Links to other sites on the Web
22nd September 1998 11.05 gmt. Its start the ball rolling time again. I pondered for a long time whether I should wipe out my previous attempts and write as if I did my momentus diet, lost weight and then had a little slip up and gained weight only to lose it again. Unfortunately, for me, I'm an extremely honest person so I feel I should leave my journal as it is for all to see and for me to remember. Yes, I did go on a diet in February 1997 and lose loads of weight and get down to 140 lbs only to keep it off for a couple of months and then start piling on the pounds until today I weigh 196 lbs. I hang my head in shame for this but I have to keep trying otherwise there was no point in losing the weight in the first place.
So my second, and hopefully last, epic journey/journal starts now.
And now all the old stuff - sorry about the mess but its the sorry tale.
The truth hurts and the time has come to face facts - Liz has been a bad girl, naughty Liz, and due to sheer gluttony is now weighing 175 lbs! The time has come to face the inevitable and get back to 147 lbs and be able to fit her clothes again!!!!!!.
Tuesday 21st July 1998 - Oh, how the mighty have fallen. I wrote the above a little while ago, probably before my holiday, and was full of good resolve about how I was going to get back to weight loss etc., etc.Unfortunately all I've done is eat and eat and currently weigh 189 lbs
as of Monday 20th July. The other night my husband and I were talking and he pointed out to me that I was so happy when I lost my excess weight and that I felt so good about myself. Truly I can remember those feelings so why can I not just lose the weight and get the feelings back. Oh, if life was that simple we'd none of us have any problems. Well today I took yet another first step to losing my excess pounds. I've reminded myself that this is quite a small job this time round - only 40+ lbs to lose rather than the 125+ lbs the first time around so it should be 'a piece of cake' in a manner of speaking. Think of me as I know its not going to be easy. Also if I don't lose some of this weight I'll never fit into my jeans so will either have to busy new ones (oh the shame + the expense) or I'll not be able to go to the bike rally. I'm fired up and enthusiastic so now I have to just show myself again.
See September 1998 - things got even worse - 192 lbs but I'm keeping to my diet and as of today (7th September) I'm 185 lbs and losing. Think of me!! and wish me luck!!
| Various Milestones | Pounds | Stones |
|---|---|---|
| 147 lbs | ||
| 07-10-97 | Loss | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 40 inches | 39 inches | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 34 inches | 32 inches | 31 inches | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 44 inches | 42 inches | 40 inches | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22 inches | 21 inches | 20½ inches | | 22 inches | 21½ inches | 20½ inches | |
Hi Folks
I'm Liz. Dieting is such a soul destroying thing to do and can take you to the peaks of delight as well as the depths of despair. I have tried so many times in the past to lose weight. Sometimes I have been very successful and lost loads only to pat myself on the back because I've done so well and then start gaining it all again (and some more) so that I am soon back to where I started, only this time I feel even more disheartened and berate myself more. Time tends to go by during which I do the normal 'I'm so hopeless; such a failure; I hate myself and feel everyone else must do so too. Sometimes it helps to put things on paper for the world to see so that you can chart how you did, what errors you made and what successes. Hence this page. To make it easier to read I've started with my latest journal.
An email I received from one of my dieting buddies suggested I write about what I am doing to lose weight and how I stay motivated. Ooh thats a biggie. I approach the whole dieting regime as a kind of army exercise. I got a ruled A5 book and drew up a calender in the back, allowing space for my current weight, the loss that week and the running total. I cross once each good day and double cross each bad day (none so far luckily). In the front of the book I take a page for each day, put the date at the top and write down everything I eat. I am not allowed to eat anything that has not been weighed or checked, never estimated! When I weigh food, ie carrots, I tend to overestimate so that every 9 oz becomes 10 oz and each calorific value is rounded up to the nearest whole number ie 8 becomes 10, 238 becomes 250 so that I am effectively cutting down the amount that I eat. I eat a huge quantity of vegetables every day but since I'm nearly totally vegetarian thats not surprising. I allow myself 1200 calories a day plus unlimited tea and coffee. I love meals which leave you with a warm glow in your tummy so I often make vegetable stews and have cheese with them invariably ending the meal with a low fat low calorie yoghurt or fruit. My aim as I get closer to my target is to reduce my calorie intake to 1000 and then to start counting in the teas and coffees. At the moment things are going so well and I really don't know why. What motivated me, I'm not sure. I'm married to a wonderful man I adore and I know he would prefer me slimmer but I've been overweight to very overweight for about 16 of the 18 years we've been together so its not for him. I used to think when the girls went to school that would motivate me because children can be so cruel to others and I sure did not want my girls to suffer but that didn't either - makes me sound an evil mum - but they say they love me for me and not the size I am! Maybe if I had a serious health problem it would have motivated me but fortunately despite being overweight I am in very good shape (pun) so the practice nurse tells me, so its not that. I think its for ME. Its time I allowed me to stop curtailing my life because of my weight. I'm nearly 40 now and I'd so love to be able to feel that I was able to wear normal sized clothes without feeling that people are staring at me. I'm very good at switching off from things in so far that I could avoid what my hair looked like by having it really short so I couldn't see it without a mirror, I could avoid seeing what I really looked like because I would look at my face rather than my body. I would spend ages on my make up and then throw on whatever was big enough at the time. I've very few clothes because I could not bear to buy very big things especially since they tend to be much more expensive. I would make quite a lot but even that is costly as you need much more material. I'd find a pretty floral print and think how nice it would be as a dress but instead of looking like a flower I'd end up looking like the entire garden. When we were first together bc (before children) we went everywhere on our motorbike and it was wonderful. Over the years and ac (after children) I've just not gone on the bike especially since the last time I could scarcely fit on the seat (my husband has a bike which looks like a racing bike not a Harley which is much more spacious). Its my husband's 40th birthday this year and as per usual we will be going to a bike rally without the children (I have a wonderful Mother-in-law who has them for the occasional weekend) and for the past five years or so I have had to drive down to the rally which has entailed 130 miles of driving by myself there and then back. Everyone else goes on bikes except for me. I feel so out of it and its my fault - the answer is in my hands. Last year I did not go and I was so sad because I missed my husband desperately and also missed seeing all the friends I have made over the years. As I've said I have the ability to switch off so I have attempted to turn this to my own advantage and switch off from thinking about dieting. I'm rather bad about when I eat in so far as I like to have a big meal so I save most of my calories up for the evening, only have a small breakfast and perhaps fruit for lunch so the bulk of my calories are for dinner. So far its been the diet has been great but I am a realist, more so than your average realist because I've lost a lot of weight in the past and put it back on promptly by ignoring things. This time it will be different. This time I AM IN CONTROL OF MYSELF, taking responsibility for myself and ultimately learning to respect and love myself. This is too important to me to play at, I have to give my all to it and I have. For me it works, for someone else it could be a recipe for disaster but I try to keep a saying I once heard attributed to Bette Midler which went along the lines of 'nobody can be a better you than you are'. Sermon over.
November 1998's Journal Entries
October 1998's Journal Entries
September 1998's Journal Entries
February 1998's Journal Entries
January 1998's Journal Entries
Below are the remainder of my earlier journals. Sorry they are so concise - unfortunately being a computer 'dumbo' every time I got to 30,000 bytes I found I could not add to my journal anymore so over time I have had to reduce the size of my previous monthly journal entries. I finally decided I needed help only to discover that several other members of the group (Gail's dieting group) knew how to split the files thereby giving me loads more space - if only I'd done this earlier (DEEP REGRETS).
April 1997
April followed on much the same as March. I'm still sticking to my diet and seeing more of the effects. I finally managed to get into a pair of jeans which was wonderful as I felt I had rejoined the human race. My loss is becoming much more noticable and I've begun to find bones all over my body - most strange!
March 1997
March went by so quickly I felt as though it just whizzed by. The weight has been falling off and I've been feeling absolutely great. Whereas I used to feel breathless if I tried to walk quickly and certainly would not want to attempt any stairs, I now am able to trot along quite happily without feeling breathless and can even run up short flights of stairs. Losing weight means I have more energy than before, I'm no longer the 'couch potatoe' I used to be. As I'd been doing so well with my diet I decided to treat myself and bought a new set of scales, electronic jobbies. Great that I no longer have to squint at the dial. Another lovely observation was when I got in the car and noticed a gap between my stomach and the steering wheel - even my daughters commented on it. Great!. I had my monthly attack of the 'failure gremlins' but managed to cope. I think I'd like to take the 'failure gremlins' out and shoot them.
February 1997
After much playing around I started my diet on the evening of Wednesday 19th February - It took tremendous willpower to actually start but once I got going things became easier. I basically learnt to try and switch off from food so that food became a minor part of my life rather than a major part.
Links to other sites on the Web
It would be lovely to hear from you so why don't you:
Sign My Guestbook
View My Guestbook
© 1997 lhogben@zoo.co.uk
Get your own Free Home Page
