As a prospective adoptive parent, you may have some valid concerns about sexual abuse. You may wonder what the special needs are of children who have been sexually abused and whether you will be able to meet those needs. By acquiring more knowledge, you will feel more confident in taking on the challenges and rewards of adopting a child with special needs.
Many parents who have already adopted sexually abused children feel that their greatest obstacle was lack of information about sexual abuse in general; about their particular child's history; and about helpful resources such as support groups, skilled therapists and sensitive reading materials. This article will provide you with some basic information about child sexual abuse as well as some special considerations for parents who adopt these children.
Child sexual abuse is any forced or tricked sexual contact by an adult or older child with a child. Usually the adult or older child is in a position of power or authority over the child. Physical force is generally not used, since there is usually a trusting relationship between the adult or older child and the child who is abused.
There are various types of sexual activity which may take place. It can include open mouth kissing, touching, fondling, manipulation of the genitals, anus or breasts with fingers, lips, tongue or with an object. It may include intercourse. Children may not have been touched themselves but may have been forced to perform sexual acts on an adult or older child. Sometimes children are forced or tricked into disrobing for photography or are made to have sexual contact with other children while adults watch.
Child sexual abuse does not always involve physical touching. It can include any experience or attitude imposed on a child that gets in the way of the development of healthy sexual responses or behaviors. For example, a child may be a victim of "emotional incest." If a mother tells her son, in great detail, about her sexual exploits, or if a father promises his daughter that she will be his life partner when she turns 18, these would be scenarios in which the child could be considered sexually abused. Siblings who are aware of a brother or sister's victimization, but are not actually abused themselves, may also suffer many of the same effects as an abused child.
In addition, some children experience ritualistic and/or satanic abuse. Ken Wooden, founder of the National Coalition for Children's Justice, defines ritualistic abuse as a bizarre, systematic continuing abuse which is mentally, physically, and sexually abusive of children, and for the purpose of implanting evil.
How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Occur?
Estimates are that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys experience sexual abuse in some way before they are 18. Data on how many of these children live in foster or adoptive homes are not available. Foster care and adoption social workers are now saying they believe the percentages of boys and girls in foster care who have been sexually abused are much higher than in the general population, perhaps as high as 75%. Many came into foster care initially because of sexual abuse and others are children who were re-victimized while in foster care, either by an older foster child or by an adult.
What Behaviors or Signs Might You See in a Child Who Has Been Sexually Abused?
While no one sign or behavior can be considered absolute proof that sexual abuse has occurred, you should consider the possibility of sexual abuse when one or several of these signs or behaviors are present.
Physical Signs
Behavioral Signs
Additional Behavioral Signs in Pre-teens and Adolescents
Some Additional Behavioral Signs in Children Who Have Been Ritualistically/Satanically Abused
Are All Children Affected Equally by Child Sexual Abuse?
There is a myth that all children who have been sexually abused are "damaged goods" and that the damage is for life. In fact, with guidance and support a child who has experienced sexual abuse can certainly recover and go on to live a happy, successful life with loving and trusting relationships. However, there are many factors which influence the extent of the child's trauma and subsequent healing process. Some of these are:
The age of the child when the abuse began. Children abused very early in life may carry body or sensory memories of the abuse but will not have the words to express their rage. One adult survivor of sexual abuse figured out, with the help of therapy, that the reason she became sexually stimulated when she heard and felt a room fan was because a fan had always been on when she was molested as a child. Children who are abused pre-pubescently, during the time when their sexuality is emerging, may carry greater effects of the abuse.
The relationship of the primary perpetrator to the child. A child's trust of his/her primary caretaker is central to their relationship. Therefore, when abuse occurs in this context, the betrayal is intensified.
How long the abuse occurred. The longer the abuse occurred, the more likely the victim is to feel that he/she should have been able to stop it and thus he or she feels more "guilty."
Whether there was violence involved. In most cases where the abuse included violence or potential violence (that is, the victim was made to understand that without cooperation there would be violence) the child will have experienced additional trauma and therefore damage to his/her development
The social system available to the child at the time of abuse. The child who had someone to tell about the abuse will suffer less than the child who had no one to tell. And even in some cases where the support system is available, the child may choose not to tell for fear of the consequences. For example, the child may think, "If I tell my father that my brother is abusing me and he believes me, then my father may do something drastic like hurt my brother or send me to jail."
When children reveal their secrets, the response of adults will vary. It is important to stay as calm as possible so as not to further traumatize the child. The rage you may feel is natural, but the child may perceive that it is directed at him or her. The child needs a safe, supportive atmosphere in which to talk. Children also benefit enormously from hearing that this has happened to other children, male and female.
Ego development of the child at the time of the abuse. If the child has a firmly established concept of his or her sexual identity, the abuse will have less impact. Children who are abused by a same sex perpetrator often have deeply felt fears about whether this means they are homosexual. One way in which parents can help allay this fear is to explain that our bodies have many nerve endings. If these nerve endings are stimulated, they will react. For example, if a bright light hits your eyes, your first response will be to blink or to shade them from the light. A simple concept to use with children is that of tickling. If a child is ticklish, he or she will laugh when tickled. It does not matter whether the person tickling is male or female; the child is reacting to the experience.
If the perpetrator is of the opposite sex, questions of identity may also come into play. For example a boy who is abused by a woman and is not aroused, may doubt his masculinity. If he is aroused physically, but not emotionally, he may equally doubt his masculinity. The same identity issues for girls may hold true.
If the child has a positive self-concept, that is, if he or she feels valued at the time the abuse occurred, there will be fewer repercussions. In fact, children with good self-esteem are more likely to feel they can say no and/or tell someone about the abuse.
Do Boys Who Are Abused Have Special Issues?
Boys who are sexually abused face some additional problems because of persistent myths in our society. Males are rarely viewed as fitting the victim role. When boys get hurt, they are often told "act like a man," "don't be a sissy," "control your emotions." The message to boys is to stand on their own two feet and to take care of themselves. Under these circumstances, a male victim is less likely to tell and therefore cannot begin a healing process. This increases the chances that he may take on the role of the victimizer in an attempt to master his own experience.
A further complication for boys is that the media portray boys who have sexual experiences with older women as going through a "rite of passage" rather than as victims of sexual exploitation. Movies such as "Summer of '42" and "Get Out Your Handkerchiefs" are prime examples of this.
This material may be reproduced and distributed without permission; however, appropriate citation must be given to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse.
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