February 26th
It is 3:10 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I did get a good rest last night though, mom slept through the night, the cough medication made me sleepy combined with the days of no sleep and I just fell out. Crystal got mom up this afternoon, dressed and out to the living room for the night. She had lunch and dinner and we watched some t.v. together, I got her back to bed after the news at 11:30. She is doing pretty good, not much pain from her breaks now days either, her confusion is still ever present. She knows something is going on around here though and she is worried about me because of these dark circles getting darker. She says I look like I don’t feel good and should take better care of myself. I tell her I do indeed have a bad cold and am tired but otherwise fine. I won’t be telling her anything about what is happening with me, it would only cause her great distress and she wouldn’t remember why anyway. Crystal has more or less taken over the care of mom for now, it has been a great relief to me, she is going to continue to care for mom too rather than taking another job too. My oldest boy David is going to pick me and Robert up tomorrow and take us to my appointment. He is so strong yet so sensitive, both my boys are. We have been through a hell of a lot together and now this. They will be my rocks. I did get some good news today from the social worker, they feel I may qualify for funds through the American Cancer Society to help pay for my medical bills and perhaps my prescriptions too. What a relief, I have been so worried about this that I have gotten sick to my stomach. I don't have health insurance, I am one of the many who falls through the crack, either I have too much or too little to qualify for the health programs out there, guess I will have to sell the house, then what. Where will we live?
I saw the doctor today, it wasn’t good news. Without doing a biopsy yet he feels I have a lymphoma and I should pray that is what I have, he says it is the lesser of two evils compared to lung cancer. I will have a 90-95% rate of recovery over it versus a 20-40% chance with lung cancer. I will need chemo and radiation therapy. There are complications in having a biopsy done too. There is a space between the trachea and the lungs called the mediastinum which is where the superior vena cava is located, this entire space is involved as well as a tumor that is attached to the branch of my trachea. The superior vena cava is being pushed on causing the diameter of it to be the size of a pencil and is itself engulfed in the mass. Two surgeons have already refused to do a biopsy because of the possibility of rupturing the superior vena cava and or crushing my trachea so, I am in a wait and see mode until Monday. I go to the chemotherapist Monday at 3:00, he will order all the blood work and try to schedule the biopsy with one other doctor. If a biopsy can not be done them radiation therapy will be started in an effort to reduce the size of the tumor so one can be done, however, this will complicate determining the exact type of cancer present because it will change it’s characteristics. SO…I am unable to lay down any more, sleeping in the recliner or with extra pillows are doctor’s orders, he said I risk crushing the trachea otherwise. I have been taking it easy, not exerting myself too much because I truly can’t, I get out of breathe too easily and me, full of hot air in the first place. LOL
February 27th
Today has been a very restful day for me. I get so tired now days that that is about all I can do. I haven’t slept well for weeks but now especially since I have to sleep upright, bummer. Mom is doing pretty well, still thinking she is somewhere else most of the time. She got up early today and went to bed at 10:30 tonight, her sundowning seems to under control for now. Robert and Crystal have been great, they are taking total care of her now, it sure helps me immensely, knowing that I don’t have to worry about her and can nap when I need it. My brother called an I told him what is going on, he is very concerned and wishes he could be here to help out. Mom still doesn’t know anything except that I have a bad cold, I am going to leave it like that too. Tomorrow I am going over to David’s house to play with my grand-daughters and their hamster’s. They think it is cool that grandma isn’t afraid of little creatures and that I will let them run around on me.
Return to Top
I'd like to know that you have been here, PLEASE
SIGN my Guestbook or VIEW my guest book and feel free to come again
![](/cgi-bin/counter/299)
Cooper Page Design © 1996, 1997,1998, 1999
DO NOT use anything off this page without E-MAILING
ME