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Abby: I really don't want to read anymore stories!

Joey: How many times do we have to go over this?

Abby walked over to a bookshelf. She pointed to a Harlequin novel.

Abby: Now that is good reading. I mean at least it has a plot, which is more than i can say for some of these stories.

She tried too pull it out of the book case but it was stuck. She kept pulling with all her might. Then suddenly, the bookcase fell over crushing Abby to death. Her designer shoes stuck out the bottom, making her look like the wicked witch crushed by the house.

The gang surveyed the situation.

Jen: Wow, this is like something that would happen in one of the stories.

Joey: Yeah, So, what should we do with the body?

Pacey: Leave it. It's Mrs. Tingle's problem now.

Dawson: Don't you hink thats a little in sensitive?

Pacey: It's Abby.

Dawson: I see your point.

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Title? I Don't Know What I Title Is!
a.k.a. My First Pathetic Story.
a.k.a. Dawson, an alien?
by Jes

Joey: Can we keep it to a minimun of one aka?

Disclaimer: I dont own Dawson's Creek, the characters or the actors and actress that portray them...(ex. James and Josh (althought I'd like to...j/k)

Pacey: Uh, eww!

and Katie and Michelle. They belong to Kevin Williamson and the WB.

Pacey: He doesn't own me! I'm not just one of his many toys!

And probably others but I dont want to go on...and on...and on...

Pacey: Thank you...

PLEASE dont tell me that this is bad. I know it's bad. That was the purpose. I just thought that it might be funny.
Joey: We'll see.
INFO: Dawson and Joey are NOT going out...Jen and Pacey are flirting, while Jen gets over Billy and Pacey, Tamara.

Dawson and Joey are sitting on his bed watching ET.

Joey: When aren't we?
Joey: Dawson, I hate to break it to you but this movie sucks.
Dawson: no it doesn't. I want to be just like him when Im older.
Joey: exactally you want to be like Spielberg. So get off your butt, get out of your Peter Pan syndrome and make a movie!
Dawson: not Spielberg. ET.
Joey: what?
Dawson: I want to be just like ET.
Joey: a fat fingered alien?

Dawson: Hey, don't insult ET, his fingers are adorably plump.
Dawson: yeah...
Joey: okay...Dawson are you feeling well?
Dawson: yeah...then maybe Jen would date me.

Jen: yeah, right
Joey: in your dreams. I wouldn't even date you. not even now!
Dawson: come on, you told Pacey that you had the hots for me.
Joey: like I ever talk to Pacey, he is so revolting.

Pacey: She's in denial.
Dawson: well he's more...JEN's type.
Joey: exactly. so is Cliff.

Joey: And every other guy who breathes.
Dawson: but what about me?
Joey: Dawson, you want to be an alien.
Dawson: so?
Joey gets off the bed and walks to the window, starting to climb out.
Joey: Grow up.
And she leaves.

Jen: Smart choice.
The next morning at school:
Dawson walks in and goes straight to his locker, passing the orgy with Abby Morgan and a cheerleader wanna-be and two football jocks in the middle of the hall.

Pacey: Just another day at Capeside High.
Joey is waiting for him when he gets there.
Joey: Dawson, save it okay. I need to tell you something.
Dawson: what?
Joey: Im pregnant.

Pacey: With ET's baby.
Dawson: what?
Joey: you heard.
Dawson: I think the whole school heard.
She turns around and everyone is walking in the hall whispering about her.
Joey: okay, so they heard. but the weird part is...I've never had sex.

Jen: Some one needs to have a little talk with her....
Dawson: what?
Joey: yeah.
Dawson: I must be stupid because isn't that the only way you could be pregnant?

Pacey: One would think....
Joey: well yeah.
Dawson: I mean my parents went on and on about the birds and the bees for like a year, when you started sleeping over.
Joey: well of course. so did mine, but I mean we were nothing, we still are.
Dawson: nothing?
Joey: nothing.
Dawson: right nothing.
Joey: so what do I do?
Dawson: Joey, you arn't pregnant.
Joey: okay.

Pacey: Dawson Leary, the Masters and Johnson of Capeside High.
She walks off and goes down the hall skipping and whistling, her hair bobbing like Jan Brady's.
Dawson: *Jan Brady's hot! I wonder where I could get a blow up doll.*

Pacey: Woah, not even going to touch that one.
Pacey walks out with Jen making out with his neck.
Pacey: hey man.
Dawson: Pacey, Jen.
Jen: hi.
and she goes back to making out with his neck, after Dawson sees the huge purple hicky on Pacey's neck.
Dawson: Pacey you know what color your neck is?
Pacey: what color is it?
Dawson: purple.
Pacey: yeah right...what color is it really.
Dawson: well it is sort of blue.
Pacey shoves Jen off and shoves the girl who's locker was right next to Dawson's and looks in the mirror.
Pacey: OH MY GOD! QUICK, WHERE'S THE BATHROOM, I NEED SOME CONCEALER!
Pacey runs down the hall screaming,
Pacey: WHERE'S MY MAKEUP?

Pacey: That is so stupid. I would never lose my makeup! It's in my locker, right next to my fishnet stockings.
With Jen running after him.
Dawson: Am I the only sane person around here?
Abby walks up to him with no clothes on.
A: no, nobody's sane in Capeside.
She walks down the hall when the bell rings and everyone runs to their classes and are out of the hall in two seconds.
Dawson grabs his books and the box which was wrapped up in his locker in his bag and goes to his class.
At lunch:
Dawson is sitting eating his applesauce and mashed potatoes, when Pacey and Jen come up with a bottle of wine.
Dawson: sit down.
Pacey & Jen: thanks!
Dawson: so, have you guys seen Joey?
Pacey: Im sure you've seen more of her than we have, if you catch my drift.

Dawson: I don't.
Jen starts giggling and falls off her chair.
Jen: oops.
Jen gets back on her chair and takes the bottle out of Pacey's hand.
Joey walks up a few minutes later with her lunch and almost everyone in the room's lunch and a huge stomach.
Dawson: Joey?
Joey: dont talk Dawson, I've been so happy that I wasn't pregnant that I ate so much to celebrate. where's my chair?
Joey looks around and goes to find a chair, but can't so she finds the closest one and pulls it out under a computer nerd.
Nerd: HEY! I was downloading a new movie off the 'net' when you did that! Now I have to start all over.
Joey: might I suggest getting a blowup doll instead of porn. And get lost!
Nerd: OKay.
And the nerd runs away, the the bathroom to cry.
Joey: hey Jen.
Jen is on the floor again laughing and snorting.
Joey: Pacey, what's that on your neck?
Pacey: nothing...Joey. Dawson wants to do sit on his lap

Dawson: That sentence makes no sense.

and tell him the first thing that 'pops' up.

Joey: pervert.
Pacey laughs and takes the bottle from Jen on the ground.
Dawson takes his bag off the floor and takes out his wallet. Taking out a five dollar bill and handing it to Joey.
Dawson: here Joey,
Joey: thanks.
Pacey: what's that for?
Dawson: last night.
Pacey: oh really, how much did she do? hand, blow?
Dawson: I dont know what your talking about.
Pacey: how good is she?
Dawson: meaning?
Pacey: I mean did you get to go all the way?
Dawson: all the way?
Pacey: Dawson, you are so fukin dumb! Did you and Joey have sex?

Jen: Some one is obsessed with Joey and Dawson.
Dawson: no...what made you think that.
Pacey: why did you give her the five?
Dawson: I borrowed five dollars from her.
Pacey: oh.

Joey: His bubble just burst.
Dawson: I got something in my locker did you want to see it?
Joey: sure.
Dawson takes out the small wrapped package and opens it.. His face is full of smiles until he sees what it is.
Pacey: it's a box of condoms!
Joey: who's it from?
Dawson takes the card and opens it. It says,

"Dawson-
Your mother and I heard you and Joey last night, and we just wanted to make sure that you have protection. So here it is. Have fun, dont get her pregnant and if you hear your mother and I, or one of us in our room, dont com knocking.

Dad"

Pacey: What a heart warming father-son moment.
Joey: we wern't doing anything last night.
Dawson: we did watch 'Good Will Humping'
Pacey: that's my movie!
Dawson: he must have heard it.
Pacey: can I have some?
Dawson: sure.
He takes half the box and gives it to Pacey.
Pacey: Jen. come on, Jen.
He takes her arm and pulls her up off the ground and they run out of the cafiteria, into the boys locker room.
Joey: so, what are you going to do with the rest?
Dawson: I dont know. you want to help me?
Joey: with what?

Pacey: Duh.
Dawson: getting rid of them?
Joey: here?
Dawson: not, here, here, but somewhere here (AUTHOR'S NOTE: IF YOU ARE A TRUE DAWSON'S CREEK FAN, YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEEN ALL THE CAST'S MOVIES, AND THIS QUOTE IS IN ONE OF THEIR MOVIES)

Dawson: or AKA if you are obsessed.
Joey stands up and takes the box in one hand and Dawson's hand in another.
Joey: come on.
Dawson: where are we going?
She pulls him into an empty classroom and kisses him.
Dawson: what was that for?
Joey: nothin.

Joey: Just tring to help you.
Dawson: well could you do it again?
She smiles and kisses him again, while using her other hand to shut the blinds.

The End

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Pacey: Well, that was perverted.

Joey: Yup. That author has a one-track mind.

Pacey: Um, Dawson?

Dawson: Yeah?

Pacey: Abby is starting to smell.

Dawson: Just stick her in a study room.

Joey: Remember what Tingle said, don't get any blood on the books.

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