True Feelings

A Parody

By: Melissa and Tammy


“Dawson, you have to choose, Jen or me,” Joey demands.

“But Joey, I need more time! It’s only been three months! You can’t rush
me. It’s too hard to make a choice right now. I hear two voices in my
head, bickering back and forth.

Pacey: Uh,oh... Dawson's become schizo.

And they keep fighting, and I can’t make
them out…” Dawson holds his head in his hands. “Please, I need more
time.”

“Okay, I’ll give you until next season,” Joey bargains.

“No! That’s too soon! I need more time!”

“But Dawson, all those teenyboppers who are so crazy about us won’t be
teenyboppers by the time you make your decision. Hell, by the time you
make your decision, you’ll be a thirty year old junior.”

Jen: I would have thought Pacey would have been the one to be held back that long.

(Cue to theme music. Dawson hears Paula Cole’s ‘I Don’t Wanna Wait’ song
in the background. He falls onto his bed moaning.)

“The voices! Make them stop, make them stop!” Joey watches Dawson writhe
on the bed, lustfully. Any second now she’s going to jump his bones. Her
leg muscles bunch, as she is about to pounce.

(Cut to commercial. Damn)

Joey: Damn. And I was going to pounce.

Dawson walks through the hall. He has the feeling that someone is
following him, but he is not quite sure.

Pacey: Now he's paranoid too.

He turns around, but doesn’t see anybody. He turns back around and bumps into Jen.

“Oh, hi Jen.”

Joey: Dawson's got a stalker.
“Dawson? Oh, I didn’t see you!” Jen’s hand flutters up to her chest in
fake surprise. “Why, you should be more careful,” she said with the
faintest southern drawl.
Joey: A New York girl with a southern drawl. Strange.
She grabs his arm. “I hope you’ll sit with me at lunch. If you don’t I
won’t have anyone to talk to!”

“Jen, we always eat together.”

“You mean with the group?” Jen laughs lightly. “I was talking about a
more intimate setting.”
Pacey: Oh yes, the Capeside high school cafeteria offers the most intimate of settings. Not to mention the fine cusine.
“Intimate!” Dawson squeaks.

“Yes, intimate,” Jen flutters her eyelashes. “You know, I was thinking
about going to the party this weekend. But I have no one to take me.”

“I’m sure plenty of guys would like to take you, Jen.”

“Oh, no. No one has asked me at all,” She sighs heavily. “It’s sad,
really. Well, I guess I’ll have to stay home and knit with my
grandmother. Or read the Bible. Or pray. Do you have any plans this
weekend, Dawson?”

Pacey: Dawson has to take a little vacation to the mental hospital.

“Uh, Jen, I have to go,” Dawson croaks, tearing his arm away from her.
He sprints down the hall toward Pacey.

“Hey, hot lady, what’s going on?” Pacey asks a girl walking by.

“Loser,” she replies contemptuously.

Jen: At least this story is realistic in one sense.

“She likes me.”

“Of course she does.”

“Excuse me?” Pacey turns around and sees Dawson.

“I said, ‘Of course she does.’ How can she not? You’re funny, cute,
smart, charming, suave,” Dawson babbles.

Pacey: I know. It's rough being me.

“Took you long enough to realize it. So, have you made a choice between
Jen and Joey?”

The bell rings. Dawson wipes his forehead in obvious relief.

Joey: Saved by the bell.

Then hisface brightens with anticipation.

“Pacey, can I carry your books and walk you to your next class?”

Jen: Uh, oh....... Is anyone else getting a sense of foreshadowing?

“Books? Like I have any. But, hey D., I think I have a solution to your
problem.”

“You mean you thought of a fool proof way for me to choose between
them?”

“Simple. Don’t choose between them. Take both at once. You can have a
nice filet-o-fish, you know?”

“No,” Dawson answers cluelessly.

Pacey: Figures.

(The Cafeteria)

Dawson and Pacey are sitting at a table, eating. Joey sees them and
makes a beeline for their table.

“Well? Have you made you decision?” she asks.

“Yes, I I,” Dawson stutters, but he feels Pacey’s hand on his knee and
calms down. “Of course I have Joey. I choose you. You are my one and
only…” he pauses and looks down at something written on his left hand.
“Soulmate. I love you and only you. Just don’t tell Jen.”

Joey: He wrote his confession of love on his hand! Why didn't he just read it out of a book!

Joey sits down next to him. “That’s wonderful,” she squeals and pecks
him on the cheek. They eat their lunch. Suddenly, Dawson is aware of a
hand squeezing his kneecap. He smiles, but stops when he realizes the
hand isn’t Pacey’s.

Jen: I knew it! I knew that was coming!

He turns to Joey. She smiles and squeezes a little
harder. He bites his lip and asks Joey to get him a soda. She obliges.
As soon as she leaves, Jen comes over.

“So, Dawson have you given any thought to my proposition?”

Dawson looks down at his hand. “Of course I have. You are my one and
only-” Dawson stops, realizing he’s reading the wrong hand. He starts
again from the right one. “I mean, I would love to go to the party with
you this weekend.”

“You bastard!”

Dawson: That wasnt the reaction I was hoping for.

Dawson looks up from his hand and sees a sobbing Joey. “You two timing
son of a bitch. I thought I was your one and only!”

“No, I’m his one and only!” Jen cries.

“Girls,” Dawson holds up his hands to stop them from crying.

Jen: Wow. He's so sensitive.

“Don’t cry.”

Joey sees the words written on the palms. “You asshole! You scripted the
whole thing.”

Jen grabs one of his hands and starts reading it. She starts to cry. “I
feel so used.”

Enraged, Joey throws the can of soda at his head.

Dawson: Ouch.

Jen dumps her own sodadown his shirt. Both girls leave the cafeteria sobbing.

(Cut to Dawson’s Bedroom)

Pacey and Dawson are lying on his bed.

“Man, I still think you have a chance with either of them. Just give
them so time to cool off. They’ll come running back to you.” Pacey
reassures.

They hear someone coming up the ladder, so they both sit up. “What did I
tell ya?”

Joey comes through the window, followed by Jen.

“Dawson, Jen and I realized something today,” Joey begins. “You’re an
asshole.”

Pacey: You just now realized that?

“Yeah, you led us on. But worse than that, you kept us apart.” Jen takes
Joey’s hand. “We’ve been talking for the past few hours and we realized
we have more things in common with each other than you.”

“Like we both like sunsets, the sound of rain, and pink triangles,” Joy
starts.

“And rainbows, and ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’, and Erica Jong’s poetry.”
Jen finishes. “So, good bye, Dawson. We no longer want you.” They both
leave, still holding hands.

Joey: Oh my.............
Pacey laughs. “Congratulations, Dawson, you’ve turned them to the dark
side.”

Pacey: Thats talent.
“I guess they don’t want to go out with me Friday night.” Tears spring
to his eyes, but Dawson tries to hold them back.

“Don’t worry, Dawson you still have me.” Their eyes lock, and they look
away uncomfortably.

“Pacey, will you hold me? Hold me in a way that only a man could.”

“Okay.” Pacey enfolds Dawson in his strong, manly arms. “I’ll stay with
you as long as you need me.”

Joey: Oh my.....

Jen: .....God

The End


Disclaimer: No, we don’t own the characters, nor are we implying in any
way the actors who

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Jen: Oh my god.

Joey: I know what you mean.

Dawson: That was by far the most interesting story we have read so far.

Pacey: I agree.

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