August 1, 1999

Well tomorrow is the big day.  It is about 9:00 am now.  I guess this day will be spent in preparation for tomorrow.  The problem being how do you prepare for such a thing.  Rhonda has spent all week trying to get the house in order for me so I can take care of things.  Laundry, meals etc... 
I plan to mow the lawn later, so I won't have that to worry about.  I have taken two weeks off from work to be at home with her.  I feel that I will need to concentrate on taking care of her.  I think that will be pretty much a full time job.  At least for a while.
We are both nervous about tomorrow.  I guess it is a combination of nerves and fear.  The fear has been with me since day one.   What if something should happen on the operating table.  I also have a slight fear, and I have never said this outloud.  What if  the operation is not successful??  What if over time it fails??  I don't know what the failure rate is, but I do know it exist. 
I better go now before paranoia really sets in.
More later.

August 4, 1999

Surgery was day before yesterday, and according to the doctor everything went well.  This is the first chance I have had to make an entry.  The past two days have been exhausting.
She was transfered out of ICU today.  She is in a lot of pain but in great spirits.  Her diet so far has pretty much consisted of crushed ice.  They have brought her some clear liquids, but she has no appitite .  I guess that is no big surprise.
I met with the nutricianist today, and she gave me about 5 pages of instructions on what to feed her when I get her home.  I don't see how anyone can keep up their strength on so few calories, much less heal from major surgery.  I guess I still have a lot to learn.
I am still frightened about the future.  We have made it over one hurdle, the surgery, but as I look ahead Ican see many others.  I pray that some day there will be no more hurdles.  I look forward to the day when we can sit on the front porch and look back at all of this with a smile, and say," we made it."
I will close for now, I am pretty tired, and I want to be there when she wakes in the morning.  Tomorrow is the day the tubes come out.  Including the epidural.  She will probably have the roughest day she will have tomorrow.

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