Chapter 1

I dropped the phone, I couldn't believe my ears. The voice on the phone said he was publicity for Jive Records and I'd just won their contest. My mom picked up the phone and finished the conversation for me, because I was in no shape to talk. I was in shock. It was about 6 months ago when on their official web site I submitted an entry form for a day with the Backstreet Boys. I had just received the most important phone call of my 21-year-old life. I was going to spend a day with them. My mother wrote down all the information and thanked the man for calling. I said what did he say? Is it a hoax? My mom smiled and said, no it's not a hoax and you are allowed to bring someone with you. I didn't want to bring anyone with me. I wanted them all to my self. My mom laughed at my comment. When do I get to see them? You'll have to wait until this weekend. It was only Monday. Well that will give me time to shop and get ready and tell all my friends. A limousine would pick my up Saturday morning at 8am. 8am I said? Ugh, that means I can't really go out Friday. My mom laughed. One night in wouldn't hurt. I ran upstairs and decided nothing was going to work. I grabbed my keys and flew down the stairs. Where are you going I heard my mom yell? Out, I'll be back later, I said. I hopped into my Saturn and headed down to the mall. What to wear? I could not decide. I bought a new pair of Tommy Jeans. I didn't want to appear to be a slob and I didn't want to over dress either. I bought a pair of khaki paints and a shirt. I paid for my purchases and headed to lady footlocker. I bought a new pair of Nike's. I was almost ready. Now I'd have to sit and wait for 5 days. I drove home listening to the Millennium CD. It always put me in a good mood. I ran upstairs and tried my clothes on again. I lay on my bed and called my best friend Jenny. Jenny you'll never guess what just happened to me? I said. You got a new outfit? She scoffed. Well, it's true but can you guess why I got a new outfit? I said. Jenny said because it's Monday? Ugh! No I won the Backstreet Boys contest. No way she said. You liar, I suppose Nick called you, himself? I said, no not Nick some guy in publicity or something like that. I couldn't talk to him so my mom did. She was beginning to believe me now. She said she'd be right over. I put my clothes away and went downstairs to wait for Jenny. She walked in and gave me a hug. When does this happen? I told her on Saturday. She was so excited. My mom walked into the room and Jenny said Hi Mrs. James. My mom asked if I'd told her what had happened? I think my mom was just as excited as I was. Jenny wanted all the details when and where. I couldn't tell her that just in case she let it slip. The guys would be in town this Saturday and I got to spend the day with them and attend the concert Saturday night. Backstage passes and all. She was so excited and couldn't believe I'd won. I spent the entire week watching all the videos and singing to their songs. I played them night and day. My dad was getting sick of it. He took my car in to the shop and didn't know how to work the CD player and he got stuck listening to them. I thought it was funny. He didn't think it was. Mom kept telling him it was my car so he should stop complaining. He said he was sick of BSB stuff all over the house. BSB screen saver, BSB sounds coming from the computer. He never went in my room anymore because my walls and ceiling was covered with Nick, AJ, Kevin, Brian and even Howie. He thought I'd gone too far. You can just imagine how he felt when I told him I was actually going to the concert "and" I was going to spend the entire day with them. I just floated through the week. On Friday night I was beside myself. Jenny slept over she was coming with me tomorrow. It was OK, she liked Kevin and I liked Nick. So if either of us were able to get close to one of them we wouldn't both pick the same guy. I don't think we slept at all. We stayed in the family room far away from my dad. I put on the videos and Jenny and I dreamed about the guys. I told her if I got the chance I was going to kiss Nick. Jenny said well that shows you how much you love Nick, if I got the chance to be alone with Kevin I'd be screaming "get this kid out of me" in nine months time. I laughed so hard. She was incredibly funny and I knew I couldn't go wrong inviting her. We pushed each other to the limit. I pulled out my old magazines and we studied up on each of the guys. What Kevin's favorite color? I asked her. Blue, she said. What's Nick's shoe size? She asked me. Eleven I answered. How many eyebrows does Kevin have? I laughed. Two, she yelled. Where does Nick resign? She laughed. I was laughing so hard I didn't notice my dad in the doorway. He said it's 4:30 in the morning, are you girls ever going to go to sleep. Jenny and I looked at each other and just busted up laughing. I heard my dad climb the stairs. I said its 4:30 we are supposed to get picked up at 8 a.m. Jenny said do you want to shower first, or can I? I said you shower down here and I'll shower upstairs. We got up and went to get ready for our fella's. We don't call them boys, it sounds so childish. We often hear them refer to each other as "The Fellas" so they are our "Fellas" too. We met in my room after the shower and I blow dried Jenny's hair and she did mine. We were too excited to eat so we dressed and applied our make up and waited for something to happen.

Chapter 2

At 7:15 a limousine pulled up in front of my house. Jenny and I screamed and then we heard my dad cuss. The back door of the limousine opened and a man stepped out and closed the door. Damn, it's not them I said. Mom flew down the stairs, I said it's not them. She had jumped out of bed and threw any old thing on. I told her that her shirt was on inside out. She turned around and reversed it. She had no bra on. Jenny and I laughed. Finally the doorbell rang. Mom opened the door and the guy introduced himself as a promoter. He showed my mother his driver's license and some papers. We sat down at the dining room table and he explained to my mother what would happen today. He asked if we had any questions. I said, where are they? He smiled, we're going there next. I hugged my mom and she told me to have fun. We followed Pete out to the limousine and we headed to the fella's hotel. I was nervous but so excited. Jenny asked if they would all be present? He said they are all here. So what are we going to do today? He said whatever you girls want to do. I looked at Jenny and smiled. We didn't dare say anything. We both had our camera's and my dad's miniature camcorder. Memories to last a lifetime I told Jen. We finally pulled up in front of the Ritz. I should have known they'd be here, I thought to myself. We walked into the lobby and by passed the counters and headed for the elevators. We went up to the PH floor. Their bodyguards met us. Once they saw Pete they let us pass. Pete looked at me and said who's your favorite? Nick, I said. Jen said she liked Kevin. OK, let's go in here then the guys will join us in a minute. We walked into a suite of rooms and he asked us to sit. Jen practically sat on my lap. He made 5 phone calls and said we're ready and then hung up. 5 minutes later the fella's stood before us. I just buried my face in my hands and started shaking. I can't believe you're here I said. Nick asked which of us was Susan? I said, I'm Susie. He said it was nice to meet me and he shook my hand. The rest of the guys introduced themselves to Jenny and me. So, Brian said, what would you girls like to do today? I said there is this cool race way not far from here, they have go carts if you fellas like that? Nick said we want to know what you want to do? I said, go carts! We went down the elevator making small conversation about where we were from and what we did. Did we have boyfriends? All the usual boring questions. Jenny was so quiet and wasn't saying anything at all. When we got in the limousine I whispered into her ear if she wanted Kevin's baby she would at the very least talk him into bed. AJ said hey we don't allow secrets. It surprised me and I apologized. They all started laughing. I said well I was just reminding my friend about a conversation we had this morning. Her eyes got wide. Nick said what conversation? I said the one… Oh, look we're by the ocean Jenny said. Breaking me off in mid sentence. I laughed, I thought it was so funny. It really wasn't that funny but I couldn't stop laughing. The fellas were looking at me like I was crazy. Within a few minutes they were laughing too. We arrived at the track and their bodyguard paid our admission. I could tell Nick was going to love this. We got in line and waited our turn. Nick and AJ were in the back of the line. I thought that sucked. I would have liked to race against Nick. Jenny and I got in and the fake announcer called the race. I stepped on the gas and sped off. We were fighting all the way around the track. Jenny kept bumping me. We finally got through the course and I won. They guys were laughing at us. I said what's so funny? Brian said we usually get girls who either only want to do what we want to do, or they pretend to like the things that the read we supposedly like. You two know your way around this track though. I said we are here every week. Brian said since you won Susie, I'll take you on. Brian hopped over the railing and we started racing. He got off before I did but since it was to my advantage I bumped him and passed him. He came back and bumped me and I won. He got out of his cart laughing and said you bumped me? I was laughing and saying Me? No, I would never bump a Backstreet Boy. They all laughed. Well now Nick wanted to race. I looked at Jenny who had Kevin deep in conversation. I called her name. She looked over and I pointed to Nick and raised my eyebrows. She smiled, I looked over at Nick who was watching my every move. OOPS, I said. The fake announcer again said we could go. I took off and beat Nick off the block he bumped me and I laughed. I had just been jumped, I mean bumped by Nick. Ha ha ha. I got caught up on a corner and Nick passed me. I rocked off the corner and went over an embankment that I shouldn't have and ended up in front of Nick again. I won the race. Nick was complaining saying I cheated. I said I never saw any rules. He was a sore loser. I was tired, I'd done what I came to do, I'd beaten Nick. Of course I cheated but who cares. I've heard he's very competitive. He said what else is there to do here? I said arcade games anyone? Nick's eyes got huge. We headed over to the arcade and played various games. Nick challenged me on one of those competitive car racer games. We would sit side by side and race. I said sure, he told me not to cheat this time. Yeah, yeah, yeah I said. Nick inserted the coins and we picked our skill level and cars. We wouldn't know how the other was doing until our time had elapsed. This is my all time favorite game. I spend hours on this one game. Nick wouldn't know what hit him.

Chapter 3

I was still playing when Nick ran out of time. I laughed when he asked if I snuck another coin into the slot. I said some "girls" are just better at things. He laughed he said what aren't you good at? I told him I'd call him when I found that out. He distracted me and I crashed. It was OK, I had top score. Nick's initials were 4 players below mine. He asked what my initials stood for? SJJ, Susan Jane James. He said my mom's name is Jane. I said no kidding, really? He laughed, oh I guess you know that. He said let's go find the other guys. We walked around and found them back on the go-carts. He asked if I was thirsty? I said yes, it's hot today. He said there is a water fountain right over there. I looked at him. He said just kidding and we walked to the soda fountain and he bought me a diet coke. AJ asked if I would race him, or was I too afraid. The park was closed and it was just the 10 of us. The five fella's, Jen and I, and 3 bodyguards. Jen pulled me aside and said watch out he doesn't stay on the track. AJ said what did I tell you two about keeping secrets? I handed her my soda and got into the cart. I looked at him and said are you ready? Just then he stepped on the throttle and bolted of the starting line. I was right behind him. He went over one embankment but I stayed on the track knowing he would have to cut across another embankment and cross the track again. I just stayed focused and watched for him. He cut across the track behind me and I waited until I could see the arcade and then I went over the top of the embankment and straight across the finish line. By the time AJ got there I was out of the cart with my helmet in my hand. He thought he had me beat. He kept punching the steering wheel. I asked him if he cared to go again? Nick and Jen were laughing. I walked back to Jen and took my diet coke. Next we went over to the miniature golf course. I don't know how many do overs we had. The balls kept going onto the grassy area. It took us another 2 hours to finish. We decided to go to lunch. It was almost 1 p.m. Kevin asked where there was a good place to eat? I said what do you like? They all said something different and Brian asked what I wanted. I said let's go to the Safari Bar, they have everything. Jen said I love that place, they have awesome…never mind. Kevin said what? I said they have awesome margaritas. They all laughed at us. I said what's so funny? They said it's just barely 1pm and you girls have alcohol on your minds. I said no the virgin kind. Nick said really? Now it was our turn to laugh at him. They had a concert tonight and couldn't drink even if they wanted too. We arrived at the bar and got lots of looks as we each left the limousine. It felt cool that everyone was looking at us. We were seated in the back away from the rest of the patrons. I said that was cool. Jen kicked me under the table. She kicked me too hard and I said Ouch, a little to loudly. They all looked at me. Charlie horse I said. I looked at Jen and said excuse me while I clean up. Jen followed me to the ladies room and we laughed. We were having so much fun. I was near tears. Jen said I was her true best friend she'd never forget this day as long as she lived and she had me to thank for that. I told her she'd do the same for me. We fixed our make up and dried our eyes. We were so emotional. We walked out and right into Brian and Nick. Brian asked if we were OK? I couldn't meet their eyes. This day was so incredible, I couldn't begin to explain how they made me feel. It wasn't all sexual, but I didn't want to come off as some freak for liking them the way I did. I said we're fine. We walked back to the table and sat down together and ordered our food. Jen and I were raised in Christian Schools our whole lives. Although we weren't perfect we did give honor to God for the food that he set before us. I think we shocked the fellas. Even Brian and Kevin ate without praying and we'd heard they were strong Christians. That just opened a whole can of worms. We went through our Christian backgrounds with them and told them we were both attending FSU. They were impressed. As we were sitting there eating I want it that way came on over the piped in music. Well, Jen and I kind of lost it and we started singing. The fellas were getting a kick out of us. Jen and I just started busting up laughing. She said they are our favorite group of all time, just in case you didn't know that. We talked about our favorite songs. Brian was amazed at our selections. I liked some of there lesser known ballads. He liked the way I interpreted the music. We finished our meal and the guys ate dessert, we were heading over to the O-rena for a sound check. We have never in our lives had front row seats. We had them during the sound check. The guys sang right too us. We even took pictures. I asked Nick why he doesn't flip around during QPG and he said he used to but he got stuck and it scared the shit out of him. He apologized for cussing. I told him it was all right. Once they made it through the sound check they had down time. It was almost 4 p.m. the concert started at 7:00. Once their opening acts performed the fellas would come out at 8:30pm. We were so excited. I played a few games of Nintendo with Nick he beat me at Mario Kart. I told him I let him win. I'd kicked his butt all day it was about time I let him win one. He laughed at me. AJ and Brian went to take a nap. Jen and I were getting really tired too. Nick said we could crash in his dressing room. I made him promise to wake us up. I said if we missed this concert I'd never let him forget it. He put his chin in his hand and said hmmm. Then he laughed and said not to worry.

Chapter 4

Jen and I lied on Nick's couch and slept until 7 p.m. Nick came in and woke us up. He was all ready in the blue outfit. Damn he looked good. I thought I was dreaming for a minute. I nudged Jen and we both got up and changed for the concert. We went in search of the guys and were almost thrown out because we weren't wearing our backstage passes. Luckily Pete was still around and he cleared us. We went back and got the passes and again went in search of the guys. We found them in a quiet area just thinking and relaxing. We walked in to them and AJ whistled. He said is that what beauty sleep does to you ladies? I said you are so bad. He said, what? I asked if they were ready? They said they were just getting ready to pray. Oh, we'll give you some privacy then. We turned to leave and Brian said, stay with us. It's all right. It sent shivers down my back. I turned around all embarrassed thinking they saw that. I had a huge smile on my face and whispered into Jen's ear what just happened. AJ started to say no whispering and I stopped him. I said I told her Brian just gave me the shivers, happy now are you AJ? They all laughed. Then I realized what I'd said. I said I mean when you said we could stay for the prayer "that" gave me the shivers. I was so embarrassed I sat down on the couch. Brian said he knew what I meant, after all I only had eyes for Nick. Now I was really embarrassed. I dropped my head in my hands. I was seated between Nick and Brian so a minute later my hands were in theirs. I lifted my head up and noticed we were all in a circle with heads bowed. Brian began to pray, he thanked the Lord for all the talents he's given to him and the Fellas and also thanked him for their good health and families. He thanked the Lord that they could be put in a position to spend the day with us and give back to us. Then there was the Amen. It was so beautiful it made me teary eyed. They slipped their hands from mine. I wasn't about to let go but they had a show to do. Jen and I were escorted out to our seats. Front row again we were loving every minute of this. We were screaming and singing our brains out. They would point to us and sing to us during the show. The girls around us were asking us if we knew them. We just said no. Nick and Kevin flew on the outer edges of our section. Nick motioned for me to move close to him and when I did he threw me a teddy bear. I went back to Jen and she was so jealous. Kevin was too busy flipping over and over. It was too funny. The concert ended and before the end of their last song we were ushered to the back. We waited for them to come back but they never did. They went immediately to their bus. Pete came back and said he was going to take us home now. I said no way, we never got to say good bye. He said the guys were back at the hotel by now. I said then take us there. This isn't fair we should have been able to say good bye. He said you had the whole day together. Jen said that's right and the day is not over. We have two more hours. I said couldn't you at least call them? If they don't want us to come then we won't. I promise, it's just that we didn't get to thank them or anything. Pete called the hotel and got Brian. Brian told Pete they were waiting for us. We had plans for tonight. Pete said OK, we'll be there in 15 minutes. We got back in our limousine and when we arrived at the hotel there were tons of fans all over the place. We went to get out but instead the guys got in. Pete got out and told us all to have a great time. Nick lowered the glass and told the chauffeur to kick it. The limousine left and we said thank you letting us thank you for a wonderful day. We'll never forget it for as long as we live. I was still clutching the teddy bear Nick through to me. He sat across from me and they had all showered all ready. Brian said we are not through with you yet. I looked at Jen and felt a little terror over come me. AJ said relax it's just dancing. I just smiled. Nick was watching me closely. I turned to say something to Jen, AJ was distracted by eye candy, so I leaned in and told her I was so nervous. She said don't worry what could happen. I told her I hadn't called my parents and they might be worried. She said so call them. I reached down to grab my bag with my phone in it. AJ had the music up pretty loud so I had to talk loud. Kevin hit the back of AJ's head and told him to turn it down. Now I was really nervous, I'd have to hold this conversation in total silence. They would hear every word. Dad answered the phone. Hid daddy I said. I always called him daddy. Nick smiled. I asked him if mom was still awake? He said she was and then he started asking questions. Dad, can I just speak to mom? I said yes dad I had a great time. Uh Huh, the concert was da bomb dad. Yeah, thanks dad, I'm sorry too. I love you too, now can I speak to mom? My mom got on the phone and she was so excited that she made me smile. I said not now mom. They were all smiling at me now. My mom asked if there was something wrong? I said no everything's fine. She asked if I was sure? I said no OK, everything is not fine. I'm sitting here trying to tell you I'm going with the fellas to a club and you two keep asking all these questions and they are all looking and listening to me. They all erupted in laughter. Mom was laughing too. I said oh forget it. You'll never guess the day I had. I went over my entire day with her on the way to the club. She was so happy for me and told me to have fun. She told me she loved me. There was a lot of static on my phone and I tried to tell her I loved her. She said she couldn't hear me and I screamed I LOVE YOU TOO! They just stared.

Chapter 5

I said static and closed my phone and packed it in my bag. I sat up and dropped my head in my hands. How embarrassing. We got out of the limousine and were ushered into a nightclub. No one was carded. Brian said now this place has killer margaritas. I laughed I said aren't you guys tired? He said no, we are pumped. Nick and AJ were dancing on the way to a booth. We sat down and I went to the ladies room. I called my mom from the pay phone and told her I loved her. I'm sorry we got cut off. I talked a little about Nick but I was afraid he would come around the corner. I told her that he didn't seem interested in me but that was all right. I still had a great time. I said I'd be home as soon as I could. We still had the limousine so we weren't drinking and driving. I told her I loved her and was so lucky to have her. She said me too kiddo. I walked back to the booth and Nick was gone. I asked where Nick went? Howie said the men's room. He must have fallen in because he went right after you did. My heart skipped a beat when I heard Nick ask me to dance. I got up and walked out onto the dance floor. The song changed to a slow ballad and I asked him if this was all right? He said sure. He pulled me close and asked how my conversation went with my mom? I lifted my hands to cover my face. I'm so embarrassed I said. He just kept dancing. We finished our dance and went back to the booth. Nick sat next to me and we drank margaritas for the next 3 hours. I have never had so much fun in my entire life. Nick said he really enjoyed himself too. I was thinking we would be shopping or watching after silly little girls. Your age got transposed on our cards and when we saw you two this morning we were like wow! I said transposed? Nick said we thought you would be a couple of 12-year-olds. Jen and I started laughing. I said well my motto is , I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys R us kid. They all started laughing. I said why grow up and be serious all the time. I like to go out and have fun. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Nick said that was deep. I laughed for him I guess it was. As our night started to wind down I asked what there plans for tomorrow were. I said not for me, I'm just curious as to what you'll be doing. The said sleeping! We all laughed, they were heading up to New York, and they had some dates to make up. We didn't get back to my house until 5:30 a.m. We just drove around and dropped Howie AJ and Brian off at the hotel. Nick and Kevin took us to my house. Nick and I sat in the limousine while Kevin and Jen walked to my door. Nick asked for my phone number and address. He said he really had fun and would like to see me again. He said he couldn't promise me when, but he really liked me. I wrote it down for him on a piece of paper. Sitting in the limousine with him alone made my heart race. The sun was starting to come up. I said well I guess we have to let you go now. He smiled, he said he enjoyed the day as much as I did. I said I don't think so. I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the limousine. He said would you mind if I gave you a hug? I said Heck no! He laughed, he hugged me and said he'd call as soon as he could. I said good bye to Kevin he hugged me too. I looked at Nick and asked if I could have another hug? He said sure, he gave me a hug and we went inside the doorway and watched them drive away. Jen said why did you ask for another hug? I said because Kevin hugged me and I wanted to remember Nick's touch. She laughed, we went upstairs and went to bed. I didn't even get undressed. We had gotten so much BSB stuff. They even signed a bunch too. I don't remember Jen leaving. I was very tired and slept until almost 8 p.m. I lay there staring at my Nick poster above my bed. I said you guys are praying now. Sitting in a circle holding hands. I tried to remember Brian's prayer but my telephone rang. It was Jen, she asked if I was awake. I said I was I was just thinking that the Fella's are praying right now. She said that's why she was calling. I said no man would ever compare to Nick Carter. My love life is over before it even starts. No man would ever be able to fill his shoes. She had to go but she said she'd call me back in a minute. I hung up the phone and looked at the clock. They must be nervous now. Getting ready to get in the box. My phone rang again I said they must be in the box right now. Nick said what? Nick? I asked. He said hi, I said I was just thinking about you. He said who's in a box? I filled him in on Jen's call and that you guys were praying at 8 and now you must be heading to the box. He laughed. I said thanks for calling I know you have to go so I won't keep you. He asked if he could call after the show? I said please do! He asked if it would wake my parents? I said I had my own line so he could call any time of day they'd never hear it. He said he had to go and he'd call me later. I went downstairs and my parents asked about my day. I said you'd never believe how much fun I had. My mom said she took my 10 rolls of file to one-hour photo and she could see what fun I had. I laughed you took them all to one hour photo? Oh thank you, where are they? On the table she said. I forgot about my hunger and ran upstairs and called Jen. I told her about Nick's phone call and my pictures. I told her I'd scan her the Kevin ones and she could take whichever ones she wanted. I told her Nick was going to call back after the show and I better go eat now otherwise I might miss him. She said there's still another hour to the show. I said I knew that. I'm hungry, she laughed and said you and Nick are too much alike.

Chapter 6

I went back downstairs and talked to my parents and ate a sandwich. My dad really understood this infatuation I had with the BSB's and he was happy for me now. I had some really great pictures. I took a lot at the racetrack and backstage. I had some really good ones of them during the sound check and during the concert. I told them both how after the concert the guys left and Pete wanted to bring us home. I begged him to call the fellas. We never even had a chance to thank them. I can imagine that the "last" thing they wanted to do on their day off was hang out with someone they didn't even know. I glanced at the clock and took my pictures upstairs. I told them I was expecting a phone call. I kissed the both goodnight and thanked them for the pictures. I love you both. I grabbed another diet coke and ran upstairs. I put on my Millennium CD and waited for Nick to call. I pulled out an empty photo album I had bought specifically for this occasion. I began to sort through all the pictures. I started out with the ones of Jen and I in the morning before they arrived to the ones at the club. I separated them into two piles. One for the album and the others I would allow Jen to take some and I would frame the really good ones. I checked the clock and the concert had been over almost an hour now. I felt so sad all of a sudden. He forgot about me all ready. I put on my Backstreets Back CD. Half way through Like a Child, my phone rang. Nick asked if he woke me? No, I thought maybe you forgot to call me. He asked what I was doing? I said I was arranging my pictures in an album. He said you got them back all ready? I laughed I said of course I did. I asked him how his day went? He said he was pretty tired now. They left the concert and their hotel was about 30 minutes away from the venue. He had taken a shower and was lying in bed talking to me now. The thought of Nick lying down in bed sent shivers through my body. I told him I didn't wake up until almost 8pm. He laughed when I said that. I told him my mom was nice enough to take my rolls of film in to the one-hour photo and got them developed. He said it sounds like you have a nice mom. I told him I do, I couldn't ask for a better mom. He said that's so nice to hear. What's your mom's name? I said if I tell you, you'd probably think I'm lying. He said why? I said her name is Jane. He laughed, he said oh that's right isn't your middle name Jane? He remembered I thought. Yes, Susan Jane is my name. That's so sweet to be named after your mom. I said it's nice. He asked if I had any siblings? No, I'm all alone I said. Emphasizing alone. I kept hearing him yawn. I said if you need to get some sleep now, I'll understand. He said he was fine. I lay back on my bed staring at his picture staring back at me. I could talk to you all night if you let me. He said what would you say? Hmmm, I'd say when are you coming home? He said 3 days. What else, he asked? When you get home, what are you going to do? I asked him. Nick said probably spend some time with my family. I haven't seen them in awhile. After that, is there anyone else you might want to visit? I asked. He said there is this one girl that I went out with. She was pretty cool, she's so much fun to be around. I think you would like her, he said. My heart skipped a beat. Oh, I said. I didn't think you had a girlfriend. He said he didn't. So you are dating this girl then? I asked him. No, I just went out with her once with some friends and we had a great time and I'd like to see if we could make something of it. I was really quiet. I didn't know what to say. I said sooooooo. You're in New York right? He laughed, I said what's so funny? He said I was talking about yesterday. I got a huge smile on my face. You meant me? I asked. He said he had a great time yesterday. He doesn't have a lot of time for a personal life and when he finds someone he likes he tries to make a go of it. It's really hard for me though. I said please tell me you're not joking? You want to spend time with me? I was almost in tears. He said he'd like to try. I told him I'd like to try too. He was stressing to me that it's not easy for him to date. I told him I read all about his break ups in the rag magazines. So I know not to get to excited. I know that your time is very limited and I'd take all I could get. He asked me to describe my bedroom. I said why? He said I don't know I just want to hear you talk. I said well, I have a queen sized bed set with a huge mirrored dresser. I also have a desk … he stopped me and asked me what was on my walls? I said what? He laughed, he said how many pictures of me do you have on your walls. I told him I didn't know? He said Jen told him about my room. I said oh my goodness. He laughed. He said are you looking at the picture above your bed? I said stop it. He was laughing now. I love his laugh. He asked what my favorite color is? I said green. He said really? I said the carpet in my room is green my car is green. I love green, I always have. I said what else do you want to know? He said, let me think. I don't know I think I got it all right now in my head. I smiled. I said you really sound tired, are you sure you don't want to go to sleep? He said he better it was almost two now. I looked at the clock. We had talked for 2 hours. I apologized for talking so long. He told me he'd call me again in three days. I told him I couldn't wait. We hung up and I just lay there looking at Nick's picture above my bed. There is no way this is really happening to me.

Chapter 7

The next day I called Jen and told her about my conversation with Nick. She was so excited for me. She came over to my house and we finished up with the photo album. We swapped a bunch of photos as she had taken just as many pictures as I did. We ended up with two albums each. We played our BSB CD's and acted like total fools. I said I'm bored let's go do something. We took off to the track. We loved this place too much for our other friends. We were considered immature because we liked to have fun. This girl at my church would tease me all the time saying, "What kind of man are you going to end up with doing this?" Now I can say, Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys! I couldn't wait until next Sunday. Just let her "even" get in my face. I'd pull out my album so fast her head would spin. Jen was rolling, she thought it so funny. We raced a few times around the track and played some miniature golf. It was just 48 hours before that we played here with the BSB. We drove back home for lunch. My parent's were working so we had the house to ourselves. We made some sandwiches and grabbed a few drinks and headed up to my room. I had a message on my answering machine. It was Nick, Jen screamed. Shhhh, I want to hear this. I played the message and Nick said he just called to say hello. He'd be home in two days and was thinking of me. He'd call tonight after the show. Jen said no way! You are so lucky! I just bit into my sandwich. I couldn't disagree with her there. She asked what happened in the limousine when they brought us home? I said I gave him my phone number and address that's it. I didn't even kiss him. Wow! Kevin didn't ask for my address or phone number. I said I'd talk to Nick tonight and feel it out for you. She said no don't do that. I told her I'd be careful I'd make it so it wasn't obvious. We messed around for awhile in my room and then Jen had to leave. I just watched my video and flipped through those pictures. I had the biggest smile on my face through it all. Every time I knew something funny was going to happen on the tape I'd get this huge smile on my face and start to giggle. I still hadn't figured out how much was love and how much was lust. My mom came home and watched the video with me. She said you guys must have had the best time. I said mom if I died right now I would have no regrets. She smiled and said that must have been some night? I didn't tell her that Nick had been calling me. I don't think she would have minded but I know my dad would have minded. Besides, it's not like we are dating. We just like hanging out together. Mom had to go start dinner. I told her I started it all ready. The chicken is in the over and the potatoes were baking. She kissed me on top of my head and asked what she had ever done to deserve me? I just smiled at her. I am an only child so I don't have to compete for my parent's love. I love and respect my parents and would probably do anything to make them proud of me. We sat down to dinner and we all talked about our day. Of course my day was consumed with BSB. I showed my parents the album and dad actually watched the video. He said he thought the guys were very nice and very professional. He said but no matter what the exterior underneath it all they were men. My parents had always driven into my head the importance of saving yourself for you husband. It's the best gift you could give each other. So at 21 I was still a virgin. I have had boyfriends in the past, but once they realized I was not going to sleep with them the relationship usually fizzled. So I had a lot of broken hearts. My parent's were always there to pick up the pieces afterwards. If he loves you so much, then why won't he wait? Hard words when your heart is broken, but once you meet someone new you realize that they were right. I helped mom with the dishes and went upstairs to call Jen. She said the boys are praying right now. I had to laugh, I said they are standing in a circle with their heads bowed. I wish I were there. I miss them so much. Jen said them? I said especially Nick, but I thought Brian was so sensitive and AJ was so wild sometimes. Howie and Kevin kind of kept everything rolling. I wish you could take all of their personalities and roll it into one man. That would be my ultimate man. I have a another call, hold on Jen. I clicked over and someone wanted to sell me something. I'm talking long distance and I'm not interested I said. I clicked back over and Jen asked if it was Nick? I said if it was Nick do you think I'd be talking to you? She busted up laughing. It was time for the fellas to go on stage. I said they are soaring over the crowd right now. She told me to go take a cold shower. I said OK, I'm going to take a shower. I'll call you tomorrow. She said let's go to the beach, we haven't been there very much this summer. Sure, call me when you wake up then, I said. I hung up the phone and took a hot shower. I dressed for bed and sat there with my cordless on my lap and watched the video until Nick called. I started to doze off when the phone woke me. Nick said I'm sorry it's so late but we had problems with the bus. I glanced at the clock it was almost 1 a.m. I said it's all right, I yawned and he said he was sorry he woke me up. I told him I wasn't. He asked me what I did today and I asked him the same thing. We talked for about an hour. We were both pretty tired. He asked what I wanted to do when we were able to get together? I said you seemed to enjoy the raceway, we can go back. He said that would be fun. After we hung up, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Chapter 8

I spent the next day getting ready for Nick. I was so nervous, I went and got my hair trimmed. I met up with some of my friends. I didn't tell them what was happening to me, I didn't want to tell to many people because if Nick did actually show up I didn't want them to be hanging around me. I went to lunch with them and we talked about a bunch of things. We headed out to the mall and I bought a few things. We decided to get together later for a movie. I called Jen on my cell and invited her to come along. I went home to get ready. The movie didn't start until 6 p.m. I changed my message on my answering machine just in case Nick called. I said I'm not home right now and if this is my "new" friend, call me back after you're finished working, I'll wait up for you. I sat down and talked to my mom at the kitchen table. She asked if I'd come down from my high? No way I said. It would take weeks, maybe months. We both laughed, I felt bad not telling her about Nick. I didn't want her to get her hopes up anymore then I wanted to get mine up. She was going grocery shopping and I gave her my requests. Diet Pepsi, my staple. Jen finally showed up and we headed for the theater. Before we left she almost let it slip about Nick. She asked if "he" called? Mom of course said who is "he"? I said some guy from school, and no thank God he didn't call. I pushed her out of the house and she asked what's going on? I told her that I didn't tell my mom that I'd been talking to Nick. She was surprised. My mom and I are really close and we used to do a lot of things together. I've never kept anything from her in my life. I've never ever lied to her either. So keeping this little secret is a big deal to her. I told her that I didn't know what was going to happen with Nick so I didn't want to get them involved. My dad would be really mad anyway. He doesn't especially like entertainers, so if I told him I what I was doing, I just don't know how he'd react. She laughed and said, so what is going on? I said Nick was do back tomorrow, he wanted to spend some time with his family. He hasn't seen them in a while so I'm not sure when we would get together or even if we would. I pulled into the movie theater parking lot. We got out of the car and Stacy, Beth , and Julie were waiving at us. I said end of subject, don't bring him up tonight especially in front of these girls. Hi, I said to the girls, are we ready? We bought our tickets and went inside to watch Double Jeopardy. Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones were starring. It was an OK movie. After the movie was over I looked at my watch. I told Jen it was 8:15. I said their getting in the box. Beth asked what I was talking about? I said nothing really, just an expression. We headed to Denny's Restaurant and snacked on nachos and diet Cokes. We talked about our friends and those who weren't our friends. We agreed to keep in touch over the summer and Jen and I left. I said it's almost 11 I want to get home in case Nick calls. She smiled and said I had it bad. I said, he just makes me happy. I don't even know if I love him, I just know that he's very handsome and very sweet. I don't know Nick Carter the man, I only know Nick Carter the BSB. Nick Carter the BSB is fine and mostly a sexual object to me. I want to know Nick Carter the man, our phone conversations are great I look forward to talking to him. I don't know what I'm going to do if he stops calling me. She laughed, she had left her car at my house so I parked and she said she'd call me in the morning. I went inside, my parents were already asleep. I grabbed a diet Pepsi and checked for messages. Nick called before the show again. He said he would call me later. I jumped into the shower and got dressed in my BSB tee shirt and waited for Nick to call back. Around midnight my phone rang. Hello, hi Susie, Nick said. I told him I was hoping he'd call. He said of course he would, he looked forward to our phone calls. That just made me smile. I asked him if he was still coming home tomorrow? He said he was. Good, just keep my phone number handy and call me when you have time. He said he had it memorized all ready. He asked what I did today and I told him about my day and the movie and stuff. I told him Jen was the only one who knew about him and he seemed pleased. I asked him how the guys were? He said they were all right here. They were fine. Brian grabbed the phone and said hello and asked how I was? Great, I told him it was nice hearing his voice again. Howie and Kevin came on and said hello. AJ got on and asked how I was holding up? I said fine, what's that supposed to mean? He said Nick hasn't stopped talking about me. I heard the phone being ripped out of AJ's hand and then AJ busted up laughing. Nick was laughing and I guess he was a little embarrassed. I played it off like I didn't hear what AJ said. I said Hello? Nick said he was back. I said what did AJ say, I didn't hear him. He said he was teasing him and not to pay any attention to him. We made some small talk about his concert and how he really enjoys his work. I told him they obviously really enjoyed what they did. I told him I couldn't wait to see him again. He said he'd be home tomorrow around 1. He would spend tomorrow sleeping and with his family. He said so maybe the day after we could get together. It would be Friday night. Almost a week after I saw him last. I couldn't wait to see him. He was yawning and I told him he should get some sleep. He said he was all right. He just wanted to talk.

Chapter 9

We eventually did hang up and I managed to get some sleep. I didn't know whether or not Nick would have time for me. He didn't know what his parents had planned. He said he'd for sure call me around 4. I felt kind of foolish sitting up in my room all day waiting for the phone to ring. Why am I even doing this? I called Jen and made her talk on the phone with me. I needed something to pass the time it was only 12:00, Nick wasn't even home yet. She said I wasn't foolish, it was Nick Carter for god sake. I had to laugh, she was right. I went out to lunch with my mom, she only worked a ½ day at our restaurant and I looked forward to our summer lunches. We had a wonderful afternoon, we walked around the mall and window shopped. I kept looking at my watch and my mom asked what was so important? I said oh, nothing. We continued on and she again caught me looking at my watch. It was 3:15 p.m. We sat down and shared a diet Coke. She said are you ever going to tell me or is this one of those secrets? I said I try not to keep things from her but I just don't know how you'll react to some things that I want to tell you. She assured me I could tell her anything. So now I had a huge smile on my face and couldn't control my excitement. I told her that Nick had been calling me every night this week. Her jaw fell open, I said he's home right now and at 4 he's going to call me. So I know this is supposed to be our day but can we go home now? She just started laughing, she couldn't believe it. She stood up and grabbed her keys and purse and we walked out to the car in silence. I asked her what was wrong? She said, she was happy for me, but wished I had told her earlier. We've always been so close and she would have liked to share this with me. I said what would you have done, sat in my room and listened to the conversations? I won't even let Jen do that. She laughed, she said he's been calling you since he left? I said yes, he's so wonderful. He hasn't promised me anything. We aren't even dating and he's being very protective over me. He told me his job is very demanding and there's a lot of time when we can't be together. His family comes first before any one and that's just how it has to be. I totally agree because you and dad come first in my life too. She smiled, it was 5 to 4 when we pulled into our driveway. We walked into the house and I headed up the stairs. My mom called to me, I turned around on the step and she said she loved me. I ran down and hugged her and thanked her for the day. Up in my room I put away the few trinkets I'd bought and waited for Nick to call. Right at 4 the phone rang. He said hello and I said Hi. He asked what I'd done today? I told him I spent the day with my mom. He thought that was really sweet. I asked him how it was to see his family again? He said it was really nice. He's very close to them. I told him I already knew that. He said you know everything about me and I hardly know anything about you. I told him I knew that too. He laughed, I said I don't want to put any pressure on you but do you think we'd get together tonight? He said he couldn't tonight because his mom planned a family thing but he would really like to see me tomorrow. I told him I had no plans for Saturday. Great he said. I said would you call me tonight? I look forward to talking to you at night, even if we don't have anything to say. He said he'd call. I told him I told my mom today that we've been talking. He was surprised I'd kept it from her. I told him why and he agreed but was glad things were out in the open with us. He didn't like secrets and honesty was his policy. I agreed with him, I told him tonight I'd tell my dad. He laughed and said OK. He had to go get ready and I told him to try and call me tonight. He said he would definitely call me. We hung up and I headed downstairs to help mom with dinner. My mom asked if Nick called? He did but we wouldn't get together until tomorrow. He had plans with his family. She said she was sorry. I told her I was OK with that. Nick told me his family comes first and I have to respect that. Besides, my family comes first too. She smiled at me. I peeled the potatoes and steamed some broccoli. At 5:30 p.m. we all sat down to dinner. Once dad finished talking about his day he asked me about mine. Let me start by saying that my dad is overly protective of me. I'm his only child and he doesn't want anything to hurt me. He wants only the best for me. I told him I've been keeping something from him and I needed to tell him. He stopped mid bite and looked at my mom. I reminded him of last weekend when I went to meet the Backstreet Boys. He looked from me to mom and said yes. Well, I've been keeping in contact with Nick all week. He looked at mom and asked if she knew about that? She said I had just told her today. He asked how old Nick was? I said we're the same age. He asked what his intentions were? I said how was I supposed to know that? He said, well you are in school so don't even think about going out with him. I dropped my fork you can't be serious? My dad said he wasn't going to let me throw everything away and become a groupie. I told him it wasn't like that. He said I'm not going out with him and that's final. I ran from the table and went upstairs and called Jen. I was really upset and she came over. She let herself in and said hello to my parents and ran up to my room. She knocked on my door and I let her in. Just seeing her made the tears come all over again. I started crying, she asked what happened? I told her my life was over.

Chapter 10

She said what do you mean your life is over? I told her about my dad and how he won't let me date Nick. She said that it's about time that we move away from our parents. I said how can I do that? Jen's Grandmother had recently passed away and left Jen her house in her will. It wasn't anything great but it was all Jen's. Her parents were remodeling it for her as a birthday and Christmas gift. The house would be ready in two weeks. She told me to hold on until then. I told her I'd move in with her. She was happy but sad at the same time, as she knew how much I loved my parents. She asked me if I was going to be all right? I said of course now that I'm moving out. I've done everything my parents have ever asked of me and this is how they treat me as an adult. It's time for me to move out. Jen left and a few minutes later my mom came upstairs to check on me. She noticed I was removing my pictures off my wall. She asked why I was doing that? I told her I was moving out. She said what? I said I'm 21 years old and it's time for me to move out and get my own life. I've done everything you guys have ever asked of me and now I meet a guy who I really like, and I'm told that at 21 years old, I'm forbidden to see him. I can't accept that and it's proved to me that it's time for me to move out. Mom ran from the room and a few minutes later I heard yelling downstairs. I ran downstairs and told them to stop! My dad asked me what was going on? I told him I was moving out. He asked why? I said because if at 21 you don't trust me to do the right thing then I have to go out and prove it to you. He told me I wasn't moving out so I should just stop this. I told him I was moving and there was nothing he could do to stop it. I ran upstairs and stayed there. Mom knocked on my door but I wouldn't answer her. I called Jen and told her that my parents knewI was moving out and they were not happy about it. I can't believe what my life has become. Jen said things would all work out, she promised tthey would. Nick called around 10:30 p.m. he could tell there was something wrong. I tried not to tell him but he said he knew something was wrong. My emotions overcame me and he waited for me to regain control. I told him that I had told my father at dinner today and he forbade me to see him. Nick asked why? My dad didn't want me to become a groupie and drop out of school and the whole drug thing just scares him. Nick said but that isn't you, is it? I said no that's not me. He said he'll change his mind, I said he wouldn't so I'm moving out of my parent's house. Nick was speechless, he finally said, I don't want to come between you and your family. I told him he wasn't. It was my decision and if I don't cut the apron strings now, I'd never leave. He asked where I would go? I told him about Jen and the house she had inherited. He thought that very lucky for us. We wouldn't have to work, we would still be able to go to school. I asked him if I would be able to see him tomorrow? He said what about your father? I said I don't know. I don't want to disrespect him, but I have never done anything to make him not trust me. Nick said he was hoping to see me tomorrow. I told him I was really looking forward to it too. He asked me if I would be OK? I told him I hoped my dad would change his mind. Even if he did, it was still time for me to move out. I was emotional again I said I made them argue today. I've never caused them to argue before. Nick said maybe would shouldn't get together then. Your parents are much more important. I said, yes they are important to me but I can't live for them my whole life. They have to learn to let go and let me make some mistakes, not that this is a mistake, but I have to get out there and prove to them that they raised me right. Are you going to get me hooked on drugs? Nick laughed, he said he tried Coke once. I said what? He said he gave it up though the ice cubes kept getting in the way. I laughed, he was making a joke. I told him that I wanted to meet him tomorrow. I said just not here. I won't disrespect my dad by bringing you here. How about we meet at the raceway, or the mall? He said let's go to the Safari Bar for lunch. I said even closer. He said he was sorry that he caused so much pain. I told him it really had nothing to do with him. We swapped cell phone numbers and he told me he'd see me tomorrow. I hung up and took a shower. I went downstairs to get something to eat and saw my dad on the couch asleep. I made a sandwich and went upstairs. I fell asleep and woke around 7:30 a.m. I went downstairs and dad had already left for work. Mom was not happy. I sat down next to her and told her I was sorry for causing the argument between her and dad. She said she didn't blame me, dad is just to overprotective. I told her I loved her and was moving not to hurt them, but because it was time. She understood and told me she'd still help me with my finances. I smiled and told her I was happy to hear that. She finished her breakfast and kissed me good bye. Jen called and asked how I was? I told her I was still moving out and I was meeting Nick for lunch today. She said she was happy for me and wanted me to call her when our date was over. I promised her I would. She asked what I was going to wear? I have no idea. What should I wear? She said she'd be right over.

Chapter 11

Jen and I went through all of my clothes. She noticed the pictures were coming off my wall. I told her I'd already started to pack. She smiled, she said this was so cool. She couldn't wait until we could move in together. I told her my mom agreed to help pay for my things. She didn't want me to get a job. We finally settled on a pair of khaki shorts and a baby blue tank top. She helped me curl my hair and apply my make up. I told her I was so nervous. Look I'm shaking I said. She laughed. We had the Millennium CD blaring on my stereo I didn't notice that my dad was home. He turned the stereo down and asked if he could talk to me for a minute? Jen said good bye and reminded me to call her later. I stood before my dad and he asked me to stay. He didn't want me to move out. I told him I wanted to move out. I wanted to learn to fend for myself. He apologized for telling me I couldn't see Nick but he didn't want me to get involved with people in that business. All they do is party and do drugs, he didn't want me to fall into that trap. I told him Nick wasn't like that. He said you met him for one day, how do you know what he's really like? I suppose you're going to quote some teenybopper magazine and tell me all about him. I said dad, please I've talked to him on the phone for a week now. He's very dedicated to his family and doesn't do drugs. Dad did not believe any of it. He said fine, do what you have to do. I'm just sorry it has to come to this. I said what do you mean by that? He left the room without speaking a word. I stood there stunned. I grabbed my keys and purse and headed downstairs. Dad had already left. I got in my green Saturn and drove to the Safari Bar. Nick was already waiting for me. I got out of the car and he gave me a hug. We went inside and ordered lunch. He sat across from me and I filled him in on my conversation with my father. He felt really bad for me. I told him he couldn't stay mad forever. We ate our lunch and I filled him in on my life. My likes and dislikes. I was totally surprised to find out that Nick liked Country Music. I thought that very funny. I said I liked Country music too. He said he liked Metallica, I told him I've heard of them but never any of their music. Weren't they heavy metal? Nick smiled and asked what else I liked. I told him I loved to lie on the beach at night and stare at the stars. I love to listen to the ocean and lie there in total darkness. He said he likes the beach but he's never gone out alone at night like that. I said it's so soothing. He asked what I wanted to do today? I said I didn't really put a lot of thought into it. He just stared at me. He asked me if I wanted to go home? I said no, I've been looking forward to this all week. I said let's not talk about my family for the rest of the day OK? Nick smiled and said what do you want to do? I said let's go out to the raceway. Nick said how about Disney World? Really? I said. I love that place, it's my favorite place to go, I said. Nick said OK, let's leave your car here and we'll ride in mine. I asked him if he minded if I called my mom? He said not at all. I dialed her from my cell and told her I was going to Disney World for the day and would be back late. She could reach me by phone if she needed too. She asked me about my conversation with dad. I said he won't talk to me now, I don't know what to do. She told me it would be all right. I told her I loved her and we hung up. Nick asked if I was going to be all right? I said let's go to Disney World. Nick paid the bill and he helped me into his Durango. He was listening to Alan Jackson's CD. I like Alan Jackson and we both sang along with the CD. We parked at Disney World and stood in line to get tickets. Nick was wearing a baseball cap but he was being recognized. We made our way to the window and Nick bought two passes. We made it through the gates and he was quickly asked for his autographs and pictures. He looked at me and I just smiled. He signed the autographs and posed for some pictures. He then said he was going to take in some rides. We made our way through the park and rode many rides. I didn't especially like the roller coasters but Nick loved them. He asked what I wanted to go on next. I took him to the teacups. He laughed, said these are my favorite. We had a blast on the ride. Many girls asked for his autograph, he signed it every time. It was part of his job but it was starting to get on my nerves. I said don't you get tired of it? He said not really he actually enjoyed it. He said this is what causes him not to have any relationships with women because this is what he has to deal with. I said well I guess if they just put themselves in these girls' places they would want you to give them some attention. I can live with that. He put his arm around my waist and we walked through the park in search of something else to do. We posed for an artist who drew us in character form. He was good and the picture was great. Nick won a few stuffed animals on the basketball hoop game. We left the park around 9:30 and drove back to the Safari Bar. We sat in his car for a little while and just talked about things. He was going to church with his family tomorrow and then they would get together for dinner but after that if I wanted to go to a movie or something he'd like to take me. I said that would be great. He said he'd call me and then he walked me to my car. I put my animals in the back seat and threw my purse on the passenger seat. I turned around to say goodbye and Nick kissed me. It was just a small peck on the lips but it was still a kiss. I smiled and asked what that was for? He said he just wanted me to feel better.

Chapter 12

I said good bye and Nick watched me as I drove away. I pulled into the driveway and walked into the house with my stuffed animals and character portrait. Dad was sleeping on the couch again. I went upstairs and mom opened her door. I smiled at her and told her to come into my room. She followed me inside and I told her I had a wonderful time. It was hard to be with him because he's so recognizable. I told her that I told Nick that dad was mad at me and didn't want me to associate with him. Nick said he didn't want to come between my parents and me and said if I wanted to go home that he'd understand. Can you believe that? I said. She said he sounds like a very sweet man. I said he is. I filled her in the rest of my day and that we were going to get together after church tomorrow. She was happy for me. I told her I had to call Jen. She kissed me goodnight and I asked her why dad was sleeping on the couch again? She said she'd talk about it later. I called Jen and told her about the day. I also told her that Nick kissed me. She was so excited for me. I told her I was going to see him again tomorrow. She said don't the guys leave again soon? I said I didn't know. I looked at my schedule, they had a concert in Louisiana on Tuesday. I guess they would be I said sadly. She said don't worry I'll come over while Nick is gone and help you pack. I smiled OK, sounds good to me. I'll know more when Nick calls me. I hope he calls me tonight, we've talked every night for the last week. She laughed and told me to get some sleep and she'd see me in the morning. Nick did call at 11:45 he said he couldn't sleep without talking to me and he hoped I didn't mind. I told him I was hoping he would call. It's become my nighttime ritual talking with him before I fell asleep. I told him I noticed he had another concert on Tuesday. He said they leave Tuesday morning. It saddened me but I knew this was the life I'd have to live if I wanted to be with Nick. He said he wouldn't be home for another three weeks. It took my breath away. Three weeks? I repeated. He asked if I was all right with that? I said I have to be, I'll be moving out while you are gone so I'll be busy. He asked if my dad was talking to me yet? I told him no. He said he hoped things improved between us soon. I said good night and we went to sleep. I got up the next morning and dressed for church. Dad left for church before mom and I even got out of bed. Dad was an Elder at our church so that wasn't out of the ordinary. What was different was dad wouldn't sit next to me in the pew. Usually I sit between my parents in the pew but this morning when I sat in the middle he crossed over and sat on the other side of mom. I felt the tears building up. We made it through the hour's worship and I tried to talk to my father but he wouldn't talk to me. I left the church and went to the restaurant. This was our tradition, we went to church and then to the family restaurant for lunch. I got there first and when dad arrived he wouldn't even look me in the eye. I stayed as long as I could and then I left. I went to Jen's and told her that my dad and I were really drifting apart and I didn't know what to do. I sat on her bed my tears just overflowing. She told me that he couldn't stay mad forever. My cell rang and it was Nick. He asked what was wrong? I told him it was still my dad. He was still mad. Nick said do you want to skip tonight then? I said no, I still wanted to meet. He said good because he'd thought of nothing else all morning. I laughed and we hung up. I drove by the grocery store and got some cardboard boxes and started packing more of my things. I spent the next few hours pulling all the pictures off my ceiling and my walls. I left the huge poster of Nick over my bed. That way when I looked up at night I would see him. I packed a lot of shoes and clothes that I knew I wouldn't be wearing. I carried the boxes down to the garage and started piling them up. I started on some laundry and Nick called and asked if we could meet somewhere now. I said where? He said let's go to the mall. He'd meet me in the arcade. OK, give me a few minutes to finish up here. I started the laundry and left a note for my mom. I told her my cell phone would be on and for her to call me if she needed me. I drove down to the mall and found Nick playing space invaders. He was funny, I liked to watch him. He finished the game and turned around to see me. He was dressed in a pair of Levi's and a white T-shirt. He wore his trademark baseball cap turned backwards. He asked how long I'd been standing there? I said not long. He walked around the arcade and played some games for a little while. The movie didn't start for 90 minutes so we had time. We eventually made it to the theater and Nick bought two tickets. We got a large popcorn and drinks and sat down in the theater. We still had 30 minutes before it started. We were the first ones in the theater and spent that time talking about our day. People were coming in now and we started whispering. I found I liked that better anyway because it meant that I had to get my face really close to his in order to hear him. The movie started and Nick put his arm around my shoulders. I was really going to miss him. After the movie we went to Dennys restaurant. We shared a slice of pie and agreed to get up early and go to the beach tomorrow. We finished the pie and Nick walked me to my car he kissed me lingering a little longer this time. I told him I'd see him in the morning. He said since my parents would be a work he'd pick me up at my house. He told me he'd call me when he got home.

Chapter 13

True to his word he called me about 11:30 p.m. He said he had a great time today and was looking forward to tomorrow. I was too I told him. I looked around at my room, which was looking pretty pathetic now. I told him I'd see him in the morning and went to bed. Nick picked me up at 7:30 a.m. and we drove to the beach. We found a spot and set up our blanket and our chairs. I had packed a lunch for us both in a cooler and Nick had the same idea and packed one too. We combined the coolers into one. I rubbed the sun block on his strong back and his shoulders and he did the same for me. He turned on his radio and he said that's Metallica. Oh, was all I could say. I didn't particularly like them. I asked if it was true that he liked Journey? He said he really liked them. I told him I got to see them in concert once. My dad backed out on my mom and so my mom took me and it was the first concert I've ever gone to and now, I love them too. He asked for my favorite song? I love Lights, but Faithfully and Open Arms are right up there. He said he had the CD in his truck. Later he'd go and get it. We just lay on the blanket talking to each other and resting. He was so tired that he fell asleep. He was so beautiful that I didn't even mind. It gave me a chance to really study him. He had some freckles on his nose that I didn't know were ever there. They were very, very light and went under each eye and over his nose. I noticed that he probably lightened his hair because his roots were really dark. He had very hairy legs and big strong looking feet. I memorized as much as I could and pulled out my book and started reading. About 90 minutes later he rolled over and realized he was at the beach. He was startled and then he apologized for falling asleep. I told him it was all right, he was tired and we were together, that's all that mattered. He rolled closer to me and laid his hand on my back. He was still tired. I applied more sun block on him so he wouldn't burn. He was lying on his back now so I rubbed it all over his chest. I was getting aroused and I could see that Nick was too. Nick sat up and reapplied sun block to my back and shoulders and then he kissed my neck. We decided to walk down to the ocean and wade in. It was cold, but it felt nice too. Once we had enough we went back to the blanket and ate some lunch. This would be the last day I would see him for three weeks. I told him I knew that the phone calls were probably expensive but maybe we could split the cost and he could still call me. He said he'd call me and not to worry about the cost. We left the beach at 2:30 he took me home so that I could shower. I told him that Jen and I were going over to inspect the house that would be ready next week and invited him to come along. He said sure, I gave him directions to Jen's house, as my dad would be home at that hour. I kissed him and he left. I went inside and took a shower and called Jen. I told her Nick would be coming with us to the house. She said is he bringing Kevin? I said no Kevin is in Kentucky and they are all going to meet up in Louisiana tomorrow morning. She said she'd keep an eye out for him. I told her he drove a Green Durango, just like we read. She laughed and said she'd watch for him. I got dressed and fixed my hair and makeup and went down stairs to move the laundry into the dryer. I started another load of clothes and ran back upstairs to finish getting ready. Mom was sitting at the table and I told her I had started the laundry. She looked so tired, but thanked me anyway. I asked her if she was all right? She said she's just tired. Did dad sleep on the couch again? She said yes, I told her I was really sorry I didn't mean for this decision to come between them. She said not to worry about it. I told her I was going to Jen's and we were going to go over to the house. She told me to let her know if I needed anything. She said we would go shopping for things. I said furniture would be nice. She laughed I kissed her and left for Jen's. Nick was already there he was sitting on the front step with Jen and they were in deep conversation when I pulled up. Nick saw me pull up and walked to the car. He noticed boxes in my back seat, I told Jen since we're going to be there I just thought… She said she had stuff too. I told her my mom agreed to help with furniture. She was happy about that. She said we already had our major appliances. A living room and dining room was all that we needed. I said that maybe between our parents we could get both. I asked Nick if he wanted to ride with me or follow me? He said he'd ride with me. We got in the car and he leaned over and kissed me. I just smiled and put my car in gear. We drove the 4 miles to our new home. The house is quite beautiful. It's a grayish blue color with white trim. A white picket fence bordered the yard. It was two stories with one bedroom downstairs and three bedrooms upstairs. Jen took the bedroom downstairs and I took the largest bedroom upstairs. It was actually a family room but I chose it for my bedroom so that I could get my queen sized bed and computer in it. Everything would fit and I would still have room to move. Unlike the room at my parents house. Nick and Jen followed me with boxes up to my room. Jen joked that I'd have to get more pictures. I said well as soon as these guys take more I'd put more up. Nick looked at me with a confused look on his face. Jen said nothing goes on her walls unless it pertains to God or the Backstreet Boys. Nick laughed, we're up there with God? I was embarrassed and ignored them both.

Chapter 14

We stored my boxes in a corner and went down to help Jen with her boxes. Once we finished with that Nick and I walked out in to the back yard. We had a pool in the corner of the yard was a gazebo with a built in barbecue right next to it. Even with the pool we still had a large yard. Just outside the sliding glass door was a picnic table. We sat down and Nick said it was a nice house. I told him sometime next week I'd probably be all moved in here. He asked about my dad, I just shook my head and looked down. He asked what my family did? I told him they have an Italian restaurant. Luigi's down by the ocean. His eyes bugged out of his head. He said we go there all the time. I said who's we? My family, they've been going there for like 15 years. I said my dad's owned it for almost 25 years. He said Jack is your father? I looked at him and said yes. Nick started laughing, he said Jack knows me. Why would he think I'd get you into drugs and stuff? Maybe he didn't make the connection. I started to smile and couldn't stop it from getting bigger. Maybe it would be all right now. Are you hungry I asked him? He said are you kidding? I always have room for Luigi's. I called Jen and invited her to lunch. She said she'd pass she knew it was our last day together and she had other things to do. We said good bye and got into my car. I said I can't believe it, I called mom on the cell phone and was so excited she asked me to slow down. I told her that Nick already knew dad and he's got to like Nick and Nick wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Mom said dad knew all that. I felt the wind get knocked out of me. I pulled over to the side of the road. I said dad knows which Nick I'm talking about? I could feel the burn of my tears start to sting my eyes. But he's known Nick's parents for 15 years. Mom said I know but you are his baby and he doesn't want this life for you. I hung up the phone and laid my head on my steering wheel. Nick said what's wrong? I said he knows who you are and it still doesn't matter. Nick said I'm still hungry let's go. I wiped my tears and we drove to the restaurant. I was so nervous going inside. I've been coming here since I was a baby. I knew this place almost as well as my parent's house. I walked in the door and dad was standing at the register with one of the servers. I said Hi dad. He didn't even look up, even the server noticed the tension now. Nick said Mr. James nice to see you again. Dad looked from Nick to me and then went into the back office. Mom came out and hugged me and said hello to Nick. We followed her back to a booth where she was working on bills and payroll stuff. She grabbed a menu and Nick and I sat on one side and she sat on the other side of the booth. I said when is dad going to get over this? She shrugged her shoulders. I said this is killing me, Nick leaves tomorrow for three weeks and dad's not talking to me. Mom asked about the house to distract me a little. Nick and I ordered and talked to mom until the food was ready. The food was brought to the table and Nick and I ate in silence. The food was good and fresh, dad was really proud of the freshness. We talked with mom for a little while after lunch. Mostly she and Nick talked and I just kept my eyes open for dad. I watched him run around the restaurant, our eyes would meet frequently but he'd never come over to me. Nick asked for the bill and my mom said not to worry about it. Nick said the last thing he wanted to do was give Mr. James another reason for not liking him. My mom said don't worry about it. Nick said thank you Mrs. James. Mom said call her Jane. Nick smiled and said his mom's name was Jane too. She looked at me and said she thought she'd heard that somewhere. I smiled and looked down at my fingernails. I said I'm going to need another manicure soon. Nick and I got up to leave. Dad was back at the register again and I said I love you dad. I thought I saw his lower lip quiver and he spun around and went back to the office. I handed Nick the keys and we went to the beach. We sat on the sand and just stayed together. He promised me he'd call me everyday. I asked him if this is how it always is when someone dates him? He said he's not going to lie to me, he told me it would be hard. He cares for me and hopes that we would both be strong enough to find out where this could go. I leaned against him and told him I'd miss him. He was flying out at 11 am to Louisiana. He would meet Howie and AJ at the airport and Kevin and Brian were flying in from Kentucky. He said maybe before you go back to school, you can meet up with me somewhere on the road? I said I'd love to do that but I'm sure it's very expensive. I can't afford that now that I'm moving. He said not to worry about it. If I want to meet him he'd take care of all the arrangements. I told him I really would like to spend more time with him. He said he'd check his schedule and we would work something out together. We got up and walked back to the car. We drove back to Jen's parent's house and went inside. Nick was introduced to Jen's parents. They had no idea who he was. I'm glad Jen didn't introduce him as a Backstreet Boy. She just said this is Nick. I think he liked that too. We all retreated into Jen's room. She had removed a lot of her photos too. Nick was shocked to see it though. Jen said that's nothing you should see Susie's room. I said my pictures are all down. She reached into her drawer and pulled out a photo. Before I could see it she handed it to Nick. His eyes got huge as he turned the photo around in his hands and squinted his eyes. He had the cutest smile on his face. I said what is it? It was a picture of my room.

Chapter 15

I screamed when I saw it. I grabbed it out of Nick's hands and held it behind my back. He reached around and tried to take it from me. I ended up leaning against his chest and then he just hugged me. He said he was flattered. I hugged him and laughed from embarrassment. I looked up at him and he gently pecked my lips. I sat down on Jen's bed and looked at the picture. I said yours is the last face I see before I go to sleep every night. I pointed out to him the huge poster directly over my bed. He said that's got to be a turn off for any guy that's ever been in your bedroom. I looked away embarrassed. Nick said I'm sorry, I didn't mean… I said it's OK, I haven't been with anyone. I've dated but I've never gone all the way with someone. He said but your 21? I said and… He said, hmmm well, what's in that album? I said that's from our first encounter. I grabbed the photo album and Nick saw all the pictures we'd taken on our first meeting. He was really surprised that they came out so great. Nick asked if Jen liked Kevin? I said does she like Kevin? Is the Earth round? Is the sky blue? He said Kevin isn't dating anyone right now. Maybe we should get together sometime? Jen's eyes almost popped out of her head. That would be so cool. Jen asked if Nick could get Kevin to call her every night after a concert too. We both laughed, she didn't think it was funny. It was getting late and Nick had to leave early tomorrow. We walked outside into the darkness. Nick and I stood outside for probably another ½ hour. We talked and kissed and just held each other. I told him I would miss him. He promised to call everyday and he would get back to me when he thought I could come with him on tour. I was so excited. I told him if it didn't work out that would be all right too. It was almost 9 p.m. He said he'd better go, he still had packing to do. I told him to call me later and he leaned in and kissed me so passionately. His hands rubbed my back as he kissed me. I was becoming very emotional. We only had a little time together. I'd hope that we would be able to get through this. I got in my car and wiped my tears. I watched as Nick got into his Durango and we drove off in separate directions. I walked into my house and my father wasn't on the couch. I went upstairs to my bedroom and took a shower. I had brought some empty boxes home and began to pack them. I cleared out all of my stuffed animals and a lot of computer software and packed that away. I had 21 years of stuff to sort through. Nick called around 11:30 to say he was going to bed now. I lay back on my bed and stare at the huge poster above my bed. I told him I would really miss him. He felt really bad that I hadn't talked to my dad. I told him I felt really bad, this was the first time in my entire life that my dad has refused to talk to me. Nick said thanks, that makes me feel better. I told him I was sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I told Nick that it's my life. I just can't believe he's this upset over me dating a guy. I told him I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want him feeling bad about it either. My dad and I would work it out by the time he came back. He said he was looking at his schedule and thought that I should meet him in Chicago. August 9th, would be a good day for him because he had three days off. I said that's in two weeks. He said it was the first available where he had a few days off with nothing scheduled. I told him it was a date. What do I do now? He said he'd call me back once the details were in place. I was so excited, I told him I wasn't going to tell my parents right away. I didn't want to pour any salt in my dad's wounds. Nick laughed, he said I would have my own hotel room, there wouldn't be anything to worry about. I laughed nervously and I said I knew that. He had to get up early and meet up with the fellas so I said good night. I told him I would miss him. If you have a minute in the morning before you leave, will you call me? I just want to know that you're all right. He promised that he would try. We hung up the phone. I called Jen I was so emotional. I had mixed feelings. Some happy that I'd get to fly to Chicago and spend three days with him and really sad that it wouldn't be for two whole weeks. Jen said absence make the heart grow fonder. I told her I sure hoped that it would. I told her I need to do something tomorrow to keep me busy. She said she was going over to the house to hang wallpaper. I said oh, could I put some up in my room too? She said of course you can, but I don't think your pictures will stick real well. I said oh yeah. I can paint though can't I? She said you can do whatever you want. We could move in next weekend. She was waiting for the carpet to be replaced and some windows to be replaced. She had already had the house painted inside and outside. The pool had been resurfaced and the appliances had been replaced and a dishwasher added. New tile floors in the kitchen and entryway. The bathrooms had new sinks and flooring. It was almost ready. We said good night and I fell asleep staring at my Nick above me.

Chapter 16

I woke to my phone ringing. It was Nick, I looked at the clock and it was almost 10 a.m. I said I must have been tired. Nick laughed he said he had a minute and he wanted to call and say good bye. He promised to call me every chance he got. I made sure he had my cellular phone as I would be at the new house all week moving things in a little at a time. He said he had it. I told him to tell everyone I said hello. Keep safe Nick I'll miss you. He said he would miss me too, he said he had to go they're waiting on me. Bye, he said and then just a dial tone. I got out of bed and got dressed for the day. Monday the start of another week. I called Jen and she said she had her brother's truck and she'd be over to help with my boxes. I finished talking all my pictures down and the only one that remained was the one above my bed. That would stay there until my bed was moved. Once Jen arrived we packed up the back of the truck and drove to our new home. I unpacked my CD player first and blasted the BSB throughout the house. Jen laughed when I put it on. I said this is home right? She smiled and said oh yes it is. I started hanging up some of my clothes and I sat in the middle of my room and looked around. Where would I put my pictures? I had too much wall space now. I decided to separate each guy and group a bunch of pictures together like they were a poster. So I of course started with Nick. I sorted through all the pictures I had of him and placed his grouping on the wall closest to my bed. I then sorted Brian and then I went through the rest of the guys. I'd been upstairs for quite sometime and Jen came up to check on me. When she saw what I had done she thought it looked great. I now had a Backstreet Boy on each wall. Howie and AJ shared a wall because I ran out of room. But they were on the longest wall anyway. I told Jen how I would arrange my room, I had already called on my cellular and my own private lines would be installed on Wednesday. She said lines? I said one for the computer and one for my phone. I said that once school starts I'd be online all the time. She said that's right, she'd better call back and tell them the same thing. There really wasn't anymore that I could do since I didn't have any furniture. I put my boxes on the shelf in the closet. The carpet would be installed this week. I had to store some of my boxes in the hall closet and others in the bathtub because I had brought too many over. Jen said let's take the day off tomorrow and we'll go to the beach. Sounds good to me I said. We headed out to lunch at my family's restaurant. I didn't' see dad but mom was in her usual spot. I slid in the booth and Jen right next to me. She smiled and asked how my day was? I said Nick left this morning. She pouted and said he'd be back. Jen said our house is coming along so wonderfully. By this weekend we should be all moved in. Now mom had tears in her eyes. I said I wasn't moving out of state, so don't cry. She asked if we were hungry? I said I'm starving. She laughed, where do you put it all Sue? I said I work it off at home. She said, sure you do. We both ordered the Scampi and spaghetti. I had a salad with ranch and a diet coke. Gino knew me so he brought me a pitcher of Diet Coke as it frees him up to do other things. I live off of Diet Coke. After we finished eating I asked where dad was? Mom said he's been in the office all day. Is everything all right? She said he's fine, he's still sulking because you're moving out. He walked into your room yesterday and saw all your pictures removed and some of your stuff gone. I said mom I'll be 22 in November. How long does he expect me to live at home? I'm a junior in college for goodness sake. I said I know I'm his baby so don't even go there. She said she wasn't going to say anything. Well, I gotta go and finish the laundry. I have an appointment at 4 to get my manicure. I asked mom if we could go looking at furniture later today? She said how about tomorrow we'll go during lunch. She was busy and pretty tired today. I said sure no problem. Are you all right? You've been pretty tired lately. She said she was fine she'd see me later. I kissed her good bye and Jen and I left. Does she seem OK to you Jen? Jen said she seemed fine. Jen dropped me off and I told her I'd call her later. I went and took a shower and finished my laundry. I was sitting at the kitchen table when my dad came home. He walked upstairs and I heard the shower turn on. I warmed up some dinner for him and when he came into the kitchen I placed it at his seat. He just looked at me. He went to the refrigerator and got some milk and sat down and ate what I cooked for him. I asked him if he would talk to me? He looked at me and I told him I loved him. I didn't mean to hurt him or disrespect him. It's just that after 21 years there comes a point in time when you have to trust me to make the right decision. He continued eating. I told him I was moving out this weekend I wrote down my address and phone number. I told him I hoped he would come to our house warming party once we got settled and Nick was back in town. He finished his dinner and put the plate in the sink and went into the living room to read his paper. I ran upstairs in tears, he wouldn't even acknowledge me. I fell asleep on my bed. I was exhausted. I woke up around 8:15 p.m. My first thought, Nick's in the box. I cried for my dad and I cried that Nick was so far away. My mom came home and she checked in on me. I told her I tried to talk to dad but he wouldn't listen to me. If he did listen he wasn't acknowledging me. She told me that dad was under a lot of stress and to just give him time.

Chapter 17

Nick called me every night at 11:45 p.m. He always had something interesting to tell me. He said the fellas all said hello. By the weekend I had some friends and Jen's cousins move my furniture out of my parent's house and into my new home. I went to church Sunday morning and my dad still wouldn't sit next to me. This time when he got up to sit on the other side of my mom, I left the pew. I went and sat by myself. I stunned him, he did not expect that. For the next week Nick and I talked all about my impending trip to Chicago. I still hadn't told my mom yet and I promised Nick that I would call her first thing in the morning. I was in my new bedroom with Nick looking down at me. It was working out great. Mom bought the dining room table and the living room furniture we desperately needed. I met mom at the restaurant the next day and told her that I was going on a trip. I was flying to Chicago to visit Nick. She was surprised, I said I'd let her tell dad. I'd tell him myself but he's not talking to me or even wanting to sit near me. She asked if we'd have separate rooms? I said what do you thing mom? Please don't stop trusting me now, too. I couldn't take it if you did. I put my head on the table and started crying. I said I'm torn right down the middle between my family and my personal life. I don't want it to be that way. If I have to choose one over the other I'd choose my family, but I really like Nick and until he does something for you to mistrust him I'm not going to choose. She rubbed my head and apologized. She asked how I paid for the ticket? I told her Nick was paying for everything. I told her he still calls me every night mom. Even if it's just to tell me he misses me but is too tired to talk. I hear his voice and he hears mine. I like that mom is that so wrong? Mom said it wasn't wrong. She apologized for my dad again. I asked her when she was going to come over and see my new home? She said she was planning on going over there in about 30 minuets. I smiled I said lets go together. I'll bring you back in a little while. I miss talking to you mom. She let a tear fall from her eye and she said she missed me too. She told dad she'd be back soon and we left together. I hollered over at my dad that I loved him and we walked out. I drove to the house and mom loved the neighborhood. Jen and I had planted some flowers, I know it's late but it really needed it. Mom said it looked very nice. We walked inside and I showed her the living room, and dining room. She loved our huge kitchen. We walked out the back door and she was surprised at the size of our yard. You even have a pool back here. I said yes, look over here this is my favorite part. I led her into the gazebo. We sat down and she said it's beautiful. It made her feel better to know that we weren't living in a poor part of town in a run down house. I told her that Jen's parents had a security system installed so she didn't need to worry. We walked back inside and I showed her the empty guestrooms and the bathroom. Then we went into my room. She was amazed at the size. I said it's really a bonus/family room but I like the one step down thing and the huge window looking over the street. She noticed my pictures and then the picture of her and dad on my nightstand. She was so proud of me. I told her I really wish dad was here to see that I'm not a groupie and I wouldn't do anything to hurt what I've worked so hard for. She said he knew that. We walked downstairs and we peeked in on Jen. She smiled and said hello to my mom. Jen showed off her bedroom, mom liked it very much. I offered her a diet coke and we sat down at the breakfast bar. She said she was really proud of me. I thanked her for all that she had ever done for me. Jen came out and visited with us and an hour later I drove mom back to the restaurant. I told mom to tell dad I loved him. I kissed her and gave her a hug and drove back home. Tomorrow was Sunday and then on Monday I'd be in Chicago with Nick. I was so excited about going. Nick called and I couldn't control my excitement. I said just 48 hours we would see each other. He said you're like a kid on Christmas morning. I said is that so bad? He said of course not, I couldn't wait to see you too. He gave me my flight information again and promised he'd be there to pick me up. I said good night, I had church tomorrow. I hung up the phone and fell asleep. I got up and dressed for church and when I arrived I didn't even try to sit with my parents. I got Jen to come with me and we sat together in the back. Mom was looking around for me and I waived. She whispered to dad and he turned around to see me and I waived but got no response. It cut like a knife sometimes when he did these things. I put it out of my head. Tomorrow I would go see Nick. I wondered if mom told him yet. After the service Jen and I went to the restaurant with the rest of the family and we ate until we were full. That's the best thing about not having a job, when your parents own a restaurant you'll never starve. We said good bye to everyone and dad wouldn't meet my eye. I told my mom I loved her and I left. It was the first time I can remember that I didn't tell my dad I loved him. I felt so bad that I called the restaurant on my cell phone and mom just held the phone to my dads ear. I said I love you, I just wanted you to know that. Mom told me he heard it and I hung up.

Chapter 18

Nick called that night and he was so excited. We would see each other tomorrow. I couldn't control my excitement either. I told him I really missed him. He said he felt the same way. We talked about his concert. He said he was really tired and looked forward to the next three days off. They had just arrived from Iowa and had three days to play. He said I hope you don't mind but we're going to a White Sox game. I said no problem I like baseball. He said that's great. We hung up and he said he'd see me tomorrow at noon. I hung up the phone and was to excited to sleep. I went downstairs and found Jen on the couch watching the late movie. She asked if Nick had called? I smiled and she said I guess so. I told her I can't believe it's been two weeks all ready. She said we've been so busy that the time just flew by. I told her I was a little nervous about flying up to see Nick by myself. She said there is no reason to feel that way. He's done everything within his power to make you feel comfortable. You have your own hotel room and your ticket. I told him it's just there is so much pain between me and my father that I have to wonder if Nick is worth it? She looked at me and turned the television off. She said did you just hear what you said? I said whom would you choose Kevin or your dad? She said hands down, KEVIN! We both laughed, I said I'm being foolish aren't I? She told me go for the five days and if I still have doubts then she'd answer the question for me. I said good night and she said she'd be up to take me to the airport. I thanked her again and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I fell asleep but didn't sleep well. My phone rang at 6:30 a.m. Nick wanted to know if I was still coming? I said of course I am I wouldn't miss this opportunity for a million bucks. He laughed, he said he'd pick me up at the gate. I said good bye and climbed out of bed. Jen was up and had made coffee and bacon and eggs. Mmmm something smells good in her this morning. She plated my breakfast and poured me some coffee. I said why did you go to all this trouble? She said she wanted to give me a reason to come back. I had to laugh, I told her I'd be in Chicago for 5 days. I'll be back Saturday morning. We ate and then we both went and got dressed. My suitcase was loaded into her car last nigh. We said good bye at the gate and I took my seat. I requested a window. The flight was about 3 hours but there was a time change in there. I'd arrive at 12:10 p.m. The flight was uneventful, I watched a movie I'd seen before. I checked everything so I wouldn't be loaded down with lots of stuff. I had my backpack and that's it. Once the plane landed I was nervous, thinking Nick wouldn't be there. What would I do then? I didn't even know where they were staying. I exited the airplane and I saw Brian first. He smiled really big and then I saw Nick. I gave Nick a huge hug and kiss. I hugged Brian and he asked me how I've been. I looked at Nick and said lonely. Nick said not to worry anymore, he had some fun planned for me. I smiled and he held my hand. We went and got my bag from the baggage claim area. Some girls stopped Nick and Brian and asked for autographs and pictures. One of the girls asked for my autograph, I said I'm not in the band. She asked if I was dating Nick? I looked at Nick and he said yes, she's my girlfriend. I had to fight back tears. The girl got really excited and said please sign my autograph book, so I did. She said I was so sweet and thanked me. Nick grabbed my hand and we got into a limousine and drove to the hotel. Nick and Brian said, we don't mean to scare you but… I said there is going to be a mob of girls and some may hate me. They both laughed, I told them I used to wait outside of the Ritz in Florida so I knew what they were talking about. They both laughed, I said remember the contest? Did you think that was just something I did on a whim? They were rolling now. Nick said I saw a picture of her room, now he was laughing too hard. He apologized and the limousine stopped and they stepped out. The girls started screaming. Nick said don't worry about your bag we'd get it later. We walked into the hotel together. Through the screaming fans and straight up to the penthouse suites. Nick was on one side of me and Brian on the other. All of our rooms were adjoined. Nick gave me my key and showed me how it worked the door. We went inside and Nick had balloons and flowers for me and a Banner that said Welcome Susan! I was so happy! I turned and kissed him. I've wanted to do that since I got off the airplane I told him. Nick explained where everything was and how to call for room service. He said not to worry about what anything costs. Nick and I sat and talked and Brian said he'd give us some time to be alone. Unfortunately AJ and Kevin walked in so I told him he might as well stay too. AJ said Susie Q, what's up? He gave me a hug and Kevin hugged me too. I asked how they were? They all said tired. Nick had his arm around me and he said, look fellas, I haven't seen Susan for 2 weeks, do you mind? They all teased him but they got up and left. My bag finally came up and I put it in the bedroom. Nick was standing out on the terrace I went back in the room and changed my clothes. I put on a pair of Jean shorts and a tank top. I walked out onto the terrace bare foot. He wrapped his arms around me and I kissed him. I missed you so much I said. He just held me.

Chapter 19

About an hour later AJ and Brian stormed into my suite and said they were hungry. Let's go out, I'm tired of looking at these walls Brian said. Nick said what do you fellas have in mind? AJ said let's go to Bobby Magee's and then dancing to work it off, as he said that he started dancing. I laughed you really are crazy I said. Nick asked if I was up to it? I said sure, I'll need to change though. Nick kissed me and said he'd be back in 30 minutes. As he walked out behind AJ and Brian he told me to lock the door, he didn't want these psychos walking in on me. I laughed and closed the door listening to AJ say, I haven't been called a psycho in so long. They were like the three stooges, they were always joking around making each other laugh. I got dressed and fixed my makeup and hair. I heard a knock on the door and thought it was Nick, I opened the door to find Howie there. Hi, I said. He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and said it was great to see me again. He came in and I slipped my shoes on and we talked and waited for the rest of the fellas. They eventually all showed up and we headed out to dinner. We were again met by screaming girls. I was getting a kick out of it, considering I used to be one of them. Hell I still was one of them, I was enjoying the ride. They stopped for autographs and pictures and we made it into the limousine. We headed out and my cell phone rang. Nick looked at me, I said it's either my mom or Jen. I said hello into the phone, I said Hi Jen. She was asking what I was doing right now? I said I'm in a limousine with all the guys and we were going to dinner. She asked if Kevin was there? I said yes Kevin is here, do you want to talk? She was screaming no, and I said hold on and passed the phone to Kevin. In his sexiest voice he said Hello Jennifer. I about busted up laughing. He was getting a kick out of toying with her. Nick was trying not to laugh too. He had a hold of my hand and then Kevin said he'd see her soon. Kevin handed me the phone back and Jen screamed at me. She said oh my god he so damn sexy. I told her I knew. I told her how I had been asked for my autograph, she about died when I told her I signed it. She said she was going to sign on the Internet and see if it was being reported yet. I laughed, I said now you can say you met me! I was rolling and the guys were laughing because I was enjoying it so much. We pulled up in front of the restaurant and I told her I'd call her later, much later. We got out of the limousine and went into the restaurant. We were stared at as soon as we entered the place. We were taken to a table and we all ordered. Nick and I were making small talk and not really even paying attention to what the other fellas were doing. We felt water drops and we looked at Brian who was flicking water out of his glass. Welcome back he said. Brian really is the Jim Carey of the Backstreet Boys. He's always making us laugh. Kevin and Howie are both pretty serious but fun loving. AJ is just AJ, what can I say. He's his own creation. Nick isn't as shy as I thought. He's not real comfortable in what he says but he's a wonderful person with a huge heart. After we ate we headed for the nearest dance club. When we got there the guys were immediately recognized and were swarmed by girls. They politely declined autographs and stated they were here to have fun just like them. AJ and Kevin danced with the girls instead. Nick and I went onto the dance floor. We spent most of the night there. Nick kept getting asked to dance by other girls but he politely declined. He told them he was here with me. That's when I saw the other side of their "Fans". The dirty looks I got were enough to make me run. I was afraid to even go to the bathroom. We got wasted on Margaritas and headed back to the hotel. The bodyguards met us at the front door. We literally ran inside and went up to my suite. We just fell out all over the furniture. AJ turned on the stereo and we played quarters in the living room. It was so funny because no one had a quarter so we called down to the front desk and had the guy bring us up a quarter. Brian said they did stuff like that all the time. AJ would send people out to get McDonalds for him. I said oh french fries sound so good right now. AJ called the front desk and 30 minutes later we had burgers and fries delivered to my room. I never had so much fun. I called Jen and told her all the fun we were having, Kevin was wasted and started talking to her on the phone. Nick and I were sitting really close. He was so messed up. He kept staring into my eyes and telling me he could see my soul. I couldn't help but laugh. Kevin passed the phone back to me and I said hey, what are you doing? She said you guys are wasted! I said no kidding, we had the best time tonight. I told her about the girls at the club and how I was getting all these dirty looks. Nick was falling asleep beside me and I kept nudging him to stay awake. Brian and AJ were passed out on the floor and Howie left a long time ago. Kevin and I sat up and talked for awhile and then he woke everyone up and told them to get out of my room. Nick lingered behind and apologized for falling asleep. I kissed him goodnight and he went through the adjoining door. I showered and went to bed. It was the best night's sleep I've gotten in a long time. I hadn't thought about my dad all day. I woke up Tuesday morning a little disoriented. I got dressed and knocked on Nick's door. He opened the door and was dressed in a pair of shorts. He had no shirt on. He invited me in and kissed me good morning.

Chapter 20

We were going to the White Sox game tonight he said. They were playing the California Angels. It was hat night, so we got a free baseball cap. He asked if I had breakfast yet? No, I replied he told me to look at the menu and he'd order it up for both of us. We had just sat down to eat our breakfast when AJ and Brian walked into Nick's suite. I looked at Nick and asked him if they ever knocked? He laughed and said no. AJ started sticking his fingers in our food asking if we were going to eat this or that. I just had to smile. AJ asked what I was smiling about? I said he was lucky he had brothers. He said he was an only child. I said not anymore. He understood what I meant. He asked if I was an only child? I nodded, he said it must be hard for your parents to let you come all this way without them. I nodded and stood up and walked back into my suite. I heard Nick say thanks Bone! Nick came through the door and asked if I was all right? I said it just hurts so much that he doesn't trust me. You know I didn't think of him once all day yesterday? Isn't that just awful? He said it wasn't. He said as much as he loves his family he can't be consumed by them. I called my mom and told her I really missed her. I watched as Nick walked back to his suite closing the door behind him. I asked if she told dad where I was? She said she had but he didn't react at all. Which shocked her. I said he's acting like I don't exist. She told me again that it would all work out. I told her I loved her and hung up the phone. I stood out on the terrace watching the people on Michigan Avenue below us. Nick came up behind me and said, doesn't it make you want to drop a water balloon on them. I laughed, he was so funny. Brian came in and said good morning. He noticed that I wasn't really upbeat and asked what was wrong? AJ had walked up behind him and I filled them both in on what was going on in my life. AJ apologized for upsetting me. I told him it wasn't his fault. Brian said it would all be worked out in God's time. We got dressed and headed out to check out Chicago. We walked down Michigan Ave. and made our way out to Lake Shore Dr. It was extremely hot and we often stopped for water. AJ spotted an old Chicago Style Pizza Parlor and we went in for some authentic Chicago pizza. It was air conditioned and quiet. There were video games and a pool table in the place. We played a few games of pool. It's just a game I just can't master. I had AJ leaning over me showing me how to hold the cue stick. I told him it was useless. I couldn't do it. We played a game of darts and then headed over to the hotel. The amount of girls that had gathered there was ever growing. The girls reached out and were pulling at them and it was obvious that they had to get more security out here. They didn't stop for autographs because there were just too many of them. Once we made it inside the hotel and up to our rooms, Kevin called the front desk and asked that the manager meet them in his suite. Kevin left and he was mad. We changed for the baseball game and when we went downstairs the girls had been pushed back across the street. We looked at Kevin and smiled. Brian asked what he did? Kevin said only what had to be done. We all laughed and waved at the crowd that was now sitting across the street. We made it to the game and all received our free White Sox baseball cap. I put mine on backwards like Nick and he told me I looked funny. Well, thanks I said. I turned it around and wore it the correct way. He said that's better. We watched as the White Sox beat the Angels 10-3. As we left fans of the fellas again met us. I asked Nick how do they know where you'll be? He shrugged his shoulders and they posed for pictures and signed autographs again. We made our way out to the limousine and headed for a club. Nick asked if I was all right? I'm fine, I just never realized we were that bad. Nick said they're just happy to see us. My cell phone rang and it was Jen. She said what are you doing right now? I said I'm riding in a limousine heading to a club again. She laughed, she said she wishes she had come. I laughed and told her about our day. She said she wallpapered the living room. I told her if she had just waited I would have helped her with that. She said she didn't have anything else to do. She asked if I'd spoken to my parents? I said just my mom, I felt Nick squeeze my hand. I told her I'd see her at the end of the week and hung up. Nick leaned in and kissed me. He told me it would all work out. We arrived at another dance club and Nick and I headed right to the floor. He was a great dancer we went and joined the guys and Brian asked Nick if he could dance with me? Nick said sure, I asked if I got a vote in this? Brian laughed and asked me to dance. I said yes, we danced to a slow song and Brian said he didn't mean to upset me but he felt bad that I wasn't seeing eye to eye with my dad. He said if I ever needed to talk, I could call him. I thought it strange but sweet at the same time. We went back to the table and Nick had ordered Coronas for all of us. We stayed until closing and we were wasted by the time we left. I actually don't remember getting into the limousine. I vaguely remember us in my suite and Nick and I kissing in my bedroom. I don't remember anymore than that. I woke up lying on top of the bed still dressed in last night's clothes. Wow! I thought, this can't continue. I took a shower and I had the biggest hang over I've ever had in my life. Nick found me lying on the couch with a damp towel on my forehead. AJ came barreling in scaring me half to death. I sat up and said Shhhh! He just laughed at me. Nick was smiling too.

Chapter 21

AJ was teasing me for not being able to handle my beer. I said it's just that it was two night's in a row. That's too much for me. I lay back down on the couch and Nick sat down and lifted my legs on laid them on his lap. Brian and Howie came in and asked what was wrong with me? AJ was laughing softly and said the girl can't handle her beer. They all started laughing, even Nick. I thought it was funny too but my head hurt too much. I got up and went into the bedroom and lay down on my bed. The next thing I know they are all standing in my bedroom asking if I was all right? I just said, Shhhh! That sent them all laughing again. Brian handed me some Tylenol for my headache and asked me if I wanted water or a beer to wash them down with? They all laughed, I grabbed the water on the side of my bed and swallowed the Tylenol. Brian said OK, Vodka will work too. I choked on the water and started laughing. Brian was so much funnier than Nick. I found myself noticing Brian more and more. I kicked them all out and locked them out of my suite. I even locked the adjoining doors. I got on the phone to Jen and told her I think I have a problem. She said what happened? I said nothing yet but I'm afraid that if I don't get out of here soon something might. She said what is it Susie? I told her that I think I'm attracted to Brian. She screamed get out of here! I told her what's been happening and that he told me to call him if I ever needed to talk. How he was always trying to make me laugh. She said what about Nick? I said I'm so attracted to him too. She asked what I was going to do? I said that's why I'm calling you! She laughed, I said I wish they weren't around so much. Then I would have more time with Nick and I wouldn't be feeling this way about Brian. There was a knock on the door and told Jen I'd call her back. I opened he door and it was Brian. He couldn't find his wallet and wanted to see if he left it here. I let him in and closed the door. He found it on the floor by the couch. I sat down on the couch and put my head back. I placed the damp cloth over my eyes and forehead. He came behind me and tugged on my hair. I sat up, he said when was the last time you cut your hair. I smiled and said I was in the third grade. Wow, he said how long is it? I don't know it's long though. He said Nick has always been attracted to girls with long hair. I said oh really? What do you like? He said it didn't matter. I was still fidgeting with the damp towel when he said let me take care of this for you. He took the towel off of my forehead and began to massage my temples. I made him stop. I told him I felt uncomfortable around him when Nick wasn't here. He told me he didn't mean anything by it. I said I know, I walked towards Nick's adjoining door and opened it and went in search of Nick. He asked what was wrong? I said my head hurts and I lay on his couch. He said just rest we didn't have any plans. He was listening to music and reading the newspaper. I said he didn't seem like the type that would sit down and read the paper. He held it up and showed me it was the sports section. I just smiled. He walked and sat down next to me on the couch. He asked me if anything else was wrong? I told him I was thinking that we didn't have any time to be alone. He said it's hard isn't it? I nodded my head. AJ came bouncing through Nick's door and asked if he was interrupting? We both said no at the same time. Nick smiled at me. Nick went back to reading the paper and I sat there with the damp towel on my forehead and closed my eyes. I fell asleep and Nick woke me up because he was hungry. I said I'm so sorry. He asked how my headache was? Gone I said. Good let's you and I go get some food. I said I needed to change and freshen up. He said OK, I went through the door and brushed my hair and my teeth. I applied some make up and changed my clothes. Chicago is hot in August. It's crazy hot here. About 20 minutes later I walked back to Nick suite. I'm ready he said. He smiled and we left for lunch. He said we're going out the back this time. We snuck out the back door and there were still people waiting. Nick signed autographs and posed for pictures. As Nick and I walked away someone snapped our photo. We jumped in a cab and headed for some sports bar Nick wanted to go to. 10 minutes later we pulled into the restaurant and I found a quite table. There was a baseball game on, Oakland A's and the San Diego Padres. Nick was routing for Oakland. Half way through the lunch he asked if this was all right? I said as long as we spend some time together I'm fine. We finished lunch and we walked over to a park. We just lay on the grass and kissed and cuddled and talked. It was very romantic but I couldn't get Brian out of my mind. Maybe my father was right, I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Nick asked why I seemed so far away. I smiled and told him I was right here. He held my hand and said I seemed to be adjusting to his environment really well. I said I understand where they were coming from. He helped me up and we walked down the street toward the hotel. We passed a flower vendor and he bought me a bouquet of flowers. He's so sweet, I thanked him for the flowers. We made our way back to the hotel and the crowd was still gathered across the street behind the barriers. Nick waived to them and they just went crazy. We entered the hotel and went up to my suite. I put the flowers in a vase and Nick and I sat out on the terrace. This is what I needed I said, just the two of us. Thank you for today. He pulled me closer and kissed me. He said he'd do anything to make me happy.

Chapter 22

He kissed me and as he did his hands made their way up to my breasts. I was surprised and enjoying it all at the same time. I pulled away and he apologized. I told him I wasn't ready to go where he was expecting me to go. He said he didn't expect anything he just got lost in the moment. I apologized and he pulled me back to him. He asked me how far I had ever gone with someone? I said I've never had sex if that's what you're asking me? He said you've never done anything? I didn't understand but I realized that he was noticeably excited. I backed away with tears in my eyes. Where were the guys now when I would welcome the distraction? As if on queue AJ and Brian walked through the door, followed closely by Kevin and Howie. I was never so happy to see them. I asked what they had planned for tonight? They said we were just planning on staying in tonight. OK, so what are we going to do? They were looking at each other and wondering why I was saying "we" so much. Brian said we could play some cards or watch movies. I said sounds like a great idea. I looked at Nick and he said yes, great and he walked into his suite. I said what did you guys do all day? They just hung out and played Nick's Nintendo. I laughed, I told them we had a great afternoon, we went to a sports bar and watched the A's and Padres play. A's won by the way. Then we went and hung out at a park. Nick bought me these flowers aren't they beautiful? The just listened to me ramble and I said excuse me. I went into my bedroom and cried. I was so lonely and afraid. I wanted to give Nick a chance but I didn't want to sacrifice my moral standards. If I did it then my dad would be right. There was a knock on my door and I opened it. Brian said I thought we were going to play cards? I told him I changed my mind. He asked what was wrong? I told him I'd be all right and I closed the door. I stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I figured I had better pack my things and head home. Nick hadn't come to me since I rejected his advances. The guys had gone back to their rooms. I left a note and thanked Nick for inviting me and told him I really liked him a lot and I'm sorry it wasn't going to work out. I grabbed the ticket and my suitcase and got in the elevator and headed downstairs. Once I reached the lobby I stepped out and Brian was coming in. He asked where I was going and then noticed my suitcase. What's wrong he said? I said it was time for me to leave. It's just not working out between Nick and I. Some girls started taking our picture and Brian pulled me into the elevator and we headed up to the PH. I said Brian it's not working. I can't stay where I'm not wanted. He said just come with me. I followed him into his suite and he sat down on the couch and asked me to sit with him. He asked me what had happened to make me feel this way? I told him just before you guys came in this afternoon I left like Nick was pressuring me to sleep with him. Maybe I misunderstood what he was saying and doing but I'm not the type of person that sleeps around. I don't care who you are. He said he felt that about me. I said I'm just so confused and Nick hasn't been by to check on me or called me. So I just assumed he felt he didn't need me around so I packed my things and left. Brian said that didn't sound like Nick. I said he was obviously excited and maybe that's a part of him he didn't know. He said well there aren't any flights to Florida this late so you are just going to have to stay. I told him it felt weird staying so close to him. If I saw him right now I wouldn't know what to say. He said some relationships work and others don't, there is no reason for me to feel funny. He said it's really late let's get you back to your room and into bed. I looked at him. He said that's not what I meant. I just smiled, I asked him why he didn't have a girlfriend. He said for the same reason that I was having trouble with Nick. He didn't think sex before marriage was appropriate. We just understood each other so well. I thanked him for talking to me and went back to my suite. The door to Nick's room was still closed. I went into the bedroom and called Jen. I cried into the phone and told her I was coming home tomorrow. She said it's only Thursday. Why am I coming home so early? I tried to tell her what had happened. She said she was sorry, she thought Nick was more of a gentleman. I said my dad was right and now I strained my relationship with him. She told me it would all work out in time. She asked if I knew what time I'd be coming in? I said I didn't know. I'll call the airline and call you right back. I called the airline and found a flight that left at 10 and would arrive in Florida around 3. I hung up and the phone rang. It was Brian, he asked if I was all right? I said yes, I'm booked on the 10 a.m. flight back to Orlando. He said he would miss me and he was sorry things didn't work out between Nick and me. He asked if I would talk to Nick before I left? I said if he comes to me I will, but other than that I think we've said all that needed to be said. He asked if I wanted him to escort me to the airport? I said I'd take a cab. I didn't want him to have to go through the circus downstairs. He said good bye and told me to keep in touch. He asked if I still had his phone number? I told him I did. He told me to take care of myself. I called Jen back and gave her the flight information. She told me she would pick me up at the airport. I hung up and called for a 7:30 a.m. wake up call. I finally fell asleep.

Chapter 23

I woke before my wake up call and made my way downstairs. I caught a cab and headed to O'Hare Airport. Meanwhile, Nick had entered my suite and went looking for me. He found the note and went directly to Brian's room. Brian was still sleeping and told him he knew I had left. Nick said why didn't you tell me? Brian said it was between the two of us. Brian looked at the clock and said her flight leaves in an hour. Nick said what flight? Brian said he didn't know he just knew it left at 10 and landed around 3. Nick left Brian and called the airlines in search of my flight. He figured which one I was on and headed for the airport. He didn't stop for any pictures nor did he sign any autographs. I was in the airport with my one carry on bag looking through the shops and waiting for my trip to be called. I stopped at McDonalds, I was starving. I ate my egg McMuffin and drank my orange juice. I walked into a bookstore and found a few magazines that I didn't have with the Backstreet Boys on the cover. I paid for my magazines and headed for the gate. I was looking at this awesome picture of Nick. He was wearing a tight fitting black shirt and gray pants. He looked like he was deep in thought. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I was wondering if he knew I was gone yet. Was he happy about it? Was he relieved that he didn't have to face me? I sat down and finished my sandwich and juice. I looked at my watch. It was 9:30 am they must be boarding my flight by now. I threw the trash away and walked to my gate reading the article on the fellas. It was the same information over and over. They never gave us any new information. As I approached my gate I heard my name called. I turned to see Nick running to me. I tucked my magazines under my arm and tried to look happy. He asked why I was leaving? I told him I didn't want him to be uncomfortable around me and maybe this was for the best. He said he was sorry if he made me feel bad he didn't want me to go. He wanted me to stay. I said it's not going to work out. I can't go where you want me to go. He said he would wait for me. I know you have needs and those need to be satisfied. I don't want to hold you back. I heard them call the flight again. I told him I had a great time and I would really miss him. I turned to walk away and he said don't make me beg. I stopped in my tracks. I turned and he said I don't want you to go. Please stay. He said they have a concert tonight and if I left he wouldn't be able to concentrate. He would be off and it would be all my fault. He was smiling as he said that. He said you wouldn't want that now would you? Just think of all those disappointed fans? He reached out to take my bag. My tears were freely falling now. He wiped them with his thumbs and said don't be sad. He pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. He said he was sorry for making me feel the way he did. We walked out of the airport and went back to the hotel. We went upstairs and Nick put my suitcase in my room and sat down on my couch with me. He pulled me close to him and I apologized for making such a fuss. He said there was no reason to apologize. I said, I've got to call Jen, she's planning on picking me up. He handed me his cell phone and I told her I was staying. She was glad and asked what happened. I told her I went to the airport but Nick came looking for me. She said, how romantic is that? It made me smile. She said there's something there. You may have to dig to find it , but there is definitely something there. I told her I'd see her on Saturday and hung up. Nick put his arm around me and I leaned up against him. He asked what I wanted to do for the next few hours? I said I heard you had Nintendo here? He said he never leaves home without it. He said it's on the bus too. We would be traveling by bus tonight to Wisconsin. We got up and went into Nick's suite and found Brian and AJ playing Mario Kart. Brian paused the game and said look who's back? AJ asked where I went? I just smiled and looked at Nick. No where, I'm not going anywhere. We watched them finish their game and then Nick and I sat down and played. We were having a good time again. Nick beat me but not by much. We played again and I beat him, in my excitement I ended up on top of him. I kissed him and he just looked at me. I apologized and got up. He pulled me back down and kissed me again. His hands were all over me and I felt myself weakening. I said Nick I can't… He said just enjoy it. He rolled over and now was on top of me. He kissed my neck and my shoulders. I was completely dressed and so was he, but I felt it was so wrong, but I didn't want him to stop. His hand made it's way up my shirt and cupped my breast. He kissed my mouth and was breathing so hard. I found my body betraying me as I responded to his touch. He told me I was beautiful and he kept kissing me. I told him I didn't know what to do. He said let your body respond to my touch. He lifted my shirt up and his mouth found my erect nipples and I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up and Nick was shocked. He said he was sorry. I just looked at him and said I'm having all these feelings that I've never experienced before. Things are going too fast for me. He apologized and told me he didn't want to pressure me. He said he couldn't help himself. I smiled and kissed him. I said you have a concert to get ready for don't you? He said first he had to take a cold shower. I told him I did too and he laughed.

Chapter 24

Nick was waiting for me after I showered and changed. We all went over to the venue and the guys performed their sound check and met up with the band. I was reintroduced to them and we went to dinner. It was catered so we ate in a back room together. I received another backstage pass and hung out with the guys. It was getting late and the opening act was getting ready to go on. They were all in their blue LTL outfits and feeling rested. Brian and Kevin were jumping up and down, their adrenaline was flowing already. We all gathered in a circle and Kevin said a prayer. Nick turned to me and kissed me, he said it's time for me to get into the box and he raised his eyebrows and flashed that killer smile of his. I kissed him one more time and was escorted to my front row seat. They came flying out over head and the crowd went wild. They were right on. As the guys circled the stage they would each wave to me during the show. I felt so special. Nick wasn't flying on my side but Brian was and he pointed to me and threw me a stuffed animal. I caught it and he smiled. There was a woman behind me with a small child and she said the animal was meant for her. I just handed it to her and she gave it to her child. Brian was above me watching and he motioned me to step out. I took step out and he flipped upside down and handed me the stuffed animal. I smiled at him and waved. Now there was no doubt who the animal was intended for. During the show our suitcases were being gathered and we were going on the bus heading up to Wisconsin. During the last song I was escorted out to the bus and waited for them to come out. I was talking to the driver we were the only two on the bus. A few minutes later Nick came running up the steps and the rest of the guys followed him. I didn't see AJ, the door closed and I panicked. I said what about AJ? They said he rides with the band. Why? I asked. They just said that was AJ. They started removing their clothes and shoes and were drinking water like there was no tomorrow. Nick said you made it. I said yes, it was another great concert. Now what do we do? He said we can watch a movie or sleep. There's not a lot of room to roam around. He told me to take the bunk across from his. He said sleep with your feet towards the driver though. I asked why that was important? He said the first time the bus driver slams on his breaks you won't be wondering anymore and he laughed. We found Howie and Kevin eating in the back and Brian was reading a book. I said man it's quiet without AJ. They laughed at my comment. Nick was drinking a large glass of milk and eating Oreo cookies. When he was done we went and sat on his bunk. It's not as small as I once thought. He switched on the light and closed the curtains. Our legs hung out in the aisle of the bus. Nick asked if I was glad that I stayed? I said I was and he kissed me. His hands were again all over my body and I didn't object this time. I knew he must love me. He wasn't the kind of person who would use me. He stopped and told me there wasn't a shower on the bus. I looked at him and said what's that supposed to mean? He said there would be no cold shower until they arrived in Wisconsin. I laughed and Nick showed me some of his famous sketches. We stayed up until 2 a.m. and then I said I'm tired. He kissed me and showed me to the bathroom. How am I supposed to change in here? He said you don't. I laughed. I got in my bunk and wriggled out of my pants and slipped on my sweat pants. I struggled to get my top off and then put on my T-shirt. I jumped out in the aisle and yelled TA DAH! Nick laughed and Brian said what's going on? I fell in on Nick and I was laughing. Nick said she changed her clothes. Brian pulled the curtain closed and went back to sleep. I kissed Nick good night again and thanked him for making all my dreams come true. I climbed into my bunk and got under the covers. I fell asleep almost immediately. The hum of the bus engine lulled me to sleep. I woke up to the ringing of my cell phone. I finally found it and said hello? It was Jen. She said good morning. I said what time is it? She said it was 9am East Coast time. She asked where I was? I said I'm on a bus, I'm not exactly sure where I am. She said what are you doing on a bus? I said I'm on "THE" bus. She didn't believe me. I said the guys are playing in Wisconsin tonight and we're on the bus. I'm sleeping in the bunk across from Nick and two down from Brian and I don't know where Kevin and Howie are. Did you know AJ rode on the Band's bus? She didn't know that. She was so jealous. I said it's been so much fun. I heard someone walk by and I stuck my head out and saw Nick walking to the back of the bus. I said it must be what, 8 a.m. here? She said she thought so. I said we went to bed at 2 a.m. What were you doing? I told her I'd give her all the details the next time we talked. I rolled over on my back and screamed. Jen said what happened? I had dropped the phone because the guys had heard me talking and they all had their heads inside my bunk. I picked up the phone and told Jen I had to go kick some Backstreet butt. She said what happened. I told her what they did. I hung up and found them in the back of the bus with huge smiles on their faces. Nick said were you talking about us? I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and combed my hair. I walked out and I closed my hair in the door. I was so embarrassed. They guys busted up laughing. I opened the door and pulled my hair out and walked back to my bunk.

Chapter 25

When I was sure they weren't watching I climbed into the top bunk and lay in wait. I had a bottled water in my hand with the top off. I heard some whispering out side of my bunk and peeked through the curtain. They had their heads inside and stood up when they realized I wasn't there. I threw open the curtain on the top bunk and poured the water all over them. Kevin was mad because I got his hair wet and Nick and Brian were laughing because I got them both really good. Howie couldn't believe that I did it. I was laughing and Nick and Brian pulled me out of the top bunk and put me in by bunk and started tickling me. I screamed for mercy and they finally let me go. I was laughing so hard. Nick kissed me and told me I was an honorary BSB member. I said oh joy, do I get a plaque? He laughed and said no you get this instead. He leaned down and kissed me. I surprised myself by pulling him down to me and kissing him back. He laughed and asked if I was hungry, I said of course aren't you? He helped me out of the bunk and we headed to the back of the bus. We looked through the small refrigerator and he said we have to stop. He walked to the front of the bus and told the driver to stop at the next McDonalds. We packed the McDonalds with all the band members and road crew. They didn't know what hit them. The guys filed into the bathroom and changed their clothes and cleaned up. I went into the ladies room and did the same. An hour later we were back on the road. AJ had since joined us he had heard about our antics and was sorry he missed them. Nick had bought a newspaper and it was spread all over the bus. They had one show in Wisconsin and then they were off to Michigan. I would be dropped off along the way so I could fly back to Florida. It was the end of the road for me. We made it to our hotel and the road crew went on to the venue to set up the stage. There was a mix up and a 6th room was not booked and the hotel was booked up solid. Nick said he would bunk with one of the other guys. I said OK and we went upstairs. Nick followed me into my room and it had double beds. I said you could stay here. We have two beds, he asked if I was all right with that? I said yes, was he? He said oh yes and he kissed me. He went to tell Brian he'd be staying with me. I called my mom and told her I was in Wisconsin and still sane and drug free. She laughed and said dad would be glad to hear that. I told her I was falling in love with Nick though. It was time for me to go home and I would miss him more than I ever had before. She said he only has one more week on the road right? Yes, until the next tour. She laughed and said be happy with what you got, you've had more than most. I agreed with her. Nick walked back into the room and I put my finger to my lips and shushed him. I told my mom I loved her and I'd see her tomorrow night. I hung up and Nick lied down next to me on my bed. I said your bed is over there. He said he liked this bed better because I was on it. We lay there in each other's arms just looking into each other's eyes. I asked him what he was thinking about? He said what he was going to do when I left. I said what is that? He said he would be lonely. I kissed him and told him I'd be lonely too. He said would you really? I told him I didn't want to scare him, I realized that I've only known him for a few months but, I was falling in love with him. He smiled and said he knew what I meant. We heard a loud knock on the door and Nick flew off my bed. I just laughed so hard at that. Whoever it was had scared him good. He opened the door and it was Brian. Nick said you scared me to death. Brian had a huge smile on his face and asked what he was interrupting? I couldn't control myself and I was laughing too hard. I said look Nick it's my father. I was doubling over with laughter. Brian said what did I interrupt? Nick said nothing and Brian walked in and Nick closed the door. Nick sat back down on the bed and I put my arms around him and asked if he was OK? I couldn't stop laughing. Brian said someone tell me what happened? I told him we were just lying here on the bed and you knock really loud, it echoed in here and Nick flew off the bed and landed on the floor. Brian smiled and said what a bum you are Nick. Nick said well she just got off the phone with her mother and she did say her father was overly protective of her. Brian and I were really laughing now. I had tears streaming down my face. A few minutes later there was another knock and Nick jumped up. This time Brian and I both howled with laughter. Nick answered the door and it was our bags being delivered. Brian left so he could retrieve his bags too. I looked at Nick who was a little mad at my laughing at him. He was lying on the bed next to mine and I walked over to him and tried to keep a straight face. He was pretending to read the newspaper. I couldn't get his attention. I stood up and locked the door and walked back to him. I asked him if he would forgive me? He said no. I said isn't there anything I can do? He sulked and said no. I slipped out of my pants and removed my top. I stand there in my underwear and bra. He had the paper up so he didn't notice. I moved around to the other side of his bed and laid down on it. I pulled the paper down and said is there nothing? Nick's eyes almost popped out of his head? He asked what I was doing? I said I want you to be my first. He said but what about waiting until you got married? I said no one waits anymore and besides, if I can't trust you who can I trust? Nick stood up and paced the room. I asked him what was wrong? He said nothing, I just can't do this.

Chapter 26

I felt so ashamed and got off the bed and put my clothing back on. I walked into the bathroom and sobbed. I thought he wanted me, why was he acting like this? He was knocking on the door and begging me to come out. I said I'm so embarrassed. He told me not to be. He was just surprised that's all. I walked out but I couldn't meet his eyes. He pulled me to him and kissed me. He said he was just honoring my father's wishes. I said I didn't want to honor my father's wishes. I wanted him. Nick said maybe sharing a room wasn't the right thing to do. I said maybe not and went back to my bed and grabbed a magazine. I was flipping through the magazine and wiping my tears. Nick said he was sorry. I told him he didn't do anything wrong. He said he just felt bad. I turned over and looked at him. I said I love you Nick and I want to make you happy. He said he was happy, it's the most fun he's had on the road in a long time. He got up and sat down next to me and said I didn't have to sleep with him to prove my love to him. He said he'd wait until the time was right. I pulled him down and kissed him. He joked and said will you stop trying to get me in your bed. I laughed and then there was another knock on the door. He said that's another reason not to do it now. We'd be interrupted all the time. When we do sleep together I want it done right he said. Candles and music and everything would be romantic. There was another knock. Nick got up and answered the door it was Howie. He said it took you long enough what's going on? Nick laughed and said nothing. What's up? Howie was going to check out the city before the concert and wanted to invite us. I said I'm tired and I'm going to sleep. Nick said he was tired to and Howie went in search of someone else. I asked him if he really was tired? He said he was. I scooted over on the bed and asked him to sleep next to me. We got under the covers and he slipped his hand up my shirt and cupped my breast. We fell asleep and were awakened at 4 p.m. It was time to head to the venue. Nick and I slept in the same bed, without having sex, it was so nice waking up next to him. We both got up and got ready to head out. The bathroom had dual sinks so we had enough room to get ready at the same time. I brushed out my hair and asked Nick if he thought I should cut it? He said it takes him too long to decide whether to cut his own hair, so it would be up to me. I said I think I'll cut it to the middle of my back. He smiled. He said that's a lot to take off, are you sure you want to do it? I said no, but I want a change. I braided my hair and Nick said I was fast at it. He pulled me to him and he kissed me. I asked if he was disappointed in me for what I'd done earlier? He said of course not. He said he didn't want me to compromise my standards for him. I told him I just wanted to make him happy. He smiled and said he was happy. I went and sat down on the bed and put my shoes on. Nick was still in the bathroom and I lay back on the bed waiting for him. I heard the bathroom fan turn off and Nick walked over to the bed and lay on top of me. I smiled and he kissed me. He rolled over to the side of me and asked what I was thinking? I said this is our last day together. Tomorrow I go back home, a tear fell from my eye. He told me he'd be home in a week. I just looked at him face and told him it would be like a year. He smiled and kissed me. I sighed when he parted. He said we better go, the fellas are waiting. We headed to Kevin's room and headed over to the venue. Nick and I were really close. He held my hand all the time. Even through the crowd of girls. We got into the van and he held me close. We got to the venue and there were even more people there. We made it inside after Nick signed a few autographs and then they warmed up their voices and while the band did their sound check. The guys sang a few songs so that the technicians could make the necessary adjustments. After that we just hung out in the back. The guys were in a good mood and they were messing around. It was great seeing them having fun before the concert. The guys said let's go eat and we headed to catering. I didn't eat much I was too sad. Nick and I spent the last 90 minutes together in his dressing room. He said we still had tonight. We were going back to the hotel and the guys would travel by bus tomorrow and they'd take me to the airport here in Central Wisconsin. We eventually got in our circle and Nick prayed. He also prayed that God would keep us all safe on our journeys and return us safely to our loved ones. It made me so sad to hear him pray. Brian let go of my hand but Nick held on to it. I hugged him and he asked if I'd be all right? I said it's time for you to get in the box. He said he'd look for me in the crowd. I smiled and kissed him so passionately. I told him I loved him. He got a huge smiled on his face and said he'd definitely have a great show now. I was again escorted out to a seat and waited for the guys to come out. Nick was all over the stage and he was really having a great time. He came off the stage and grabbed my hand during "show me the meaning of being lonely" and girls around me went crazy when he kissed my hand. It brought tears to my eyes. I watched as he went back on stage and I went back to stand at my seat. During the last song I was again ushered out to the waiting bus and Nick found me on his bunk. He leaned his head in and kissed me. He asked how I was? Lonely, was all that came to mind. I felt the bus move and Nick lost his footing but didn't fall. He said scoot over. I did but there wasn't enough room but we didn't mind.

Chapter 27

We got back to the hotel and there were a few girls there and they signed autographs and posed for pictures. I headed into the lobby and waited for Nick. I was so lucky, I had a wonderful relationship with a man I was so in love with. He was very sensitive and compassionate. How did I get so lucky? My cell rang and mom asked if I was still coming home tomorrow? I said yes, I wasn't happy about it but I was. She said you sound like you had a good time. I told her I did. I also have about 20 rolls of film. She laughed and said we'd go together and take it in when I got back. I asked her about dad. She said he misses me but he's pretty much the same. I told her to tell him I loved him and missed him. She said she would. I told her I loved her and I'd see her tomorrow. Just then AJ came through the door followed by the rest of the guys. Nick put his arm around me and we headed for the elevator. We went upstairs and Nick showered and I waited for him. I called Jen and reminded her I would be home tomorrow. She said she was really looking forward to it. I wasn't I said. She said you sound so bummed. I told her I really loved Nick, and I wasn't sure how I would make it through the next week. She said you sound like you guys got closer. I told her I'd tell her all about that in person. She laughed and said she'd see me tomorrow. I lay on the bed waiting for Nick and dozed off. He woke me up and said go shower and change, let's go out on our last night. I did as he instructed and we dressed to the nines. We went to dance club. Just the two of us, it was so romantic. We didn't drink as Nick had another concert tomorrow. No one bothered us, it was if we were the only two who existed. Around 1 a.m. we got back to the hotel and AJ was signing for room service. We went into his room and asked what he'd ordered? He said everything, sit and eat with me, so we did. He said he was hungry but couldn't decide what he wanted. He had three or four different things. Nick and I just laughed and started picking at stuff. AJ asked where we went? Nick said just out dancing, spending some time together before Susan goes back home. It made me sad just to hear him say it. Eventually all the guys ended up in AJ's room and we just talked about the show. Brian said Nick what happened tonight? Nick looked at him and said what? Brian said you were so up tonight, you were great! Nick looked at me and said, it must have been something someone said. I smiled and looked down at my plate. Nick said I'm beat I'm going to bed, he looked at me and asked if I was coming? I stood up and said good night to everyone and walked back to our room with Nick. I changed into my PJ's and nick was in his boxers and a T-shirt. He asked if his attire made me uncomfortable? I said no not uncomfortable. He got a smile on his face. I got into bed and he sat down on his bed and I motioned for him to sleep next to me. I said I wouldn't feel you for a week. He got under the covers and his feet were like ice. He stuck them all over my legs to warm them up. We just laughed and he kissed me and told me he would miss me. I asked him if he would call me every night? He said of course he would. I kissed him and we fell asleep. I woke up early the next morning and I wasn't having a great time. I packed up all my belongings and Nick and I joined the guys for breakfast in the restaurant downstairs. The guys gave me a care basket of all their stuff they sold and they each told me they'd miss having me around. I couldn't help but cry. Nick wiped my tears away and said let's eat, I'm starving. Which is so typical of Nick. I told them when they got back, Jen and I were throwing a house warming party and I hoped they could come. They all promised to try to be there. We boarded the bus after breakfast and they drove me to this little tiny airport in Central Wisconsin. I check in and I would transfer in Chicago before heading to Florida. I was so emotional, I hugged each guy good bye. Brian called me The Perfect Fan, I kissed his cheek. Nick walked me to my gate and we stood holding each other for awhile. He said he would miss me. He'd call me tonight and every night until he got home. I told him this had been the best week of my entire life. It was final call for my flight and my emotions were getting the better of me. I tried to compose myself. I told him I loved him and would see him next week. I walked away and he pulled me back for a kiss. His last words to me were, I love you too, Susan. I boarded the little 19 seater plane to Chicago and I cried all the way home. I would miss him something terrible. Jen was waiting for me when I got off the plane in Orlando. I was a mess, she wrapped her arm around me and we went to get my luggage. I didn't talk until we got into the car. I was so lonely, I missed him so much. She asked if I was all right? I told her I was and asked if we could stop by the restaurant before going home? She said sure, we pulled into the restaurant parking lot and I saw my mom's car was here. I was so relieved. We went inside and I fell into her arms. I scared her, she thought something was physically wrong with me. I finally managed to tell her that I was in love and couldn't stand to be away from Nick. We sat down and she brought us a diet Coke. I was able to tell her all about my trip. I left the part out about me almost coming back. She was glad I had a good time and was sorry I felt so bad. Jen and I ordered some food to go and I asked where dad was? Mom said he was out running errands. When our food was done we left.

Chapter 28

I threw my clothes in the washing machine and headed to the dining room table to eat. I was starving, that's one thing that hadn't changed. I kept watching the clock. It was only 6:30pm they are probably eating right now I said. Jen said oh please. Try not to think about it otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy. I told her Nick told me he loved me. She dropped her fork and her eyes got big! She said you haven't known him but a few weeks. I said I know but we are drawn to each other. I just can't explain it. She asked if I slept with him. I said, yes and no. I thought she would faint. What's that supposed to me, she yelled? I said I didn't have sex with him, but the last night we did share a bed. She had the biggest smile on her face. Oh my goodness! Why didn't you tell me? I said Nick and I shared the room it's hard to talk about someone who is sitting right beside you. I told her why I had tried to leave and everything that had followed. I said I know he loves me. He's always touching me, he's either holding my hand or he's got his arm around my waist. He thought I fit really well into his world, he said. The fans didn't bother me and I didn't seem to bother them, except when Nick wouldn't dance with them at then nightclub. She asked if I'd invited them to the house warming? I said I did, she said and…. Are they coming? I told her they said they'd try. I said don't make it too big because our friends would make them uncomfortable. She said our friends don't even know who they are. I laughed, she was right. The living room looks great I said, referring to the new wallpaper. She said she thought she'd done a great job. I went upstairs and sorted through the mail and finished up the laundry. I looked at the clock it was 5 after 8. My heart felt so heavy. My phone rang and it was Nick. I was so glad to hear his voice. He asked about my trip, I said it was lonely, I miss you so much already. He said he missed me too. He said he'd call me back later he just wanted to hear my voice. He told me he loved me and then he was gone. It just made me happy to talk to him. I lay back on my bed and stared up at the poster overhead. I turned on my Millennium CD and pictured Nick and the guys performing. Jen knocked on my door and brought the last of my laundry up to me. I apologized for not taking it out sooner. She said it gave her a reason to come up. I told her to come up whenever she wanted to she didn't need an excuse. I told her Nick just called. She smiled and asked if I felt better? Not really I want to be with him, his voice isn't enough anymore. She asked if I looked through my class schedule? I said it's right here, not yet but I will. This is our last year of college. It went by so fast. I was going to work for my Uncle Bill, he owned his own advertising agency. I'd eventually learn it and get my own at least that was my plan. My passion was designing. I loved to draw and took advanced art classes as a treat. Jen was going to be a Doctor. She loved kids and looked forward to becoming a Pediatrician. She was also Minoring in Obstetrics. She teased me for the last four years that she'd deliver Nick's and my baby. Now here I am dating him. Who knew, I said. She laughed, can you imagine? I shook my head I didn't want to think that far down the road. She said there was no mention of me online. I laughed and said like you thought there would be? She said I'm always reading where Nick is dating so and so, and Kevin is engaged. I told her Kevin is not engaged. Speaking of Kevin, he asked a lot about you that night you guys talked. She told me to shut up! I said he made me tell all I knew. She said what did you tell him? I said that you snore and drool in your sleep. She hit me and I told her I was just kidding. I told him you were my best friend, you were really loyal and I didn't know what I'd do without you. She said awwww, and what did he say? He said he'd look you up when he came back to Florida. She said no way! He didn't say that. Did he really? I said he did, I'm not lying. Jen's phone was ringing and she said maybe that's him? I looked at my watch and I said nope, they're doing "Show me the meaning of being lonely" right now. She laughed and said I was hopeless and ran downstairs. The concert was almost over. I took a shower and sorted through my film. I planned on taking it in to the one-hour photo tomorrow. I had some really nice shots of Nick and me. I couldn't wait to get them back. I went downstairs and warmed up some left over spaghetti. I had my cordless with me just in case he called. Jen was going to bed and she asked what I wanted to do tomorrow? I said I need to go to the one-hour photo, but other than that I have no plans. She said let's just hang out here then. We'll lie out by the pool. I said it sounds good to me. Right after church are you coming with me again? She said sure, she would go. I washed out my bowl and headed upstairs. I picked up my sketchpad and started to draw Nick from memory. His beautiful eyes and his famous smile. His cute little nose, I added the freckles ever so lightly. His beautiful mane of hair to the finely shaped neck of his. The phone rang and I forgot that Nick was even calling. I said yes? Nick said hello. I said oh Hi, is the concert over all ready? He seemed surprised. He said yes, and asked what I was doing? I said just doodling. I put the picture down and told him to tell me everything that he did today.

Chapter 29

He laughed and told me that after my plane left he went back to sleep so he didn't have to miss me so much. The guys missed me too he said. I said they just didn't have anyone to pick on. He laughed he said we all like you a lot. He said can you sing? I laughed, oh your fans would really like that. He said well I'll be home late Friday night. I said really? He said but late like 12:00 a.m. I said come over or I'll meet you somewhere. He said he was hoping I'd say that. His flight lands at 11:30 p.m. I said which airline? He said it's a charter he'd give me the details later on in the week. His last show was in Georgia so he'd be home by midnight. I told him he could stay with me and then go home the next day or if he wasn't comfortable he could just go home. He said he'd stay with me if it were all right with Jen. I told him I'd talk to her. He asked me if I saw my parents today? I told him I saw my mom. My dad was out running errands. I'd see them both in church tomorrow. He said my mom must have been happy to see me. I said well, yes and no. He said what did that mean? I told him I was pretty upset and she thought something had happened to me. He asked what made me so upset? I said leaving him. He was quiet, I said I just miss you. He said he missed me too and we'd see each other Friday night. He said he couldn't wait to see my house furnished. I asked him if he needed me to pick him up? He said that would be great if I could because the other guys don't live in my direction. I said I'll be there don't you worry. He laughed he said he'd better get some sleep. They were heading for Tennessee right now. I told him to say hello to Elvis for me. He laughed and said good night. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn't. I was so excited about Nick coming that I went downstairs and woke Jen up. She asked what was wrong? I told her I was sorry to wake her but I just got off the phone with Nick. She said it's 2:30 a.m. I know, I know… but he's coming home Friday night. Can he stay here with me? She looked at me funny, I said just sleeping nothing else. She said it was all right with her. I hugged her and kissed her, I was so happy. I went into the kitchen and swept the floor and then mopped it. I dusted the living room furniture and cleaned the glass. I went upstairs and cleaned my bathroom and then went into my bedroom and clean it too. I dropped into bed around 4. My alarm went off at 8 and I jumped into the shower. I was so happy I couldn't stand it. I ate breakfast and Jen and I stopped off at the one-hour photo on the way to church. I said I'd be back around 1pm. He seemed relieved as I had left him 14 rolls of film. We drove to church and I was just bubbling with energy. Jen and I sat in the back and I waved to my mom and dad. I could tell that dad was happy to see me, but he didn't go out of his way to show it. The youth counselors were asked to step forward. Jen said oh yeah I forgot to tell you. We have to say something about our time in the church and stuff. I looked at her and I told her I owed her one. My pastor went down the line and everyone spoke about what the church meant to them and how God works in their lives. He got to me and introduced me as the daughter of one of our Elders. I figured that this was my time to talk to my dad. I grabbed the mike and explained how I was raised in the church and my parents always were involved and it was just bred in me to do it. I talked about the different functions I was in and then I talked about my dad. I told everyone that my dad was my hero. He has always put the Lord first and made sure mom and I were taken care of. He tirelessly helps the congregation and sits on many boards to help the homeless and battered. It's my goal one day to make him as proud of me, as I am of him. I didn't realize it but I was crying. Jen was next and she started off by saying, thanks a lot. I laughed but I kept my eyes on my dad who was also crying. I didn't hear a word she said. As I walked back to my seat I stopped at my dad's pew and kissed him on the cheek. He just smiled at me and I went and sat down. Jen said what was that all about? I said he wouldn't talk to me so this gave me the perfect opportunity to reach out to him. He knows how I feel now, it's his decision how we go from here. After the service many people stopped me and they complimented me on my praise for my father. I said there isn't a better role model for me. He's my mentor, my everything. Dad was getting a lot of praise too. Jen and I made it out to my car and we drove to the restaurant. I figured dad would for sure come and talk to me now. Eventually he showed up but nothing changed. He didn't come near me. It just floored me and I grabbed Jen and we left. Mom came out after me and I said I wouldn't come back here until he talks to me. I'm tired of trying, he has to try too. Mom hugged me and she said she knew what I meant. I said mom I'm trying. Jen and I got into the car and drove home. Jen said let's stop and see if your pictures are done. I said I needed some cheering up, thanks. They were ready, I paid for the pictures $123.64 for the 14 rolls of film, all double prints of course. I thanked the employee and we left. We got home and Jen and I went to the dining room table. I told her to hold on a minute and I searched through the stack of pictures and said this one is from Kevin. She looked at me and said what did you do?

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I told her to open up the envelope. The entire roll of film was Kevin. He was posing for her. He held up a little sign that said, Hi Jennifer. She was blushing and laughing and enjoying every picture. He had taken his shirt off and was on the terrace. It was her favorite. I had him pretend he was sleeping in his bunk on the bus but he couldn't stop smiling. I told her he was dreaming of her. She laughed, the pictures were too funny. We went through the rest of the pictures. I have to admit most of them were of Nick, but I had enough pictures of Howie, AJ and Brian too. Jen asked me what ever happened with Brian? I said I think I was just attracted to his sensitivity, not him. Once I was able to spend time alone with Nick I forgot all about Brian. She said I could see where that would happen. I went upstairs to change and I brought down my albums. We sat out by the pool and put more pictures in the albums. Jen said I should get some of these pictures blown up and put them in frames. I told her I was thinking it but thought it tacky. She said why? I said well, I don't know. We went through the pictures and we picked out ten pictures that I would have made into 5x7's and 8 x10's. It takes three days so I'd have them back by the time Nick returns. The rest of the week just went by so slowly. I haven't spoken or asked about my father since Sunday. Nick feels for me but I told him I have made every attempt to reach him. We continued to talk every day, sometimes two and three times a day. Friday morning finally came and I was so excited. They had their concert in Atlanta and Nick and the guys were flying back to Orlando right afterwards. I couldn't wait. I went to the florist and bought a dozen roses and some balloons. I wanted him to know how much I missed him. I played their CD's all day. Especially "If you knew what I knew." I loved the melody of that song. I got my pictures back and had them placed in frames all over my room. I boxed one up for Nick as a gift in case he wanted one too. At one point Jen told me to calm down or she'd throw me in the pool. I told her I'd waited all week for this day. I went grocery shopping not because we needed groceries but because I needed to do something. I walked in the house and Jen played the cruelest joke on me. She told me Nick called and wouldn't be home after all. I was on the verge of tears. Then she said she was kidding. I almost killed her. She was laughing so hard and I didn't have to pay any rent so I let her live. She helped me put away the groceries I just bought and didn't need. It was almost 6pm, I'd have 6 hours to go. I went upstairs and took a shower and drove to my hair appointment. I was going to cut my hair. I was tired of it being so long. I decided to have it cut to just above my butt. From behind my knees to above my butt was almost three feet. Once it was over I had a spiral perm put in. It was almost 9 when I left there. I walked in the house and Jen said I looked so good. She played around with my hair and said Nick is going to love it. I said I did it for me, not for Nick. She said he's still going to love it. It was so soft and shiny and bouncy. I loved it too. I told her it felt so much lighter. I'm even thinking of going shorter. How much shorter she asked? I said maybe middle of my back. She said that would be too much. She liked it where it was. I told her I'd been thinking about this much for almost a year. It wouldn't happen any time soon. We sat down and had dinner. She couldn't get over how different I looked. I said is it too dramatic? Is it too much? She said that I looked beautiful. Once we finished dinner I washed up the dishes and went upstairs to change. Nick would be arriving in less than two hours. My phone rang at 10:45pm Nick said he's on his way to the airport. I said I couldn't wait to see him. I'm leaving in thirty minutes and I'll be waiting. I hung up and ran downstairs. He's on his way I screamed. Jen was happy for me too. I put the balloons in my trunk and the Roses on my front seat. I grabbed my purse and said good bye to Jen. I popped in my BSB CD and headed to the airport. I found a parking spot close to the door and got out of the car with my Roses and balloons. I made my way to the gate Nick told me. I sat there for about 40 minutes and then I saw the private plane pull in. My tears started falling in anticipation. First off the plane was Brian and then Kevin, then came Nick. I ran up to him and hugged him. He looked so good. He said what's all this stuff. I gave him his Roses and balloons and kissed him. I said hi to everyone and they all said it was great to see me again. I couldn't take my eyes off Nick. He had my full attention. He looked so tired, he had a garment bag and carry on the rest of his luggage would be forwarded to his house. We said good bye and walked to my car. I opened up my trunk and Nick but his bags and flowers and balloons in there. We got in and I turned off my radio so we could talk. Nick leaned over and kissed me so deeply. Once he left my lips I whispered "I missed that." He smiled and I started the car and drove home. Jen had already gone to bed. I asked Nick if he was hungry? He said he ate on the airplane. He went up and took a shower and I put his clothes in the washer for him. All his clothes were dirty and he was wearing no underwear. I thought that would cause my father to have a coronary. Once I heard Nick get out of the shower I started the washer. I ran upstairs and met him in my room. I told him I was washing his clothes. He said I didn't have to do that. I told him I wanted too. He lay back on my bed and said that poster has to go. I laughed.

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He liked my room but he said he was sick of looking at the other guy's faces. He meant it as a joke. He noticed my pictures I had blown up. He really liked them. I handed him the wrapped box and he opened it. It was an 8 x10 of us. He said he felt bad he didn't get me anything. I said him just being here was all I needed. I ran downstairs to put his clothes in the dryer and start the second load. I came back upstairs and he found my sketchpad and the pictures I drew of him. He said who did this? I said me! I doodle. He said this isn't doodling. I just smiled and took the pad from his hand and kissed him. I don't want to talk about me right now I said. I kissed him and made him lay back on the bed. I laid my head on his chest and told him to tell me about his day. He talked a little bit and then started yawning and I told him to just go to sleep. We could talk tomorrow. It seemed like just minutes later I heard his deep breathing. I got up and went downstairs to the laundry room. I folded his clothes and put the whites in the dryer. I carried the colors upstairs and put them in his suitcase. I sat there just watching him sleep he was so peaceful and beautiful. I went back downstairs and folded his whites and put them in his suitcase. I climbed into bed with him and he rolled over and draped his arm over me. He asked if I was OK? I said I'm fine. He reached his hand up my shirt and cupped my breast and fell back asleep. Nick woke up first on Saturday morning and I woke to him watching me sleep. I smiled when I realized what he was doing. I said, it's not a dream you're really here. He leaned down and kissed me. He thanked me for washing his clothes. I rolled over to face him and asked if he was hungry. He said hungry, yes that too. He told me he loved my hair he hasn't been able to keep his hands out of it since I had it done. He was too tired to really notice last night. I wanted him so much, but I knew it would be wrong. I was really fighting those emotions right now. We got up and I brushed my teeth and got dressed. Nick dressed in the bathroom across the hall and we went downstairs to breakfast. Jen had a huge smile on her face as she watched us come down the stairs. Nick said Hi Jennifer. She said Hi, yourself and started laughing. I said what's so funny. She said you're dating a Backstreet Boy. We all laughed when she said that. We went into the kitchen and made Bacon and Eggs. Jen sat at the Breakfast bar watching us. She said we were so rhythmical together. She said you guys move to the same beat. I smiled at Nick, and said is that good? After we ate breakfast Nick said I need to ask you a favor? I said anything. He asked if I would drive him home so that his mom wouldn't worry. I said yes, you can call her too if you want. He said he did already. I asked when he wanted to leave. He said after we clear these dishes. I smiled and said OK. We rinsed the dishes and I put them in the dishwasher. I ran up to get my purse and Nick put his flowers and balloons back in the car with his suitcases. I said I hope I didn't embarrass you. He said I didn't. He never had anyone buy him Roses before. That made me feel good. He drove since he knew where we were going. He turned on the radio and the Millennium CD played. I popped it out, I suppose you don't want to listen to yourself. He asked what else I had? We put on Alan Jackson and he drove the 30 minutes to the house he shared with his parents. He invited me in and I was really unsure of myself. I asked him if I looked all right? He said I looked beautiful. He kissed me and the front door opened and his dad stood there in front of us. Nick hugged his dad and introduced me to him. I felt only and inch tall. We walked inside and his mom came downstairs and gave him a hug and a kiss. She saw the Roses and asked if they were for her. Nick looked at me and said no they're for me. He introduced me to his mom. She said she'd heard a lot about me. Nick didn't say how truly beautiful I was though. I thanked her and wouldn't let go of Nick's belt loop. I finally let go and he said he'd be right back. He ran upstairs with his suitcases and I just stood there feeling set up for something. Jane invited me to sit and talk until Nick comes back. She asked if I was talking to my dad yet? It surprised me that she knew. I looked at her and she said Nick told her. I let my tears fall and said it's worse than ever. I said I don't understand why he's acting this way. Nick hasn't done anything to cause him to feel this way. Bob said it was probably that since I was an only child I'd broken the boundaries he'd set for me. He didn't want me to date an entertainer and I was. He said he didn't mean I did anything wrong, it's just with his daughters he's very protective too. Jane just nodded her head and handed me a tissue. Nick came bouncing down the steps and Jane asked if he was hungry? Nick said he'd just ate. He sat next to me and held my hand. He looked at me and asked why I was crying? I said we were talking about my dad. He put his arm around me and hugged me to his side. He told his mom and dad he didn't know what to do. He told them about my little speech in church and it just seemed to make things worse. He felt really bad for me. His family has known my dad for many years. Jane said they had reservations this Friday night and maybe they would have the opportunity to talk. Nick took me outside and we walked around his property. He asked if I had any plans for today? I said just to spend it with you. Do you have any plans? He said his mom has the family dinner tonight, but she's invited you to come too, will you come?

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I told him this was for family, I'm not family. He said I was still invited by his parents. I just looked at him and he said please come. I smiled and said OK. We sat underneath a tree on his property and just lay with each other. I said I could get so used to this. He asked when school started up for me? I said the day after Labor Day. I had almost two weeks. He was done touring until next spring sometime. I asked what he would be doing during his down time? He said spending it with his family and me. It sounded so nice. I asked him if he felt like we'd gotten close too fast? He didn't understand what I meant. I said we've known each other a few months and I feel sad when I can't talk to you or see you. Do you know what I mean? He said he understood but he didn't think that we'd gotten too close. He said sometimes you just find the right person and it's like fate steps in. I love it when he tries to be analytical. He gets so expressive with his hands and his facial features. I grabbed his hand in intertwined my fingers in his. I love your hands I said. My hands? I said they are so long and slender and you are so expressive with them. He said what else do you like about me? I smiled and said your heart, you have a big heart. He said what else? I said your lips, your hair, and your eyes. He said what about my feet? I said I love your feet. He asked me if they were too big? I said no, they're not too big. He asked if I thought he was fat? I said what fat? There's not fat on these bones. It's muscle, all muscle. I had him laughing now. I said what do you like about me? He said my personality for one. He said I was easy to talk too and very compassionate. He loved that I loved my family first. He said he loves my hair as he runs his fingers through it. He said he loved everything about me. I looked up and he kissed me. I said OK, so what do you hate about me? What would you change about me if you could? He thought a minute and said, he'd want to take away the pain my dad was causing me. He'd want to take away my tears. It made me sad to think he cared about my dad and me so much. I told him if things were different my dad would really like you. I don't know how they have to be but I just wish you could know him. I told him all about my dad. He loves to fish and he loves sports of every kind. He even watches the WNBA, and no man I know would admit to that. Nick said I watch I squeezed his hands. His mom and dad walked by us and didn't even see us until we started laughing. They turned around and then saw us under the tree. They asked what we were doing? Nick said just catching up. Bob asked if they could join us. Nick said sure. The four of us sat under the tree cuddling. Nick said we were just talking about the WNBA. I laughed, Nick said well we were. My cell phone rang and I excused myself and answered it. It was my mom. I said you'd never guess where I am? She said where? I said I'm sitting underneath a tree with Nick and his parents. They all started laughing. Mom said is Jane there? I said yes, did you want to talk? She said she'd like to say hello. I passed the phone to Jane. It was funny hearing her say hello Mrs. James. My mom of course told her to call her Jane. Apparently my mom invited Jane over to the restaurant for lunch and Jane accepted. Jane passed the phone back to me and I asked her if everything was all right? She said it was she just hadn't heard from me in a while and wanted to check in with me. I said maybe Nick and I would stop by later if he doesn't have any plans. My mom said that would be great. I asked how dad was? She said he was fine. I asked if he ever asks about me? She said everyday. I said then why wouldn't he talk to me? My mom said let's not discuss this now. I don't want you all upset with Nick and his parents there. I told she was right. I said good bye and stood up and walked away from Nick. Just when I was happiest in my life I couldn't share it with my dad. Nick followed me and said it would all work out. I turned and hugged him. I told him I couldn't not choose between him and my dad. It was unfair for my dad to put me in that position. He asked if my dad was asking me too? I said that's how it appeared to me. He said come back and sit with me. He led me back to the tree and I sat between his legs leaning back against his chest. Jane reached over and rubbed my arm. I said I'd be all right. We sat there what seemed like all afternoon. We talked about a lot of different things. They were surprised that I was a Senior in College. Nick's parents asked what I was majoring in? I told them Business Management with a Minor in Architecture. They were doubly impressed. Nick didn't know that information either. He said oh yeah, she doodles. They just looked at him and I laughed. He told them about the portrait I drew of him. Jane said she'd love to see it sometime. We got up and went inside I had to go home and change my clothes. I asked Nick if his mom really wanted to see his picture or if she was just being polite? He said no she doesn't say anything she doesn't mean. He asked if I wanted him to come with me? I said yes, but I can remember how to get back. He smiled and said he'd come with me. I said come with me. He laughed and went inside to tell his parents he would be back in time for dinner. We drove back to my house and I took a shower. Nick talked to Jen and I got dressed and went downstairs. Nick said you're over dressed. I am I said? I said I don't know what to wear. He said I had a black dress with straps, I smiled and said I know what one your talking about and went up to change. When I came down he said perfect! My brother is gonna die.

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I said what's that supposed to mean? He said nothing you look great, let's go I have to shower and change too. I said good night to Jen and left with Nick. He said it'd be late and I might want to stay over. I told him I didn't bring anything to wear. He said well go get something. I ran back inside and flew up the stairs to my bedroom. I back an overnight bag with PJ's and clothes for tomorrow. I ran out while Jen was on the phone. I threw my bag in the back seat of my car and Nick drove back to his house. We were listening to the radio and LTL came on. I just smiled and sang along with the music. Nick was singing too. He has such a wonderful voice. He reached over and grabbed my thigh. He said you sing too? I told him to stop. I couldn't carry a tune. He laughed and asked if I remembered the sketches? I said I've got them. We arrived at his parent's house and Jane and Bob were in the kitchen. Nick and I went up to his room and I left my bag on his bed. He said he was going to shower and shave so he'd be a while. I told him then I'd go down and talk to his parents. He said you're not going t hide out in my room? I asked if he other girlfriends did that? I meant it as a joke but then I realized I wasn't the only girl he'd brought home. He said they really like you, come give me a kiss and I'll see you in a few. I kissed him and grabbed the sketches and went downstairs. They were still in the kitchen. I said hello and they said I looked nice. I said something smells wonderful. I said I brought the sketches if you want to look. Jane sat down next to me at the table and was surprised at how good they were. She asked how long it took for me to draw it? I said a couple minutes. She looked at me. She said you got so much detail in her. I told her I drew him from memory. She asked what else I drew? I said anything really. I said watch this, I grabbed my sketchpad and my pencils and she watched as the tree in her backyard came to life on my pad. I then drew her and husband and then Nick and me. It took me maybe ten minutes and the attention to detail shocked her. She told me I was very talented and had a great memory. She called Bob away from the golf tournament he was watching on television and he looked at the drawing and said it was really good. I told her she could have it if she wanted. She thanked me and I asked if she wanted the one of Nick too? She said can I? I said sure you can, I can always draw another one. She asked if I would mind doing her a favor? I said I wouldn't mind. She said she'd be right back. She went upstairs and a few minutes later Nick came down and asked where his mom was? I said she left about 5 minutes ago and hasn't come back. He looked at then new sketch on the table and called me a show off. I laughed at him. He looked at it more closely and said that was us today. I told him I drew it for his mom and she asked me to do her a favor and she hasn't come back downstairs yet. He said let me go make sure she's all right. He turned to go get her and she came down the stairs. She had an album in her hand. She said I hope this isn't asking too much but I love this picture and I would love it if you would draw it maybe on an 11x20 for me to hang up. I said I could do it. I asked her if she wanted it in color or just in gray? She said you could do it in color? I said of course and she laughed. She said she'd pay me for my materials and my time. I said she didn't have to, I'd love to do it for her. I flipped through her album and she showed me some pictures of Nick and Aaron. They looked so much alike. I found a picture of Jane and of Bob too. I said you all look so much alike. I said let me see this. Can I take this picture out? She said sure, I pulled out the baby pictures of Bob and Jane and one of each child. I drew the baby pictures of the parents in the center and surrounded them with the faces of each of their child. It took me about 30 minutes but it looked really nice. Jane sat beside me the entire time just shaking her head at my talent. Nick had gone to watch golf with his dad. I didn't even notice until I finished the picture. Jane thought I should pursue my artwork. I said I'd love to do this full time but it doesn't pay my bills. She said she knew some people that would love to have me do this for them. I said I start school soon. She said I should try it. She was Nick's mom so I said sure why not. She picked up the pictures I had drawn for her and she rubbed my back. You are so talented she said. She asked for my phone number and said she'd make some phone calls for me tomorrow. I placed my sketchpad on the counter and went looking for Nick. I sat down next to him and he put his arm around me. I said golf? How boring is this? He laughed and his dad chuckled too. His brother Aaron came home at that time and he was the mirror image of Nick, only younger. He said hello to me and said it was finally nice to meet me. He walked away and I watched him in the mirror giving Nick the thumbs up sign. I just smiled and sat down next to him. Over the next ½ hour his sisters showed up with their husband and dates. We sat down to dinner of Chicken and potatoes. Nick and Aaron joked about there not being any stovetop stuffing on the table. I had to laugh, his sister Leslie said don't laugh it only encourages them. Nick said too bad Susie's motto is the Toys R Us song. I was so embarrassed. He looked at me and asked how it went again? I couldn't believe he said it. We finished eating and then Jane showed everyone the pictures. Nick saw the baby face one for the first time and the look on his mother's face made him happy. We walked outside and Nick asked me what my intentions were?

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I didn't know what he meant by that. He said you waltz into my life and make me fall in love with you and then you come in here and charm the pants off my family. I laughed and hugged him. I told him I loved his family. They were wonderful, it's so different from what I knew. He said he couldn't imagine being an only child. It must have been lonely for you. I said it really wasn't. I am really close to my parents, well I was really close to them but we used to have a lot of fun. I followed Nick as he walked out to his basketball court. He asked if I played. No, I said that's one thing you'd beat me at. I told him I love the game but when it comes to sports I really stink. I try too hard. He laughed started shooting hoops and he passed it to me and I tried but missed. He said I don't follow through. I looked at him and said everyone tells me that. What does it mean to follow through? He busted up laughing. He told me to watch his hands. He shot another basket and he said see where my hands are? They followed the ball all the way through the shot. I said I just thought you guys were just posing when you did that. Kind of like in football when the spike the ball in the end zone. He thought I was funny. His brother came out and found us messing around on their court. He asked if he could play? I said sure I'd watch he said no shoot with us. I said why not I just learned how to follow through. Nick laughed Aaron didn't get it. Nick's sisters came out a few minutes later and before you knew it we were playing a game of girls against the guys. Nick and his brother against the 4 of us. They still beat us but it was fun. We went back inside and Nick's mom had made pie and we again gathered around the table. They were all talking a mile a minute about everything. I just sat there and watched. Bob leaned over and whispered in my ear. He said see what you missed? No one even hears what the other is saying. I smiled at him and said it's great isn't it? He smiled and said as long as they're happy he's happy. Nick was watching me and I winked at him. He raised those eyebrows of his and flashed that smile of his. He picked right back up in the conversation he was having with his siblings. It made me laugh how he didn't miss a beat. We adjourned into the living room where we played the Carter version of charades. We would each right something on a piece of paper and it got tossed into a hat and we'd pull it out and have to get our partner to guess what it was. I was paired with Nick and he picked first. He was funny he told me it was two words and the second word I got was Chicken. Then he started doing this dance and I wasn't getting it. I was laughing so hard. It was The Funky Chicken. I didn't guess it. Next was Bob and Jane. He picked James Bond. He pointed to me and Jane said Susan and he did that stretching thing and she got James. Then he managed to get James Bond out of her. It went on like that for about 2 hours. I was last and really embarrassed. I got Britney Spears. I said oh goodness. I said how can do this tastefully. They all laughed. I started to lip sync her song and emphasized my boobs. I pulled my hair forward and kept flipping it from side to side and not really dancing, ya know like she tries too. He guessed Britney Spears and looked at Angel. She was laughing, he said he doesn't like her but Angels loves her. He pulled me down on his lap and kissed me. Bob pulled out the Karaoke machine and I just said oh no. Nick said you know you love it. I asked if they had any Backstreet Boys. Nick said right here baby. I kissed him and Bob and Jane got up sang some song I never heard of before. Next Aaron got up and sang and each of the girls. Nick said I was next. I said no way, I can't sing like the Carters. He said then sing with me. I said what will we sing? He said what do you know? I smiled and he said oh no, I said yes. I made him sing a Backstreet Boy song. Everyone laughed at me. I said sing it right to otherwise I won't sing. I'll pull a Britney on you. He laughed and I told Angel I was sorry. She smiled and Nick queued up the song. We sang Spanish Eyes. We had so much fun. I was totally off key but laughing so hard and having a good time it didn't even matter. No one cared anyway, they were to busy laughing at us. After that Nick's parents went to bed. It was already after 11pm. We said good night and Jane said she'd call me. I said good night and then Nick pulled out some board games for us to play. I said is this how it is when you come home? He said this is why he loves to come home. I said I never imagined this. I thought that you'd have dinner and talk. He said what's so fun about that? I said nothing that's what I expected though. He hugged me and said let's go upstairs. I went upstairs with him and they all said good night. I showered first and came out in my PJ's. Nick went in a showered too. He had a king sized bed and I got under the covers before he came out from the shower. I had such a wonderful day. I didn't realize how tired I was. I fell asleep before Nick got out of the shower. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and having to use the bathroom. I just couldn't remember where I was. Nick woke up and heard me laughing. I said I found the closest and the door to the hall way, where is the door to the bathroom. He turned the light on and pointed to the open bathroom door. I laughed and said I'm sorry for waking you. He just smiled I used the bathroom and he was sitting up waiting for me. I climbed back into bed and he asked if I felt better now? I moved closer to him and he laughed. He said you couldn't find the open door.

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He said you make me laugh. I said I'm so glad I'm entertaining to him. He kissed me and his hands roamed over my body. He said he was so glad I came over today. I said me to. You have a great family. I just wish we could do this at my parent's house. He said this? As he slipped his hand up my shirt. I smiled and told him I loved him. I felt my tears spilling from my eyes. He asked why I was crying? I said I'm so afraid, I've never felt this way before and I don't want anything to ruin it, especially my family. He held me tight and told me not to worry, nothing would happen. He turned the light off and pulled me closer to him and we fell back asleep. I couldn't help being emotional. I love him with all my heart and I couldn't share my happiness with my father. I fell asleep and Nick woke me up at 8 a.m. He asked if I was going to sleep all day? I smiled and said you mean this isn't a dream? He smiled and said do I need to pinch you? I said no put it was too late. He was pinching me and tickling me and Jane walked in on us. I was so embarrassed. She apologized and Nick said we weren't doing anything honest. I couldn't help but laugh, I was so embarrassed. Nick pulled the blankets back and smiled at me. I said I couldn't believe your mom walked in on us. He said we weren't doing anything. I said but she probably doesn't believe that. He said she's still here. I pulled the blankets out of his hands and down on me. Jane said I trust my son to do the right thing. You don't have to be embarrassed. I got up out of bed and apologized. I couldn't stop laughing. I went into the bathroom and got dressed. She was handing Nick some papers that he needed to sign I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back in a ponytail. I walked out and his mom was still there. I told her I hope she didn't mind my staying. She said not at all, this gives us another chance to talk over breakfast. Nick said we'll be down in a minute. She left the room and closed the door and then he pulled me down on top of him. He said where were we anyway? I said somewhere around here. He kissed me and he was always happier waking up next to me. He got up and got dressed and went into the bathroom to comb his hair and brush his teeth. I made his bed and threw my dress in my overnight bag. I said I still couldn't believe your mom walked in on us. He said it's not like we were doing anything. We went downstairs to breakfast and talked for a while. I had to go I had things to do at home and I'm sure Jen is going out of her mind. Nick said he'd be by later if that was all right. I said good bye to Jane and Bob and Nick walked me out to my car. I threw my bag in the back seat and wrapped my arms around his neck. I kissed him and thanked him for a wonderful date. He smiled and said he'd see me soon. I said I don't want to go yet. Kiss me some more. He said if he kissed me anymore that he'd have to spend the rest of the day under a cold shower. I said OK, I'll go then and I went to get in my car. Then he pulled me back and said he'd do it. He kissed me and then his hands started roaming, I said OK I've gotta go now before I have to spend the rest of the day in the shower. I got in and rolled down my window. I said when are you coming by? He said he'd take me to lunch. OK, I said. I love you Nick. He said he loved me too. Drive safely, I'll see you soon. I drove home and relayed every detail to Jen, she said I was so lucky. I said Nick is coming by later to take me to lunch. She said hey, when is Kevin coming over? I laughed and went up to my room. She followed me and said she was serious. I said I don't know. Our party is this week maybe then. There was a message on my answering machine. I thought maybe Nick called it was my mom. I was supposed to be in church this morning. Oh shoot! I forgot. Jen said no big deal just go tonight. I said it was the family picture thing. I called my mom and got her voice mail. I told her to call me I'm sorry I missed the picture. She called me back and said that dad wasn't going to sit through another sitting I'd just have to pose alone. I said fine. She asked how I was? I said I'm so in love mom. I'm so sad that dad can't witness it. She said someday he'd realize what he's missing. She was meeting Jane for lunch today at the restaurant. I said Nick was taking me to lunch too. I told her I had a few things to do so I better go before he got here. She told me she loved me and I hung up. I started on my laundry and called in my classes. I drove down to the art supply store and bought a 13x20 canvas and drove home. I set up my easel in one of the spare bedrooms. I blasted my radio and began to draw Nick's family portrait. I wanted it to be perfect so I took my time. I outlined all the people and started on Aaron as he was the smallest at the time. I studied his face for every detail I could pick out. I moved on to Angel who stood next to Aaron and detailed her face and her braids. Leslie was next, followed by Nick and BJ. Bob and Jane were in the center. Bob had a mustache at the time, which was really hard for me to get right. I studied the faces against the picture and made some adjustments. I kept trying to get there expressions right when I heard Nick said it's fine already, add some color. I turned around to see him sitting on the floor. How long have you been there? He said since BJ I think. I laughed and covered the picture. I helped him up and he asked why I covered it? I said it's not finished yet. He lifted the cloth and said what else do you have to do? I said it needs color. I asked Nick if Kevin was serious when he said he wanted to hook up with Jen? He said he didn't know, why? She's been asking about him. He said let's call him.

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Kevin answered his phone and Nick asked if he had any plans today? He didn't, Nick said I'm taking Susie to lunch, do you want to come with us? Kevin said no, we should go ourselves. Nick said Oh yeah, Jennifer would be there. Kevin said what time? Nick laughed and said I can be there in 30 minutes. Kevin said he'd be ready. I told Nick to go get him and I'd tell Jen. She's going to flip he kissed me and went to get Kevin. I ran into her room and threw open her closet. She asked what I was doing? I said you need something to wear to lunch. She said she wasn't going to watch us fawn all over each other. I said you're going put this on. I gave her a pair of khaki shorts and her hoochie shirt as she called it. It was a skin tight baby blue soft sweater. It was thin though so she wouldn't be hot. She said I'm not wearing that. I said Kevin's coming. She flew off her bed and said don't mess with her. I said Nick just left to pick him up, we're going out to lunch together. She stripped right in front of me and put on her hoochie shirt and shorts. She looked at me and said sandals or tennies? I said are your toes painted? She said no, I said tennies then. She checked her make up and fixed her hair. She was brushing her teeth when the doorbell rang. I walked out and opened the door for them. Kevin stepped in and kissed me on the cheek. Jen turned the corner and Kevin handed her some flowers. I turned to Nick and said hey, where are my flowers? He said he's not spur of the moment kind of guy, he likes to plan things out. I kissed him and asked where we were going? He told me I'd see soon enough. We piled into Nick's Durango and headed towards the beach as we got closer and closer to my dad's restaurant I started to panic. I said please tell me we're not going to Luigi's. He said we're going. I said Nick? What were you thinking? He said I was thinking that this has been going on for far too long. I turned and looked at Jen, who was talking with Kevin, they hadn't heard a word we said. Kevin gave me that look like "is there something you need?" I just smiled and turned around. We pulled into the parking lot and Nick grabbed my hand. Kevin and Jen followed us in and dad had to seat us. He wouldn't meet my gaze. Nick said diet Cokes for the ladies please Kevin and Nick both drank water. Gino came and said hello. It's been awhile since he'd seen me. Kevin asked what he missed? I said that was my father who sat us here. My dad owns this restaurant. He just nodded his head and looked at Nick. He said I had to try something. We ordered our food and Kevin asked to see the manager. Dad did not look happy to come over to our table. Kevin stood up and shook dad's hand. He said he just wanted to tell him that he had the freshest pasta he's ever tasted. Dad loves to be buttered up and the best way to do that was to tell him how good his food was. Kevin said he eats a lot of pasta and wanted to know how he kept it so fresh? Dad and Kevin talked for a few minutes and then dad left. He looked at me and said you're dad's a great guy. I got up and went to the restroom. When I came out I noticed mom and Jane at mom's table. I went and sat down and said hello. I told Jane I had started on her portrait this morning. She was excited I told her I was taking my time. Mom said what portrait? I explained that I had spent the evening with Nick's family last night and it came out that I could draw. Jane said your daughter is so talented, you must both be so proud. Mom said she was very proud of me. Nick found me talking to our mothers and he sat down with us. He looked at me and said he was getting worried. I asked how they were doing? Our mothers looked at us, I said Kevin and Jen are here with us. They both laughed, Nick said they were getting along very well. It was obvious to him that we were nothing alike. I laughed and said you are just spoiled. Well we better get going this afternoon isn't over yet. Mom asked if I remembered to register for school today? Of course I did. She said well you forgot about church. Jane started to speak but I shook my head. She quickly said don't they have an evening service? Mom explained to her about the pictures and now I'd have to be photographed alone. She said they could digitally alter the photo and have me inserted into the picture. Mom said she never even thought of that. I said or we could save ourselves a lot of money and get dad to sit down for another picture. I knew neither would happen. We said good bye and returned to our table. I don't even think they noticed we were gone. Nick asked them if they were ready to go? They said yes where too now? Nick said there was a carnival on the football field of the old High School. How fun I thought. We again got in Nick's Durango and headed to the Carnival. I reminded the guys that the house warming party was happening on Wednesday night. Kevin said that he'd be there and probably Brian too. AJ and Howie were heading to South America for some charity benefit and they wouldn't be able to make it. Nick said he'd be there. I said that's all that mattered to me. He laughed and grabbed my thigh. That tickles I said. We pulled into the high school parking lot and headed for the football stadium. We rode on the Ferris Wheel and roller coaster and played some games. We had a lot of fun. We dropped Kevin off at home first and then took Jen home. Nick and I hung out in my bedroom. I told him I feel like I'm in a dream. He pinched me, I said stop that. He said this ain't no dream baby! He kissed me and pulled me down on the floor next to him. I told him I hated my religion right now. He laughed and kissed me again.

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Nick had to go home soon after that. I told him I'd miss him, but I understood he had to spend time with his family too. I kissed him and walked him down to his truck. He said I'd have to let him go now. I told him I'd never let him go. He kissed me and told me he'd call me. I watched him drive away and went inside. Jen was looking at her Kevin album. She said thank you for today, I had so much fun. She said Kevin was taking her out dancing tonight. Wow, he works fast. She smiled she said it's been almost three months. I laughed. I went upstairs and checked my messages. Nothing important I put on some music and read through the magazines I'd bought in the airport. I felt really tired so I took a nap. I woke an hour later and Jen had left with Kevin. I went out back and went for a swim, it was peaceful except for the radio and I just enjoyed the peace and quiet that I had. It had been a long time since I've been alone. My phone rang and it was Nick. He was checking on me. I told him I was in my pool, I had to cool off somehow without him here. He said is Jen with you? No she's out for the night with Kevin. I heard him say hmmm, I love when he does that. I asked if he was coming over? He said he couldn't he promised to help his dad move some things but he'd be over first thing in the morning. I said don't make it too early. He said he'd call me back before he went to bed. We hung up and I went inside to take a shower. I dressed for bed and made my way into the spare bedroom and Jane's portrait. I picked up my pencils and sharpened them and went to work on it again. The color really brought everything to life. This was truly a labor of love, I usually don't pay this close attention to detail. I just put it on the paper, but it was Nick's family and I wanted it to look good. My phone rang startling me and I said Hello? Nick asked what I was doing? I looked at my watch and said oh my is it 12:30 a.m. already? He laughed and said yes, why? I told him I was finishing the picture for his mom and I'd been in here for the last 4 hours. He laughed, he said it must look great. I said I doodled. He laughed, I said good night and I'd see him tomorrow. I touched up the picture a little more and went to bed. Jen woke me up at 3 a.m. to tell me all about her date with Kevin. She said he kissed me. She was acting like a kid. She said he's a great kisser. I said Kevin? She said she's so glad that I won that contest and brought her along. She said can you even imagine if you didn't win that contest? I said I didn't even want to think about that. She laughed and asked if I had finished the picture? I said yes, I had brought it into my bedroom now and it was leaning against my dresser with a cover over the canvas. She asked if she could see it? I got out of bed and slid it out of its case. She gasped, oh my, it's beautiful. I said they are a truly beautiful family. She wanted me to draw her and Kevin one day. I said I'd do her wedding. She laughed and said oh please, you and Nick would marry first. I looked at her and said do you think so? She said anything is possible, look at us now, dating Backstreet Boys. Little old us. I laughed, she said she see me in the morning and went to bed. I put the portrait away and lay back staring at Nick's picture above me. I fell back asleep and was awakened by Nick at 9:30 a.m. Jen had let him in. He was shaking my bed I thought we were having an earthquake of something. He laughed and asked if I was going to sleep all day? I pulled him down to me and said yes. I told him we had to go by his house sometime today. He asked why? I pointed at the picture and told him I finished the picture for your mom. He got a big smile on his face and wanted to see it. I got out of bed and removed the case. He said that his mom is going to love it, just love it. He was studying the faces and he said he remembers the day that this was taken. I got dressed and we went downstairs. Jen was talking to Kevin on the phone. I smiled at her and she gave me the biggest smile and mouthed Kevin to me. I nodded my head and went into the kitchen. I made some toast and Nick and I drove to his home. His mom saw Nick carrying in the case and she knew. She was excited even before it was opened. She said she couldn't believe I'd finished it already. I opened the case and she just screamed. It's beautiful, her tears fell down her cheeks and she hugged me. She asked how much she owed me? I said nothing, it was a gift. She said oh no, how much? I said it was a gift, you don't pay someone for giving you a gift. She hugged me again and hugged Nick. Nick said I didn't do anything, she said yes you did, you found yourself a good woman. I laughed, she asked if I would do another one for her. I said of course, she said but I'm going to pay for this one. I told her I enjoyed it and she didn't have to. Nick said it's no use, either take her money or tell her no. I didn't want to tell her no, so I said what did you have in mind. She ran upstairs again and I put the picture back in the case and she came down with a very old black and white photo of her grandparents. She asked if I could do this? The picture was very brittle. I studied the faces and told her I could do it. I asked her for a Ziploc so the picture wouldn't get damaged. She put it in a baggy and said she was going to by a frame for it now. I told her I'd need the case back when she was done. I asked her what size picture she wanted for her grandparent's? She said actually if I could do two 8x10's she give one to her mom for her birthday. I said no problem. Nick and I went up to his room he got his swim suit and we headed back to my house. Jane was still admiring the picture when we left.

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Wednesday night finally arrived and our party was going strong. I hadn't seen Brian since their plane landed last Friday. He brought a date and we introduced everyone around. No one knew who they were and they were glad to fit in for a change. The music was loud and the drinks were flowing. If my dad were to walk in here right now he'd probably kill me I told Jen. She said I don't mean to be mean but there isn't much chance of that is there? I said no there isn't. Our party was a great success. Nick stayed over with me and help Jen and I clean up afterwards. We were all on the drunk side but able to move around too. I went upstairs and took a shower and Nick was staring at the pictures I had started for him mom. He went and took a shower and then came back to me. He said it's weird looking at his great grandparents coming back to life through my drawings. He said his grandparents had been deceased for years, and he knew his grandmother would enjoy the picture more than his mom would. I climbed into bed and told him to come too. He slipped into bed next to me and I lay my head on his bare chest. I kissed his chest and his neck and found my way to his lips. I told him I really wanted him. I wanted him so much. He kissed me and said not yet. He wanted to wait until it was right. I asked him what he was waiting for? He said I'd know when the time was right. I smiled and kissed him again. He turned me over on my back and his hands explored my body he kissed my neck and I asked if it was time yet. He kissed me and told me to go to sleep. He wrapped his arm around me and I fell asleep eventually. Jane loved the pictures and Nick was right his grandmother loved it more. We finally made it through Labor Day weekend, which meant school. Nick and I went to Brian's party and he took me home early. He told me he loved me and would see me after school tomorrow. It was hard getting back in school. My first class was at 7 and the last class was at 11:30. Each class lasted an hour. Then I had the break in between. Study hall they called it. This was going to be hard on me. I had to get to bed early and I had to spend more time studying. I still saw Nick everyday but he didn't stay overnight until Friday. Time was definitely on our side, before you knew it, it was Thanksgiving. It would be the first Holiday I didn't spend with my dad. Jen was going home and Nick had plans with his family. I called mom and asked her what was happening? Do I come or do I stay home? She said come for dinner, don't be silly. I was actually excited, I hadn't been in the house since I moved out over the summer. Nick told me to call him if I needed him. I said I'd always need you. He told me he loved me and I drove to my parent's house for Thanksgiving Dinner. I walked in and my dad was sitting in the living room. I said hello and he just smiled at me. It was a start right? I walked into the kitchen and kissed my mom. What can I do to help? She said nothing much, it's almost ready. She told me she'd talked to Jane and she hasn't stopped talking about the pictures you draw for her. I said I love to do it, and it makes Nick and his mom happy. She asked if I saw dad? I said he smiled at me. She laughed, well it looks like maybe he's coming out of his shell. We talked about school and Nick. The dinner was ready and mom called dad to the table. We all joined hands and dad prayed. We ate pretty much in silence and I tried to talk to my father but he would only give me one word responses. I asked if he'd ever forgive me. His eyes got all teary and he didn't talk to me anymore. I helped mom clean up and went home. She said aren't you going to stay for pie? I was too upset and kissed her and left. I went back to an empty house and sat in my room. I didn't want to ruin anyone's Holiday so I kept to myself. I didn't even answer the phone. I locked myself up in the spare bedroom and worked on the pictures that Jane wanted and began on some that her friends now wanted me to do. I locked myself up there for so long I didn't realize until Jen came home and asked me how my day was. As she looked around at the amount of work I got done she realized I'd been home awhile. I told her I sat for dinner and left after 45 minutes. She said I should have come to her house. I said I didn't want to ruin your Holiday. She asked if Nick knew? No, I didn't want to ruin his day either. She said you sat here all day by yourself? I told her I kept busy. She said she had leftovers if I was hungry. I said I was actually. I followed her downstairs and she warmed up some food. She felt so bad for me and I didn't want her to feel that way. I said this is why I didn't call you. She said she knew what would make me feel better. I said what? She went into her bedroom and pulled out the new People magazine with the Backstreet Boys on the cover. I hadn't seen it yet. She said it's not out yet. I looked at her funny and she said her brother's girlfriend is an editor there. Oh wow! I was happy to get it. The microwave timer sounded and we sat down together and ate a late dinner together. She said again that if it ever happens again, since Christmas is coming, she wanted me to go to her parent's house. I promised her I would. We finished eating and I went upstairs to shower. I was so lonely and missed Nick so much. I wrapped up in a towel and went to my room. I was pleasantly surprised to find Nick lying on my bed.

Chapter 39

I smiled as soon as I saw him. He was reading a magazine and didn't hear me coming. I sat down on the bed and he looked up and smiled at me. He asked how my day went and I just shook my head. I lay down next to him I told him I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. He stayed with me that night and we had a wonderful weekend together. I went back to school on Monday and school pretty much kept me busy. I didn't even try to talk to my dad. It was my last year of College and I didn't need anymore stress. Jen and I started decorating our house for Christmas. We went out and bought Christmas decorations and lawn ornaments. Which turned out to be an expensive mistake as they were stolen off our lawn. Anyway, we did get lights up on the house and decorations hung all over inside. Christmas music was continuously playing. It was my favorite time of year. I had agreed to help out the Sunday school with their Christmas Program. That was tomorrow night. Nick was coming to watch. He had invited his family to come watch too. I was nervous but getting more comfortable around his family. I especially found myself reaching out to Nick's dad. I wasn't meaning to replace my own father, but if Bob wanted the job, I had a vacancy. Nick stayed with me most of the time. He'd stay at his house only if his family had something planned. We still hadn't had sex and he wasn't pressuring me. I thought that I was ready, but Nick wanted me to be sure. We've been together almost six months now. I was doing well in school and Nick was enjoying his time off. We rarely saw the fellas at all. If we did it was usually by accident. Kevin and Jen were a hot and heavy item so I saw a lot of Kevin. The next afternoon Nick drove me to church and dropped me off for rehearsal. He kissed me goodbye and told me he'd be back around 5:30. I went inside and waited for the kids. The props were all in place and everything looked so great. It brought back a lot of memories. The kids finally started arriving and we got them into costume and we started practicing. At 5:15 we ended and met in the fellowship hall and the kids and adults were fed. I noticed my dad had arrived but I didn't even attempt to talk to him or look at him. Nick found me and came and sat. He said he saw the church and thought it looked great. He helped me line the kids up and then he kissed me and went inside and sat with his family. Our Pastor started the service and I walked the kids in. I sat in the front pew and the kids took their places on stage. We were a big hit. No flubbed lines and lots of smiles. We got a standing ovation. The pastor called up the adults involved and again asked us to speak. I thanked my mom for helping with the costumes and Nick for supporting me. I didn't even mention my dad. He didn't exist to me anymore. We went out into the quad and mingled with the congregation and people were praising all that we'd done. Some of my dad's best friends were now being introduced to Nick. Nick was attending more and more church services with me and people were remembering him. Bob was talking to my dad and he stopped me and gave me a big hug and told me how proud he was of me. I didn't even acknowledge my dad. I thanked him and told him I was going home but I'd see him during the week. I found Nick and asked him to take me home. He dropped me off and I told him I'd rather be alone tonight if he didn't mind. He said he didn't and he kissed me goodbye. Christmas was coming and I hadn't decided what to get him yet. I had started on another picture for Jane but this time I was painting it for her. Instead of drawing it. I didn't have a lot of practice with oil based paints but I thought it was looking nice. I didn't want Nick to see it either. I took my shower and climbed into bed with my schoolbooks. Nick called around 11 to tell me he was thinking of me. It made me smile. He asked if I was all right, I told him I was fine. I just had a lot of schoolwork to do and if you stayed I don't know if I would have gotten it done. We said good night and I went to bed. The next morning I was sick. I couldn't get out of bed. I guess I had the flu. I eventually did get out of bed and ready for school. I barely made it downstairs though. I was so weak. Jen told me not to go to school. I told her as long as she drove me I'd be all right. She asked how I was going to get to my classes? I said slowly. She laughed she said she'd be right back. She disappeared into her room and I put my head down on the table then I felt sick. I called to Jen and she ran out, I said I'm going to be sick. She helped me to the bathroom and I heaved every ounce in my stomach. She helped clean me up and I lay down on her bed. She called my mom and Nick and told them that I was sick and shouldn't be left alone. My mom came by and said it was just the flu. I hadn't gotten my flu shot and it would pass in a few days. A few days? I said. I don't want to feel like this. Jen took my schoolwork in and turned it in for me. She would pick up any new assignments I needed. Nick came by and stayed with me once my mom left for the restaurant. Nick helped me back to my room. I told him I couldn't see him and that made us both laugh. I missed my poster on the ceiling. It's the one where he's squatting with his chin in his hands, and he has this look on his face that you know he's up to something. I loved that picture. He got me into bed and made me some tea. I thought that was so sweet. My mom called later on and she said it wasn't the flu, apparently there were several cases of food poisoning reported at the church last night. It would pass quickly. I was thankful for that.

Chapter 40

It seemed like Christmas arrived out of no where. This last year of school really had me busy. That and the fact that Jane and her friends were constantly calling for me to draw just one more picture for them. I didn't really mind, I was making tons of money. I was also spending a lot more time with Nick's family. I spent a lot of time with his mom and his sisters. One day Jane and I were talking about a lot of different stuff and sex came up. She noticed how embarrassed I was about the subject and said she just hoped that we were using protection. I just smiled and said we weren't. She looked shocked and said why not? I said because we haven't had sex yet. I don't think she believed me, but I told her, honest we have not had sex yet. She smiled and apologized for the whole conversation. I told her that at first Nick wanted too but I didn't. Now I want to and Nick doesn't want to because of our initial conversation. I was raised not to take sex lightly. It's something sacred and should only be shared with your husband. Jane agreed, I said but this is the 20th century and people just don't wait until their married anymore. I'm not saying I agree with it, I'm just saying that if you find the one, the one true love why not? She smiled and asked if Nick was the one? I said for me he is. She hugged me and said she was happy for me and could tell I really loved Nick. I told her I did, she didn't ever have to doubt that. Nick and Aaron walked in the back door and found us wiping away tears and asked if anything was wrong? I said no, just girl talk. Nick just smiled and he disappeared upstairs with his brother. I told her I'd better get back. I have to wrap gifts and figure out what I'm doing for Christmas. She asked if I was going home? I said no, after Thanksgiving I decided that I just didn't want the stress. I'd probably go to Jen's parent's house. She said if I wanted I could come to her dinner. I said, it's family I wouldn't want to impose. Nick was in the doorway saying impose on us. Come to dinner. I told them I'd all ready promised Jen. I picked up my things and Nick walked me out to my car. He said if anything happens, come to our house OK? I told him I'd think about it. I told him it was his family and I felt funny. He kissed me and asked how I felt now? I said weak. He laughed and I got in the car and drove home. I wrapped up the few gifts that I had left and sent out the last of the Christmas Cards. Christmas was only two days away. Jane's painting looked great, if I must say so myself. I considered keeping it for myself. I put my parent's gifts in the car and headed for their house. Dad wasn't home but I found mom up in her room. I knocked and went in. She was putting away laundry. Hello I said. She was surprised to see me. I said I left your gifts under the tree. She was saddened that I wouldn't be here with her on Christmas Day. I told her it was too much stress for me and I just didn't think I needed to put any of us through it. She followed me downstairs and put my gifts in a bag for me to take home. There was a gift for Jen and one for Nick. I smiled when I saw that. I asked her if dad knew? She said no, but she could spend her money anyway she wanted. I kissed her and talked to her about a few things. I told her I did an oil painting for Jane of her family. She has no idea. I talked with Bob and he gave me current pictures of all of them and I arranged them on the canvas it turned out better than I expected I told her. She said she'd love to see it. I told her to come over later and I'd show her. I was spending Christmas Eve with Nick's family and we'd exchange gifts then. I said you could help me wrap it. She laughed, she knew I hated wrapping gifts. I loved the finished product but always felt it would have been done better if someone else did it. I carried the bag out to my car and mom said she'd be by about 6. I said good, then you can stay for dinner. She smiled and said she'd like that. I kissed her goodbye and drove home. Jen and Kevin were just leaving. It was nice seeing her so happy. I told them to have a good time and went inside. I arranged the gifts under the tree and made some hot cocoa. I called Nick and asked him to come to dinner. It would just be my mom him and me. He said he'd be here about 5. I checked my cupboards and threw some chicken and rice dish together. I turned on some Christmas music and waited for Nick to arrive. He came by and he had a gift for my parents. I thought that was sweet of him, considering… I kissed him and he followed me into the kitchen. I told him I just threw something together last minute. He said as long as it was edible he would be happy. It was raining outside and made everything dark and gloomy. Nick put on some music he was getting tired of Christmas music and my mom showed up. Nick let her in which she thought was funny. She was knocking on my front door and my boyfriend answers. She said who would have thought? We sat down to dinner and talked about Christmas and school and everything except my father. We had a wonderful evening. Nick gave my her gift and there was one for dad too. Mom just gave me a look. I said I know he probably won't open it, but Nick went to the trouble for him so give it to him anyway. She asked if Nick got her gift? I said it's not Christmas, he will get to open it tomorrow. My mom left around 8:30 and Nick and I went upstairs. I remembered that my mom was supposed to help me wrap something. Darn it, I said. Nick said he'd help, I said I don't want you to see it. He asked if it was for him? I said no, it's for your mom. He said then what did it matter if he saw it. I said hold on, stay here and don't move.

Chapter 41

I went into the spare room and put the painting into a carrying case. I said I should just buy her one of these things. I carried it into my bedroom and Nick said another drawing? I said no, it's not a sketch. Help me wrap this. He asked why he couldn't see it then? I said it's for your mom but it's kind of sort of, for all of you. Your dad is the only one who knows what's in here. He said my dad? I said yes your dad, my dad wouldn't come over here and help. My dad has been here? I said yes, does that bother you? He said no, it's just that he didn't know, when did he come over here? I said oh please, he's been a couple of times just to check my work. See it's a gift from your dad to your mom, but it's from me too. Does that make sense? He said just let me see it? I said no, tomorrow night. He kissed my neck and asked if there was anyway to convince me to open the case. I looked at him and said as much as I want you, I promised your dad I wouldn't let anyone see it. He smiled and kissed me again. We managed to get it wrapped, although I knew my mom would have been able to do a better job. My phone started ringing, I said who would be calling me this late? I picked up the phone and it was Jen, I said are you all right? She said she's fine she said she's on her way to Kentucky with Kevin. What!? What about Christmas? She said that's why she was calling, she told me to go to Nick's for dinner. I told her I didn't want to go to Nick's. That wasn't the plan, I was crying now. She apologized she didn't mean to upset me, it's just that Kevin was leaving and she decided to go. She said she would understand if the role's were reversed. I told her it was OK, I'll just stay home alone. It's just another day anyway. She said just go to Nick's. I told her to enjoy herself. I hung up the phone and Nick asked what was that all about? I told him Jen was going to Kentucky and now I'm alone on another Holiday. He said come to my house. I said I just don't want to intrude its family. He said to him I was family. I told him I'd think about it. He could tell that I was really hurt by it though and he stayed the night with me. I showered and changed for bed and Nick went and showered. I went downstairs and turned off all the Christmas lights and headed back upstairs. Nick was sitting on the bed talking on my phone. I walked in and he hung up. I said who was that? He said he called him mom to tell her I'd be coming for dinner. I said I hadn't decided yet. He said if I wasn't there then he wouldn't go either. I told him to stop, I knew he was kidding. He said he wanted to spend it with me. He said besides, you're going to be there Christmas Eve anyway, you'll just stay over that way Santa will know where to find you. I smiled and said OK, I'll stay with you. You just want to get me into your bed that's all. He pulled me down on my bed and he kissed me. He told me he loved me and asked if I was happy. Right now? Yes I'm happy. I turned off the lights and cuddled up against him. I could feel his excitement and rolled over to face him. I told him I wanted him. He said not yet. I said I know you want me why are we waiting? He said he did want me but it wasn't right yet. It was frustrating. I rolled back over and he moved his hand up my shirt and cupped my breast. That was his sleeping position lately. We woke up the next morning and Nick made breakfast for us. I packed up all the gifts that were under the tree for Nick's family and put them in Nick's truck. He helped me with his mom's gift and we placed that in the back seat. We drove over to his house about 2 p.m. As soon as Jane saw Nick carrying in her gift she immediately got excited. Nick said she would have to wait until after dinner. Bob asked me if Nick saw the gift? I said no, he begged me to show him but he didn't see it. Nick came up to me and asked me what I was whispering to his dad about? Bob said she was telling me how much she loved you and I said I know I love him too. Then she said not as much as I do, and I said do you want to bet? We started laughing and Nick finally realized that Bob was joking. He led me upstairs to his room and we listened to music and played Nintendo. We were very early and Nick's sisters had yet to arrive. We headed back downstairs at about 4:30 and Jane was cooking up a storm. She also had Christmas music playing and the house was beautifully decorated. We all sat down at 5:00 for dinner. We were eating early because apparently they had another tradition where they exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve but each person opened a gift while everyone else looked on. How embarrassing for the person who got a gift they didn't like. The conversation was wild. Everyone talking at once and Bob leaned over to me and said, some things never change. I smiled but deep down I was feeling sad, my dad and I would spend another Holiday estranged. Nick grabbed my hand, he could read me so well. I blinked back my tears and listened to the conversations that were going on at the table. The food was plentiful and very good. After we cleaned up the kitchen we all adjourned into the living room. The gifts were all over the place. It was like being in a movie. There were gifts under the tree, on the tree and all over the living room. Jane got first pick. I'll give you one guess, which one do you think she picked?

Chapter 42

She picked the picture and looked at me with a huge smile. She read the card attached and her expression quickly changed. Nick asked her what was wrong? She said it's from dad? Bob and I were smiling and then Bob said, well Susan helped. She tore at the wrapper and everyone was watching her. She saw the case and new it was a picture. She had no idea what was inside. She stood up and Nick and Bob helped put the case on the coffee table. She flipped the case open and screamed. Even Nick gasped. The oil painting depicted them all in present day. It was as if they had posed for the picture, but they never did. Jane couldn't believe my talent. I told her this was a one time deal and I wouldn't do it again. She laughed and hugged me. I said what are you hugging me for? It's Bob's gift. She fell into his arms and kissed him. They were like teenagers together. Always hugging and kissing on each other. Well after that Bob opened his gift from Jane, golf clubs. I said Oh Joy, they looked at me, and I apologized. They laughed, I said I could never see what people saw in hitting a little ball all over the golf course. Leslie agreed with me but we were the minority. After 4 hours of opening gifts we went back into the kitchen and had dessert. I was glad that I came but I was tired and stressed over tomorrow. Everyone got to sleep in since all the gifts were opened. Nick and I climbed up the stairs and he asked me if I was all right? I said I'm tired but I'm fine. We went into his bedroom and he had candles all over the place. I looked at him and asked if he redecorated? He said go shower and I'll see you in a few minutes. He took off down the hall to shower and I went into his bathroom and showered. I took my time as I was so tired. I walked out and every candle was lit and Nick was waiting for me. I asked him what was going on? He met me at the door and kissed me. He said if you are ready, then I'm ready. I smiled and kissed him back. I said but what about your mom? He said his door is locked. I said I just don't know. I don't feel comfortable doing it here in your house. He asked if I wanted to go back to my house? I said now? He said yes, I need you tonight. I said let's go. We got dressed and headed downstairs. We almost made it out without being spotted by Nick's dad was taking out the trash. He asked us where we were going? I just smiled and couldn't face him. Nick said back to my house. He looked from Nick to me and called Nick over to him. A few minutes later we headed to my house. I said well, what did you dad say? Nick was embarrassed and he said he wanted to know if I had protection. I laughed and said so much for a little privacy. He laughed and I asked him if he had it? He said he did. We barely made it in my front door. We were all over each other. We went upstairs and stripped down naked. As I lay there in his arms I started to get scared. He said not to worry he'd go slow. He climbed on top of me and kissed my lips down my neck and finally to my breasts. He started to insert himself into me and I let out a cry, I never knew it hurt. He finally was able to enter me and then the pain was gone and replaced by pure ecstasy. He rolled over on his back and pulled me on top of him. He was so gentle and loving. I was so inexperienced and in love. I didn't know what I was doing but he wasn't complaining. He rolled me back over on his back and he started moaning. He brought me to my climax and he climaxed at the same time. His whole body shook with pleasure. He continued to suck on my nipples, which only enhanced my orgasm. I told him I never knew it would feel like this. He only lay there breathing heavily. Once he was able to hold a conversation I asked him why tonight? He asked what I meant by that. I said you would always tell me it's not right let's wait. So why tonight? He said seeing me with his family made him realize he didn't want to be with anyone else. I put him and his family first. He said not that I think that you should, but your concern and compassion for us makes me love you all the more. He said and one day I will marry you. I smiled and he said some day. I climbed back on top of him and he asked what I was doing? I said are you tired or something? He said he thought I was. I laughed and he rolled me over and we did it again. We eventually fell asleep in each other's arms. I woke up to Nick's hands on my breasts again, squeezing ever so gently. I turned back towards him and felt his excitement growing. I kissed him and pulled him on top of me. I told him I've waited my entire life to feel this way. He said so had he. He told me he loved me as he brought me to another climax. He pulled me up off the bed and we went into the shower together. He washed every inch of my body. I've never known such pleasure. He was so good to me. I told him last night proved to me that what I was going through with my father was worth it. As he dried me off and dressed me I told him that I hoped to have a relationship with my father again soon. He said it would happen. Once we were dressed we just lay on my bed. He said it's really time to take that poster down. I laughed, he was so funny sometimes. My laughter turned into tears as I longed for my father. Nick said let's get going OK? I finished getting dressed and got back into Nick's truck. We didn't go to his parent's house, we went to my parent's house. I said what are we doing here? He said this is my present to you. We got out of the truck and into my parent's house.

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Mom was really surprised to see us. Dad was in his living room and looked at us but quickly went back to his TV program. Nick asked my mom to come into the living room. Dad was sitting in his chair and mom sat in her chair. Nick and I sat on the couch and Nick asked my dad if he would mind turning off the TV for a few minutes. I couldn't face my dad. I watched as the TV screen went black. Nick said I first want to thank you for listening to me. I know you don't have a lot of respect for what I do, but Jack we go way back. You and my parent's were tight at one time. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me one day. He said that I had honored every wish he had ever expected from him. I was a senior in college and involved in the church. Until 6 months ago when we hooked up then your worlds just collided. Susan's been so miserable without you and I can see that you have been miserable too. So what I'm willing to do is walk away from your daughter. I can see that you both love each other and I don't want to be the reason you two are estranged. I couldn't believe what he just said. I said No, Nick you can't mean that. He held my hand and he said he didn't want to leave me. He loved me with all that he was, but family is family. He said he just couldn't do it anymore. My heart was broken and so was his. Your dad is not talking to you because of me. I don't want this to cause any hard feeling between us later if things didn't work out. Your dad is your dad for life, I'm just another ship. I was crying and I felt used and betrayed. Nick's tears were falling too. He said he loved me, but he just couldn't be the reason for my pain anymore. I hugged him and said that if you leave me I'll die. Don't do this. My mom left the room she was extremely upset. Nick stood up and said, well you can go back to watching your TV and he bent down and kissed me. He wiped my eyes and he said, I'm sorry but family is family. Nick walked towards the door and my dad said wait! I almost didn't hear him over my sobs. Nick turned around and dad said don't leave. I was crying and looking from my dad to Nick. I finally noticed that my dad was crying too. He looked at me and said he only wanted what was best for me. He asked if I could ever forgive him? I was feeling so many emotions I didn't know what to do first. I said daddy I love you. He stood up and I jumped into his arms. He said he was so sorry for his behavior. He let me go and said he'd gladly welcome Nick into the family. Nick had a small smile on his face. He planned this, all of it. I went back to Nick and he hugged me so tightly. Mom came back into the room to find my standing between my dad and Nick. She asked what had happened? Dad said Susie and I are good again. He could barely get the words out he was so emotional. I hugged him and again told him I loved him. He even hugged Nick for talking care of me when he wouldn't. Nick said he'd do anything for me. Dad said he could see that now and he was sorry for ever doubting him and his intentions. I hugged mom too because she was so relieved and emotional. Nick said well we really must be getting back for dinner. I looked from Nick to my parents and Nick said mom has enough for everyone. Let's all go together. My parents said but its family. Nick said you are family, you've both treated my family like your own for the past 15 years. Come on let's go before there isn't anything left. I grabbed a hold of Nick's hand. I was so emotional about everything that just happened. I didn't know what just happened. Nick drove to his house with one hand. I didn't want to let the other one go. He kissed me once we got to his house and he told me he loved me. We all went inside and Jane and Bob already had two extra place settings. I just looked at Nick. How did they know I asked him? He just looked a little embarrassed and I ran outside. He followed after me and met me under the big tree. I said it was all just an act? Do you know how I felt when you said what you did? He tried to hug me but I didn't want him to touch me right now. He said he wanted to show my father how much we cared for each other. Nick said if he just walked in and said Hi Jack, I love your daughter, why can't we all be friends? Do you think that he'd be sitting inside right now? I said but still, we shared something special last night, and then today you dumped me. He said he only "pretended to dump me". He said he that he just didn't want me to miss another Holiday with my dad. He apologized and asked if I forgave him? I said what if it didn't work? He said if he had left the house without my dad responding to your cries he would have come back and told him off. I laughed, that would have been funny. He hugged me and I hugged him back. I said please don't ever do that again. He promised he wouldn't. We walked back inside and sat down together. Bob asked if I was all right? I said now that everyone I love is here I'll be fine. I looked at my dad and saw him get teary eyed. Bob carved the Turkey and we all talked at the same time. Even I was taking in two or three conversations. Bob was watching me and just smiling. I winked at him and kept up with the rest of them. Once dinner was over we all retired to the living room. Dad noticed the oil painting immediately and asked where they had it done? Jane said it was a gift from her husband, painted by Susan. Dad looked at me and then stood up and looked closer. He said he never realized how talented I was. He asked when I started using oils? I told him this was the first time. He told me it was beautiful. Jane then pulled out the sketches. Nick said let's go upstairs.

Chapter 44

The parents were all talking about stuff we didn't care to hear. So we went upstairs and I lay on Nick's bed. He asked if I was all right? I said I wish everyone would stop asking me if I'm all right, I'm fine. He said he loved me and didn't like to see me sad. So he hoped that I forgave him. I told him I did forgive him and I loved him too. I realize why you did it and thank you. I said now come lay with me. He laid down beside me and we fell asleep. My parent's were ready to go so Jane came upstairs to get me. I said tell them to take my car, Nick can bring me home later. She asked if I was going to say good bye to them? I said, well I guess I should. Nick was still sleeping. I got up and fixed my hair and went bouncing downstairs. I told them I fell asleep. Too much turkey would do that to me. Dad said it happens every year. I kissed my dad and mom goodbye and told them that Nick would bring me home and not to worry. Dad said he trusted me and he loved me. I said I love you too daddy. Thank you for making this a wonderful Christmas for me. I waved as they left and then Nick was suddenly behind me. He asked why I left? I said my parents were leaving, I had them take my car and told them you'd take me home later. He said no he wouldn't. I said do you have plans? He said yes, he wouldn't be able to take me home. Bob said he'd take me home and Nick said no, you're busy too. I looked at him as a smile started forming on his face. I said Nick Carter, what are you up too? He grabbed my hand and we went back upstairs. He said stay with me here tonight. I watched him light the candles again. I turned and locked the door and sat on his bed. Once all the candles were lit he moved to the bed and we removed our clothes. I felt so complete is the only explanation I can give you. He filled my heart and soul. Once we both climaxed he dropped down on top of me and kissed my neck and my face. We showered together and got dressed in our PJ's. We joined his family downstairs. Nick and I sat very closely and I guess it was probably obvious at the time that we'd gotten a lot closer. But I was too dazed to see it. Jane started talking about my opening a studio. I told her I was in school, where would I ever find the time? She said after I graduated, I'd be graduating in the Spring so that wasn't too far away. I told her I needed a job where I could support myself, I couldn't depend on my parents forever. She said that with the work I do I could support myself. I said I'd think about it. I wasn't serious I just didn't want to discuss it. We played a few games of charades and Nick said he'd see everyone tomorrow. He grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to his bedroom. He said I can't get enough of you. He lifted my nightgown over my head and began to kiss my erect nipples and me. I told him I felt the same way. I asked him to move in with me. He said I was going to ask you to move in here. I said we needed more privacy than we could get here. He laughed and said I was right. He said he'd think about it. We made love again and I just don't know when I've ever been so happy. We fell asleep and woke the next morning. We showered and dressed and had breakfast together in the kitchen. Bob came in the kitchen and told Nick there would be a springtime tour. I looked at him and said you're leaving? Nick said not until February. I asked how long he'd be gone? He said 8 weeks. It's just a small tour, I said you'll miss my graduation. He promised he wouldn't miss it. I said but if you're on tour how can you be in two places at once? He said he'd be here for me and that's all that mattered. I looked at Bob and he said he'd never lie to you. It made me feel better. I told him I really should get home, I had more gifts to open and laundry to do. He said OK, and I kissed Bob on the cheek and thanked him for a wonderful Christmas and I asked him to thank Jane. He said that as soon as they got back from shopping he would. I laughed, the girls had hit the after Christmas sales. Bob said they tried to wake you. I laughed and said I was much more comfortable where I was. He smiled and Nick and I left. Nick brought me home and I told him he had given me the best Christmas present ever, he gave me back my family. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too.