There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when, all of a sudden, this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK! -- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks, "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again. All of a sudden, --WHACK! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
The little guy has had enough of this, so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so. When he comes back -- WHACK!!!" -- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!! The little guy looks up at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that was a crowbar from Myer."

Does Your Dog Bite?

There was a hound dog lying in the yard, and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.
The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."
As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling and then attacked both the man's arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
"He don't," muttered the old man. "Ain't my dog."

Alexander-John Duel A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott in June 1849.

Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case, it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway, it is hard to tell which was shot and which was not. But who cares, really!

Conversion

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND GET $10." One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What? Are you crazy?"
Murray things for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it!" With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your ten dollars?"
Murray looks at him and says, "Is that all you people think about?"

New Terms

ADULT: A person who has stopped at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble:

10. Sometimes stays in bed til after 6 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou stinketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "trotting under the influence of cottage cheese."
...and the Number One Sign Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble...
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Outhouse

A man was walking down a lonely country road when Mother Nature called. He rushed to the nearest house and asked if he could use their facilities.
The owner said, "Sure, the outhouse is right over there." After about 20 minutes, the owner became concerned that the passer-by had not yet come out of the outhouse. He knocked on the door and as it swung open, he noticed the passer-by bent over, reaching down into the two holer with a stick. "My goodness, what are you doing?"
he asked. "I dropped my jacket and am trying to retreive it."
"Well, you're not going to wear that now are you?"
"No," came the reply. "But my sandwich is in the pocket."