This month as I was thinking about my update, I noticed that our updates always focus on the wonderful lives we are leading today after our “re-birth” from Dr. Fobi.
However, there are things we encounter each day that are small challenges. I would like to focus on my challenges since the surgery.
I am now back to working full-time. Please understand that you do not need to take 6 months off to recover from this surgery. I had left my job a few days before my mother’s surgery. Leaving my job had NOTHING to do with the surgery. I want to make that clear that one does not have to re-arrange their lives to have this surgery. Let’s just say the job was not the best place for me at that time. Being unemployed also gave me the chance to see my mother’s recovery every single day. As I was making my final decision, I got to see what lie ahead.
I am working for a wonderful company and love my job. I had to admit that the interviewing process was much different this time. I was thinner. I didn’t feel like I was being judged on my appearance in the interview. That was a nice feeling. However, my biggest challenge of the day is food. I am a self-admitted stress eater. When I got stressed at work I would eat. I liked to eat the stuff that gave you that great rush. Cookies and a Diet Coke were perfect for stressful times. My new job does not have stress at this point. But I have found I miss having my “old friend” (food) around me. I always had something good in my desk drawers just for me. I feel like I finally have all this free time to actually do my job because food isn’t at the desk with me. I now faithfully have a bottle of water at my desk and I keep pretzels near by. I have also found that I need an emergency kit in my desk now. This kit has instant soup and a Dinty Moore Stew mini bowl in it. I can heat these items up in a hurry if needed. I found that I needed the security of this emergency kit to help me through the day. I let my imagination get the best of me. What if I got light headed at work? What if I didn’t make it to lunch on time? These are things that I had to keep in mind. Because I have rarely eaten too fast that I have thrown up, I was afraid that if I allowed myself to get too hungry I would run the risk of not chewing the food enough and/or throwing up. I haven’t used the emergency kit yet but knowing it’s there is great. I have to admit that some habits do take a while to break. I currently have a small package of cookies in my desk, too. Only this time, I eat one a day instead of the whole package in an hour. I also find that I don’t have to be sneaky to get that cookie. Even though, I love my “old friend” I never wanted anyone to know that I actually ate food. You know how people judge a fat person ANYTIME they see them eating.
My next challenge is also work related. I have had 4 occasions where I have had to eat around my co-workers in close range. Everyone around me seems to notice that I am the first one finished and that I (to quote them) “hardly touched my food”. This challenge has been a difficult one. I choose not to tell them that I had the surgery. I simply explain that my eyes were too big for my stomach (of course, they don’t know how literal that statement is) or that I am just full for now. It is amazing to see how people who don’t have a weight problem treat you when they realize THEY are eating more than you are. I work with a woman who I know must work hard to maintain her weight and figure. She “freaked” out when we were seated next to each other one day at lunch. She watched every move I made. She kept saying to me, “Hilary, you are not getting enough to eat. That isn’t safe.” I explained that I was full. It was amazing to sit there and watch her watch me. The next outing I made sure to sit next to someone else. I have found that if you keep the fork in your hand the entire time even when you are chewing or not eating those around your “think” you are eating. I tried this and no one made a comment to me. I don’t know if this was because of what happened before, but it did work. I have begun to think that there is a chance that the rumor mill may have a rumor on it that I have an eating disorder. However, I know even a bigger challenge lies ahead . . .what happens when someone notices I have lost weight. Right now my wardrobe still has some baggie things in it so it is hard to tell what size I am, but when I lose another size or two it will be noticeable.
My hair loss is going strong. I am lucky that I have dark hair and a lot of it. I was born with thick hair and the loss of my hair isn’t easy to detect. Those who knew me prior to the surgery can tell. I try not to run my fingers through my hair too much to keep the loss at a minimum when I am not at home. I do find that when I wear a white shirt I see the hair quite a bit on me. My mother’s hair loss has begun to slow down so I am hoping that in the next month or two it will slow down for me, too.
Dumping: I had dumping quite a bit in my first 6 weeks after the surgery. I know that a lot of people struggle with sweets and dumping. The first few times you get dumping it can be scary. I have been in a public place at least 3 times when dumping has occurred. When I lie down it does feel much better but sometimes you can’t always do that. I find a place to sit down and concentrate on my breathing. I close my eyes and picture my breathing. When I focus on something that I can control it keeps my mind off the dumping. I have actually experienced dumping twice in the last month. The first time was I just had to have a piece of candy not to long after I finished dinner. My dinner that night was mostly protein. The dumping came quick and was intense. The dumping did pass but I was very tired. My other dumping episode happened when I was eating ice cream. The ice cream had bits of candy in it. I think I just need to stick with plain vanilla for a while.
Throwing Up: I don’t throw up as often as my mother does. I don’t know how many times I have thrown up. I find that I choose lots of soft foods to eat. Things that are very mushy and you don’t have to chew that much. This helps. I also chew until the food is little tiny pieces in my mouth. You do need to concentrate on this. My most recent experience with throwing up came from being out with my best friend. I was hungry and we were talking and I wasn’t paying attention. I ate too fast and must have taken a bite that was too big. I had to excuse myself from the table. It was not only uncomfortable for me but it was for my friend, too. My biggest fear with throwing up hasn’t happened yet, but when I eat around other people I find that I want to keep up with them. I tend to eat too fast and not pay attention to how I am chewing. This is a skill that I will have to teach myself over and over. I will say that Kentucky Fried Chicken, fresh green beans, and teriyaki chicken have all caused me to throw up. Both chicken items were either greasy or had sauce on it that I like to call ‘slick”. These things were slippery and seem to slip down my throat. The green beans I didn’t chew all the way because they tasted so good. I now opt to stay away from KFC and chicken that is covered in sauce and I find that frozen green beans can be a bit over cooked in the microwave so they are mushy.
I have lost about 75 pounds. I am enjoying being able to shop in the misses department for the first time in over 10 years. In late November, I will be making my first Disneyland trip since my surgery. I can’t wait! For Thanksgiving, we have made many plans to keep us away from the dinner table and the shopping mall. I am really looking forward to the holidays.