August
I will be taking a few days off this month, the 20th - 25th. It will be crazy then preparing for the wedding. I will fill you in on everything though.
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Home page : Other Journals : September
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August 1
August 2
August 3
August 4
August 5
August 6
August 7
August 8
August 9
August 10
I got my 'puter updated and have my scanner up and running finally.
I put up a picture of my mom at her graduation ceremony and my grand-daughters. They takes
a little time to load, so.
August 11
August 12
August 13
August 13
August 14
August 15
August 16
August 17
August 18
August 19
August 20
August 26
August 27
August 28
August 29
August 30
August 31
Mom was o.k. yesterday. She got up around 2:30 and was in a pretty good
mood, although she did think I was grandma. She spent about an hour
last night, getting up from the chair and just standing there, looking
around in total amazement and confusion, then she would sit back down,
fidget alot then get back up, down again, up again. I asked her what she was doing
and she said " Damned if I know!" It was strange since she hadn't done this before.
She even went to bed without any trouble.
Mom was in a strange mood yesterday. Like the old mom would be. She
was contemplating what she needed to get for the wedding, what else
was needed for it, how much it would cost, did we have enough to get
everything. Things that mom usually doesn't worry about. Crystal decided on
silk flowers for her bouquet so we got them and put it together last night,
mom watched us. It turned out really pretty. We also made boutonnieres for
the guys, a smaller bouquet for the maid-of-honor and corsages for the
women in the families. It was sure alot less than real flowers ($295) and
they are just as pretty. Mom was getting excited and anxious for the
wedding to get here. I found out this morning that I am going to have
to start sleeping on the livingroom floor again. I got up around
10 (yes, I slept in :-) and mom was up in her chair sound asleep.
I have no idea when she got up, I never heard her but, I know she didn't
knock on the wall or call me. My room is right next to hers and I would
have heard that. She hadn't been doing this too much in the past year
so I thought it would be o.k. to go back into my bed, guess not though.
I am afraid that she will walk out the front door if I'm not right there
to stop her. Oh well, I dealt with 2½ years on the floor I guess I
can do it some more.
Mom did it again, she was up all night, roaming around and packing.
She came out to the livingroom but, I was able to get her to go back to bed,
although she didn't stay in it. I was up all night. Mom slept most of the day,
she just wouldn't/couldn't stay awake no matter what I did. Now that her
sleep pattern is messed up again it is going to be a long week!! My
friend Kathy went back into the hospital last night. She had chemo last
week and a blood transfusion last Tuesday, she hasn't felt well since.
Another friend is dieing of stomach cancer, he was just told that he has
maybe 6-8 months left, he is only 43. My other friend died July 19th of
Lymphoma!!! He was only 50. Three weeks to the wedding and counting.
Yesterday was a "fair to mittlin'" day. I was up all night again
and mom was sleeping most of the day again. I have tried everything
to keep her awake during the day, so the she will sleep at night,
she just gets really mad and rude with me because she is so tired.
CATCH 22!! I did get good news, a lady came by to see about her mom
moving here with us. I went to meet her mom, Dolly, today. She is
such a nice lady. She reminds me of my Aunt Mimi ( she passed from AD in 1991 ).
Dolly is moving in this Wednesday. I think it will do mom a lot of good
and I know Dolly will be happier. She is a stroke patient, non-ambulatory
but, she only weighs 80 pounds. Hopefully she and mom will make friends
and give each other a reason to stay awake :-)
After I got home from meeting Dolly yesterday I told mom about her.
Mom seems happy to know that there is another lady coming to live
with us. Mom's best friend was named Dolly but, she passed away
about 6 years ago. Mom actually help me get the room ready for Dolly.
She dusted and cleaned the bathroom sink. Mom even did the silverware
from dinner. She told me that she really misses Merv, the guy I was
taking of. I guess she feels a special kinship with older people,
especially those that need help. I spent the evening painting the rear
bathroom, after stripping off all the old wallpaper (UGLY STUFF).
Dolly will be here at 11:30 Wednesday.
Dolly's daughter brought her stuff over yesterday. Mom was glad to
see it, that made it a for sure thing. I think she is more anxious
than I am. Mom has still been keeping me up most of the night. I told
her this morning that she was going to have to try really hard to
stay awake today because now with Dolly being here I needed to get
my sleep at night so I could take care of them both properly. She
said she would try hard. I'm hoping that Dolly will be a night sleeper
and active during the day, this will help keep mom awake.
After having Dolly here for just 24 hours, I must thank GOD for my
mom and allowing her to remain in the condition that is in now. I
find that Dolly is nursing home appropriate, however, Ruth is not
at a place in her life that she can accept this. I feel for her, this is going to be hard
for Ruth. I will care for Dolly here, until the end (which won't be long)
if this is what Ruth wants. Dolly weighs 79lbs, is ridged, incontinent of bowel
and bladder, appetite is zero, blood pressure is 92/63, she has no
motivation to continue, except for her love of her daughter. Mom
is more worried about Dolly than she is herself. Dolly has filled
the "I need to be needed" void in my mom. It is really cute to see
and sad at the same time. My mother mothering Dolly.
Things are going pretty good with Dolly and mom. Mom seems to enjoy
having someone else here. She is still keeping me up most of the
night and sleeping through the day. I feel like I could sleep until
next week :-) Her confusion has reached a plateau. It is a lot harder
taking care of two full time but, at least it has allowed me to
continue to stay home with mom.
Dolly - She was terrible today! She was hitting because she didn't
want to get up, I didn't even try to force her to. She was yelling
and cussing. She did finally get up at 1:00 and went to the livingroom
, had lunch ?, went to sleep. Then she did the same thing at dinner
time, hitting, yelling and cussing. She ate but, she throws what she doesn't
like on the floor or where ever it lands.
Mom - She was afraid to get up because of the way that lady was acting.
I told her that she would be o.k., so she got up, ate lunch and went to sleep.
Then at dinner, after Dolly got through with her tirade, mom walked
really fast to the table and ate ALL of her dinner. She kept huddled over
her plate so none of Dolly's food would land on it.
Me - I ran around in the morning, Crystal babysat, getting Dolly a wheel chair, hospital bed,
commode, depends, underpads and Ensure ordered from her doctor, once
I found out who her doctor was, they are delivering them tomorrow morning.
(I'm not even going to try to get Dolly up) Then after dinner, Robert took
me to the hospital, (again Crystal babysat) I cut my thumb on the blade of the food processor
while trying to wash it. We got back at 10pm, 2hrs later!!, I got stitches because
I cut a vessel and it wouldn't stop bleeding. You'd of thought I cut
it off with all the blood. I gave mom and Dolly their snacks and put them to bed.
What a day. I sure hope today is alot better.
Yesterday was alot better. Dolly's things got delivered and set up.
Mom was in a good mood most of the day, she didn't sleep all day, just
part of the day. Dolly was in a better mood, she still isn't eating.
She is actually taking in just enough to barely sustain life. I feel
so bad for her. She said that she wishes that she would did and is
always calling out, "God, please help me. Take me home." Mom is doing
o.k. with her being here. She tells Dolly that she is her buddy. Mom
tries to encourage her to eat. I don't think anyone realizes that her
stomach has shrunk so much that she doen't have room in there for much.
The fluids, Ensure/Instant Breakfast, is about all that her stomach can
hold.
Mom was up at the crack of dawn again yesterday. She gets up, comes out
to the livingroom and goes back to sleep again. She was in a good
mood when she did stay awake. Dolly didn't get up until almost 4pm.
She didn't want to get up any sooner. She only ate 32oz. of Ensure!!
Nothing else. I am really worried about her. She went back to bed at 10
and slept through the night. She has no strength or energy left.
Not much has changed with mom, she was up at 7am and sleeping in the
chair again. I don't think she feels comfortable in her room any more.
I am going to paint it and fix it up for her. She hasn't been getting
too confused either. She remembers that Dolly is here, who she is etc.
I wish Dolly were doing as good. Her daughter is moving her from here
on the 23rd. Ruth hasn't said why! I finally got the doctor to order Ensure for her, however,
he wants her in hi office today or tomorrow for an evaluation, so I made it for her. I
am concerned about Ruth moving her to another home when she really
needs to be in a hospital or nursing home. Dieing at home is one thing,
dieing at home of starvation and dehydration is another!
Yesterday was a good day. Mom was in a good mood all day. She is getting
antsy. The weather has been wonderful, which makes us all ready to
be on the road. We always went for vacation to California/Nevada in
August and still feel it in our bones. Last night we sat outside
and watched the meteor showers. We were saying how much better we
could see the stars about 100 miles north of Redding, along side the
road. We would park off the shoulder, David and Robert would get their
pillows and jump on the hood of the car with their BigMacs and shakes,
mom and I would be sitting in the car with the doors open, mom with her Budweiser and McChicken,
me with my cheeseburgers and large black coffee. It would be really dark
because we always got there around midnight, not much traffic just
the big rigs. The smell of hay with the days heat and the nights dew on it
would remind us of Grandma's house. Gosh I can even smell it right now!
We would be listening to Willie Nelson or Freddie Fender (the boys hated it)and mom
would sing along. God I miss those days, I miss my mother.
Yesterday was pretty good. After I got mom unpacked and back in bed
at 7am, she slept most of the day. She was really mad because I wouldn't
take her home. I explained that we would get in a wreck if I tried to
drive because I was too tired, she decided that we could wait. Dolly
wouldn't get up all day, she even became combative again so I let
her stay in bed. She is getting awfully hard to arouse, I am really worried
about her. Her daughter cancelled the doctor's appointment that
I had made for. WHY????? She really needs to be seen as soon as possible.
Dolly was admitted to the hospital this afternoon. I called her
doctor and told him how I was feeling about her condition, he
said to get her to the ER as soon as possible. I had to have the ambulance
come for her because my car was gone and I had no one to watch mom.
They found that she does have a UTI, dehydration and also discovered
DIABETES, blood count at 300. I am so glad I called. Hopefully she
will get stabilized. She did gain 5 pounds since she has been here.
My mom was better last night, she didn't get up too much, only to use
the potty. She even slept until noon today. After all the commotion
with Dolly today, I got kind of scared that mom would be really
upset and confused. She was upset but, normally so. I took her out for coffee
and pie tonight and she loved getting out of the house, so did I.
Maybe we'll go to the park tomorrow if she gets up early enough.
My ISP was down all day, so I couldn't update today. Sorry but, see
the 16th, it is current.
Mom slept pretty well on Thursday night. She was worried about Dolly all
day but, happy to know that she was getting help in the hospital.
Yesterday was a weird day for mom. She got up again very early in the morning
and came out to her chair and fell asleep. When she did wake up she
didn't know where she was nor how she got there. She was like this
most of the day, again she was complaining of having a terrible headache!
I asked if she wanted to go to the doctor but, she refused, saying
" It wouldn't do any good at this late stage of the game." Her appetite
has decreased some as well and she isn't wanting to take her medicine again.
She just wants to make it until Robert's wedding. She talks as though
she is resigned to dieing soon. She does say that she wishes she were
dead so she wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I sure hope that
isn't the case. I firmly believe that when people give up or resign themselves to
dieing that it happens soon after. I'm not ready for that, I know that is selfish
but,.......
Yesterday was very good. Mom was in her right mind all day. She
watched me and Crystal make some things for the wedding and helped
me dust. She stayed in a good mood all the way through bedtime. She
still isn't sleeping right, up most of the night and sleeping in the
chair during the day. She said that she is afraid in that room, by
herself. The nurses don't come in very much.
Robert and I worked in the yard all day. I sure got red. It is really
beginning to look nice out there. We got a call from Robert's aunt in Cally,
she is going to try to make it up for the wedding, she is also his
God-mother. So far it looks like there will 75 people there. AHHHHH.
6 DAYS LEFT. I sure hope the weather holds. It has been beautiful this
entire month, watch it rain Sunday. No, knock on wood!!! Mom slept
until 3:00pm, of course she was in the chair since 6:15am. Dolly is still
in the hospital. I called today to check on her and they said she is
going back to the nursing home today. Nice of her daughter to let me know
that she wouldn't be coming back here. I have been saving her room
for her, guess I don't need to any more.
Mom got up at dawn again and came out to her chair again. Her night-time
meds. don't seem to be working. She is usually sleepy about an hour
after taking them. Her tolerance must have gone up again. I really don't
want to increase her Haldol though, it seems to make her aggression
worse. Hopefully she'll be staying awake more during the day now that there
will be other people around for awhile, then she'll be more tired at night.
We made tulle bags with bird seed in them for the wedding last night, also
ones with mints in them. I sure hope that everyone brings an appetite
with them for the reception, there is going to be alot of grub!!
I can't believe that my baby is getting married. My oldest son's marriage is terrible,
God willing Robert's will be better.
Well, I'm going to be taking the next few days off. We have rehearsal tonight,
you might know it decided to start raining today, out of state guests
coming int beginning tomorrow, house work all day Friday, decorating Saturday,
wedding Sunday with the reception here. The kids are leaving around
3:00pm Sunday for Vancouver B.C. for their honeymoon and will be gone until
Friday the 29th. Please keep fingers crossed that everything goes right
and the rain stops.
I made it through the wedding. It was beautiful. It was raining pretty good
just before we were to get started but, it stopped until right when
Crystal and Robert began to walk back down the isle and then it only drizzled.
Everyone made it to the house for the reception just in time.
It began to pour off and on all afternoon. We were able to get pictures between downpours.
The cake was absolutely beautiful. I will be posting pictures as soon
as we get them. I really think everyone had a good time. The couple decided
not to go to Vancouver for the honeymoon. The weather was so bad here and
was to be worse up there so they went to the coast. That was the first place they went as a couple
anyway so it seems appropriate. They will be back Thursday. I did real
good until I saw my son standing at the alter waiting for his bride. That is
when I lost it and started crying, I really did try not to. I love Crystal
like a daughter and couldn't be happier for Robert, still, he is my
baby and my best friend. Guess I'll just have to wait and baby my grandbabies huh.
My mom did really well through out the day. She was confused as to where
she was, since the house looked like a reception hall to her and
she kept forgetting just who was getting married but, all in all she had
a good time and was just fine. Our friend Betty and her two grown children were here.
Betty is the only one mom really remembered and Betty just took control
of mom for me so I didn't have to worry about her. Her daughter cleared up and Betty did dishes for me. Life savers!!
I must admit, I was glad when it was over. I sat down, had a cup of coffee and a cigarette and just relaxed, then
I got the house back in order.
Yesterday was a very quiet day. Mom was in a good mood even though
she got up early to see my brother off. My older brother, Don, called.
He had just returned from seeing the doctor, his heart is now enlarged
1 1/2cm with his left ventricle being almost 2cm. He has to see the doctor
every week now. I am so glad the kids decided not to go to Canada,
we had a tornado touch down and a hugh accident happen right where they
would have been driving and right at the time they would have been
there. God was definately watching over them. They came home yesterday
instead of thursday. The weather was so bad that they couldn't do
anything, so home they came. Again they were lucky, another accident happened
on the route they were going to take, traffic was backed up for 9 hours.
I finally have my house back in order, although it will take me a month
to find all the little things that I just stuffed away :-). I also
have bad news, my friend Kathy, the one with cancer, well she was taken
off all treatments last Tuesday. In just two weeks the cancer has
grown very much, she has a mass in her stomach again which has gone down
her lymph nodes in her leg. She is now terminal and the doctor doesn't
give her much time. Please remember her in your prayers.
Another night of no sleep. Mom did so well yesterday. She was joking around
with Robert and Crystal about the honeymoon and being just good ol' mom.
She started falling asleep in the chair about 9:00 and I just left her be, then
I put her to bed at 11:00 as usual, she never went back to sleep!
She kept coming out to the livingroom, where I sleep, telling me that
she new urine for my samples, She couldn't flush the toilet in her
room, it must be stopped up ( it is a bedside commode!!), she scratched
her left calf until it was almost raw, it is still weeping, she was packing,
yelling and cussing like a sailor (No offense meant), she was wandering
aroung with only a t-shirt on complaining that she was cold, had nausea
so she put her finger down her throat so she could vomit! She kept
the dogs barking all night with all the racket she was making, they
got so nervous from her yelling at them to shut up that they are still on edge. I
swear they would bark at a flea farting today. Of course she is sleeping now
and won't stay awake so I can imagine what tonight will be like.
Mom was up again all night. She got so amd at me for trying to keep her awake
during the day. She was cussing me out and refused to stay awake.
I told her that I needed her to stay awake so she would sleep last night
so I could get some sleep, her reply was " I don't have to. It's your
job so what are you complaining about. I'll sleep all day if I want
and there is nothing you can do about it, so leave me alone!"
She is really being mean lately. To everyone.
DITTO. DITTO. DITTO. I am so tired. It is hard for me to think.
I have been in such a bad mood all day. Mom is getting to where she sleeps an hour,
then she is up for two or three, then back to sleep again. I really need
to get some sleep. I look like Mr. Munster. I think I'll sleep today
while she is sleeping in the chair, better than nothing hey.
I actually got some sleep last night, about 4hrs. I gave mom one
Melatonin and it helped her get sleepy. I am taking her to the doctor
Tuesday for a check up, hopefully he can do something. I believe mom
has entered a new stage. Her eyes are very glassey and vacant, her speech
has become slurred and at times inaudable, her gait is very unstable,
she steps as though she is walking yet her feet don't move until
perhaps the third or fourth movement, like waving back and forth
then she will take a 1/2 step, she eats but, seems to chew the
food very little and very slowly, she is choking alot!, on air, water, saliva, she has begun to
droole often, her back hurts her without having been injured, this
leads me to think she may have a UTI or bladder infection again although
her urine doesn't indicate it. She does have osteoporosis which
has not produced pain before. She doesn't have a temperature and
says she feels fine except for her back. It is so hard to know with
any certainty when she is sick because more often than not, she just
doesn't know when she is and can't verbalize it.
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