to tell Nick. I drove into the mall and walked into the department store and headed for the baby department. I just wanted to look at the baby clothes. I found two pink rattles, and two blue rattles and got this amazing idea. I looked for two small boxes and headed for the cashier. I paid for my items and drove home. I wrapped a pink and blue rattle in each box. One box was for Nick and the other box was for Bob and Jane. When Nick came home he asked about the doctor. I told him I was feeling much better now. Nick brought home Chinese food and I devoured it and made him come to bed. I wanted him so badly. On Christmas morning Nick and I exchanged gifts and I saved the rattles for last. We gave each other some wonderful gifts but I told him I was saving the best for last. Nick looked at me and I place a small box in his hands. I was crying and couldn't control my emotions. He asked me if I was pregnant? I said just open the box. He undid the wrapping and when he saw the rattles he jumped up off the floor and started crying. Oh my God, Oh my God. He was laughing and crying and then he stopped and kissed me. How far he asked? 6 weeks, I said. He kept saying six weeks, six weeks. When did you find out? I said on Monday, I don't have the flu. He screamed he couldn't believe it. He wanted to know who else knew? I said no one. Just you and I. He said we have got to call mom and dad. I said no, I have a box for them too. He smiled and told me he loved me and rubbed my stomach. I asked him if he was happy? He said I made him happy. Not this baby, it's me he can't live without. We made love on the wrapping paper and then got dressed and headed for Bob and Jane's.

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We arrived and sat down to dinner. I was unbelievably hard sitting so close to Bob and not be able to tell him I was finally carrying his grandchild. I was emotional and they were both concerned about me. I said it's the flu. I can't help it. The tears just kept coming. Dinner was great, but I was so glad we were going to exchange gifts now. Again we held off and waited for it to be the last one to be opened. Nick said hold on there is one more gift here. All eyes were on Nick when he pretended to read the tag. Oh mom and dad, from Kim and I. Nick handed the box to me and I handed it to Bob. He went to hand it to Jane but I said no dad, you open it. He opened the box and pulled out two rattles and he didn't get it. Jane gasped and said No, don't you joke like this! I said it's no joke. Bob said what's with the baby rattles? Then the lights came on he jumped up and hugged me. He was crying and Jane was crying, I was crying. The kids were all happy for Nick and I. It had finally happened. Bob said it was the greatest Christmas present he'd ever gotten, next to his own children that is. When are you due he asked? Not until late July early August. His face fell, that long? I laughed and said well you know how it goes, 9 months in the oven. He laughed and hugged us both again. Jane was amazed I'd been able to keep it a secret for 5 days. I said it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Every time I though about this life growing inside of me it brought tears to my eyes. Poor Nick he thought I was in pain or had to throw up. They all laughed, Nick sat beside me holding my hand. We spent the rest of the day relaxing and then we walked around the back yard. I was tired and we went home. Before we left I reminded Jane that she was going to decorate my nursery. She said she'd love too. We planned on getting together next week to decide which room and how we wanted to decorate. Once we got home Nick put me in bed and he rubbed my forehead with his fingers. He said I was thinking, but don't be mad at what I'm going to say. I'm hoping that you will want to stop working now, and secondly I want to move. I sat up and looked at him and said move? Why? He said this house isn't big enough for the two of us, now our family is growing. I hope that you would want more than one child. This house doesn't even have a backyard. I said it does too. He said not for running around with kids and dogs. I said we don't have a dog. He said not now but when are kids are older they might want a dog and you know… I said move out of my house, and quit my job? Isn't that a lot to ask? He said never mind and I laid my head back on his shoulder and he again started to stroke my forehead with his fingers. After we lay there for a few minutes I asked him where he would want to move? He said somewhere closer to his parents, or closer to the beach. I told him I had all ready given my two weeks notice so I guess I was free to go house hunting too. He sat up and said do you mean it? I said you are right we need a bigger house. I'm going to miss this house though. Nick said we don't have to sell it. I said yes we do, we don't need two homes. He kissed me and promised me that he'd make me happy. I told him he all ready does. Nick turned off the light and we went to sleep. I finished out my time at the hospital and my friends gave me a big going away party. It was a going away/baby shower. I told them I still had 7 months to go. I'd invite them to the shower whenever Jane threw one for me. It was a very emotional day for me as I said goodbye to my kids. I promised to come back whenever I could. Nick picked me up and we drove to our home. Nick said he had three houses lined up for me to see tomorrow. I said all ready? He said he has connections. I smiled and said I'm going to lie down, I'm tired right now. I fell asleep and four hours later when I didn't wake up Nick woke me up. I told him I was having the best dream. We had 8 children. He laughed 8 children? And that's a good dream? I said yes I want a lot of children. He said he didn't have a problem with that, but with 8 children it would be hard finding the time to make them. I laughed and I told him he would probably kick them all out of the house. He laughed and said only if it were an emergency. Like the night of the Bachelor party, I said? He smiled and kissed me, are you hungry? He asked. Yes but not for food, I said with a sly smile on my face. Over the next few weeks we found a house closer to Nick's parents, and our house sold in two days. Nick would not let me help him move. The guys and Bob and Aaron all did the heavy lifting and I just directed them. We were in a hurry because Nick and I were leaving with the guys on tour. I was so nervous because I haven't traveled much and I was sick all the time. Nick was great, of course. We headed up to New York on January 15th. I was nervous and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. We checked into our hotel. When we left an hour later it seemed like all of New York knew the guys were in town. Nick and I were the last to leave the lobby. He asked me if I was ready? I said I guess so, we'll see soon enough. He told me not to let go of his hand. He kissed me and we headed outside. People were grabbing him and calling his name and pulling at his hair. They were pushing me and calling me and Nick tried not to stop but the crowd was out of control. I lost his hand but I could still see him. I smiled to let him no I was all right. I kept trying to move forward but I became lost in the crowd of people that were now all around me. They were all trying to see the guys. I couldn't see Nick anymore.

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I became disoriented and I felt really hot. I just started pushing my way forward, but I wasn't getting anywhere. I started calling for Nick but as I called his name the girls around me all started chanting his name. I couldn't go any further. All of a sudden it was like Moses parting the Red Sea. The fans started separating and I could see Brian, Nick and Kevin linked arm in arm until they found me. Nick grabbed me and Brian and Kevin signed autographs while Nick and I got in the van. He was scared for me. He said they didn't expect this and he was sorry. I told him I was fine. I said I'm not saying I wasn't scared but I'm fine. He kissed me and promised it would never happen again. We spent three days in New York and then bussed it to Massachusetts and then down to Washington DC. That was an experience in itself. I hated being on the bus. No shower and we were always stopping for fast food. Leighanne and Kristen joined us when we got to Washington DC. When the shows were finished there, Nick and I flew to Tennessee. We had two days off and then two shows in Memphis and one in Nashville. We called Julia and told her we were in town and we had tickets and backstage passes for both shows for her. She was so happy to hear from us. She said her friends didn't believe her until she showed the video to them. Nick said, how 'bout Kim and I pick you up for the show, do you think they'd believe you then? She laughed and said, oh my god, oh my god. Really? Would you do that? Nick said let me ask Kim. He told me his plans and I laughed. I said who is younger, you or Julia? He laughed and said Kim thinks it's cool too. Let's say 5:30 p.m. tomorrow night. OK? She said yes, he then said she could invite two friends and they hung up. I kissed him and told him he was amazing. We checked into a hotel, I was never so happy to take a bath. We sent our clothes down to housekeeping and took a nap. On the bus we can't even sleep together. The bus has bunks. And they are not very wide either. Nick took me out to dinner and then we went to a movie. Nick was the only one in town so no one was even looking for the Backstreet Boys. The next morning the buses arrived out front and it was like the whole world knew. Leighanne came and visited with me and asked me how I was doing? I laughed, I told her I was glad to be off that bus. She laughed and asked what my plans were for the day? I said as soon as Nick wakes up I'll let you know. She said let's just us girls go shopping. That got my attention. I told her give me 40 minutes. I went in and got dressed and woke up Nick. I told him I was going out with Leighanne to a mall. He had his eyes closed but smiled and said leave it to Leighanne to find a mall. He puckered up his lips and I kissed him. He told me he loved me. I met Leighanne in the lobby and we caught a taxi down to the mall. We were having a great time. I forgot what it felt like to be so carefree. My cellular phone rang, it was Nick. He was reminding me that we had to pick up Julia. I told him I was on my way back now. Did we want anything? He asked if I was close to a Mc Donald's? I told him I was so close I could taste it, as I popped another french fry in my mouth. He said hold on a minute. I looked at Leighanne and told her I was on hold. She laughed, he came back with an order. He said he was ordering for him and the fellas so no jokes. Leighanne and I ordered the food and headed back to the hotel. A bunch of girls had begun to gather out front. Just the sight of them made me nervous. Nick and I left 40 minutes later and headed to Julia's house. Nick got out of the limousine and knocked on Julia's door. He hugged her when he saw her. Her friends had gathered in her yard and we snapping pictures and asking for autographs. I stood back at the limousine and when they made their way back to the car she hugged me. I asked her how she was and she introduced me to her two friends. We drove to the arena and they watched the sound check and ate dinner with all of us. They had backstage passes and front row seats. They were extremely happy. She came back the next night with two friends and we headed up to Illinois on the bus. By the time the tour ended I was six months pregnant and I wasn't able to sleep on the bus anymore. We flew back into Orlando on April 4th. Nick's parents picked us up and were surprised to see that I was so big. I thanked them for making me feel better and they drove us home. Jane hoped that we didn't mind but she had set up the house for us. I looked at her and said I am so indebted to you. I was dreading coming home to displaced furniture and boxes. She told me there were a few boxes in the garage along with my birthday present. I looked at her and said my birthday was in January. She said you weren't here in January and we never got to give you your gift. I told Bob to drive faster. I looked at Nick and said I hope it's that crib I wanted. He smiled and said it wasn't a crib. I looked at him and he smiled. I said what is it? We pulled into our housing tract and up to our house. The house was more beautiful than I remembered. Jane helped me out of the Suburban and Nick and Bob went for the suitcases. Jane opened the garage door and I saw my car and a minivan and kept looking for the crib. She said you can't be that blind Kim? I said what? She pointed to the van. I said you got a new van? She said no you, got a new van. I laughed and said I was expecting a crib. She opened the van up for me. It was really nice, it was one of those 4 door models. She thought I would be more excited than I was. I said I'm just so tired.

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She apologized and we went inside. She had done such a wonderful job with the house. All of our furniture was arranged and she bought curtains. I said it's beautiful. I went to our bedroom, I've never been so happy to have our bedroom on the first floor. I took a shower and lay on the bed. Bob came in and asked if I was all right? I said just tired dad. He smiled and said he sure missed me these last 3 months. I held his hand and told him I missed him too. I looked at him and said do I ever have to do that again? He laughed and said it's not easy is it? I said how do they do it? I can't even imagine. He said first of all they are not pregnant, and secondly those guys love what they do. Bob started rubbing my forehead. I closed my eyes and told him that felt so good. He said he used to love it when I did it to him. I could only groan. I was asleep in no time. I slept right through dinner and into the next morning. I woke up about 5:30 a.m. and Nick was asleep, nude right next to me. He always slept in the nude except when he was on the bus. He hated the restriction of clothing. I went to the kitchen and looked through the cupboards. I smiled when I saw the hot cocoa. Jane remembered. I boiled some water and made some hot cocoa and explored my home. I wandered upstairs and made my way into the nursery. Jane had it all decorated. She bought the crib and wall papered the room in clouds just like I wanted. I felt my tears rushing down my cheeks. I sat down in the rocker and just felt so lucky. I got dressed and jumped in my new van and drove the 6 blocks to Bob and Jane's house. I let myself in and made my way to their bedroom. I climbed into their bed and woke them up. They laughed when they saw me. Jane said you must have seen the nursery. My tears fell as I struggled to speak. I said it's so beautiful, how can I ever thank you two enough. They both hugged me and I got under the covers with them. They said oh this must be a sight. We all laughed. The baby was bouncing around so much that it was uncomfortable. Jane and Bob both had their hands on my tummy as Jr., as we called the baby, was doing back flips or front flips or whatever. Jane thought it was a girl. She said all her girls were very active. I said as long as the baby is healthy that's all that mattered. Bob looked at me and said, I don't think so, I think it's a boy. I smiled and said you're probably right. I feel it's a boy. I go for an ultra sound in two weeks, but I don't want to know. I want to be surprised. Bob said well there is no use lying here any longer. Let's go eat. A smile ran across my face and he had to laugh. I said what? He said where's your husband? I said sleeping, but I left a note. He said the mention of food always brought a smile to Nick's face too, he missed his son. I said I know what you mean, I missed my dad. We all filed into the kitchen and I gushed about my van. I said it was so fun to drive and I like the color, green, and that it had a CD player was an added benefit. Jane said she knew I loved my music. Aaron came downstairs and welcomed me home. He laid his hand on my stomach and they baby started doing flip-flops again. Aaron asked me if I named him yet? I said I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl. Aaron said he recommends that I concentrate on male names. I laughed and asked him what he has been doing the last three months? He was recording another album. He was so excited. He had cut his hair really short while we were gone. I asked if he'd seen Nick yet? He said last night, didn't he tell you? I told him I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and Nick was still sleeping. He laughed and said didn't you guys get home around 2? I said I was sleeping for two. We had just finished our breakfast when Nick walked in. He still looked tired. He hugged everyone and sat down next to me. How's Jr. he said? Very active this morning I said. Nick said he's happy to be home. I said your mom thinks Jr.'s a girl. He said Jr.'s a boy, but I wish Jr. was a girl. I said next time and I kissed him. Over the next few months we settled back into our lives without touring. Nick and the guys were taking a year off. They had toured every year for the last 6 years. Now that Nick was to be a father, he demanded it. On July 27th at 3:30 a.m. Robert Gene Carter came screaming into the world. Bob, Jane, and Nick were all at my bedside. When we announced the name, Bob broke down. I grabbed his hand and said, it was only fitting we named him after the man that introduced his parents. Nick had cut the cord and Robert, whom we call Robby, was being weighed in. 9 lb. 14ozs. Jane said that's what Nick weighed. I was tired and sore and didn't really listen anymore. Nick called everyone and announced the arrival. Leighanne asked if there was anything I needed? I said I'd really like a vanilla shake. She laughed and said she'd bring one when she came. Well she and Brian got dressed and found a McDonalds that was open 24hrs a day and brought me my vanilla shake. Nick looked at Brian and Brian passed him a bag with food. They did the hand thing and then embraced. Robby was brought back to my room and passed around to everyone. Bob wasn't talking much. He just couldn't believe all his good fortune. He said he hoped to live to be 100. He was so happy and enjoying life so much. Nick leaned down and kissed me and told me he loved me. Jane brought me Robby as he started to fuss. I began to nurse him and he settled down. Immediately after feeding Robby I fell asleep.

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Over the next few years Nick and I had another baby, a little girl. The kids keep us both busy. Nick and the Backstreet Boys are just as popular as ever. Bob is strong and healthy and recently celebrated his 5th anniversary of being cancer free. Which is a big thing for us. Usually if the cancer doesn't return within the 5 years it means we beat it. It was an emotional day for everyone. We left the kids with Bob and Jane while Nick and I went to the Caribbean for our anniversary. Nick wanted to go to Hawaii but I didn't want to go that far from our kids. We were still in love and very devoted to each other. Before we even left Bob said you're still on your honeymoon aren't you? I told him I would be until the day I died. He said he couldn't imagine his life with out the grandkids and me. He said what would I be doing? I shrugged my shoulders and said maybe enjoying these years with your wife. He said he does that now. I told him I couldn't imagine my life without the whole Carter clan. He smiled. I called everyday, sometimes two, three times a day checking on everyone. One day Jane said now don't be alarmed but Bob's in the hospital. My heart stopped. I said what happened. She said he was up on the ladder and fell off and broke his hip and fractured his leg. I said we're coming home. She said he'd be home in the morning, just enjoy yourself you deserve it. I reminded her that she had to chase after two toddlers. She said like I haven't been there before. I laughed and said I would just feel better if I came home. I talked to Nick and he agreed. We were able to catch at 5 p.m. departure that night and went directly to the hospital. I stopped off at the cafeteria and bought a cup of tapioca pudding. Nick laughed when he saw what I was doing. We took the elevator up to Bob's floor and we walked into his room. He was surprised to see us, and obviously in a lot of pain. I said I brought you something. I handed him the tapioca and he smiled. He said look at you? I handed him the tapioca and a spoon and kissed him. I asked him if he was going to be all right? He said now that you're home and I have my pudding, I'm going to be just fine, and he was. Bob's hip and leg healed and he was again out running around with his grandkids. Jane and I sit and watch him sometimes and think about what we all would have missed out on if Bob first of all didn't get sick, and secondly had we not been blessed with the outcome of his treatment. Nick and the guys are touring again so I spend a lot of time at Bob and Jane's house. The kids are thriving and apparently take after Nick. They are both so blond their hair is almost white. They both have beautiful blue eyes and love to sing. Nick and I always have the radio on so from a very early age they had that influence. I still go out to the hospital and volunteer twice a week in my old hospital unit. Many of the kids have passed away, but luckily through cancer research many more cancers are being treated. Nick and the guys recently got together with the hospital and sang and answered questions to help raise money for the Children's Cancer Fund. We raised almost 100,000.00 in 4 hours. Nick and the guys are on tour for another 3 ½ weeks. Nick still reminds me of my dream to have 8 kids and I remind him that he's never in one place long enough for that dream to be realized. He calls me just to tell me that he loves me. Nicole will be two soon so we really should get started soon he said. Once Nick did return I got pregnant right away. When I was about 4 ½ months along I went in for an ultrasound. The technician was concerned and ordered more tests. I was nervous and scared that something could be wrong with this baby. Two weeks later Nick and I sat in my doctor's office while she explained that the baby was healthy but they had found a tumor the size of a walnut and wanted to remove it. A Tumor? What kind of tumor I asked? She said she wouldn't know until it came out. I asked where? It's inside your uterus. I felt myself go limp. I couldn't say anything and we sat there in total silence. Nick was confused, he said what does that mean? I was crying now because I knew what that meant. The tumor had to come out. The doctor said we had two choices. One, we could wait until the delivery of the child in hopes that the tumor is not cancerous, or two take the tumor out now. Nick said take it out now. The doctor said that would mean terminating this pregnancy. Nick was not ready to hear that. No, he said. Why does that have to happen? The doctor said the tumor was growing with the baby. If it's cancerous in 5 months it could be mean life or death for your wife. Nick said but if it's not cancerous then we lose our child anyway. He was rubbing my hand between the two of his. All my doctor could do was say she was sorry. Nick looked at me and said we could get pregnant again. I looked at him and couldn't believe what he was asking me to do. I said you want me to kill our child? He said it's your life, or the baby's life. I asked the doctor how much time I had to think this over? She said take all the time I needed. Nick and I left and drove to his parent's house to pick up the kids. As soon as we walked in the door the looks on our tear streaked faces told them the news wasn't good. Bob took it especially hard.

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He asked why they couldn't take the tumor out without harming the baby? Or why couldn't they do a blood test? There had to be something else the doctors could do. After I explained that not all cancers could be detected in blood tests he understood a little better. As for why the baby couldn't be saved, I had to let Nick explain that. They would have to go into the uterus, usually when any surgical procedure was performed like this it almost always causes miscarriage. I didn't want to have to live through that. I also didn't want to make this decision, but I had no choice now. For the next week I prayed everyday as to what my decision had to be. Every night I went to bed and every morning I woke up, I faced what my decision had to be. I had to remove this tumor. I could not leave my family. My husband and my kids needed me, and I needed them. So I invited the Carter's to our house for dinner and announced that I would be going in for surgery on Friday. It was Wednesday. Needless to say they were all very saddened. I was almost 5 months pregnant and very scared. On Thursday night I entered the hospital and Nick and Bob stayed with me. I told them to go home, I would be all right. Nick reminded me that I had a family now and we weren't about to let me go through this alone. I woke the next morning and the doctor came in and talked to us about the procedure and then I signed some papers authorizing the surgery. I asked if there was any way to save the baby, would he do that? He said that's his job, to preserve life. He was not looking forward to this surgery and he knew I wasn't either. The anesthesiologist came in and talked about his job and then he inserted an IV in my hand and I started to get sleepy. I told Bob and Nick that I loved them with all of my heart. I was crying and telling them if things don't go well, tell the kids and our family that I love them. Nick was trying to be strong, he was telling me that I'd tell them myself. I closed my eyes and felt my bed being wheeled out of the room. Nick held one hand and Bob the other. The last thing I remembered was Bob and Nick praying over me and then a kiss from each of them. I was in surgery for 8 hours. I spent another hour in recovery and then I was brought up to a private room. I began to wake up out of my sleep and found Nick and Bob asleep beside me. My throat was very sore from the Intubation tube. I cleared my throat but they didn't move. I felt the call button in my hand and rang for the nurse. She came in and I pointed to my throat and she brought me a glass of water. It was Shirley, I hadn't recognized her at first. She asked me how I was doing? I said I've been better? I asked her about the baby? She shook her head and said she was sorry. I felt my tears slide down my face and she sat and held my hand. I asked if they knew, nodding in Nick and Bob's direction? She said they knew and took it very hard. Your husband's been on pins and needles waiting for you. He was very scared he was going to lose you too. Another of my friends Annie, was an observer in the OR. She came in on her own time and gave frequent updates to Nick and Bob. When she didn't come out around 3, they knew something was wrong. I said what happened? She said nothing that wasn't expected but it just got really busy and so much was happening, you know Annie, something interests her and she forgets about everything else. I smiled and she rubbed my hand. She asked if I needed anything else? I said what are they giving me for the pain? Darvocet, she said. I told her it wasn't helping. She checked my chart and said I was due for more, she left the room and came back and I tried to sit up but the pain was too intense. I moaned and Nick and Bob woke up. They asked what was wrong? I told them I was all right and took my pill and lied back down. Shirley told me she'd be back before she left. Nick kissed my forehead and then my lips. His tears were falling on my face. I told him I was all right. He said it took so long. Bob said can I get you anything? My quick wit returned and I said how about a tapioca pudding and a newspaper? He smiled and then broke down. I tried to assure them that I was fine. Nick asked if I knew about the baby? My lower lip trembled and my ears filled with tears, he knew I knew. He said but we can always adopt so not to worry. I said the tumor is gone we can have more. Nick looked down and when he looked into my eyes he was fighting back his own tears. He said we'd never have anymore of our own children. I said what are you not telling me? Bob grabbed my hand and I looked at him. I looked back at Nick and I said no, please don't tell me this. Nick said they had to remove your Uterus. It was a good thing they had given me another Darvocet because I think I would have done some damage. I was too tired to scream so I closed my eyes and fell back to sleep. When I woke up again it was daylight. My face was still wet. It was as if I was crying in my sleep. When I looked around I noticed Jane had joined the men. I asked about my children? Jane said BJ, Grandma, and Grandpa had them. I turned to look at Nick. He asked if I was all right? I just let my tears fall. I told him I was sorry for all of this. He said it's not your fault. I told him I loved him. He leaned down and kissed me and said he loved me too. Jane came up to me and Nick and Bob went for a walk to get some coffee. Jane said how are you really feeling?

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I told her I felt awful. I was in pain and my heart was broken. I hurt for Bob and Nick. I just feel awful. She leaned down and kissed my forehead. She said you know none of this is your doing. These things just happen. I assured her I knew that, but I just felt like I had really disappointed Nick. She said I didn't. He was devastated, but he was even more devastated at the possibility of losing you. He called me during your surgery and asked me what he was going to do if something happened to you? I tried to calm him down, but he was crying like a baby. He loves you, he's hurt over the loss of this child, that is only natural. It's also natural for you to have these feelings, but just remember this. You are still the mother of two beautiful children that miss you so desperately and you have only been gone a day. You know what it's like to go through a lifetime of not having your parents. You made the right decision, Kim. You chose a life for you and your family. I put out my arms and she came down and hugged me. I cried like I had never cried in my life. Not since my true parents rejected me. I don't know where it came from. It scared me. When Nick saw us he was very concerned. He asked if I was all right? I wouldn't let go of Jane. Once I calmed down I thanked her for being here for me. I told her I loved her. I really love you Jane. Through her tears she told me she loved me too. Jane got up and Nick sat down and asked what was wrong? I said nothing now. Your mom reminded me of something very important. The doctor came in at that moment and asked everyone to leave. He did the examination and asked if I wanted Nick present for the report? I said I wanted Nick and my parents. He said OK, he sent the nurse out to get them. Once they returned to my room he discussed the surgery. He said once they removed the tumor they noticed that my uterine walls were lined with tumors and the uterus had to come out, otherwise they would grow and possibly spread to other organs. He said and that is why I could not save your child Kim. His eyes welled up with tears. He said now, for your treatment. I said I pretty much know what I have to do. He said he figured I would. I'd start out with 38 sessions of radiation treatment and then 1 month of chemotherapy. Nick gasped at the seriousness of it now. Bob was shaking and Jane was crying. I looked at Bob and said if you can do it, I can do it. He tried to smile but his lower lip betrayed him. He said as long as things continue to improve the way they are I'd be going home on Tuesday. I had three more days in this bed. He said it would be all right for the kids to come and visit but he didn't want me lifting them for 4 weeks. I complained that by that time I'd be too sick to lift them. Jane cleared her throat and I looked in her direction. She didn't say anything but a mother's love sends clear signals. I mumbled it was a small price to pay to be able to hold them for the rest of my life. The doctor said he knew I'd understand and then he asked if I was in any pain. I looked at him and he knew. He flipped open my chart and said he'd increase the dosage and see how things looked tomorrow. I thanked him for stopping in and spending so much time with us. He smiled and wished me a speedy recovery. On Sunday Jane and Bob brought in the kids and they sat up on the bed. We told them not to bump mama's tummy as she had a booboo. They were so happy to see me and when it was time to leave they screamed and cried. I promised I'd be home soon but it didn't help. I was crying and they were crying. I was finally able to sit up on Sunday afternoon and I was taking a few steps on Monday. Tuesday came and I was released. I would be staying at Nick's parent's house. Nick would be in and out of the studio, it couldn't be helped and it would be easier to be there than at my own house. My friends all came by to lift me up. Leighanne came by and was very emotional. I told her I was fine. She said she came close to losing Brian a few years ago and wasn't ready to lose a close friend. I told her she wasn't going too. She came over every free minute she had. She helped Jane with the kids and brought me cross-stitch and magazines. Once the radiation started things got bad for me. I couldn't eat and was losing weight and felt agitated all the time. Bob came in to my room everyday and just sat and read the newspaper when I didn't feel up to talking. When I did feel like talking he would sit on the bed and hold my hand. Nick was really scared when I lost almost 35 lbs. I still had extra weight on my body from the pregnancies but losing 35 lbs. this quickly scared him. I assured him I was fine. The kids were always up in the room, they understood that I was sick and always asked about my booboo. Robby was into making me get well cards. He would also sit on the floor and sing to me. I told him that was the best medicine. He said music wasn't medicine. I said of course it was. I asked him how he felt whenever he sang? He said he felt nice. I said well it makes me feel better to hear you sing to me. When I take my medicine it makes me better. So your songs are like a yummy medicine to me. Nick was standing in the doorway listening to me. I looked up at him and smiled. He blew me a kiss and picked up Robby. Robby let out a big, Daddy's home cry. Jane was right, I made the right decision.

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Nick leaned down and kissed me and sent Robby downstairs to dinner. He asked if I was having a good day? I said this day keeps getting better. He helped me down to the dinner table and I ate my usual, soup with soggy crackers. It was the only thing I'd been able to keep down. Nick still crushed my crackers for me. The kids were doing well here. My radiation was almost over now. I have one more week and then I immediately start Chemotherapy. I would have to be driven to a local hospital everyday though. I don't have the luxury of having it all done from home. Nick was going out of town for some PR campaign. He was so sad. I told him we have to go on with our lives. He kissed me and told me he loved me. I finished up with the radiation treatments and had a quiet weekend at home. I had lost at total of 43 ½ lbs. My doctor wanted me to wait and gain some weight first but I said no. On Monday morning Jane loaded me up into the van and drove me for my first chemo appointment. The first 2 days I was fine, the third day I stayed in the van until Bob came home from golfing. I was too weak to climb out of the van. He never again went golfing while I had my treatment. When Nick came home he was not prepared for what he saw. I was still losing weight, but I was also very pale and losing my beautiful brown hair. He tried not to cry but he couldn't help it. By the time my chemo ended I had lost a total of 58 lbs. I was down to 94 lbs. I still couldn't keep anything down and was on a IV supplement to keep me from starving and also to keep me hydrated. The kids were afraid to come near me. Jane went and bought me a wig and they came around a little more after that. I was too sick for them to be in the same room with them. The summer was ending and Robby would be starting school in a few weeks. I was determined not to miss that. I told Nick he had to make sure I didn't miss that. Nick promised me I'd be there, even if he had to carry me into the building. I told him I wanted to walk in. He looked at me and said, Kim you're still so very weak. I said I knew that, but I want to be there for my son. He said I am here for my son. I forced myself to eat, even when I wasn't hungry. Nick was constantly bringing me shakes from McDonalds. I would drink a large Vanilla shake everyday. I could keep a lot of soft foods down, but when it came to meat I just couldn't. So Jane talked to a nutritionist and got some suggestions. Bob was with me every step of the way. He said he'd gladly trade places with me. I told him he's already been here. He said he would still trade places with me. I asked him if he knew how much I loved him? He smiled and said he loved me too. I eventually got stronger and stronger and when Robby started school I was strong enough to walk him into his first classroom. He was so proud of me. Introducing me to everyone, this is my mom he'd proudly say. It was so difficult for him and I guess I never took the time to realize it. I sat down and watched him move around. I'd catch him looking at me from time to time and he'd flash that Carter smile at me. I still didn't have all of my strength back but enough to accomplish what I wanted to do. Nick helped me up and we started to leave. Robby ran after us crying that he didn't want to stay. I bent down so that I was eye level with him and told him we'd be back in a few hours. He threw his arms around my neck and said he didn't want me to leave him. I pulled him back and said I would never leave you. We're are just going home and we'd be back, I promised him. He looked at me so seriously and uttered the words every parent fears a child would say. He asked me if I was going to die. I looked up at Nick in total disbelief and told him I was not going to die. Robby's teacher brought me out a chair so I would be more comfortable and I pulled him up on my lap. I told him I was sorry I haven't been feeling well lately. I said we really needed to talk about my being sick but right now wasn't the time. I asked him if he wanted to stay? He said he did. I kissed him and said I promise you, I will be back at noon to pick you up, OK? He nodded his head and kissed Nick and me. He walked to his classroom and then turned back and looked at me like he was trying to memorize me. Then he went inside and closed the door. Nick helped me out to the van where he held me as I cried. I don't ever want to go through this again. Nick lifted my chin so that our eyes met and he said I won't. At 12 noon Nick and I were there to pick up Robby. We packed a picnic lunch and left Nicole with Jane. I had told her what had happened this morning and she was shocked. I told her Nick and I had to talk to him about it. She told us to take our time. Robby had a wonderful day. He wouldn't stop talking about his first day of school. When we drove to the park he got a serious look on his face and asked if it was time to talk? I looked at Nick and said he is so wise. Nick carried the picnic basket and blanket and we sat down together and ate. Once we finished I told Robby that the reason I was so sick right now was because I didn't want to die. Nick and I talked very slowly using small words that I was once very sick, but I went and had an operation and then took a lot of medicine that made me really sick, but would make me feel better. Robby seemed to understand. He asked me if I wanted my medicine now? I told him I didn't need anymore medicine. He looked at me a little hurt and asked why he couldn't sing to me anymore? I smiled and said oh the yummy medicine? You can give that to me anytime. He started singing to me and I just smiled.

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I have been cancer free for 1 year now. We are in the final process of adopting a child. We thought my medical history would hold us back but in a strange way it helped us. The horrible decision we made showed the adoption agency that we were capable of making rationale decisions. Even in the most difficult of circumstances. My stamina is back and I've gained about 25 lbs. Bob and I are so very close. We often talk about our experience and the fact that we were able to help each other in our hour of need. Every day we thank the Lord for our good fortune. There are many people who aren't here with us. Some we know and some we don't. We were both fortunate enough to survive this. Nick is still with the group and is very excited about adding to our family. We've planned for a large family and that's what he intends on having. Robby is a very mature boy. He's had to endure quite a bit with me getting sick like I did. He's very sensitive and caring just like his dad. Our children are very happy and we're always singing. Nick's excited about Robby's first school play. Robby has a solo and Nick is beside himself. He's invited all his family and his band is coming. It's a big production. Robby is happy that we're so excited. He's not even nervous about it. We'll be recording it, Bob and Jane will be recording it too. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it, but Nick is making a big enough deal about it for both of us. Robby is excited that we'd be getting a new baby soon too. He's praying for a brother he told me this morning. Girls aren't any fun he said. Nic takes all of his stuff he says. I keep telling him that if Nic was a boy, his stuff would still be missing. Of course not mom, boys understand. He's such a big boy. Well the day finally arrived for Robby's big debut. Nick was nervous, he didn't want anyone to laugh at Robby. Robby came home from school and he and Nick practiced his song. Robby was seriously into this and Nick was too. I had to laugh, I was worried too though. I wanted Robby to have a normal childhood playing sports and having friends sleep over. If Robby wanted to pursue a career like his father's then he could do that later. Nick agreed with me, but now he was confused. We all went out to dinner together, the whole family, and then we headed to Robby's school. We took our seats in the gym after dropping Robby off in his classroom. Nick wouldn't sit still. He had his arm on my knee and was tapping out the beat of Robby's song. I looked at him and told him to quit it. He said what? I just smiled, he didn't even realize what he was doing. The lights dimmed and the play started. Half way through we heard Robby's introduction play. He walked to the center stage and sang his little heart out. I was busting with so much pride for my son. We all cried, we were so proud of him. At the end of the play I hugged my son, who now all of a sudden was embarrassed to be hugged in public. Mom, I'm in first grade now, guys don't hug their mom's. I said OK, son. One of his friends said they had to go back to the classroom and he turned to go. I watched him walk away and then he stopped and turned around and mouthed to me, "I love you, mom." My heart was busting with love. After the play we all headed to the ice cream parlor for a celebration sundae. Robby was exhausted by the time I got him home. Nick and I tucked him into bed and told him how proud we were of him. Nick asked him if he wanted to do this again? He looked Nick in the eye and said he didn't think so. He wanted to play soccer next, then maybe football. Then if he got tired of sports he'd sing again. I smiled and said that's a good choice Robby. He smiled and held up his arms to me. I said is it OK to hug and kiss you now? He nodded and I hugged him. He told me he loved me and I told him I loved him more than any other boy on the face of the earth. He smiled and asked when he was going to get his brother? I told him we'd be getting a new baby soon. Whether it was a boy or a girl, wasn't our decision. Once he was tucked in I checked on Nicole. She was already asleep. As I sat there staring at her sweet little face I couldn't help thinking of the baby that wasn't here. Nick came up behind me and led me to bed. He asked why I was so sad? I told him what I was thinking and he told me that I would one day be reunited with that child. He knows it's hard for me and he's sorry that I hurt. He made love to me that night and dulled the pain I had in my heart. It will always hurt but with the love of my family it won't hurt so much. Nick fell asleep pretty quickly but I couldn't. I covered his naked body with the blanket and walked downstairs. I heard the rain start to fall. I walked to the patio door and just stared outside. I felt hypnotized by the rhythm of the rain. I don't really know how long I stood there maybe an hour when all of a sudden our lights went out. It scared me back to reality. I now noticed the wind that was picking up. I closed the door and turned on our portable radio. A hurricane warning was blaring across the airwaves. I ran to the bedroom and woke Nick up in a panic. He said get the kids and bring them downstairs. We both ran upstairs and Nick grabbed Robby and I grabbed Nicole and we met back in our bedroom. They fell back to sleep immediately, Nick and I waited for the storm to worsen. We didn't have to wait long. We could hear things being blown around and felt our house shaking. We heard power lines snap and transformers blowing. I was so scared I was shaking, I was waiting for the roof to fall in on top of us. Windows were exploding upstairs and then it all stopped. It was an eerie quiet.

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Nick and I sat very still for the longest time. The radio DJ started talking again saying we were in the eye. About 20 minutes later the rain started again. Nick said to get in the bathtub. I picked up Nicole and Nick grabbed Robby and we ran to the bathtub. I was scared, I was shaking and crying and the kids were awake now and scared. We could hear the house ripping apart. Car alarms were blaring and dogs were barking. For the next hour we huddled in the tub until the radio DJ spoke again saying the hurricane had passed over us and that there was major destruction. Nick opened the bathroom door and the roof was gone. Robby's bedroom used to be right above ours, and it was gone. Had we not gotten the kids off the top floor, God only knows what would have happened to them. Nick told us to stay in the bathroom while he looked around. He was barefoot and I could hear that the bedroom carpet was soaking wet. I looked at my watch it was 1:30 a.m. Nick found some shoes for all of us and grabbed some dry blankets and clothing. He called us out of the bathroom and when I walked out of the bathroom my heart broke. Our house was gone. The second floor was gone, the garage was all caved in. The house next door to us was leveled. They had all gotten out but they lost everything. No one had heard from the family across the street. I told Nick I didn't want my kids seeing the bodies, if there were bodies being carried from that house. My van sat in the driveway and it was untouched. It was like a miracle. I told Nick to get the keys my purse was in the kitchen. He came back and said we didn't have a kitchen but he found my purse anyway. I couldn't believe that we didn't have a kitchen. We loaded the kids in the car and I backed the van out of the driveway. Nick walked in front of the van until he cleared enough of the debris. We headed for his parent's house. We had no where else to go and we were hoping that they were spared. Thank God they were. We pulled into the driveway and knocked on the door. Aaron was white as a sheet but awake. He let us in and Bob embraced all of us. I was crying and telling them our house was gone. They couldn't believe we made it to their house. We lived only a few blocks south but once we got out of our housing track it was like nothing had even happened. We put the kids to bed and they fell back to sleep. Robby was worried about his toys and his clothes. I told him not to worry about that. We were all safe and those things could be replaced. I couldn't sleep, I was too afraid. I sat in front of the television watching the news footage of the destruction. Nick fell asleep next to me on the couch. When the sun came up Bob and I drove back to the house. He couldn't believe the sight of it. The family across the street had all perished. Many dogs in our neighborhood had also perished. Our house was a shell. Bob and I walked into the house and I retrieved my wedding dress and picture albums. Robby's bedroom was gone. It was just not there anymore. The kitchen was caved in and the back wall to the house was gone. Bob pulled down family pictures from the walls and I had him help me turn over the china cabinet. He told me it was surely all broken. I told him I wanted a picture from the cabinet. He assured me he had all of my pictures. I said not of my parents. He said he had the pictures of him and Jane. I looked at him and said my biological parents. He gave me this look. I just can't explain it, it was a look of disbelief combined with did I hear you right? I kept lifting and finally he bent down and helped me turn it over. I pulled out the drawer and removed the picture that was taped underneath. I just looked at the people who were my parents. It told him it was the only picture I have of them. We were able to salvage quite a bit. The rain ruined all my furniture, or it had been damaged. The city workers were out inspecting houses and they red tagged my house and told me to leave. Nick pulled up in Jane's suburban and asked me what I thought I was doing? I had to get some things out I said. Nick was pretty mad, he said there wasn't anything that important that I should risk my life over. I told him I wanted my pictures and my wedding dress. Those things could never be replaced. He hugged me and apologized for becoming upset. Even though we were not allowed inside, Nick and I went in and got as much of our stuff as we could. Nick and I were able to retrieve our clothing and most of Nicole's clothing. We found toys and Nick's Nintendo and games were brought out. I smiled and said the god's must be smiling. He laughed and then he saw his Durango. It was in the garage, the roof was caved in and all the tires were flattened. We drove back to Bob's house and set up house until we could figure out what to do next. The next few days were spent with the insurance brokers and looking for a new home. Nick wanted to leave the state. I said where would we go? He said he didn't want to go through this ever again.

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Over the next 2 ½ months our home was torn down and then the rebuilding process started. We decided to stay in Florida. Everything and everyone we knew was here. Robby was now in second grade and Nicole was in kindergarten. We had a new baby boy who was 2 months old whom we named Matthew Aaron. Bob and I had a long talk about the picture of my parents after the Hurricane destroyed our home. He asked me if I ever tried to look for them? I told them when I was old enough I did, but it was very expensive and I couldn't afford too. He said that I could afford it now. I said I know, maybe someday I will. I guess I keep hoping that they'll come looking for me. He told me he would investigate it for me if I wanted him too. I said no, I'm not ready for that yet. Jane and I were setting the table for Thanksgiving Dinner. It was another emotional occasion as I watched Robby enjoying his Aunts and Uncles. It made me long for my own. It also reminded me how lucky I was that Nick was home and thought of getting the children. Robby's bedroom was completely ripped away from our home. He could have been hurt or killed. I hated to even think about not having him in my life. Matthew was cranky and I took him upstairs and fed him and rocked him until he was sleeping. Nick came up looking for me when I didn't come back down. He asked if I was all right? I smiled and told him I had a lot on my mind but I was fine. He took Matthew from me and laid him in his crib and then he pulled me up to him. He just held me, he always seems to know what I need. We went back downstairs and I finished my meal. Bob kept looking at me and I didn't know why. Later that evening he came to me and asked if I was all right? I said I was wondering the same thing about you? He said since the Hurricane I seemed distant, not my charming self. He was kidding but there was also seriousness about his tone of voice. I told him that so much has gone on in my life and I think it's starting to stress me out a little. He hugged me and told me if I ever needed to talk to him he would always be here for me. I said, I love you Bob. He let a tear fall and said you called me Bob. Yes, that's your name isn't it? He nodded and hugged me and I went to put my kids to bed. I walked downstairs and noticed Bob was a little emotional and I asked him what was wrong? He said nothing, he's fine. The next few days he seemed very preoccupied. He was on the phone a lot or out of the house. Jane and I were shopping all of the time for Christmas. It was a little cramped in the house but we didn't mind. I asked her if she noticed a change in Bob? She said she did and was wondering if I knew why? I said I have no idea. I was hoping you could tell me. I hadn't the slightest idea. Two days before Christmas Nick noticed the picture of my parents. He asked about it. When I told him who the people were he was a little shocked. He had never seen it before. I said I used to keep it taped to the underside of the china cabinet's drawer. He thought that was a strange place to keep a picture. I said I just felt better knowing they were around. On Christmas Eve our family and friends gathered for dinner and we exchanged a few gifts. We sang songs and played games and Bob still wasn't himself. I said, Bob what's wrong? Brian asked when I stopped calling him dad and started calling him Bob? It never even occurred to me that I was doing it. I looked at Bob and he turned his head from me and then I knew. I said Daddy, can I talk to you a minute? We walked into the kitchen and I apologized for not calling him dad and told him I never even realized I was doing it. He said it was all right, he wasn't my real father. That hurt me deeply. I said he was more my father than any other man on the face of this earth. I kissed him and hugged him and told him I loved him. We walked back to the party and Bob seemed to be a little better, but there was still something wrong. The next morning was a zoo. The kids were up early and they wanted to open presents. Bob and Jane were excited to see them so excited. We started handing out the presents and I sat by Bob. I said dad are you getting this on film? He said of course I am, honey. Nick noticed a slight change in Bob but I knew there was still something bothering him. The kids got toys and clothing and bicycles. Nick was excited and said we could now ride bikes as a family. Robby had made gifts for everyone and they all loved them. I bought Bob a sweater and Jane some perfume. Nick always buys me jewelry. I also got a small box that I thought had earrings in it but it was a new set of keys to our home. He said the house would be ready January 10th. I was excited, I didn't want to leave, but I was anxious to get back to living in more space. I said well if that's all then let's go eat. Bob said, just a minute Kim. I have one more gift. He reached into his shirt pocket and handed me an envelope. I said what is it dad? He started to get very emotional. He got up and walked away. I followed him, I said dad what is it? Nick and Jane were with us now. He said just open it. I said I'm afraid too, if it has upset you this much I don't want it. He said it's the names and addresses of your parents.

Chapter 48

I just stood there with the envelope in my hand. Bob left the room and Jane and Nick stood there staring at me. I sat down and said so this is why he's been so distant. Jane asked if I was going to open it? Bob returned to the kitchen his eyes were wet and red. I looked him straight in the eye and told him I had no reason to open this letter. My family was in this room. Jane said but it's your biological parents. I said to her, but still looking at Bob, I'm 27 years old and they've been gone for 21 of those years. You've been in my life for 2 years and are more my parents than whoever it is in this envelope. I picked up the envelope off the table and tore it in half. Nick was smiling and Bob didn't know what to think. I tore it again and again. I walked to Bob and said you're my daddy. I don't need any other daddy. He said but… I shook my head and told him I didn't need any one else. He said what about your picture? I said it's an old picture. I don't even know why I keep it, but it's the only one I have. As you know I have hundred's of pictures of you and Jane. I introduce you as my parents to everyone. He said but you haven't been calling me dad. I have no idea why I haven't been calling you dad, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. You know I would never hurt you. I could hear Matthew upstairs crying. Nick went up to get him. Jane, Bob and I sat down at the kitchen table. I grabbed their hands and told them if anything ever happened to either one of them, I'd die. I can't imagine if either of you was not in my life. Jane said they weren't going anywhere. I said I didn't think I was going anywhere either but that hurricane made me realize just how precious life really is. Especially when my son's room was ripped away. I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore. Bob said if I ever wanted to know the truth of my parents, he had the information still. I told him I ripped it up. He said he had other copies. I smiled and said I know who and where my parents are. They are right here at this table with me. I loved them both so much. I hugged Jane and then Bob. Bob always gave great hugs. Nick came down with Matthew. He had been changed and was hungry. Nick handed him off to me and went to make a bottle. Robby and Nicole came running in the kitchen wanting to go outside and ride their bicycles. I said as soon as I feed Matthew we'll all go out. Bob said stay Nick and I will do it. I said are you sure? He said of course I am, sunshine. I smiled and knew we'd be OK. I said, I love you daddy. He kissed the top of my head. My hair was coming back. It was so very short, Nick was always commenting that he missed my hair. They all went outside and I sat in the kitchen alone with Matthew. As he sucked formula from his bottle I told him how lucky he was to have come into this family. You see you and I are so much alike. We were chosen to be in this family. Everyone else is a real Carter. Matthew finished his bottle and I bundled him up and we went and sat outside in the driveway and watched his brother and sister learn to ride their bicycles. I sat in the background and watched them wondering what it would be like if I weren't here. If Matthew and I weren't here, would they be this happy? I don't think so, at least I hope not. Nick saw me standing in the background and he smiled at me. He walked to me and kissed me. He still makes my knees weak. He took Matthew and handed him off to his dad and he led me by the hand out to the center of the driveway. We played with our children until we were all so very tired. Matthew had fallen asleep in Bob's arms. Nicole was very tired and desperately needed a nap and Robby was now playing with his new toys with Aaron. I carried Nicole upstairs and put her in bed. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her. She rolled over and went to sleep. I went into my bedroom and lay down on the bed. A few minutes later Nick came in and closed and locked the door. He lay down beside me and asked me if I was happy? I said I'm fine, I'm very happy, why do you ask? He said it was important to him that I'm happy. He asked if I had any regrets not looking in the envelope? Without hesitating I said no way. I meant every word I said to your parents. Does that bother you that I love and depend on them so much? He said no, he loves me more because of it. I asked him how much does he love me? He said do you want me to tell you? Or do you want me to show you? We both smiled and shed our clothes.