Freeing My Soul

I sit outside on my porch late at night,
and try to sort the thoughts,
as they race through my head.

The silence around me is peaceful,
and the darkness hides my wishes
that all my tears have been shed.

But I know that I have many more,
and sometimes I question my worth,
as I struggle with my many fears.

Is it fair that I have to fight daily
for the right just to live my life,
and wipe my face of the streaming tears?

My heart is wounded and broken,
for I don't have the understanding
that I so desperately yearn for.

Living each day in pain and fatigue
is not what I planned,
and I don't know if I can go on anymore.

For I am still expected to give to others,
and therein lies the dilemma,
for I am not dying.

All I want is care and understanding
for how limited my energy is,
and I want to know that others are trying.

I want to run through the woods,
with my dogs at my side,
and feel the joy of the wind through my hair.

I want to laugh outloud
and smile at the flowers,
as I pass them without any care.

But my legs are weak,
and the muscles cause pain,
as I try to push them to move too fast.

My tears spring from my eyes,
as I look at another loss,
and wonder if my life is past.

Where is the love and understanding,
when it is difficult to walk,
and have no hand to hold?

Those around me do not know,
nor can they give me what I need,
for they can't hear what they've been told.

I am alone,
yet others try to
reach out to help me.

But they can't know
my heart is breaking,
for my solitude is my way to be.

My nights on the porch
give me the strength,
and I will walk through the pains.

The stars brighten the sky,
and the moon shines it's light on me,
as I turn inward to see all my gains.

I am like no other,
yet there are many who
also carry the same load.

I may curse my chronic illness,
but it only hurts me more,
for I know what I've been told.

It will not go away,
for there is no cure,
yet acceptance helps me see my life.

It may not be the road
that I wanted,
but there are worse strifes.

So, I may stumble,
and feel sorry that
I can no longer run.

Yet, it must be God's voice
telling me to stop,
and quit searching for fun.

For the joy of sitting
and listening to the night,
is what teaches me to smile.

I can hear a chorus of angels,
as I sit on my porch
and dream of my miles.

My days may be spent in pain,
but my heart is being held,
as I struggle through each day.

Understanding and care are there,
as I look to the sky,
for I now know what to pray.

Spring will come,
and my flowers will be there
to comfort me with their blooms.

And in my dreams
I will run with my dogs,
and my pain will leave me soon.
by C. Webber,
©March 15, 1998

Please use this image to link to this page if you have a page on Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, or Chronic Illnesses, and would like to show your support for the Diva Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Illness cause.

The Diva's of the Net have several members who have pages dedicated to Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, & Chronic Illnesses. Please become informed about these baffling conditions, & offer your support either by understanding, informing government officials, medical personnel, and help those who don't always have the energy and strength to fight for recognition or disability insurance.

~Jausten~

~Lady Care~

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~Dove~

~Velma~

~Sharon~

~Sharon~

~Sharon~

~Jan~

~Eternity~

Song Playing: The Circle of Life

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Copyright© by C. Webber, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001