Title: Shopping for Scully

Author: Angel

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Bath/7266/angelsfanfic.html

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Chris Carter, Fox and 1013. No money made no infringement intended.

I hate post game shows. I don’t understand the point of them. I’ve seen the game, I don’t want to watch it again.

Maybe I should call Scully. She looked like hell when she left early yesterday afternoon when she mumbled something about coming down with a cold.

I hit speed dial one. Always number one.

"Hello?" Oh god I barely recognize her voice! All stuffed up and raw sounding.

"Hey Scully it’s me."

"Oh hi Mulder."

"I was just calling to see how you were doing but I think I can tell just by the sound of your voice." I can’t help but smile.

Dana Scully can get sick.

That itself I find amazing.

"Yeah I feel like hell."

"Can I get anything for you? I can run to the store if you need anything." I am dying to see what she looks like when she is sick. Can’t be much scarier then when she walked out of the bathroom wearing that green facemask during the case last year. Women should really warn men before they show up in one of those, it’s pretty frightening.

"Um… Actually could you?"

"Sure not a problem Scully what do you need? Chicken soup? Grilled cheese fixins? Tissues?"

"Well I need quite a few things… Maybe you should write this down."

I laugh. "I think I can handle it Scully." So I grab a sheet of paper and a pen. She’s sick I don’t want her mad that I forgot something.

"Ok now that you have a pen are you ready?"

How the hell does she know these things?!

"Yes, go ahead." I say in my most annoyed tone, I don’t think she heard me through her sneezing though.

"Tissues, the kind with lotion in them, but NOT the menthol ones."

Picky, picky, picky.

"Ok." I say once I’ve written the details.

"Some whole wheat bread, the kind with the little rolled oats on top."

"Ok."

"A bag of-"

"Of those little carrots. But make sure they aren’t all dried out. But not too wet either because then they will get all slimy and then I can’t eat them."

You’ve got to be kidding me!

"Ok."

"Mulder you going to say ok after every item?" She sounds annoyed.

"Yes." Because I am. Why lie to her?

She sighs. "Fine. Two litter bottle of ginger ale, diet if you can find it. Oh! If you can find the raspberry kind that would be great."

I can’t help but smile. Scully is getting exited over soda. "Ok, next one."

<cough>

<hack>

Eww! That was gross.

"Half gallon of skim milk, check the expiration date on it. I want it to have at least a weeks time."

Logical.

"Alright." There; a little change of pace for her.

"Cough drops, anything but that honey lemon flavor."

I never understood why they made that flavor any way.

"K."

"Oh honey-"

"The kind in the little bear right?" I’ve made enough tea for her to know.

I can hear her smile. "Yeah that kind"

"Advil, a big bottle."

"Big as in economy size?’

"Yeah."

"Ok anything else Scully?"

How much more could she possibly need?

"Yeah one thing…"

"Ok?"

She doesn’t say anything for a moment. "Oh this is really embarrassing." I can almost feel her blush over the phone.

"Scully come on!" I say laughing. We’ve known each other for years, I think I can handle her admitting she eats Spam. Although I would never let her live it down and she knows it.

"Ok… I need to get me pads."

What did she say?

"Mulder?"

"Oh sorry! Sure Scully I can do that." I think.

"Ok I’ll give you details, you’ll be surprised how many choices there are."

"I bet." I mumble.

"What did you say?"

"I’m ready… for the details." Good save!

"Ok. The brand is Always. Ultra thin with wings." Wings?! "Slender. They are in a bluish green bag. You can get the economy size of those too."

That was so much more then I needed to know about my partner’s body! If I don’t get to see it first hand I don’t want to be this involved! If I was sleeping with her I wouldn’t think twice, but I’m not. That’s all there is to it.

"You got all that Mulder?"

"Yeah… I got it."

"Thank you so much Mulder. I don’t think I could make it out of bed and my mother is away this weekend so she isn’t here to help."

<cough>

"No problem Scully." I look over my list, which has so much detail I could hand it into Skinner and for the first time he wouldn’t be able to ask me to fill in the spaces. Other then why I am shopping for feminine products for my partner. "I’ll head out now and be over soon. Call me on my cell phone if you think of anything else you need."

"Thanks Mulder. I’ll see you soon."

I hang up the phone and stare at the list in front of me. This should be interesting.

I drag myself into the grocery store, crowed with Saturday afternoon shoppers.

I head to the refrigerated section first, seems the simplest to start with.

Milk. Skim. Oh ten days Scully will be pleased. Check that one.

Carrots. Oh boy… there are lots of bags. Those too dry, they are all white that’s repulsive. Eww! Ok now I know what she meant by slimy wet ones. I wipe carrot goo onto my jeans just to get it off my hand. This bag doesn’t look too bad. Check the carrots.

Honey. Easy one. Check.

Advil. Check.

Tissues. Lotion with aloe. Hey! Two for one. My lucky day. Check

Cough drops. Oh shit. Does she want the kind with the gunk in the center? She said anything but honey lemon. So anything it is. I blindly each for any bag just checking to make sure it isn’t that god awful flavor. Check.

Bread. How did I miss the bread? Ok whole wheat with that oat shit on top. There we go. That wasn’t bad. Check the bread.

Orange juice… She didn’t say she needed any but it seems like something she should have. That whole vitamin C thing. Oh does she like pulp? Pulp free? Low pulp? I see Scully as a pulp kinda gal. If not then I will take it home with me. I could go for a good old glass of OJ that you have to chew. I love this stuff.

Ok back to the list. That ginger ale. Ok we’ve got regular ginger ale. Diet. Where that raspberry kind? Ha! Ok diet… There we go! I’m the man! She’s gonna be happy now. Check on the soda.

Ok one thing left. Feminine napkins as they are called. I don’t find the word napkin relating to this process at all appealing. Frankly I am trouble by the whole menstrual cycle. Yes is natural and healthy and so on. But still! I find the idea of letting blood flow from ones body for a few days a month and not being worried about it very… odd. And I have heard Scully complain about cramps. Not in so many words but seven years of working with her has led to great insight on her body. I know when she has PMS and I don’t like it. I can even tell when she has cramps. She shifts around like crazy, walking all over the place, looks a little pale sometimes. Every four hours on the dot slugging back some more Advil. I don’t think, wait I KNOW I would not be able to survive such a thing. I’m a coward I know. But having blood drip out of my body with no control over the matter and pains that make Scully, of all people, cringe. No thank you.

Oh shit.

Scully was right. I don’t believe the selection of feminine products to choose from.

Ok bluish green bag. Or was it greenish blue? Is there a difference? What was the name? Always. What kind of name it that?!

I move down the aisle a ways to a section of greenish blue bags. Always is printed across in cursive writing. How pretty. Gag me.

Ok wings. I need wings. Whoa wait. Scully needs wings, I am in no need of something with wings in that particular area of my body thank you very much.

Ok I’ve found the wings. What’s next? Ultra thin… Hello? Ultra thin pads with wings? Why are there so many choices! Damn marketing scheme if you ask me. Maybe even a conspiracy. I’ll have to mention this idea to Scully some time.

There we go! I’ve got Ultra thin with wings! One more detail. Slender. Slender what? Oh who cares. I scan the packages for slender. Why is the print so small? Are they trying to kill me.

Some guy walks up next me and scratches his head as he stares at the packages. "Women." He has rolling his eyes.

I nod eagerly.

"Damn it. Do you see long any where? I’m looking for long. Long what I don’t know." He mumbles.

Ha! Slender. I grab the biggest bag as requested and practically hold it up in victory to the guy next to me.

"Good luck." I say as I chuck it into my basket.

Check.

Not bad Mulder old boy. See you could handle married life. Well at least this small aspect of married life.

I ring out with less embarrassment then I thought I would have. Actually it’s kind of fun buying feminine stuff. People automatically think you are involved in a serious relationship. Or you are a cross dresser. But anyway it really wasn’t that bad. I’m proud of myself. I handled it well.

A little bit later I knock on Scully’s door balancing three grocery bags.

"Mulder use your key!"

Damn I need to get that in writing, she actually TOLD me to use my key. "Hey Scully." I say as I kick the door closed.

"Hi."

Oh damn! This is worse then that face mask thing! Her hair is pulled back loose, her nose is all red, Her eyes all puffy, without makeup her freckles show brightly, she looks adorable. In a sick way. Is that a Winnie the Pooh sweatshirt? I’ve learned way too many things today.

"I’ll put this stuff away for you. I’m sure you’ll be happy to know I found everything you wanted." I smile proudly.

She staggers to the couch and collapses into a kitchen chair. "Thanks Mulder. I owe you one." She says as she rips into a new box of tissues.

"I got you some orange juice in case you needed it." I hold up the carton as I shove it into the fridge.

"Oh is that the kind with all the pulp?" She asks hopefully.

"You bet." I fold up the last paper bag and set it under the kitchen sink where she keeps them all. Why do I know these things? "You want me to make you anything Scully? Some tea?" I ask as I turn around to face her. "Scully?" I have a hold back a laugh. Her head is resting on her folded arms on the table. She is out cold. I kneel down beside her. "Scully?" Nothing. I can’t help but smile. I slowly ease my arm under her knees and one behind her shoulders and lift her up. How can such an amazing woman weigh so little? I carry her into her bedroom and place her in the unmade bed. She makes some sort of grumbling noise as I cover her up. "Good night Scully." I whisper before I walk out of the room.

THE END

Hehe, I was just fooling around with this one. Please email me with feedback! Thanks!