Title: My Crazy Baby

Author: Angel

Rating: NC-17…..I guess, I dunno…it’s pretty laid back and not very graphic, but just to be safe.

Classification: Angst, Scully comfort and MSR of course!

Archive: Please do, just email me the site.

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Chris Carter, Fox and 1013, no money made, no infringement intended.

Note from author: Feedback? Hello? You out there?

Important! Please be sure to read the lyrics of Joan Osborne’s song Crazy Baby. I put it in here for a reason people! Thanks =)

If you have her CD pop it in! It's a great song and the music helps set the tone of the writing. It will make a big difference!!!!

Visit my home page for all works! http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Bath/7266/angelsfanfic.html

"Scully! Scully where are you?!" I scream so hard my lungs ache with the effort. My legs burn as I jump over logs and duck under branches. Where the hell is everyone else? She is here, I know she is. Why isn’t anyone helping me?! "Scully? Scully where are you?" She has to be here. She has to. It’s the only place she could be. The forest is pitch black and an unearthly quiet has taken it over. All I hear are the snaps of branches under my feet and my hard labored breath. How long have I been looking? Seems like an eternity…I stop dead in my tracks. Out of the corner of my eye I see her. A splash of pale color against the dark forest. I move quickly to her. "Oh god Scully." I reach for her. Tied to a tree so her feet aren’t even touching the ground. She hangs limply by ropes around her waist and shoulders. She only has on her skirt and blouse, both ripped and dirty. A stream of cried blood from her temple disappearing into her blouse. "Scully I’m going to get you down. It’ll be ok." I wrap an arm around her body and cut away the robes with my pocketknife. She falls in a heap against me. I slowly lower her to the ground. "Scully? Can you hear me?"

"She’s over here!" A policeman yells. I can here people yelling to get an ambulance.

"Scully?" It seems for the first time I focus on her face. "Oh god Scully…" Her lips are blue. Her open eyes cloudy. Her face forever frozen in an expression of fear and pain. Oh Scully, what went wrong? Why couldn’t I have found you sooner? How could I have let this happen to you?

"Sir? Sir I’m sorry she is dead." A policeman says softly with a hand on my shoulder.

"No! No Scully you can’t leave me!" I pull her frozen body against my chest. "Please…" I cry. I can hear people around me talking about what to do. "He won’t let her go… She is dead… We need to collect evidence… Someone call her Mother…"

"Scully no! Don’t leave me. I can’t live without you!" I clutch at her cold body. No breath from the lips pressed against my neck. No heart beating in the chest crushed to mine.

"Agent Mulder? Mulder let her go." I look over to see Skinner kneeling beside me. "She’s gone let her go."

I nod and place her body back on the ground. Carefully I shut the lids on what were once the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. That I will even see.

"I won’t leave you Scully." I whisper. I can feel the hot tears dripping down my face. Suddenly the quiet returns to the forest. No search dogs barking, no police yelling instructions, no Skinner telling me to let go of the only person I have even loved in such a way. It all seems so clear. I look back down at Scully. She no longer looks cold and in pain. Her lips are no longer blue, her skin is not deathly pale, no blood draining away her life. She is peaceful and beautiful. Restful. "I’ll never leave you Scully." I slowly pull my gun from its holster. "I love you." I whisper as I place the cold metal against my temple. No one makes a move to stop me. No one cares about me but her. I don’t care about anyone but her. And now she is dead. "I won’t leave you." I pull the trigger and everything goes black.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I wake to a sound, familiar but my sleep fogged mind fights with me for a second.

The phone.

I reach over and fumble with the receiver for a moment.

"Hello?"

All I can hear is frantic breathing. The breathing of a scared person. A person I know, I recognize that breathing like it were my own.

"Mulder? Mulder what’s wrong?"

"Scu-" Then more heaving breathing and sobs. Sobs of relief.

"Mulder I’m coming over there." I say jumping out of bed and pulling my pajamas off and jeans and a sweater on. "Mulder I will be right there." I hang up and stumble around my room for my things.

I honestly don’t know how I make it to Mulder’s apartment building. My mind is too full of fears. What happened to him? Should I call an ambulance? If I don’t am I going to find him laying in his apartment bleeding to death? Dead? Is he even home? I didn’t bother to wait for him to tell me.

I can’t answer these questions. I don’t know how and I don’t want to try. I possibilities are endless. The possibilities rip at my heart, my soul, my very being.

I don’t take the elevator up to his floor; I can’t wait for it. I take the steps two at a time feeling a burn in my leg muscles. I have my keys out before I even reach his door. I rely on my subconscious to get the key in and turn the lock. Shoving open the door I throw my body in, the door closes behind me with a slam that could wake the dead. But I hardly hear it.

"Mulder?"

His apartment is dark, only light from the street outside. I glance quickly around me and head to his bedroom.

"Mulder?" I drop to my knees by his slumped form. He sits up against the wall his phone still in his hand. "Mulder are you ok?"

He doesn’t look at me. His body is racking with silent sobs. His t-shirt and boxers cling to his body soaked with sweat.

I reach out slowly and place my hand against his cheek.

He jumps at the contact and I pull away out of reflex as his head shoots up to look at me.

I move closer to him noticing his body shiver. I place my hand over his forehead. He is burning up.

"Mulder? Please talk to me." I can’t stop the tears sliding down my cheeks.

What has happened to him? Has a sickness taken him over? Has he been hurt?

At my last silent questions my medical training clicks in and take his body in with my eyes. It’s too dim with only a faint blue light from the street shinning through the few windows. I move even closer to him and place my hands carefully on either side of his head.

"Mulder are you hurt?"

I run my hands through his sweat dampened hair feeling for any injuries. They continue to slide, almost on their own, down his neck and shoulders. I touch everywhere, pulling his back away from the wall to feel behind him. I feel nothing as I continue examining his whole body. I feel nothing other then hot shivering skin.

I sit back on my heels slightly and look back into his eyes.

He stares back unseeing.

"Mulder…"

I lean forward to him taking his head in my hands. He eyes slip shut and he lets out a long low breath and he continues to shiver against me.

"Mulder tell what is wrong." I say is a firm loud voice, I am desperate now.

He jumps again and his eyes fly open finally seeing me. He slowly looks me up and down taking in my presence.

I stroke his cheeks lightly with my thumbs. "Mulder say something… Please." I feel my own body start to shake with sobs.

"Scully?!" He lurks forward into my arms. Hard rough sobs overwhelm him as his fevered sweaty skin come in contact with my own.

"I’m here Mulder. I’m here." I slowly wrap my arms around him and pull his body against me.

"Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me."

"Oh God… Mulder I wont. I swear to you I won’t." I kiss his temple feeling a fast irregular pulse beneath my lips. "Mulder tell me what happened." I whisper lowering my lips to his ear.

He shakes silently for a moment before speaking into my shoulder. "I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t find you in time. You died and I couldn’t save you. You left me but I wouldn’t leave you. I’ll never leave you Scully. I did what I had to do…" His body shook roughly as he trailed off.

Relief flooded me when I realized he had a dream. No one hurt him physically. No one tried to take him away from me. But the twist in my stomach reminds me of his unsettling words. ‘I did what I had to do.’

I nuzzle his neck softly to get his attention. "Mulder what did you have to do?"

His arms tighten around me for a moment then one moves away to the opposite side of my body. I hear a dull sound as he drags something to his lap. I break away slightly to see.

I heart falls to the floor. "Oh Mulder…" My hand shakes as I take his gun from his. He lets it slip out of his loose grip. My inside twist tighter when I see the safety is off and a clip loaded. I slowly pull the safety back into place and unload the clip. I toss the metal items to the side of me, away from Mulder.

He was ready to kill himself because he thought I was no longer with him. How could I leave him?

"I can’t live without you Scully." He whispers dulling into my neck.

I squeeze him tightly before pushing him gently upright.

I look into his face. His eyes are dull and sad. His face heavy with exhaustion. I stroke at his damp cheeks with my thumbs.

His eyes burn into my soul. I have never seen such a sad horrified expression.

His flesh burns onto my palms. His skin is heated and flushed. He has made himself ill.

I shift onto my knees and place my arms under his. "Mulder I need you to stand up."

I pull his limp body up slightly. He slowly stands then staggers back a step and leaning against the wall. I pull him the few feet the bed where he collapses in a heavy heap. I lay him down pulling the tangled sheets from under his body. He shivers from fever violently. I pull his damp shirt over his head, and his boxers from his legs.

"Mulder." I whisper leaning down next to his face. I wait for his eyes to focus dully on me before I continue. "Mulder you have a fever. I will be right back. I promise. Right back." I press my lips to his cheek as he nods slightly.

I move quickly into his bathroom and fill the glass by the sink. Then I soak a small towel in cool water.

The moment I have Mulder in sight I can see his shivering and sweating. I know I should take him to a hospital. But I can’t stand to see that place anymore.

He does, slowly and with my help. I hold the glass to his trembling lips.

"I need you drink this."

I tip the glass slightly and he drinks the water in large gulps.

"Slow down." I whisper and ease the glass back slightly.

He nods and drinks the rest slowly. When he finishes I take the glass from his lips that place the wet towel on the back of his neck. He jumps from the cool contact.

He makes a sound of protest and shifts away.

"Shh… Mulder I have to do this." I pull his body slightly towards mine and he rests his weight against my shoulder. I stroke his back lightly with the towel before easing him back down on the bed. His breathing has relaxed slightly.

"I’ll be right back Mulder." I whisper as I get another glass of water and rewet the towel.

"Scully?" He calls softly as I enter the room.

I sit next to him and squeeze his hand tightly. "I’m right here." I gently wipe his chest with the towel, then his arms and legs.

"Sit up again Mulder." I help him upright again. His shivering has slowed but his skin is still flushed with warmth. I place the water to his lips but he takes it on his own.

"I’ll be right back." I smile weakly at him. "Then I will be here for good, I promise."

He nods as I stand.

I return a moment later and he lying down again. I fold the towel and place it over his forehead. His eyes still have a distant dreadful look. I pull the blankets up around his naked body.

"Don’t go." He whispers as his gaze shifts from the ceiling to me.

"Oh Mulder… I won’t."

I pull my shoes off and move to the other side of the bed and lay down next to him. I feel the warmth of his body radiate to me immediately. I lean up one elbow and press the towel to his forehead causing water to drip down his temples. I slowly stroke his cheeks.

"Ok, I’ll only be gone for a minute." I kiss his cheek lightly and slid off the bed. I don’t even bother to put my shoes on as I run down to my car and get the first aid kit that I carry with me. It has anything and everything that I could ever need when it comes to Mulder. Even control substances I shouldn’t have like Demerol. Any medication I have required over the last few years from hospital visit after visit is stored here.

I pull out a thermometer and hold in to his mouth. He slowly opens and takes it, turning his head back to the ceiling. I remove the towel that has started to dry from his head and place it in the bathroom sink. When I return I take the thermometer from his mouth.

"Shh… Mulder you won’t dream." I stop his head by placing a hand on his cheek. "I have this from when I was abducted, I couldn’t sleep without dreams and my doctor gave it to me. You have my word you won’t dream. I won’t give it to you if you don’t want me to Mulder… But I think you should."

I gently prick the needle into his arm; he flinches slightly; he skin sensitive from the fever. I throw everything away and lay down next to him pulling the blankets up around both of us. Mulder slowly rolls to his side so he is facing me. He fights to keep his eyes open.

I can’t help the tears that fall from my eyes. "I love you too Mulder." And I do. More then anything. I reach out and touch his eyes as they close. With in moments his heavy breathing tells me he is asleep. I fallow shortly after, letting his heat and the darkness overwhelm me.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I wake up with a start in the darkness. I can hear a light rain outside. My eyes slowly focus on Scully’s sleeping body next to me. I let the pieces fall back together from the last time I woke. I remember falling out of bed and calling her with my gun to my head, just like in my dream. Ready and willing to pull the trigger if she didn’t answer.

I reach out slowly to touch her cheek. Just to make sure she is real.

Scully stirs slightly then opens her eyes. She reaches out quickly and places her palm over my forehead. "You ok?"

I nod, I don’t know if I have a voice right now.

Suddenly I shiver.

"Your still have a slight fever." She whispers noticing my shivering. She pulls more blankets over me.

I close my eyes for a moment but quickly open them.

"You want me to give you more to help you sleep?" Scully asks searching my face.

I let all the memories of before I feel asleep flood my mind. ‘I love you too Mulder.’ My mind reels in the fact she said it for sometime.

"I don’t know." I whisper finally.

Her hand gently strokes my cheek as she slides closer to me. "Mulder you need to sleep some more. I barely gave you any last time. I will give you a higher dosage so you can sleep through the night."

I feel a shudder go through me at the thought of having that dream again.

"You won’t dream Mulder." She whispers. She always knows my fears.

I don’t know what to say to her. I am so tired.

She shifts away from me and I feel her wipe alcohol over my arm again. I shut my eyes as she puts the needle into my arm. I’ve always hated needles.

In a moment my body feels heavy, I fight it just like last time. I want to sleep badly but it scares me.

"Go to sleep Mulder. I’ll still be here when you wake up." I feel Scully’s lips gently on mine as I slip back to sleep.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I can hear her voice.

I hear music. Almost jazz, but mellow and faint.

A deep throaty woman’s voice meshed with Scully’s light breathy words all blended with the light fall of rain against the windows.

It takes a lot for me focus on the words; I am immediately mesmerized by them.

(Joan Osborne, Crazy Baby. No infringement intended)

~And your hands are really shaking something awful

As you light your twenty-seventh cigarette.

Oh, how long have you been sitting in the darkness?

You forget.

And you know you’re getting really hard to be with.

And you’re crying every time you turn around.

And you wonder why you cannot pick your head up off the ground.

Oh, my crazy baby, try to hold on tight.

Oh, my crazy baby, don’t put out the light,

The light, the light, the light.

And they look at you like they don’t speak your language.

And you’re living at the bottom of a well.

And you’ve swallowed all the awful bloody secrets that you can’t tell.

Oh, you know you ought to get yourself together,

But you cannot bear to walk outside your door.

No, you cannot bear to look into the mirror anymore.

Oh, my crazy baby, try to hold on tight.

Oh, my crazy baby, don’t put out the light,

The light, the light, the light.

And your hands are really shaking something awful.

As your worries crawl around inside your cloths.

Oh, how long will you be sitting in the darkness?

Heaven knows.

Oh, my crazy baby, try to hold on tight.

Oh, my crazy baby, don’t put out the light,

The light, the light, the light.~

The radio moves onto another song that doesn’t hold Scully’s interest and she turns towards the bed from where she was starring out the window at the rain. She jumps a little when she sees me looking at her and her cheeks flush.

"I though you’d be asleep from at least another hour." She says shyly as she walks over and sits on the bed. She looks at my face with doctor’s eyes and places her palm on my forehead. She sighs and starts to move her hand away. But I reach up with a heavy arm and take her wrist. I pull her open palm to my lips and kiss it softly.

I can’t seem to keep my eyes open. I don’t know if it is the fever or the drugs or the pain of the nightmare.

I have to look away from her. "Scully that dream… It was so real. I thought it was real." I pause for a moment. "I just… Never mind." I’m such a fool. I made myself sick from a nightmare and dragged her all the way out here to play home nurse. "You can go Scully. I’m sorry to make you come out here last night."

I close my eyes just so I don’t have to look into hers. "You don’t have to take care of me all the time Scully. You have a life of your own. Don’t waste your time with me."

"Jesus Mulder! Last night you are about ready to shot yourself in the head because you thought I was dead. Now you want me to leave. I don’t understand Mulder. I try. I really try to understand why you do what you do. But you don’t make it any easier."

I can feel Scully’s weight settle limply into the bed. "Don’t be."

I open my eyes and immediately regret it; Scully is crying. "I don’t want to depend on you Scully. But I don’t know what else to do. Because I do depend on you."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"I depend on you too Mulder." I whisper.

He lets out a snort of laughter. "How?"

I take a breath. "Well, despite what you obviously think Mulder, you are very important to me. I don’t feel like I need anyone else in my life if I have you. I need you just as much as you need me."

He opens his eyes and looks at me with the same dread they had last night. It rips at my soul. "When you called me last night Mulder I panicked. I was so afraid I would find you hurt or dead or even worse, I wouldn’t find you at all. I was afraid you would be gone."

Mulder slowly sits up; I don’t stop him this time even though I can see the wave of dizziness that comes over him. He slowly leans back against the headboard and looks at me sadly. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He just shakes his head and looks away.

"You scared me last night Mulder." I whisper. "I don’t mean when you called me. I mean when you showed me the gun." I pause as sobs I can’t contain anymore break to the surface. "I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to kill yourself for me no matter what." I can’t hold myself together anymore. The pain and fear of last night overwhelm me. I bury my face in my heads. I feel Mulder wrap his arms around me and I let him pull me against his chest. He buries his face in my hair and I bury mine in his chest, still warm from fever.

"Shh. Don’t cry for me Scully. Please." He whispers desperately. "It breaks my heart to see you like this." His hands slid over my back soothing me.

"I love you Mulder." I whisper. I can’t believe I am saying it. But I am so afraid if he doesn’t realize how I feel he will destroy himself.

"I love you Scully, more then anything." His voice is steady.

I let out a sigh on relief. I feel like I finally have him back. I nuzzle his chest lightly as his hands continue to stroke my back. I pull away from him slightly and immediately press my lips to his. He returns the pressure and takes my face in his hands. I push my common sense out of my head, I want this. I need this. Mulder needs this. WE need to be together. I let out a breath as I open my mouth to him. His tongue slides in like a flood of heat and life into my soul. I shift myself so I straddle his waist, sitting back lightly on his thighs.

He pulls away from me taking deep short breathes and look into my eyes.

I reach up and touch his cheek and nod. We don’t need to speak, we are beyond that. We have our own way of doing things, of doing everything.

A shudder runs through me as his hot hands slide up under my shirt and lift it over my head. He stares at my naked torso for a moment before leaning in and caressing me with his mouth and hands. I feel flooded with heat and need as he gently rolls over and settles in the valley of my legs. I have no questions. This is how it is meant to be. The moment his body fills mine is the moment my soul is complete. The moment his lips swallows my cried of passion is the moment my heart knows its true owner. I am real with him. I count, we count. We are no longer nameless faces to most of the world because the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. No one but the two of us creating love, love like no other.

Some time later I lay on my side with Mulder spooned up against me tightly. Neither willing to separate unless necessary.

A turn my head to the side and he nuzzles my cheek. Again we need no words. We know we love each other. We know this is how we belong. Together in each other’s arms. Sheltered from dreams and nightmares that are caused by our subconscious and by others.

Maybe we are crazy to do this. This is what our enemies want; us too wrapped up in each other to care about what they are doing. Well maybe this is what we want also. Maybe this is how it should be. Oblivious to anyone and anything that is not one another.

The end for now.

I had to stop here because I didn’t know where to go next. So ANY suggestions would be great! I’m pretty sure I will write a sequel pretty soon. But I have SO MANY I’m trying to write I don’t know what to do now. If you have never heard Joan Osborne’s song Crazy Baby listen to it! I know I have, pretty much the whole time I was writing this. So any way… PLEASE PLEASE send some feedback. Thanks!

Aren't we all a little crazy?